THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OE  CALIFORNIA 

PRESENTED  BY 

PROF. CHARLES  A.  KOFOID  AND 
MRS.  PRUDENCE  W.  KOFOID 


MUSKINGUM    LEGENDS 


AND 


OTHER    SKETCHES   AND    PAPERS. 


MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS, 


WITH 


OTHER  SKETCHES  AND  PAPERS 


DESCRIPTIVE  OF 


THE  YOUNG  MEN  OF  GERMANY 


AND 


THE    OLD    BOYS    OF    AMERICA. 


BY 

STEPHEN   POWERS. 


PHILADELPHIA: 

J.   B.   LIPPINCOTT    &    CO. 

1871. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1871,  by 

STEPHEN    POWERS, 
In  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress  at  Washington. 


pm 


PREFACE. 


four  of  the  five  legends  have  their  action  on 
the  banks  of  the  Muskingum,  and  to  none  other 
than  one  native  there,  perhaps,  would  they  seem  entitled 
to  christen  the  book.  The  scenes  of  the  few  simple 
stories  told  in  these  pages  range  from  the  Elbe  to  the 
Sacramento,  but  among  all  the  included  streams  there  is 
none  to  me  half  so  dear  as  the  little  Indian  river,  the 
little  "winking  river,"  which  flows  past  my  father's 
house. 

In  explanation  of  the  word  young,  as  applied  to  the 
Germans  in  the  title,  I  have  only  to  say  that  if  an  Amer 
ican,  wearied  and  disgusted  with  the  janglings  of  home 
politics,  will  visit  the  continent  of  Europe  for  a  season, 
he  will  find  himself  greatly  refreshed  by  the  youthfulness 
of  political  discussions  and  platforms.  And,  in  their  en 
thusiasm  for  all  noble  learning,  are  not  the  Germans  ever 
young?  To  Franklin,  I  believe,  is  attributed  the  remark 
that  a  people  never  grows  younger  in  crossing  the  ocean. 

i*  (v) 


vi  PREFACE. 

If  one  will  compare  the  Americans  in  California,  who 
may  be  said,  in  a  certain  sense,  to  have  made  the  entire 
circuit  of  the  globe,  with  the  Chinese,  who  have  remained 
almost  stationary  near  the  origin  of  the  human  race,  he 
will  feel  that  our  countrymen  are,  in  many  respects,  the 

oldest  people  in  the  world. 

S.  P. 

SAN  FRANCISCO,  March  9,  1871. 


CONTENTS. 


MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

PAGE 

Legend  of  Federal  Bottom        .......  9 

Twinkle  of  the  Moose's  Eye 24 

St.  Tammany 32 

St.  Shoddy 39 

PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

The  Missing  Link  Restored       .                 47 

Awaking  in  the  Old  World 60 

Riding  by  Rail 68 

Old  Fritz  on  Guard 78 

Professor  Doctor  Kinck  von  Kinck 90 

Student  Rambles  in  Prussia.  I.           .         .         .         .         .         .  103 

II 122 

ni I37 

The  Kaiser's  Resolve 152 

Kaiser  Hans       .         .         .         .         .         .                  .         .         .  163 

Allgemeine  Zeitung Z6g 

Some  German  Characteristics 194 

(vii) 


viii  CONTENTS. 

IN  THE  GREAT  WEST.  PAGE 

The  College  Politicians      .        .        .        •  •        •     204 

Two  Only  Sons 223 

San  Antone 

Pimo  Legend  of  Montezuma 

Tom  and  his  Wife 


243 
261 


HISTORICAL. 

A  Royal  Road  to  History 294 

German  Student  Fraternities S1^ 

California  Saved 34° 

Freedmen's  Bureau 355 


MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 


LEGEND  OF  FEDERAL  BOTTOM. 

What  verse  can  sing,  what  prose  narrate, 
The  butcher  deeds  of  bloody  fate, 

Amid  this  mighty  tulzie ! 
Grim  Horror  grinned,  pale  Terror  roared, 
As  Murther  at  his  thrapple  shored, 

And  hell  mixed  in  the  brulzie. 

BURNS. 
Now  let  us  sing,  long  live  the  king, 

And  Gilpin  long  live  he ; 
And  when  he  next  doth  ride  abroad, 
May  I  be  there  to  see. 

COW  PER. 

AMONG  the  tributaries  of  the  Beautiful  River  which 
flow  down  through  the  Buckeye  State,  there  is  one 
celebrated  for  its  picturesqueness.  It  is  known  by  the 
Indian  name  of  Muskingum.  And  a  jolly,  twinkling, 
little  river  it  is  on  a  summer's  day,  winking  at  all  the  old, 
red-jowled  farmers,  winking  very  slyly  with  one  eye  at 
their  red-cheeked  maidens,  and  with  the  other  at  the 
broad-shouldered,  gawky  hobbledehoys;  winking  at  the 
sleepy  villages,  and  the  many  fields  of  dark-green  maize ; 
winking  at  the  great  white-armed  sycamores  and  the  wil 
lows,  whose  leaves  dance  all  day  in  a  silly  flutter  of  delight 
at  such  flattery ;  winking  at  the  bright  May-weed,  and  the 
spring  beauties,  and  yellow  dandelions  along  the  grassy 
bank ;  winking  at  the  huge  eyes  of  the  coal-mines,  which 

(9) 


I0  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

glower  blackly  down  upon  the  little  river  as  it  goes  dancing, 
bobbing,  blinking,  skipping,  and  winking  along. 

On  the  bank  of  this  river  there  abode  a  community 
which  was  renowned  for  its  patriotism.  In  the  first  place, 
the  name  of  their  county  was  Washington.  In  the  second 
place,  the  half-moon  level,  formed  by  one  of  those  beau 
tifully  superfluous  sinuosities  which  the  Muskingum  loves, 
was  called  by  them  Federal  Bottom.  Lastly,  the  little 
creek  which  empties  into  the  river  at  the  lower  extremity 
of  this  half-moon  bottom  received  the  patriotic  christen 
ing  of  Congress  Run.  Thus  impregnably  intrenched  in 
a  loyal  nomenclature,  they  abode  long  years  in  profound 
and  tranquil  security  before  they  were  overtaken  by  dis 
aster. 

On  the  opposite  side  of  the  river  is  the  precipitous 
river-range  known  as  Tick  Hill.  This  name  is  explained 
by  local  etymologists  from  the  fact  that,  so  great  is  the 
sterility  of  the  hill,  the  early  settlers  were  compelled  to 
buy  and  sell  exclusively  on  tick.  On  its  summit  there 
stood  a  tree,  famous  far  and  near  as  the  Crooked  Tree, 
which  was  so  very  crooked  that  no  farmer  who  looked  at 
it  could  ever  strike  a  straight  furrow  afterward. 

Just  a  mile  from  the  river,  up  the  dismal  hollow  of 
Congress  Run,  many  years  ago, — so  long  ago,  indeed,  that 
the  memory  of  man  ran  not  to  the  contrary, — a  queer  old 
codger  cleared  away  a  little  space  among  the  lordly  sugar- 
trees,  and  built  a  log-cabin  beside  the  creek.  He  was 
known  for  many  a  mile  around  as  Daddy  Childs,  and  his 
clearing,  which  never  grew  any  wider,  was  called  Childs' 
Place.  Strange  and  wonderful  were  the  stories  told  to 
children  and  superstitious  persons  about  Daddy  Childs. 
Among  other  things,  it  was  said  that  his  wife,  when  she 
made  his  clothes,  spread  the  cloth  upon  the  floor,  laid  him 
down  on  it,  and  cut  them  out  by  the  shape  of  his  body. 


LEGEND    OF  FEDERAL   BOTTOM.  u 

In  consequence  of  this,  his  trousers  were  so  very  loose  and 
bagging  that  you  could  have  introduced  into  the  seat  of 
them  a  bushel  of  beans. 

His  feet  were  very  red,  long,  and  flat,  and  he  never 
wore  shoes  in  any  season.  Neither  did  he  wear  a  coat, 
and  always  had  his  waistcoat  and  shirt  opened  on  his 
breast,  where  the  hair  on  a  triangular  space  grew  so  abun 
dant  that  when  he  came  into  a  neighbor's  house  in  a  snow 
storm  his  breast  would  be  as  white  as  his  silvered  beard. 
He  was  a  stout,  little  man,  with  very  red  hands  and  face, 
albeit  the  latter  was  almost  hidden  by  his  snow-white  hair, 
which  contrasted  strongly  with  his  brown  and  shaggy 
breast.  He  always  had  his  yellow  woolen  shirt-sleeves 
rolled  up  to  his  elbows,  displaying  forearms  as  hairy -black 
as  a  bear's,  though  he  never  did  any  labor.  His  black 
hat  was  rolled  up  with  great  precision  on  two  sides,  and 
he  always  laid  it  off  the  last  garment  before  he  got  into 
bed,  taking  it  with  both  hands,  and  carefully  placing  it 
bottom  side  up;  and  when  he  got  out  of  bed  in  the  morn 
ing,  he  put  it  on  first,  with  both  hands,  and  invariably  with 
the  same  end  forward. 

He  was  always  walking  about  with  a  white  hickory  staff, 
and  often  went  to  tattle  with  the  neighbors ;  but  nobody 
could  tell  what  in  the  world  Daddy  Childs  did  for  a  living. 
Most  people  considered  him  a  losel,  worthless  fellow.  His 
cabin  stood  in  the  center  of  his  unfenced  clearing,  with 
out  a  bush  or  a  stalk  of  maize  about  it,  and  thus  it  seemed 
to  have  stood  forever. 

But  the  thing  about  which  observing  farmers  puzzled 
and  cudgeled  their  brains  most  was  to  "  contrive"  how  the 
stumps  were  all  extracted  so  quickly  and  so  completely. 
They  could  not  have  rotted  away  so  soon.  More  than 
one  simple  soul  believed  there  had  been  some  witchcraft 
about  that  stump-pulling.  There  it  was,  that  smooth, 


12  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

stumpless,  grassy  plat ;  the  path  down  to  the  spring ;  the 
cabin  in  the  midst,  with  its  puncheon  door,  and  the  latch- 
string  hanging  out ;  the  knees  and  the  weights  on  the  roof; 
and  the  enormous  stone  chimney  outside.  Not  a  shadow 
or  vestige  of  anything  else ;  no  evidences  of  housekeep 
ing,  not  even  a  long-handled  gourd  swinging  against  the 
logs. 

When  did  Daddy  Childs  come  there  ?  Nobody  knew. 
He  had  always  been  there. 

Some  of  the  most  inquisitive  spirits  of  the  neighbor 
hood  visited  the  house  several  times,  but  they  never  could 
find  Daddy  Childs  doing  anything.  His  wife  was  always 
sitting  glum  in  the  chimney  corner,  rocking  in  her  chair — 

"  Gathering  her  brows  like  gathering  storm." 

Strange  and  terrible  stories  were  related  of  the  house, 
and  certain  timorous  souls  would  never,  on  any  account, 
pass  it  after  nightfall.  One  narrated  to  gaping  auditors 
how  he  had  seen  a  head  of  flame  thrust  out  of  the  chim 
ney  in  the  evening,  with  drops  of  fiery  blood  dripping 
from  its  severed  neck.  Others  had,  at  the  dead  hour  of 
midnight,  seen  Daddy  Childs  driving  a  yoke  of  fiery-eyed 
oxen  over  the  hill,  drawing  a  bob-sled,  on  which  his  wife 
was  riding.  But  nobody  could  find  out  anything  posi 
tively  evil  concerning  him,  so  he  was  permitted  to  remain, 
— a  mystery  to  some,  a  terror  to  others.  Some  questioned, 
"  What  good  does  such  a  man  in  the  world?"  We  shall 
see. 

One  day,  in  the  hay-making  month  of  July,  Daddy 
Childs  suddenly  seized  his  hickory  staff,  and  started  down 
the  woody  hollow  of  Congress  Run.  He  walked  very 
briskly,  with  his  head  stretched  forward  and  his  white 
hair  streaming  long  down  his  shoulders,  while  with  his 
staff  he  kept  time  with  his  left  foot.  He  trudged  through 


LEGEND    OF  FEDERAL    BOTTOM.  13 

the  majestic  groves  of  sugar-trees,  and  passed  the  pellucid 
pools  of  the  creek,  where  the  great-bellied  cows  stood 
deep  in  the  water,  cooling  their  udders  and  sleepily 
ruminating;  nor  did  he  glance  aside  even  when  little 
Bunny  whipped  up  a  lofty  tree,  and  squatted  on  a  limb 
fifty  feet  overhead,  cocking  his  brush  gayly  up  over  his 
back,  peering  down  at  him  with  one  eye,  and  saying, 
"  Squk,  wtik,  wuk  !"  None  of  these  things  did  he  regard, 
but  walked  right  on. 

At  last  he  approached  the  little  creek-meadow,  in  which 
the  hearty  old  bachelor,  Halford  Pinbury,  was  raking  hay 
into  windrows  on  the  hillside.  Now,  Halford  Pinbury, 
bachelor  though  he  was,  was  renowned  for  the  mince-pies, 
the  rich  old  cheese,  mustard  cider,  and  hickory-nuts  kept 
in  his  house ;  and  seeing  Daddy  Childs  climb  over  the 
fence,  he  was  reminded  of  his  mustard  cider,  went  and 
lifted  a  wisp  of  hay  off  the  oaken  firkin,  and  took  a  judi 
cious  swig.  Then  he  squatted  down,  struck  the  tail  of 
his  rake  into  a  summer-crack,  wiped  the  perspiration  from 
his  forehead  with  his  arm,  winked  wickedly  with  his 
right  eye,  and  laughed  to  himself.  He  watched  Daddy 
Childs,  as  he  shuffled  along,  breaking  the  stubble  down 
with  his  naked  feet.  The  old  man  did  not  approach  him, 
but  passed  along  at  the  foot  of  the  hill,  and  when  he  was 
opposite,  he  waved  his  white  staff  above  his  head,  and 
cried  out,  without  stopping, — 

"Beware  of  Jim  Crow  and  his  rebel  rout !" 

Upon  this,  Halford  Pinbury  rose  up,  standing  six  feet 
high,  winked  mischievously  with  his  right  eye  again,  and 
laughed.  Then  he  leaned  on  his  rake  with  his  left  arm, 
and  called  after  him, — 

"  Hillo  !  Say,  now!  It's  in  the  old  of  the  moon. 
Come  up,  'Tisn't  going  to  rain  to-day.  Come  up  and 

2 


I4  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

try  some.  By  hokey,  what's  the  use  in  worrying  so  this 
hot  day?" 

The  old  man  did  not  pause  for  a  moment,  but  turned 
his  head  back,  waved  his  staff  again,  and  cried  out 
aloud, — 

"Beware  of  Jim  Crow  and  his  rebel  rout !" 

Halford  Pinbury  squatted  down  by  his  rake  again,  and 
watched  the  old  man,  as  he  hurried  away,  until  he  saw 
him  ascend  the  hill,  climb  another  fence,  and  disappear. 
Then  he  arose  and  went  about  his  work,  muttering  to 
himself,  "  Humph  !  what  is  the  old  luney  after  now,  I 
wonder?" 

As  the  old  man  ascended  to  the  top  of  the  meadow,  he 
came  in  sight  of  Tick  Hill,  and  the  ample  fields  of  the 
river-farms  lay  before  him,  in  all  the  splendid  ripeness 
and  richness  of  the  yellow  harvest-time.  Oh,  beautiful 
valley  of  the  Muskingum  !  in  thy  summer  wealth  of  farms, 
between  the  green  and  sunny  rims  of  thy  hills ;  with  thy 
evergreen-embowered  houses  amid  the  golden  fields ;  and 
thy  hearty,  old-time  farmers,  challenging  each  the  other  to 
a  friendly  combat  with  the  ringing  of  the  whetted  scythe  ; 
or  the  long  cohorts  of  contending  harvesters,  with  the 
swift  and  whirring  swoop  of  their  cradles  through  the 
yielding  grain ;  while  the  whistling  quail  keeps  time  upon 
the  fence — did  ever  human  eye  behold  a  lovelier  ! 

But  Daddy  Childs  heeded  none  of  these  things.  He 
only  strode  right  on  across  the  stubbly  wheatfiekl,  swing 
ing  his  hairy-black  arms.  Under  a  mighty  mulberry  there 
sat  a  squad  of  Farmer  Pinbury's  jolly  harvesters  at  their 
forenoon  luncheon  ;  but  when  their  eyes  fell  upon  Daddy 
Childs,  they  all  began  to  hoot,  and  whistle,  and  utter 
cat-calls.  Hagerman,  who  was  a  facetious  fellow,  cried 
out, — 

"  Well,  old  cock,  you  look  pretty  red  around  the  gills 


LEGEND    OF  FEDERAL    BOTTOM.  15 

to-day.  You'll  have  to  walk  faster  than  that,  if  ever  you 
ketch  up  with  your  wits  ag'in.  Seen  'em  pass  here  long 
ago,  in  the  hind  part  of  the  morning.  But  they  was  so 
monstrous  little,  you'll  never  find  'em  without  puttin'  on 
your  leather  specs." 

Then  he  tossed  up  a  mulberry,  and  it  descended  through 
his  huge  black  whiskers  straight  into  his  cavernous  mouth. 
He  looked  at  the  old  man  again,  and  said,  muttering  to 
himself,  "The  devil  is  in  him." 

Daddy  Childs  gave  no  attention  to  these  taunts,  but 
turned  his  head,  swung  his  white  staff,  and  cried  out, 
mournfully, — 

"  Beware  of  Jim  Crow  and  his  rebel  rout !" 

Then  all  the  jolly  harvesters,  with  one  accord,  hooted 
in  reply,  and  said, — 

"Sho!  Daddy  Childs." 

Little  red-headed  Danny  was  bringing  out  a  jug  of 
dogwood  beer  to  the  laborers,  whistling  like  a  quail,  and 
taking  one  short  step  and  one  very  long  one,  while  the 
jug  bumped  along  against  his  legs.  As  soon  as  he  saw 
Daddy  Childs  he  dropped  the  jug,  and  ran  and  hid  him 
self  in  a  wheat-shock. 

When  the  old  man  passed  down  the  lane  near  Farmer 
Pinbury's  house,  the  little  farmer  was  mending  a  gate. 
He  did  not  stop  for  a  moment,  but  waved  his  staff  and 
called  to  him, — 

"  Beware  of  Jim  Crow  and  his  rebel  rout  !" 

The  little  farmer,  with  his  smooth-shaven  face  and  his 
soft,  pleasant  eye,  looked  after  him  several  moments  in 
wondering  silence,  and  then  began  to  whistle  under  his 
breath,  as  his  manner  was  in  a  brown  study,  and  went  on 
tinkering  his  gate. 

When  he  passed  Colonel  Dobley's  house,  the  venerable 
colonel  was  hobbling  along  in  his  yard  on  his  crutches. 


j6  MUSKINGUM  LEGEA'DS. 

He  stopped  a  moment,  straightened  himself  vigorously  up 
on  his  sound  leg,  and  looked  scowlingly  at  Daddy  Childs, 
for  the  colonel,  though  nobly  kind-hearted,  had  a  counte 
nance  which,  when  wrinkled  in  meditation,  looked  frown 
ing  and  severe.  The  old  man  glanced  through  the  fence, 
and  called  out  loudly,  for  he  knew  the  aged  colonel  was 
slightly  deaf, — 

"Beware  of  Jim  Crow  and  his  rebel  rout !" 

But  the  noble  old  testy  colonel  frowned  still  more  at 
this,  and  answered  him  quite  loudly, — 

"  What  sense  is  there  in  talking  so  loud?" 

But  stout  little  Mr.  Boonder,  with  his  glossy  tile,  his 
far-looking  gray  eyes,  and  his  fatherly,  thoughtful  ways, 
mildly  said, — 

"  But,  perhaps,  Colonel  Dobley,  it  would  be  well  enough 
to  make  some  arrangements,  in  case  there  should  be  any 
danger." 

Near  the  river  the  old  man  passed  a  merry  group  of 
school-children,  tumbling  in  the  grass,  under  a  magnifi 
cent  lofty  apple-tree,  vast  as  any  white-oak  of  the  prime 
val  forest,  and  eating  the  little  yellow  sheepnoses.  All 
the  smaller  children  ran  and  hid  themselves  in  the  grass, 
but  two  big  brothers  stood  their  ground.  Daddy  Childs 
called  to  them,  as  to  everybody, — 

"  Beware  of  Jim  Crow  and  his  rebel  rout !" 

The  smaller  children  peeped  at  him  from  behind  the 
trunk  of  the  tree,  but  the  older  ones,  when  he  was  far 
enough  away,  pelted  him  with  rotten  apples,  and  hooted, — 

"Sho!   Daddy  Childs." 

How  the  old  man  crossed  the  river  has  never  been  sat 
isfactorily  ascertained.  Old  Alpha,  the  fisherman,  de 
clared  he  swam  across,  passing  hand  over  hand  along  his 
trot-line ;  but  nobody  believed  Old  Alpha,  because  he  once 
said  he  caught  a  catfish  weighing  ninety  pounds.  Others 


LEGEND    OF  FEDERAL   BOTTOM.  I? 

affirmed  he  slid  across  on  a  film  of  petroleum ;  but  that 
would  be  a  greasy  slander  upon  the  waters  of  the  beautiful 
Muskingum  which  cannot  for  a  moment  be  tolerated.  In 
any  event,  he  did  cross,  and  climbed  up  the  rocky,  sterile 
steeps  of  Tick  Hill,  toiling  up  laboriously  with  his  hands 
on  his  knees,  or  clutching  the  whortleberry-bushes  for 
a  support.  Once  upon  the  summit,  he  paused,  turned 
about,  and  gazed  mournfully  down  upon  the  surpassing 
rich  and  noble  valley  he  had  crossed,  but  in  which  he  had 
been  received  with  so  much  flouting  and  contumely.  He 
struck  his  staff  into  the  ground  and  leaned  on  it  for  a 
moment,  while  his  eyes  wandered  over  its  peaceful  and 
tranquil  homes.  Then  he  cried  out  yet  again,  and  his 
voice  rang  strangely  and  sadly  wild  over  that  whole  great 
valley, — 

"Beware!  beware!  I  warn  you  faithfully,  and  deceive 
you  not.  Beware!" 

Then  all  the  people  heard  him,  and  they  listened  now 
to  his  words,  and  their  souls  were  smitten  with  a  sudden 
and  sharp  terror,  as  if  they  heard  already  the  thundering 
hoofs  of  the  dreadful  and  direful  cavalcade.  Every  one 
stopped  still  in  his  place,  and  dropped  the  work  he  was 
doing,  and  they  all,  with  one  accord,  lifted  up  their  voices 
and  answered  him, — 

"  Thou  art  faithful,  Daddy  Childs.    Thou  warnest  all." 

And,  indeed,  this  dreadful  and  fearful  host  was  already 
very  near,  and  was  even  then  hastening  with  fatal  swiftness 
down  the  hollow  of  Congress  Run.  They  were  already 
passing  the  lowly  cabin  of  Daddy  Childs,  from  which  the 
raging  flames  leaped  and  hissed,  and  snapped  their  fiery 
tongues  in  the  very  face  of  the  gorgeous  sun  in  heaven. 

Now  this  Jim  Crow  was  a  man  of  the  Dark  and  Bloody 
Ground,  famous  in  all  that  region  round  about  for  his 
astuteness  in  swapping  horses.  It  became  a  monomania 

2* 


IS  MUSK1NGUM  LEGENDS. 

with  him.  When  the  great  and  terrible  war  came  on  be- 
cween  the  two  countries  lying  on  opposite  sides  of  the 
Beautiful  River,  this  strange  infatuation  became  tinged  witn 
patriotism.  He  pondered  the  matter  so  much  that,  like  a 
certain  famous  knight,  his  reason  became  partially  unset 
tled,  and  then  it  was  his  disordered  brain  conceived  the 
daring  and  brilliant  project  of  bringing  the  enemies  of  his 
country  to  utter  and  ignominious  defeat  and  irretrievable 
ruin,  by  compelling  them  to  swap  all  their  horses.  He 
would  ride  through  all  the  length  and  breadth  of  the  land 
with  a  numerous  following,  force  everybody  to  swap  horses 
with  him,  and  so  ride  all  hostile  horseflesh  into  a  state  of 
exhaustion  and  heaves,  and  terminate  the  war.  Whether 
it  ever  occurred  to  him  or  not,  this  would  have  effected  a 
great  saving  of  human  lives,  and  was  therefore  a  plan 
which  should  have  commended  itself  to  all  humane  souls. 

Jim  Crow  was  a  man  of  exceeding  fierce  and  unconsti 
tutional  aspect.  He  was  dressed  throughout  in  gray,  and 
his  coat  had  a  tail  treasonably  long,  because  the  fashion 
of  his  country's  enemies  was  short.  In  his  belt  he  had  four 
pistols  and  seven  knives.  His  eyes  were  gray,  like  his 
clothes.  It  is  said  that  he  whetted  his  knives  every  morn 
ing,  and  then  took  his  eyesight  out  and  whittled  it,  by 
which  means  he  made  it  so  very  sharp  and  fierce  that,  when 
he  looked  at  one  of  his  country's  enemies,  with  both  eyes 
at  once,  they  made  a  hole  quite  through  his  head.  His 
black  moustache  was  so  long  that  he  could  lap  it  around  his 
head  and  bring  the  ends  together  in  front.  On  the  nar 
row,  upright  collar  of  his  coat  he  had  golden  stars,  which 
symbolized  the  loftiness  of  his  character,  though  others 
affirmed  that  they  denoted  the  phenomena  which  appeared 
to  the  eyes  of  his  enemies  in  battle. 

And  now,  his  dreadful  and  fearful  host  had  crossed  the 
Beautiful  River,  traversed  the  Hoosier  State,  and  a  good 


LEGEND    OF  FEDERAL   BOTTOM.  19 

part  of  the  Buckeye  State,  and  was  now  hastening  down 
the  hollow  of  Congress  Run.  Just  as  Halford  Pinbury 
had  taken  a  draught  of  mustard  cider,  and  covered  the 
oaken  firkin  with  hay,  the  tremendous  and  multitudinous 
thundering  of  their  hoofs  was  heard,  and  a  great  cloud  of 
dust  ascended  above  the  sugar-trees.  In  a  few  minutes 
more  they  emerged  in  sight,  and  then  what  an  appalling 
spectacle  petrified  his  vision  ! 

Horned  horses,  horses  with  brazen  hoofs  and  eyes  of 
fire,  headless  horsemen,  some  with  their  heads  tied  on  be 
hind  their  saddles,  two-legged  horses,  which  advanced 
only  by  a  kind  of  kangaroo  jumps.  The  better  to  accom 
plish  the  diabolical  purposes  hereinbefore  set  forth,  many 
of  them  caused  their  horses  to  go  forward,  not  in  the 
usual  manner,  but  by  a  continuous  series  of  somersaults, 
by  which  violent  motions  many  of  the  poor  beasts  had 
jerked  off  their  ears,  and  looked  very  hideous.  Many 
of  the  riders  were  young,  and  often  fell  asleep,  when  they 
would  be  jounced  violently  off  upon  the  ground;  but 
they  would  run  and  clamber  on  again.  Most  of  them  had 
bales  of  calico  and  strings  of  shoes  flung  over  their 
horses'  backs.  Jim  Crow  rode  in  fierce  and  terrific  splen 
dor  at  the  head  of  the  cavalcade,  and  his  horse  had  a 
horn  of  brass  on  his  forehead,  and  his  eyes  were  of  a 
peculiar,  traitorous  color,  and  from  his  nostrils  there 
issued  smoke  of  sulphur  and  other  disloyal  substances. 

For  a  moment,  Halford  Pinbury  stood  and  gazed  in 
speechless  amazement ;  then  he  simply  ejaculated,  "  Well, 
now,  by  hokey !"  and  dived  down  hill  at  the  top  of  his 
speed,  to  save  his  fat,  old,  sorrel  horse,  which  stood 
hitched  to  a  little  locust.  Snatching  the  halter  loose,  he 
leaped  upon  his  back ;  but  the  infatuated  animal,  whinny 
ing  frantically,  ran  with  all  his  might  to  join  the  dreadful 
cavalcade.  Finding  himself,  despite  his  most  desperate 


20  MUSKINCUM  LEGENDS. 

efforts,  about  to  be  carried,  irresistibly,  into  the  fatal  and 
direful  host,  Halford  Pinbury  dismounted  in  hot  haste, 
abandoning  the  beast  to  his  miserable  fate,  and  fled  up 
hill  to  his  firkin  of  mustard  cider,  where,  seeing  he  was 
not  pursued,  he  stopped. 

Leave  we  this  dreadful  procession,  for  a  moment,  to 
note  the  assembling  of  the  Home  Guards  at  the  little 
frame  schoolhouse  in  the  valley.  Roused  by  the  last 
solemn  warning  of  Daddy  Childs,  they  had  hastened  to 
this  place  of  rendezvous,  with  their  arms  and  accoutre 
ments.  Stout  little  Mr.  Boonder,  with  the  far-looking 
gray  eyes,  and  his  fatherly,  thoughtful  ways,  was  there  to 
assist  in  "making  arrangements."  His  voice  was  always 
heard  by  the  neighbors  in  times  of  peril.  Little  Farmer 
Pinbury,  with  his  smooth-shaven  face,  and  his  soft,  pleas 
ant  eyes,  was  there  in  a  brown  study.  He  was  walking 
to  and  fro,  whistling  under  his  breath,  with  his  hands  be 
hind  him  under  his  coat-tails.  Stout-hearted  old  Colonel 
Dobley  had  also  hobbled  there,  to  show  the  young  men 
how  to  fight.  There,  too,  was  the  stately,  but  languid, 
Miss  Jemima  Boonder,  with  the  pleading  eyes  and  the 
ripe,  pouting  lips ;  and  Miss  Jerusha  Pinbury,  with  the 
earnest,  pretty,  brown  eyes,  and  the  tight  little  mouth, 
like  an  elongated  knot-hole. 

While  the  inspection  and  loading  of  arms  were  in  pro 
gress,  Mr.  Boonder  "made  arrangements"  with  red- 
bearded  Captain  Dobley  about  a  supply  of  gunpowder, 
then  passed  along  the  line,  speaking  a  fatherly  word  to 
each,  and  showing  the  awkward  how  to  load  their  rifles 
more  quickly.  Presently,  Farmer  Pinbury  stopped  whist 
ling  under  his  breath,  and  began  quietly  to  build  rail-pens 
for  barricades.  Colonel  Dobley  stationed  himself  at  the 
end  of  the  line,  straightened  himself  vigorously  up  on  his 
sound  leg,  sighted  along  the  line,  motioned  with  his 


LEGEND    OF  FEDERAL   BOTTOM.  2I 

crutch  toward  the  middle,  and  commanded,  in  stentorian 
tones, — 

"  Dress  up  in  the  middle  there  !" 

Captain  Dobley  then  stepped  forward,  and,  with  a  ter 
rific  and  portentous  sternness  on  his  brow,  which  was 
peculiarly  militia-like,  commanded, — 

"  Dress  up, — company  !" 

Upon  this,  the  grand  old  veteran  colonel  scowled, 
struck  his  crutch  hard  upon  the  ground,  and  said,  very 
loudly, — 

"  What  sense  is  there  in  talking  so  loud  !" 

Meantime  Mr.  Boonder  and  Farmer  Pinbury  had  con 
sulted  together  as  to  the  height  the  rail-pens  should  have ; 
then  Mr.  Boonder  and  the  captain  consulted  about  the 
probability  of  any  of  the  squirrel-guns  bursting;  then  Mr. 
Boonder  "made  arrangements"  to  have  the  brave  boys 
supplied  with  the  necessary  nutriment. 

"Colonel  Dobley,"  said  Mr.  Boonder,  "did  you  hide 
your  horse  in  the  smoke-house  or  the  cornfield?" 

"I  tumbled  him  over  the  bank  of  the  river,"  replied 
the  colonel,  twitching  a  soldier  into  line. 

Miss  Jemima  Boonder  had,  however,  in  the  mean  time, 
acting  upon  her  own  sweet  and  patriotic  will,  brought  a 
generous  supply  of  blackberry  turnovers,  which  she  was 
distributing  along  the  line,  while  Miss  Jerusha  Pinbury, 
not  to  be  behind,  was  cheering  the  defenders  of  their 
country  with  fresh,  cool  well-water.  As  these  two  dear 
creatures  moved  along  they  dropped  several  tears.  When 
the  boys  had  eaten  the  blackberry  turnovers  and  drunk 
the  well-water,  they  felt  nourished,  and  waxed  patriotic 
and  fierce  exceedingly.  They  gave  three  cheers,  and 
loaded  their  shot-guns  double. 

And  now,  when  the  dreadful  procession  ascended  the 
meadow- hill  and  beheld  the  noble  valley  spread  out  be 
fore  them,  what  a  spectacle  awaited  them  !  Horses'  tails 


22 


MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 


sticking  out  of  hen-houses,  horses'  ears  sticking  out  of 
haycocks,  horses  whinnying  down-cellar,  where  they  were 
complacently  munching  the  last  shriveled  remnant  of  last 
year's  apples.  The  children  ran  into  the  house,  crowded 
under  the  bed,  and  plugged  up  their  ears  with  their 
fingers.  The  hired  girl  hurried  up-stairs  and  went  to  bed, 
covering  her  head  with  the  clothes.  Rosy-cheeked  little 
Mrs.  Pinbury  seated  herself  in  her  rocking-chair,  and 
pulled  out  her  hair-pins,  so  that,  when  the  dreadful  noise 
began,  she  might  faint  without  doing  herself  bodily  in 
jury.  The  cat  popped  into  the  hole.  The  old  Shanghai 
cock  set  off  at  the  head  of  his  harem,  but  knocked  his 
knees  together,  and  plumped  headforemost  into  the  pud 
dle.  Then  the  direful  procession  swept  along,  and  all  the 
horses,  summoned  by  the  irresistible  fascination  of  the 
great  leader's  voice,  issued  from  concealment,  and  joy 
fully  hastened  to  swell  the  calvacade. 

Long  before  they  approached  the  little  frame  school- 
house,  the  Home  Guards  discharged  their  pieces  into  the 
atmosphere,  at  an  angle  of  about  forty-five  degrees,  and 
effected  a  masterly  retreat,  "to  draw  the  enemy  on  to 
destruction."  None  were  left  behind  but  the  three  old 
unarmed  citizens  and  their  two  brave  daughters.  After 
looking  for  a  few  moments  at  their  fleeing  defenders,  Mr. 
Boonder  remarked, — 

"  I  think,  perhaps,  Colonel  Dobley,  we  had  better  make 
some  arrangements  to  run." 

Farmer  Pinbury  pointed  toward  one  of  his  strawstacks, 
and  said,  quietly, — 

"We  might  find  a  refuge  there;  but  if  they  shot  at 
us,  I  fear  they  might  fire  the  stack,  and  then  my  cattle 
would  have  no  shelter  next  winter." 

But  stout-hearted  old  Colonel  Dobley  scowled  till  his 
face  looked  terrible,  struck  his  crutch  fiercely  on  the 
ground,  and  said, — 


LEGEND    OF  FEDERAL   BOTTOM.  23 

"  We'll  stay  and  fight  it  out  here  !  My  crutch  is  worth 
a  dozen  of  the  chicken-hearted  fellows. " 

And  there  they  stayed.  And  Miss  Jerusha  Pinbury  and 
Miss  Jemima  Boonder,  when  they  saw  their  defenders  and 
their  lovers  all  running  away,  cried  out,  "Oh,  were  ever 
good  blackberry  turnovers  so  wasted  ! ' ' 

Hastening  down  to  the  river,  the  Home  Guards  em 
barked  in  skiffs  and  rowed  across.  Taking  a  safe  station, 
so  that  no  bullets  could  disturb  them  in  their  important 
labors,  they  commenced  excavating  rifle-pits  and  felling 
trees.  It  was  a  profound  movement  of  strategy;  they 
were  changing  their  base.  One  smooth-faced,  white- 
headed  Simon  Pinbury  was  the  first  to  secure  a  strategic 
position,  wherein,  with  his  head  barely  visible  above  the 
ground,  he  called  upon  his  countrymen,  in  passionate 
eloquence,  never  to  yield  to  the  vandal  invader,  but  rather 
to  die  in  the  last  ditch.  Then  he  leveled  his  rifle,  took 
deliberate  and  deadly  aim,  fired  across  the  river,  and 
totally  killed  and  abolished  a  small  dog. 

In  commemoration  of  this  great  victory,  the  patriotic 
maidens  of  that  neighborhood  caused  the  rifle-pit  to  be 
inclosed  with  an  iron  railing,  which  remains  to  this  day, 
an  imperishable  monument  to  the  heroism  of  their  country's 
defenders. 

After  securing  all  the  horses,  the  marauders  hastened  on 
to  the  river,  and  crossed  over.  Ascending  Tick  Hill  in 
the  track  of  Daddy  Childs,  they  found  that  faithful  but 
despised  guardian  of  his  people  waiting  to  complete  his 
mission  of  deliverance.  He  conducted  them  straightway 
to  the  Crooked  Tree.  And  now,  behold,  what  a  wonderful 
thing  was  wrought !  As  soon  as  they  looked  at  the  Crooked 
Tree,  their  eyesight  became  distorted,  so  that  no  two  of 
them  any  longer  clave  together,  but  they  rode  each  his 
several  way.  Thus  was  the  great  sovereign  and  inviolable 
Buckeye  State  delivered  out  of  the  hand  of  the  spoilers. 


TWINKLE    OF    THE    MOOSE'S    EYE. 

The  red  man  came — 

The  roaming  hunter- tribes,  warlike  and  fierce, 
And  the  Mound-builders  vanished  from  the  earth. 

.     .     .     .     All  is  gone ; 

All — save  the  piles  of  earth  that  hold  their  bones, 
The  platforms  where  they  worshiped  unknown  gods, 
The  barriers  which  they  builded  from  the  soil 
To  keep  the  foe  at  bay — till  o'er  the  walls 
The  wild  beleaguerers  broke,  and,  one  by  one, 
The  strongholds  of  the  plain  were  forced,  and  heaped 
With  corpses.     The  brown  vultures  of  the  wood 
Flocked  to  those  vast  uncovered  sepulchres, 
And  sat,  unscared  and  silent,  at  their  feast. 
Haply  some  solitary  fugitive, 
Lurking  in  marsh  and  forest,  till  the  sense 
Of  desolation  and  of  fear  became 
Bitterer  than  death,  yielded  himself  to  die. 
Man's  better  nature  triumphed  then.     Kind  word 
Welcomed  and  soothed  him  ;  the  rude  conquerors 
Seated  the  captive  with  their  chiefs ;  he  chose 
A  bride  among  their  maidens. 

BRYANT. 

MANY  centuries  ago  the  tribe  of  Shawnee  Indians, 
a  member  of  the  great  nation  of  the  Lenni-Le- 
nape,  were  emigrating  across  the  continent  toward  the 
Ocean  of  the  Rising  Sun.  It  was  long  before  any  pale 
face  had  ever  trodden  its  western  shores,  or  even  ventured 
out  on  its  trackless  highways,  and  while  yet  the  race  of 
the  Mound-builders  still  existed,  unscared  by  these  fierce 
hunter-tribes  of  the  red  Mongolians.  This  was  the  van 
guard  of  that  great  ancient  migration  which  swept  them 
off  the  earth. 
(24) 


TWINKLE    OF   THE   MOOSE'S  EYE.  2$ 

In  that  peerless  valley  which  now  immortalizes  their 
name,  the  Miamis,  their  kindred,  in  a  sacred  and  irre 
vocable  alliance  with  them,  had  utterly  extirpated  the 
effeminate  and  fallen  Mound-builders ;  and  now  their 
warriors  were  come  to  assist  in  the  conquest  of  a  certain 
noble  and  goodly  valley,  of  which  reports  had  brought 
them  information.  Luxurious,  degenerate,  and  debased 
by  an  effete  and  horrible  religion,  the  Mound-builders 
dwelt  only  in  the  valleys,  which  they  had  reddened  with 
the  blood  of  human  sacrifices,  while  they  had  cowardly 
abandoned  all  the  fortresses  once  maintained  by  them  on 
the  crowning  summits.  Beyond  the  river-ranges  all  the 
face  of  the  earth  was  still  somber  with  the  ancient  gloom 
of  the  forest,  and  penetrated  only  by  the  bear  and  the 
ferocious  panther. 

At  length  the  Shawnee  scouts  announced  their  near  ap 
proach  to  the  valley.  Leaving  their  squaws  and  papooses 
secreted  in  the  recesses  of  the  forest,  they  emerged  cau 
tiously  upon  the  brow  of  a  woody  mountain,  and  looked 
down,  with  grim  exultation,  upon  the  valley  which  was 
theirs  to  conquer.  Directly  below  them  was  one  of  those 
mysterious  and  ancient  barrows  which  the  Mound-builders 
elevate  above  their  chieftains.  The  river  here  sweeps 
grandly  around  in  a  semicircle,  and  in  the  middle  of  this 
spacious  plain  they  beheld  a  white-walled  village,  defended 
only  by  a  feeble  rampart  of  earth,  crested  with  wooden 
palisades.  In  their  indolent  and  pampered  degeneracy, 
the  Mound -builders  of  the  east  had  ceased  to  fortify  their 
cities  with  those  imposing  bulwarks  of  earth,  the  remains 
of  which  have  lingered  to  this  day  in  the  valley  of  the 
Father  of  Waters. 

All  the  inhabitants,  for  miles  above  and  below,  were 
gathering  into  this  village  in  direful  haste,  for  a  messen 
ger  had  just  arrived  with  the  heart-sickening  tidings  from 

3 


26  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

the  Miami.  As  these  fierce  and  cruel  hordes  stood  and 
looked  down  with  gleaming  eyes  upon  their  coming  har 
vest  of  massacre,  the  smoke  of  burning  habitations  went 
up,  and  here  and  there  a  fleeing  family  were  seen,  with  all 
their  household  goods  in  a  wooden-wheeled  cart,  mothers 
and  children  crying  as  they  went,  over  the  ruin  of  their 
little  homes,  while  the  father  goaded  on  his  team  of 
crooked-kneed,  shaggy  bisons. 

The  Shawnees  gathered  upon  the  brow  of  the  mountain, 
and  awaited  the  approach  of  sunset.  As  soon  as  the  huge 
shadows  of  the  mountains  stretched  full  across  the  valley 
and  commenced  climbing  the  opposite  side,  they  de 
scended,  and  crouched  in  a  gloomy  ravine,  until  a  scout, 
who  had  crawled  to  the  summit  of  the  barrow,  brought 
word  that  all  lights  were  extinguished  in  the  village. 
Then  their  great  prophet  and  medicine-man,  with  his 
drum,  his  snakeskin  rattle,  and  his  medicine-bag,  ad 
vanced  alone  to  the  top  of  the  sacred  burial-mound,  mut 
tered  a  solemn  invocation  to  the  Most  High  God,  took  a 
magic  arrow  from  his  quiver,  placed  it  in  his  good  ashen 
bow,  and  sped  it  on  a  long  and  lofty  flight  through  heaven 
toward  the  village.  With  an  eager  and  a  hungry  motion 
the  barbed  arrow  cleft  the  mellow  air,  slipping  through 
the  darkness  on  its  curving  course,  until  it  reached  its 
highest  flight,  when  the  heavens  opened  with  an  appalling 
glare,  the  arrow  shone  in  a  globe  of  white  lightning,  and 
terrifically  the  awful  thunders  roared  in  the  valley.  To 
the  awe-stricken  warriors,  as  the  majestic  figure  of  their 
prophet  stood  blackly  out  for  an  instant  against  the  quiv 
ering  heavens,  there  seemed  to  flicker  around  his  head 
and  uplifted  bow  a  lambent,  pale-blue  halo.  Then  the 
solemn  tones  of  the  prophet  were  heard  through  the  dark 
ness, — 

"  By  the  impious  and  horrible  sacrifices  of  their  bloody 


TWINKLE    OF  THE   MOOSE'S  EYE.  27 

religion  our  enemies  have  exhausted  the  long  patience  of 
Heaven.  The  thunders  of  the  Most  High  God  shall  bring 
swift  and  terrible  succor  to  their  destroyers." 

Then  the  Shawnees  sent  their  allies,  the  Miamis,  around 
in  two  bodies,  above  and  below,  to  intercept  any  fugitives 
at  the  fords.  This  done,  they  themselves  lay  quiet  till 
near  daybreak,  listening  to  the  slow  rumbling  of  the 
thunders. 

When  their  watching  eyes  beheld  the  morning-star  for 
one  moment  twinkle  with  a  watery  luster  amid  an  oak- 
tree  on  the  mountain,  they  arose  and  rushed  down  across 
the  plain,  and  in  that  self-same  hour  the  arsenals  of  the  Most 
High  God  were  opened.  With  horrid  and  heart-sickening 
yells  they  leaped  the  phantom  stockade,  and  the  lurid 
lightnings  guided  their  swift  tomahawks  not  amiss.  The 
Mound-builders  yielded  up  their  wretched  lives  like  sheep 
before  the  slayer.  Not  more  swiftly  did  the  murderous 
stones  descend  upon  the  heads  of  unresisting  victims  than 
the  quick  and  forked  cross-lightnings  hissed  and  hurtled 
from  heaven.  The  torrents  of  warm  rain  which  gurgled 
in  the  streets  glared  crimson  beneath  the  continuous  bolts, 
and  all  their  purple  bubbles  winked  like  bloodshot  eyes 
in  the  face  of  the  lightnings.  The  tempest  swept  over 
and  the  thunders  lulled,  as  if  the  vengeance  of  Heaven 
were  palled  and  glutted,  and  yet  the  weary  savages  paused 
not,  though  forgetting  even  their  yells  of  triumph,  so  that 
in  all  the  village  there  was  no  sound  but  the  dull  and  thud 
ding  crash  of  the  tomahawk.  Only  when  the  great  sun 
looked  out,  with  his  angry  and  lurid  eye,  through  a  chink 
in  the  morning  clouds,  did  the  village  rest  in  silence,  and 
the  butchers  cease,  because  there  were  no  victims. 

So  great  was  the  multitude  of  the  Mound-builders ! 

And  after  that  the  Shawnees  gathered  much  plunder, 
and  sent  for  their  squaws  to  serve  them,  and  they  feasted, 


28  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

they  and  their  allies,  and  made  merry.  Afterward,  it  hap 
pened  that  a  band  of  Shawnee  warriors,  wandering  over 
the  village,  found  a  house  wherein  was  a  maiden  hidden, 
and  yet  alive.  And  there  was  with  her  a  young  moose, 
which  had  been  tenderly  nourished  by  her  hand,  and  now 
lingered  about  her  hiding-place.  Upon  the  approach  of 
the  Shawnees  it  ran  a  little  way  off,  then  returned,  and 
darted  into  the  house  which  secreted  its  mistress,  and 
moaned  piteously,  and  turned  its  pleading  sad  gaze  upon 
the  warriors,  as  if  beseeching  them  to  show  mercy.  Thus  it 
revealed  to  them  the  hiding-place  of  the  maiden,  and  she 
was  dragged  forth,  lifeless  with  terror.  As  soon  as  it  saw 
her,  the  little  animal  ran  toward  her  with  a  plaintive  cry, 
pressed  its  silken,  glossy  neck  fondly  against  her,  and  cow 
ered  timorously  beside  her,  looking  piteously  into  her  face 
for  protection,  and  crying  and  moaning ;  then  it  looked 
again  at  its  strange  captors,  and  ran  a  little  way  off,  then 
turned  and  gazed  again,  with  such  infinite  pitifulness,  to 
ward  its  mistress,  and  such  dumb,  helpless  wonder  at  the 
savage  warriors ;  then  ran  to  her  again,  and  so,  backward 
and  forward.  The  dainty  little  foot-taps  on  the  floor,  as 
it  trotted  about  its  beloved  mistress ;  its  soft  bleating ; 
the  sad  and  piteous  terror  of  the  poor  innocent,  as  it 
turned  its  great,  lustrous  eyes  upon  its  captors ;  the  dear 
and  tender  caresses  of  its  glossy  neck  against  the  insen 
sible  form  of  the  maiden ;  the  tremor  of  helpless  terror 
along  its  velvety  flanks — ah  !  could  even  the  voice  of  the 
mistress  have  pleaded  more  eloquently  ? 

Even  the  grim  savages  were  touched, — all  except  one, 
who  brutally  struck  the  poor,  crying  innocent,  and  dashed 
it  to  the  ground.  They  bore  away  the  maiden,  and  left 
the  stricken  pet  where  it  fell.  But,  after  a  time,  it  re 
covered,  and,  guided  by  the  unerring  instinct  of  its  kind, 
limped  away  toward  the  river. 


TWINKLE    OF  THE   MOOSE  S  EYE.  2g 

The  youthful  chief,  Pallenund,  was  fascinated  with  the 
beauty  of  the  maiden,  whose  name  was  Opimya,  and  he 
ordered  the  bearers  to  carry  her  away  to  his  wigwam.  But 
now,  continues  the  tradition,  hardly  had  the  stricken 
moose  disappeared,  when  the  very  heavens  seemed  to 
scowl  wrathfully,  and  lowered  with  gloom.  All  the  thun 
ders  were  fearfully  reawakened,  twofold  more  terrific  than 
those  which  drowned  the  shrieks  of  the  murdered  city, 
and  the  lightnings  blazed  and  quivered  on  the  ground 
and  over  the  bloody  ruins.  The  dead  Mound-builders 
arose  and  pursued  their  murderers  with  horrid  yells,  and 
with  their  cold  and  stringy  fingers  clutched  their  naked 
bodies.  Their  hideous  livid  faces  glared  with  hate  and 
fury.  The  very  scalps  writhed  in  the  slippery  clutch  of 
the  savages,  and  flapped,  bloody  and  clammy,  in  their 
faces.  The  brutal  wretch  who  struck  down  the  moose  was 
specially  singled  out,  and  pursued  by  corpses  with  sunken 
eyes,  and  bodies  covered  thick  with  carrion  flies.  The 
vultures,  disturbed  at  their  banquet,  screamed  above  their 
heads.  The  wounded  moose  appeared  before  them  with  a 
body  of  flaming  fire,  but  turned  upon  them  the  same  sad 
and  piteous  gaze  as  before. 

Then  was  heard  again  the  solemn  voice  of  the  great 
prophet,  crying  through  the  gloom  and  the  raging  of  the 
storm, — 

"  The  Most  High  God  is  angry.  He  dwells  in  the  air, 
and  the  clouds,  and  the  lightnings,  and  the  beasts  of  the 
forest,  and  the  wound  given  to  the  moose  is  given  to  Him 
likewise.  He  has  given  us  the  animals  for  our  necessary 
meat,  therefore  has  He  taken  away  their  voices,  that  they 
should  not  cry  unto  the  slayers  ;  but  the  fierce  lightnings 
are  his  also,  and  fearfully  does  He  plead  for  His  creat 
ures  when  they  are  cruelly  entreated.  We  shall  not  escape 
these  thunders  till  we  have  made  expiation ;  howbeit,  if 

3* 


3o  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

the  moose  be  dead,  He  will  plague  this  man  with  the  tor 
ments  of  an  implacable  vengeance." 

But  the  maiden,  Opimya,  had  arisen,  and  wandered 
weeping  for  the  slain  innocent.  In  the  horror  of  the 
great  darkness  and  of  the  lightnings,  she  fled  among  the 
Shawnees,  that  lay  stricken  to  the  ground  in  terror,  and 
sought  the  bank  of  the  river,  where  she  was  wont  to  fondle 
with  the  fawn  in  the  summer  days.  In  the  middle  of  the 
river  was  a  little  island,  covered  with  pale-green  trees,  and 
opposite  this  she  sat  down  under  a  great  sycamore.  Night 
came  to  deepen  the  tempest,  and  the  darkness  became 
thick  blackness.  Sitting  and  leaning  her  head  against  the 
friendly  tree,  she  cried  out,  piteously, — 

"Ah!  my  pretty,  my  pet,  my  innocent!  How  often 
have  I  watched  my  face  and  ranged  my  braided  hair  in 
the  light  of  thy  eyes !  How  often  hast  thou  fondly 
leaned  against  me,  in  thy  pretty,  helpless  terror,  when  I 
swept  in  my  little,  light  canoe  across  the  water !  Ah ! 
pretty,  my  pretty,  my  pet !  would  I  were  dead  now,  and 
laid  beside  thee  !" 

The  young  chief,  Pallenund,  was  passing,  with  a  band 
of  his  warriors,  searching  for  the  moose,  that  they  might 
appease  the  wrath  of  Heaven,  and  they  heard  the  wail- 
ings  of  the  maiden,  and  approached.  Pallenund  drew 
near,  and  spoke  kind  words,  and  lifted  her  gently  in  his 
arms,  but  she  only  bewailed  herself  the  more.  Then  sud 
denly  one  cried  out,  and  pointed  to  two  little  gleams  in 
the  edge  of  the  water,  fiery-red  and  immovable,  as  if  they 
were  blood-red  stars  dropped  from  heaven  into  the  river. 
But  Pallenund  no  sooner  looked  than  he  uttered  a  joyous 
shout, — "  It  is  the  twinkle  of  the  moose's  eye  !  It  is  the 
twinkle  of  the  moose's  eye!"  And  one  dashed  into  the 
water,  and  fetched  it  forth,  amid  songs,  and  shouting,  and 
dancing,  and  great  rejoicing,  but  the  maiden  fell  upon  its 


TWINKLE    OF  THE   MOOSE^S  EYE.  31 

neck,  and  wrapped  it  about  with  her  arms,  and  laid  her 
cheek  against  its  neck,  and  pressed  it  silently  to  her  breast, 
while  her  tears  trickled  fast  over  its  glossy  coat. 

Heaven  itself  rejoiced  at  that  spectacle,  for,  as  the 
tradition  relates,  the  clouds  were  riven  asunder  and  van 
ished,  the  shadows  of  night  were  rolled  back,  and  the  sun 
returned  on  his  course,  to  lighten  the  earth  in  that  glad 
moment. 

Then  said  Pallenund  to  his  warriors,  "  Heaven  is  ap 
peased  hereby,  and  we  shall  be  saved  if  we  cut  off  the 
offender  from  among  us.  Therefore  let  the  name  of  this 
river  be  The  Twinkle  of  the  Moose's  Eye,  and  so  shall 
it  be  called  Moos-ken-gum,  and  the  moose  shall  be  sacred 
unto  us  for  evermore. ' ' 

So  they  returned  with  great  rejoicings  to  the  encamp 
ment,  bearing  the  maiden,  with  the  recovered  moose  still 
tightly  clasped  in  her  glad  embrace. 

On  the  morrow  they  made  a  joyful  feast  for  their  de 
liverance,  and  sacrificed  to  the  Great  God,  and  the  maiden 
was  given  to  Pallenund.  And  when,  afterward,  Pallenund 
and  Opimya  stood  together  beneath  a  mighty  beech,  before 
the  assembled  tribe,  and  the  venerable  prophet  gave  them 
a  double  ear  of  maize,  in  token  of  their  union,  and  also 
in  token  of  her  proper  industry,  subjection,  and  provi 
dence,  while  the  little  pet  stood  with  its  great  eyes  won- 
deringly  gazing  at  the  unwonted  spectacle  ;  then  Pallenund 
made  a  solemn  vow,  and  attested  it  before  Heaven,  that, 
so  long  as  the  golden  sun  should  light  the  land  the  Great 
God  had  given  them,  and  so  long  as  the  uncounted  eyes 
of  the  Moose-Eye  River  should  twinkle  and  wink  adown 
its  course,  the  faithful  and  unforgetting  Shawnees  would 
lift  up  hand  no  more,  wantonly,  against  a  moose. 


ST.    TAMMANY. 

Perhaps  it  was  right  to  dissemble  your  love, 
But — why  did  you  kick  me  down-stairs  ? 

BlCKERSTAFF. 

TAMMANY  was  a  friend  to  the  pale-face.    He  desired 
to  abide  with  him  in  peace  in  the  country  of  the 
Great  Waters ;  but  his  tribe  would  none  of  it,  and  he 
yielded  to  them,  removed  from  the  land  of  his  ancestors, 
and  journeyed  toward  the  setting  sun. 

Slowly  and  sadly  he  paddled  his  canoe,  amid  the  fleet 
of  his  tribe,  up  the  broad,  blue  waters  of  the  River  of  the 
Burning  Pine ;  then  they  traveled  on  foot  over  the  great, 
roaring  mountains  of  the  Appalachites ;  fashioned  bark 
canoes  again,  and  teetered  away  down  the  swift  and  bub 
bling  River  of  Falling  Banks ;  passed  the  Place  of  a  Head  ; 
then  floated  many  and  many  a  golden  summer  day  down 
a  mighty  stream,  which,  gliding  down  in  the  majesty  of  its 
smooth  and  oily  rolling,  between  the  never-ending  colon 
nade  of  pale-green  trees,  and  around  the  stripped  and 
ravaged  islands  which  attested  the  greatness  of  its  savage 
energy  when  aroused,  with  here  and  there  a  dead  branch 
thrust  up  out  of  the  water  like  a  palsied  arm  that  would 
drag  their  canoes  under,  seemed  to  them  to  be  indeed,  as 
it  was  named,  the  Beautiful  River.  Then  at  last,  after 
floating  down  through  all  the  long  and  pleasant  Moon  of 
Strawberries,  they  joyfully  dragged  their  canoes  upon  the 
sand  where  this  majestic  stream  receives  the  waters  of  the 
dimpling,  little,  winking  Moose-Eye  River,  and  journeyed 
no  more. 


ST.   TAMMANY.  33 

We  cannot  follow  Tammany's  people  through  all  the 
vicissitudes  of  their  history,  the  fierce  and  horrid  battles 
in  the  echoing  forest,  the  triumphs,  the  defeats,  the 
treaties,  the  alliances,  which  at  last  established  them 
securely  in  their  new  dominion.  The  legend  has  business 
with  another  matter. 

The  tribe  waxed  great  among  the  nations  of  the  abo 
rigines  round  about,  and  became  impregnably  colonized 
on  the  banks  of  the  Muskingum.  In  the  course  of  their 
history  it  had  now  become  necessary  to  choose  a  chief 
sachem  to  rule  over  them.  It  is  to  this  memorable  event 
that  this  legend  relates,  for  by  it  were  laid  down  the  rule 
and  precedent  for  all  coming  generations  of  American 
politics.  By  this  transaction  the  great  American  science 
of  How  to  Get  into  Office  (politics)  was  established  for 
ever  on  fundamental  principles,  in  contradistinction  to 
the  useless  art  of  How  to  Get  out  of  Office  (statesman 
ship). 

By  his  well-known  friendliness  to  the  pale-face,  Tam 
many  had  raised  up  enemies  in  his  tribe,  who  composed 
the  opposition.  In  accordance  with  their  respective 
sentiments  on  this  issue,  Tammany's  party  were  recog 
nized  as  the  White  Eyes,  while  the  opposition  were  de 
signated  Red  Eyes. 

The  point  of  junction  of  the  rivers,  where  now  stands 
the  pleasant  village  of  Harmar,  is  the  place  where  this 
momentous  event  occurred.  Hither,  on  a  designated  day, 
repaired  all  the  multitudes  of  the  tribe.  All  the  squaws 
and  papooses  came,  even  those  which  were  borne  upon 
the  backs  in  wicker  baby  -baskets ;  and  all  the  superan 
nuated  warriors,  who  could  no  longer  walk,  but  were 
borne  on  stretchers  of  bearskin  (for  Tammany  gave  the 
bearers  wampum);  with  all  the  gallant  and  stalwart 
braves  of  a  hundred  fights,  with  nodding  plumes  of  feathers 


34 


MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 


of  eagles  and  of  redbirds,  and  stained  quills  of  porcupine 
twisted  in  their  hair,  fiercely  painted  with  smears  and 
streaks  of  scarlet  ochre,  and  gorgeously  bedecked  with 
flowing  robes  of  figured  wolfskins,  and  beaded  moccasins, 
with  chinking  and  jingling  strings  of  purple  wampum, 
and  flint-headed  arrows  of  hickory.  From  many  a  somber 
fastness  in  the  wood  along  the  shores  of  the  river  called 
Beautiful,  and  from  many  a  patch  of  shining  corn  beside 
the  Moose-Eye  River,  and  from  beneath  the  shadows  of 
the  Great  Mound,  the  ancient  and  mysterious,  they  came 
in  numbers,  fearlessly  leaving  their  growing  maize  and 
their  wigwams  without  even  a  dog  on  sentry,  for  the 
matchless  prowess  and  diplomacy  of  Tammany  had  made 
all  tribes  to  fear  them. 

The  wigwams  of  Tammany  and  of  the  chief  of  the  Red 
Eyes  were  pitched  about  a  tomahawk's  throw  apart,  at 
the  great  encampment. 

Whenever  Tammany  beheld  a  company  approaching, 
he  would  advance  about  an  arrow-shot  to  meet  them, 
stop  short  before  them,  look  earnestly  and  steadfastly  into 
their  faces,  then  salute  them:  "Welcome,  my  children. 
May  the  Great  Spirit  guide  your  minds,  that  you  may 
vote  with  wisdom."  To  this  they  would  reply,  if  they 
were  White  Eyes,  "The  Great  Spirit  is  in  you;"  but 
if  they  were  Red  Eyes,  "Ugh!  ugh!"  Then  he  would 
conduct  them  into  his  wigwam,  pour  a  little  fire-water 
into  a  gourd  from  a  porcupine-skin,  taste  it  himself,  and 
hand  it  to  all  his  guests  in  succession,  each  of  whom  re 
marked  after  tasting  it,  "Ugh,  ugh!"  After  that,  they 
would  seat  themselves  in  a  circle,  and  he  would  take  down 
a  bladder  of  tobacco,  fill  the  bowl  of  his  red-stone  Kana- 
wha  calumet,  and  pass  it  around  the  circle.  All  these 
solemn  and  decorous  hospitalities  were  interspersed  by 
Tammany,  occasionally,  with  brief,  judicious  observations, 


ST.   TAMMANY.  35 

such  as,  "Ugh,  ugh!"  "May  the  Great  Spirit  guide 
you  !"  "  The  Red  Eyes  are  fools,"  "  Maize  well  watered 
grows  fast." 

These  ceremonies  of  hospitality  being  finished,  the 
braves  would  visit  likewise  the  wigwam  of  the  Red  Eyes, 
partake  of  the  hostile  chief's  fire-water,  and  smoke  his 
calumet. 

Meantime  Tammany  would  go  abroad,  and  mingle 
familiarly,  yet  with  dignity,  with  the  assembled  braves  of 
his  tribe.  To  the  younger  ones  he  gave  strings  of  wam 
pum,  fine  embroidered  moccasins,  pipe-bowls,  beautiful 
ashen  bows  and  arrows,  and  whatever  other  things  are 
either  pleasant  to  see  or  to  possess.  If  an  aged  brave  was 
almost  deaf,  he  told  him  that  people  did  not  speak  so 
loudly  nowadays  as  in  former  years,  when  he  was  young. 
If  any  one  was  blind,  he  led  him  by  the  hand,  and  spoke 
to  him  many  words  of  kindness.  He  struck  his  tomahawk 
into  a  tree,  so  low  that  the  youths  could  all  leap  over  the 
handle,  and  told  them  they  could  all  spring  as  high  as 
Tammany  could  in  his  lustiest  youth. 

Two  days  the  braves  were  in  assembling  together,  and 
on  the  morning  of  the  third  day  there  was  a  mighty 
multitude.  When  the  hour  drew  near  that  they  should 
elect  their  chief  sachem,  Tammany  caused  a  long  and  a 
strong  blast  to  be  blown  on  the  hollow  thigh-bone  of  a 
moose,  which  was  heard  far  and  wide  throughout  the  en 
campment.  All  the  braves  thereupon  gathered  about  his 
wigwam,  and  squatted  on  their  haunches  beneath  a  wide- 
spreading  beech. 

Then  Tammany  issued  forth,  arrayed  in  gorgeous  and 
barbaric  splendor,  with  seven  extra  smears  of  ochre  on  his 
face,  an  imposing  coronal  of  feathers  on  his  head,  two 
carved  and  beaded  clam-shells  depending  from  his  ears, 
and  robes  and  moccasins  of  great  magnificence.  Stand- 


36  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

ing  before  his  wigwam,  he  made  that  oration  which  caused 
him  to  be  canonized  as  the  patron  and  great  tutelary  saint 
of  ail  American  politicians.  He  took  a  blackberry  into 
his  mouth  to  moisten  it,  and  then  spoke  as  follows : 

"  Men  are  not  ruled  by  wisdom.  My  arms  are  not  long, 
but  I  can  reach  above  my  head.  My  feet  are  not  nice, 
but  they  carry  my  head  wheresoever  it  goes. 

"A  full  bladder  gives  no  sound  when  it  is  struck.  When 
the  wolf  howls  he  is  empty. 

"  The  deceit  of  man  is  great.  The  coon's  tail  is  in  the 
pond,  but  his  body  is  on  the  log.  The  crawfish  get  a 
nibble  of  his  tail,  but  the  coon  eats  the  crawfish. 

"  No  man  has  eyes  in  the  back  of  his  head.  I  can  see 
farther  than  I  can  reach.  It  is  easier  to  pierce  the  heart 
through  the  back  than  through  the  breast. 

"  Go  not  too  far.  A  man  can  sleep  in  a  small  sapling. 
If  he  climbs  to  the  top  it  bends  to  the  ground. 

"  Every  man  has  a  place  made  for  him  by  the  Great 
Spirit.  A  deer  cannot  climb  a  tree.  The  jay  sits  on  the 
topmost  bough.  The  arrow  of  the  brave  slays  them  both. 

"It  is  easier  for  fools  to  go  forward  than  backward. 
The  cat  can  climb  a  tree,  but  she  comes  down  tail  first. 
A  wise  man  does  not  go  forward  till  he  sees  how  he  can 
come  back.  The  duck  dives  after  the  corn,  but  its  neck 
sticks  fast  in  the  net. 

"  If  two  braves  contend  for  a  squaw,  and  one  wins  her, 
does  he  give  the  other  her  beads?  They  are  his  own. 
What  brave  is  there  who  kills  his  enemy  and  does  not  take 
his  scalp?  If  he  did  not,  men  would  count  him  no  bet 
ter  than  a  fool  and  a  squaw. 

"A  man  cannot  pull  up  a  tree  by  the  roots,  but  if  he 
climbs  to  the  top  he  can  bend  and  break  it  down  to  the 
ground. 

"Is  anybody  wise  who  is  Tammany's  enemy?     He  is 


ST.   TAMMANY. 


37 


a  fool.  The  Red  Eyes  are  fools.  This  I  know.  They 
are  knaves.  The  Great  Spirit  has  told  me  this.  Truth  is 
not  to  be  divided.  Can  you  split  the  sun  with  a  toma 
hawk?  Are  there  two  moons?  The  sun  is  in  all  things, 
and  when  fire  springs  forth  from  wood  it  is  the  sun.  There 
is  one  light. 

"  When  the  Evil  Spirit  seizes  a  man,  and  torments  him 
with  fatness,  do  not  men  bleed  him  with  flints?  It  is 
wise.  Also,  when  the  Evil  Spirit  seizes  him,  and  he 
madly  thinks  to  become  a  sachem  to  whom  the  Great 
Spirit  has  not  given  it,  wampum  is  taken  from  him. 
These  things  I  know  well,  and  the  custom  is  so.  But 
there  is  no  blood  in  a  dead  man.  When  he  is  dying  he  is 
not  bled,  but  he  is  cast  out,  and  men  leap  and  dance  on  his 
stomach,  and  beat  him  with  sticks.  These  things  are  true. 

"A  wise  brave  does  not  strike  his  enemy's  war-club, 
but  his  eyes.  A  dog  has  a  long  tail,  but  a  squaw  can  cut 
it  off.  She  cannot  pluck  out  his  teeth. 

"  The  chief  of  the  Red  Eyes  is  an  enemy  of  his  people. 
This  I  know.  If  he  were  a  friend  to  his  people,  he  would 
be  a  White  Eye.  If  you  choose  him  to  be  sachem,  the 
Great  Spirit  will  be  wroth,  and  our  tribe  will  talk  with 
owls,  and  become  acquainted  with  bats.  If  the  Red 
Eye  chief  becomes  sachem,  we  shall  take  counsel  with 
screech-owls.  We  shall  seek  the  haunts  of  dogs,  and  find 
them.  The  grass  will  grow  in  our  wigwams,  and  our 
sacred  places  will  be  deserted  and  silent.  The  howling 
of  the  wolf  will  be  heard  in  our  lodges,  and  in  our  ancient 
villages  the  fox  will  dig  his  hole  unscared. 

"Humbles  are  something,  but  wampum  is  greater. 
Tammany  has  wampum.  Tammany  is  wise.  The  chief 
of  the  Red  Eyes  is  a  fool.  He  is  also  a  knave.  This  I 
know  well.  He  wishes  to  ruin  his  people.  Tammany 
wishes  to  save  them. 


38  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

"The  words  of  Tammany  are  ended." 

The  conclusion  of  this  oration  was  received  with  very 
general  exclamations  of  ''Ugh,  ugh!"  as  indicative  of 
assent  and  applause.  Then  the  multitude  arose  and 
gathered  about  the  wigwam  of  the  opposing  chieftain, 
who  came  forth  and  stood  before  his  door.  After  look 
ing  sternly  and  immovably  toward  the  great  warrior  for 
some  minutes,  he  slowly  raised  his  right  hand,  pointed 
scornfully  toward  him  with  his  forefinger,  and  began  in  a 
deep  and  solemn  voice,  scowling  darkly : 

"Tammany  is  not  wise.  He  has  not  spoken  the  words 
of  wisdom.  The  sound  of  his  voice  is  as  the  west  wind 
when  it  blows  in  the  winter.  Beside  the  noise  of  the 
blowing,  there  is  nothing  else  at  all." 

At  this  point,  Tammany  strode  majestically  to  the  side 
of  the  speaker,  confronted  him  with  a  lowering  and  terrible 
mien,  and  imparted  to  him  his  opinion  of  the  entire  mis 
apprehension  of  facts  under  which  he  evidently  labored. 
Thereupon  the  chief  of  the  Red  Eyes  informed  Tammany 
that  his  statement  was  diametrically  opposed  to  the  re 
quirements  of  strict  veracity,  and  that  that  virtue  abode 
not  in  him.  Upon  that  Tammany  enlightened  his  ad 
versary  with  an  expression  of  his  convictions  respecting 
his  personal  character  and  descent,  and  the  character  of 
his  mother,  to  which  the  chief  of  the  Red  Eyes  replied 
with  a  reciprocal  piece  of  information. 

Thereupon  Tammany  drew  near  to  him,  and  smote 
him  with  his  fist  between  his  two  eyes,  knocked  him  down, 
and  spat  in  his  right  ear. 

The  assembled  multitude  greeted  this  triumph  with  pro 
longed  and  vigorous  exclamations  of  "Ugh,  ugh!"  and 
at  once  Tammany  was  chosen  sachem  by  acclamation. 


ST.    SHODDY. 

Gars  auld  claes  look  amaist  as  weel's  the  new. 


BURNS. 


IN  the  previous  legend  we  have  been  permitted  to  rescue 
from  oblivion  a  portion  of  the  career  of  the  great 
tutelary  divinity  of  American  politicians.  Now  be  it  our 
delightful  task  to  preserve,  through  written  record,  so 
much  as  has  been  treasured  up  by  immemorial  tradition  of 
the  life  and  tragical  death  of  St.  Shoddy,  known  and  re 
cognized  in  all  our  Christian  world  as  the  great  patron 
saint  of  American  speculators. 

St.  Shoddy  was  born  in  the  valley  of  the  Muskingum, 
on  the  left  bank  of  the  river,  near  the  little  village  of 
Smartville,  situated  in  the  township  of  Getmore.  The 
precise  hour  of  his  birth  is  not  recorded,  but  that  auspi 
cious  event  is  supposed  to  have  occurred  in  the  night-time, 
since  the  infant  is  reported  to  have  looked  hard  at  the 
whale-oil  lamp,  and  blinked  with  both  eyes, — which  cir 
cumstance  was  regarded  by  his  nurse,  in  subsequent  years, 
as  indicative  of  the  child's  wonderful  keenness  for  a  specu 
lation. 

Very  early  in  youth,  while  yet  most  children  are  wick 
edly  devoting  themselves  to  kites,  tops,  hobby-horses,  and 
other  reprehensible  amusement,  St.  Shoddy  developed 
a  most  commendable  ability  to  "make  money."  Having 
been  orphaned  at  a  tender  age,  he  was  assigned  to  the 
guardianship  of  a  remarkably  shrewd  uncle,  who  fostered 

(39) 


40  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS, 


\ 


the  boy's  speculatory  propensities.  The  earliest  known 
instance  of  the  development  of  this  precocity  occurred  in 
the  following  manner: 

The  boy's  uncle  frequently  sent  him  to  the  village  of 
Smartville,  to  carry  to  market  poultry,  vegetables,  dairy 
products,  etc.,  in  order  to  educate  him  to  shrewdness  in 
dickering  and  shifting  for  himself,  for  he  despised  schools. 
One  day  he  ordered  him  to  take  a  dozen  fowls,  and,  in 
order  that  he  might  start  early  in  the  morning,  he  bade 
him  catch  them  off  the  trees  overnight.  The  youth 
obeyed,  but,  with  remarkable  shrewdness,  caught  only 
such  as  had  bright  red  combs,  which  denoted  that  they 
were  laying  eggs.  These  he  put  carefully  into  a  large 
crate,  carpeted  with  straw,  and  early  in  the  morning  he 
hitched  the  old  dobbin  into  the  wagon  and  started.  The 
wagon  was  very  small,  and  had  no  springs,  and  the  boy 
took  pains  to  drive  it  over  the  hardest  and  stoniest  road 
he  could  find.  The  consequence  was,  when  he  arrived  at 
the  market,  there  were  in  the  straw  twelve  new-laid  eggs, 
warm  and  white.  This  was  what  he  had  expected  when  he 
drove  the  wagon  over  the  stony  road. 

These  he  justly  considered  his  own  property,  and,  in 
stead  of  spending  them  for  foolish  and  wicked  toys,  such 
as  kites  and  tops,  or,  still  worse,  for  books,  he  bartered 
them  for  a  terrier  pup.  This  was  not  for  play,  but  for 
profit,  as  will  soon  appear.  His  uncle,  in  order  further 
to  teach  him  to  "look  out  for  number  one,"  was  very 
close  with  his  crumbs,  so  that  the  animal  often  howled 
full  sore  with  hunger,  and  his  ribs  were  grievously  con 
stricted.  But  the  boy  secretly  nourished  the  pup,  by 
taking  him  into  the  barnyard  and  milking  the  rich  strip- 
pings  into  his  mouth.  He  was  well  rewarded  for  all  this 
prudence,  for  when  the  pup  waxed  to  a  good  stature,  and 
his  teeth  were  well  grown,  he  brought  his  young  master  a 


ST.  SHODDY.  41 

revenue   of  fifty-seven   ratskins   and    two    minks,   worth 
several  dollars. 

The  lad  also,  while  he  was  yet  in  his  extreme  youth, 
concocted  a  sort  of  unguent  or  salve,  wherewith  to  anoint 
people's  corns.  It  was  very  active  in  its  operations,  being 
composed  largely  of  aquafortis.  Indeed,  it  was  so  very 
active  in  its  effects  that  the  lad  presently  procured  for 
himself  a  sound  beating,  and  he  was  obliged  to  put  aside 
his  corn-salve  for  the  present. 

By  all  these  youthful  speculations,  and  many  others  not 
here  enumerated,  he  at  length  accumulated  enough  to  pur 
chase  a  large  stock  of  candies  and  sweetmeats  of  all  kinds 
from  the  village,  which  he  brought  out  for  sale  to  a  chil 
dren's  picnic  on  a  May-day.  He  also  procured  quite  a 
quantity  of  materials  for  the  manufacture  of  lemonade. 
Then,  by  his  influence  with  the  parents  and  older  children, 
he  caused  the  picnic  to  be  celebrated  in  a  certain  grove, 
where  there  was  only  one  spring  to  supply  them  with 
water.  He  sold  his  sweetmeats  to  them  at  a  low  price, 
quite  as  low  as  they  could  have  purchased  them  from  the 
village  confectioners,  which  caused  the  children  to  eat 
heartily  of  them  and  become  very  thirsty.  Meantime, 
in  some  mysterious  manner  which  has  never  been  fully 
explained,  his  terrier  dog,  which  was  now  quite  aged  and 
feeble,  fell  into  a  corner  of  the  spring,  so  that  the  chil 
dren  could  no  longer  drink  the  water.  Thus  they  were 
compelled  to  purchase  large  quantities  of  his  lemonade  at 
a  high  price,  by  which  St.  Shoddy  received  great  profit. 
The  dog  having  fallen  into  a  corner  of  the  spring  was  re 
membered  by  St.  Shoddy  when  he  grew  to  manhood,  and 
gave  rise  to  an  expression  which  has  become  exceedingly 
famous  among  speculators. 

But  the  one  great  and  mature  enterprise  of  St.  Shoddy, 
for  which  all  this  was  only  preparatory,  and  which  pro- 

4* 


42  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

cured  for  him  canonization  and  immortality,  is  now  to  be 
related.  His  speculative  brain  conceived  a  mighty  project. 
Looking  about  him,  he  beheld  thousands  and  tens  of 
thousands  of  his  fellow-mortals  engaged  in  making  clothes, 
(at  such  pitiful  rates  of  compensation,  especially  in  the 
case  of  young  seamstresses  in  great  cities,  that  the  slow 
wasting  away  and  destruction  of  human  life  were  melan 
choly  to  contemplate.  But,  saddening  as  was  this  cir 
cumstance  to  his  mind,  there  was  another  yet  more  pain 
ful — the  waste  and  utter  loss  of  a  great  quantity  of  clothes. 
Month  after  month  he  beheld  bundles  of  raiment,  often 
only  slightly  abraded  or  soiled,  cast  aside  at  the  imperious 
mandate  of  fickle  Fashion,  thrown  out  to  be  trodden  under 
foot  of  mankind,  sodden  by  the  rains,  defiled  with  mouldi- 
ness,  and  reduced  to  ignominious  mildew,  pulp,  and  decay. 
He  regretted  so  much  wastefulness,  but,  above  all  things 
beside,  he  beheld  herein  an  opportunity  for  acquiring  im 
mense  profit.  He  considered  in  his  mind  the  principle, 
that  there  is  nothing  new  on  earth. 

"The  cabbages,"  said  he  to  himself,  in  his  thrifty  mus 
ings,  "grow  up,  flourish,  and  decay  if  they  are  not 
utilized ;  but  they  return  to  the  earth,  and,  in  the  mys 
terious  laboratory  of  Nature,  they  are  transformed  from 
death  into  life,  and  appear  again  as  cabbages,  to  gladden 
the  appetite,  and  minister  to  the  lusty  strength,  of  the 
farmer.  Nature  cannot  supply  our  artificial  wants  ;  cannot, 
in  short,  either  originally  fashion,  or  subsequently  trans 
mute,  our  clothes ;  but  we  can  imitate  her  methods,  and 
be  instructed  by  her  wise  economy. 

"  I  will  cause  old  clothes  to  be  converted  into  new.  I 
will  bring  about  a  condition  of  affairs  on  earth,  among 
civilized  men,  wherein  all  useless  and  cumbersome  sheep, 
cotton-plants,  hemp,  flax,  ramie,  silk-worms,  and  what 
ever  other  fabric-producing  animals,  worms,  or  plants 


ST.  SHODDY.  43 

now  occupy  so  great  a  portion  of  the  earth,  to  the  exclu 
sion  of  factories,  mills,  and  other  evidences  of  civilization, 
may  be  wholly  discarded.  I  will  thus  make  living-space 
on  earth  for  millions  of  people,  now  excluded  by  these 
plants  and  animals.  I  will  relieve  untold  misery  and 
penury  among  the  laboring  poor,  by  giving  them  new 
garments  for  their  old,  for  a  slight  compensation.  I  will 
exterminate  the  heartless  monopolies  of  clothiers,  who 
crush  the  very  life  from  the  wretched  seamstresses  whom 
they  employ. 

"And,  in  doing  all  these  things,  I  shall  accomplish 
marvels  for  myself.  I  shall  put  profit  into  my  pocket. 
It  will  be  one  of  the  greatest  speculations  of  history. 
There  is  money  in  it.  In  short,  it  will  pay." 

Thus  much  he  devised  within  his  thrifty  mind ;  but 
how  to  bring  his  great  project  into  execution  was  a  puzzle. 
He  set  himself  to  devise  some  invention.  How  could  old 
clothes  be  renovated  ?  How  could  the  threadbare  places 
be  thickened,  and  the  holes  in  the  elbows  bridged  over  ? 
How  could  the  color  be  restored?  And  then,  too,  it 
would  not  answer,  in  every  case,  to  restore  the  original 
color,  because  the  owner  would  weary  of  wearing  the  same 
always.  Besides  that,  the  fashions  were  continually  shift 
ing,  and,  if  his  invention  was  to  be  of  any  avail,  it  must 
be  capable  of  taking  the  discarded  garment  the  moment 
the  fashion  changed,  and  making  it  entirely  over. 

But  at  last  he  contrived  an  invention  of  marvelous  in 
genuity.  He  constructed  a  curious  and  intricate  machine, 
into  which  old  clothes  could  be  fed,  with  water,  and 
ground  into  pulp,  then  spread  out  thin  in  beautiful  cloth, 
better  than  it  was  before,  from  which,  by  means  of  other 
wonderful  machinery,  the  garment  could  be  entirely  re 
constructed.  And,  most  wonderful  of  all,  he  discovered 
that  the  oftener  a  garment  was  ground  over  the  better  it 


44  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

became.  At  first  he  was  alarmed  at  this  discovery,  as  it 
promised  eventually  to  bring  the  garments  to  such  a  pitch 
of  excellence  that  they  would  never  wear  out,  and  thus  his 
occupation  would  be  gone  forever.  But  the  goddess 
Fashion  quickly  came  to  his  relief,  and  whispered  to  St. 
Shoddy  that,  so  long  as  she  held  supreme  dominion  over 
mankind,  he  should  never  lack  employment  for  his  in 
vention. 

Then,  to  establish  himself  and  his  descendants  in  the 
control  of  this  invention  for  all  future  time,  he  procured 
from  this  goddess  a  writing  called  a  patent,  which  secured 
to  him  the  exclusive  right  throughout  the  world  to  grind 
up  old  clothes.  Not  only  were  all  the  remainder  of 
mankind  strictly  forbidden  to  grind  up  an  old  coat,  but 
they  were  not  even  permitted  to  mend  it.  So  powerfully 
did  the  goddess  Fashion  contribute  to  the  subsequent 
apotheosis  of  St.  Shoddy. 

Need  the  sequel  be  chronicled?  Need  it  be  related 
how  St.  Shoddy  received  immense  contracts  from  his 
government,  during  a  war  which  then  unhappily  raged  ? 
How  he  furnished  a  mighty  army  with  fine  new  garments? 
How,  when  their  old  clothes  could  not  be  gathered  up 
amid  the  whizzing  bullets,  he  even,  in  his  ardent  patriot 
ism,  ground  up  hair,  ropes,  old  paper,  and  skins,  and 
made  them  into  clothes,  that  he  might  fulfill  his  contract? 
How  the  gallant  lads  loved  him,  rejoiced,  and  were  proud 
in  their  radiant  new  garments  ?  How  thus  the  army  was 
saved,  and  enabled  to  inflict  on  the  enemy  a  bloody  de 
feat,  because  when  their  old  clothes  were  worn  out  they 
had  no  St.  Shoddy  to  grind  them  over  ?  How  he  became 
enormously  wealthy,  such  as  man  never  was  before  in  all 
this  goodly  land  ? 

St.  Shoddy  waxed  very  great,  and  the  fame  of  him  was 
enlarged  exceedingly.  He  caused  a  grand  house  to  be 


ST.  SHODDY.  45 

constructed  of  pressed  stone,  and  plastered  to  look  like 
marble,  and  the  pillars  of  it  were  of  hollow  iron,  also 
marbled.  The  rooms  thereof  were  paneled  with  pine, 
and  grained  like  laurel,  and  all  manner  of  precious  woods 
of  Brazil ;  and  his  furniture  was  veneered  like  mahogany 
and  rosewood. 

He  also  caused  a  library  to  be  built,  and  he  gave  out  a 
contract  for  the  purchase  and  manufacture  of  many  thou 
sands  of  books— one  thousand  to  be  six  inches  long,  for 
the  upper  shelf;  one  thousand  seven  inches  long,  etc.; 
and  all  to  be  beautifully  gilded  or  marbled.  He  also  in 
structed  his  librarian  to  cause  a  large  number  of  letters  to 
be  written,  in  different  handwritings,  and  signed  with  the 
names  of  philosophers,  statesmen,  literary  men,  and  the 
like,  that  his  visitors  might  wonder  at  the  greatness  of  his 
correspondence.  But  the  letters  from  the  greatest  men 
St.  Shoddy  wrote  best  himself,  because,  as  he  remarked  to 
his  librarian,  he  had  never  learned  to  write. 

St.  Shoddy  also  took  unto  himself  a  wife,  a  woman  who 
was  fleshy  and  red-faced,  and  had  on  her  fingers  many 
flashing  diamonds  very  ingeniously  made  of  clarified  paste 
(for  St.  Shoddy  sought  to  encourage  ingenuity  in  all  men), 
and  she  rode  in  a  splendid  chariot,  with  mulberry  panels, 
bearing,  as  a  heraldic  device,  the  representation  of  St. 
Shoddy  himself  benevolently  offering  a  poor  mechanic  a 
coat  of  his  ground  cloth  in  place  of  one  made  in  the 
ancient  manner.  She  also  patronized  learning  greatly, 
and  even  permitted  a  poor  schoolmaster  to  live  in  her 
elegant  mansion,  and  encouraged  him  by  her  daily  pres 
ence.  She  went  much  further  in  her  benevolence,  and 
employed  a  poor  girl,  paying  her  a  considerable  stipend, 
to  serve  as  her  amanuensis. 

And  now,  alas  !  it  remains  only  to  chronicle  the  mel 
ancholy  and  tragical  death  which  caused  St.  Shoddy  to 


46  MUSKINGUM  LEGENDS. 

be  canonized.  The  architect  whom  he  employed  to  con 
struct  his  mansion  was  imbued  with  his  own  great  prin 
ciples  of  enterprise  and  rotation,  and,  in  the  erection  of  a 
house,  he  observed  the  same  general  plan  followed  by  his 
illustrious  employer  in  the  fashioning  of  garments.  In 
short,  he  reasoned  that  the  oftener  a  house  was  con 
structed  the  better  it  became.  He  therefore  very  in 
geniously  built  this  mansion  of  pressed  stone  and  plaster 
without  iron  girders,  in  such  a  manner  that,  when  the 
rain  descended  upon  it  in  great  quantities,  the  pressed 
stone  dissolved,  and  the  house  fell  in  with  a  mighty  crash. 
But  he  had  neglected  to  inform  his  employer  of  the  great 
principle  which  he  had  discovered,  and  he  was  crushed 
beneath  the  ruins.  And  for  his  epitaph  there  were  written 
these  words:  "Thou  hast  no  speculation  in  those  eyes." 
So  it  came  about,  from  the  memorable  and  melancholy 
manner  of  St.  Shoddy's  death,  that  there  arose  a  super 
stitious  tradition  in  that  country,  which  was,  that  it  was 
dangerous  for  one  person  to  possess  over  seven  tenement- 
houses,  for  that  one  of  them  was  certain  to  fall  upon  him 
and  destroy  him. 


PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 


THE  MISSING  LINK  RESTORED. 

A    STORY    FOR    BOYS. 

'Mid  pleasures  and  palaces  though  we  may  roam, 
Be  it  ever  so  humble,  there's  no  place  like  home. 

HOME,  SWEET  HOME. 

ONCE  upon  a  time,  a  number  of  years  ago,  there 
lived  in  the  Oldenburg  hamlet  of  Donnersheim  a 
sturdy  peasant,  named  Christian  Thurngauer,  with  his  wife 
Katharine,  and  their  only  and  hopeful  son,  Hans.  They 
dwelt  in  one  of  those  little  old,  quaint  houses  one  may 
see  so  many  of  in  North  Germany,  with  a  frame  of  wood, 
and  all  the  space  between  filled  in  with  brick,  then  the 
whole  plastered  thickly  over,  inside  and  out,  with  coarse 
mortar,  and  sicklied  all  over  with  a  greenish-yellow  wash. 
The  walls  bowed  this  way  and  that,  like  jolly  old  burghers 
at  their  beer,  albeit  they  were  so  thick  that  the  small  square 
windows  with  their  four  panes  looked  more  like  holes 
punched  through  for  the  extrusion  of  cannon,  in  case  the 
hamlet  needed  defense. 

All  along  the  street  these  mud-walls  were  ranged  in 
order,  with  the  gables  sharpened  steeply  up,  and  little 
pigeon-holes,  and  holes  of  windows  for  the  drowsy  cats; 
each  house  leaning  to  or  from  the  street  in  a  manner 
entirely  peculiar  to  itself;  and  all  strung  along  together 

(47) 


48  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

in  such  a  funny  kind  of  way  that  the  street  was  as  crooked 
as  the  limb  of  a  crab-apple  tree. 

Christian  Thurngauer  owned  a  little  plot  of  land  out 
side  of  the  village,  which  was  large  enough  to  produce  all 
the  cabbages  he  needed  for  sauer-kraut,  and  more  than 
that,  had  a  pond  where  the  geese  could  flounce  and  pud 
dle  at  will,  and  then  pick  grass  around  the  edges  on  little 
scraps  of  shores.  Every  day  Hans  had  to  let  the  geese 
out  of  the  pen  in  the  morning,  and  watch  them  while  they 
picked,  and  bring  them  back  at  night.  One  day,  in  March, 
when  there  was  a  cold,  nasty  wind,  which  made  his  face 
and  hands  look  as  blue  as  skimmed  milk,  he  had  been  out 
all  day,  and  having  had  no  dinner  but  a  piece  of  bread 
without  beer,  he  was  impatient  with  the  geese  as  they 
came  slowly  waddling  home,  and  flung  a  pebble  at  an  old 
gander,  which  broke  its  leg. 

Great  was  his  dismay  thereat,  for  he  knew  he  should 
not  escape  his  father's  wrath.  He  caught  the  gander,  and 
tried  to  carry  it,  but  it  made  such  a  squalling  and  flapping 
that  he  was  obliged  to  let  it  go.  It  dragged  itself  along 
to  the  pen,  and  then  set  up  such  a  screeching  that  his 
father  came  to  see  what  was  the  matter. 

"  How  did  this  happen,  Hans?" 

«I — I He  kept  a  peckin'  the  other  geese,  and 

wouldn't  go  along." 

"Ah,  Sacrament !  I  see  how  it  is."  And  with  that  he 
fetched  him  a  smack  on  the  face  with  his  hard,  broad 
hand,  which  sent  him  spinning  away  over  the  bank,  and 
down  into  the  ditch,  where  he  fell  top  downward,  and 
jabbed  his  head  into  the  mud  so  deep  that  it  was  only 
after  a  considerable  flouncing  about  that  he  pulled  it 
loose. 

Hans's  Teutonic  blood  was  up  now.  Before,  he  had 
felt  sorry,  and  pitied  the  old  gander;  but  now  he  cried 


THE  MISSING  LINK  RESTORED. 


49 


for  very  rage.  His  mother  came  to  him,  and  tried  to 
soothe  him.  She  was  a  patient,  kindly,  daft  little  body, 
with  a  pale,  thin  face,  and  soft,  Saxon  blue  eyes,  around 
which  many  sorrows  and  the  boisterous  temper  of  her 
husband  had  imprinted  deep  lines  of  grief.  She  loved 
Hans,  as  her  only  remaining  child,  with  all  the  intensity 
of  which  her  nature  was  capable;  and  many  a  time 
shielded  him  with  her  own  person  from  the  choleric 
bursts  of  passion  to  which  his  father  so  often  gave  way. 

Now,  she  soothed  and  caressed  him  with  more  than 
her  wonted  tenderness,  washed  his  face,  and  kissed  away 
his  tears,  in  a  vain  attempt  to  check  their  flow.  Hans 
was  inconsolable.  His  soul  was  full  of  rebellion.  They 
went  into  the  room,  and  sat  down  around  their  little  sup 
per.  There  was  a  great  platter  of  boiled  potatoes,  with  a 
cellar  of  salt  beside  it,  into  which  each  dipped  his  potato, 
and  a  pan  of  bonny-clabber.  That  was  all. 

Hans  tried  to  eat,  but  he  could  not.  Now  and  then  a 
tear  would  trickle  out  and  run  all  the  way  down  along  his 
nose;  and  he  kept  heaving  long  sobs,  and  the  potato 
would  not  go  down. 

So,  after  the  meal  was  finished  in  silence,  Hans  crept 
away  to  bed,  but  not  to  sleep.  He  kept  turning  over  and 
over,  and  muttering  to  himself  as  nearly  aloud  as  he  dared, 
for  he  did  not  quite  venture  to  speak  out  even  to  himself 
the  naughty  things  he  was  thinking  about.  He  was  plan 
ning  to  run  away,  and  was  determined  to  go  to  America ; 
but  he  would  have  to  slip  out  through  the  back  door,  and 
he  could  not  for  his  life  think  how  he  could  get  through 
the  goose-pen  without  stirring  up  the  geese  and  making  a 
great  uproar.  He  thought  the  matter  all  over  a  great  many 
times,  and  finally  he  remembered  a  hole  in  the  wall,  about 
as  high  up  as  his  head,  where  he  could  crawl  out  without 
getting  among  the  geese.  So  he  got  up  carefully,  after  all 

5 


50  PAPERS  FROM  GERMAN*. 

the  house  was  still,  dressed  himself,  and  crept  slyly  out, 
and  crawled  through  the  hole  and  got  safely  into  the 
road. 

The  moon  was  shining  brightly  overhead — as  brightly 
as  it  ever  does  in  blue  old  Germany — and  Hans,  in  order 
not  to  make  tracks  in  the  road,  walked  along  on  the  grass 
under  the  great  spindling  poplars.  He  did  not  know 
where  America  was,  but  he  had  heard  old  Herr  Hund- 
bacher,  in  the  village,  talk  about  it  often  enough,  and  he 
knew  people  had  to  go  to  Bremen  to  get  there,  and  he 
knew  the  road  to  Bremen  very  well. 

All  night  long  he  walked  as  fast  as  he  could,  and  never 
thought  once  of  his  mother,  nor  of  anybody  else  behind 
him.  Before  morning  he  got  pretty  hungry,  and  a  little 
after  daybreak  he  stopped  at  a  house  where  they  gave  him 
some  crusts  of  black  bread.  He  was  very  tired,  and  sat 
down  by  the  roadside  to  nibble  them,  and  then  he  thought 
about  his  mother's  bread,  and  he  could  not  help  thinking 
that  if  he  were  at  home  she  would  not  give  him  hard 
crusts  to  eat ;  and  while  he  thought  about  her  he  cried  a 
little,  but  then  there  came  back  to  him  the  broken-legged 
gander  and  the  ditch,  and  they  made  him  feel  spunky 
again. 

Presently  he  overtook  an  old  peasant,  with  his  long 
sheepskin  coat  and  staff,  trudging  along  in  the  middle 
of  the  road,  shuffling  his  wooden  shoes  along,  and  making 
a  prodigious  dust.  Hans  began  to  talk  with  him. 

"  Mem  Herr,  is  it  very  far  to  America?" 

"  Oh,  little  one,  Sacrament !  America  !  That's  more 
than  a  hundred  miles  from  here  !" 

"  But  when  I  get  to  Bremen  I'll  be  pretty  near  there, 
won't  I?" 

"Tut,  little  one!  Bremen  isn't  more  than  half  way 
there.  They  have  to  cross  the  big  water  first,  where 


THE  MISSING  LINK  RESTORED.  ^ 

there's  great  wall-fishes,  with  holes  in  their  heads  on 
top." 

"Is  them  wall-fishes  very  big?"  asked  Hans,  somewhat 
alarmed,  "and  will  they  catch  anybody?" 

"Yes,  they're  long  as  that  house  yonder.  But  what 
are  you  doing;  going  to  America?  I'm  afraid  you're 
running  away,  little  one?" 

This  question  confused  Hans  not  a  little ;  but  he  was  too 
honest  to  lie,  so  he  muttered  and  mumbled  something,  but 
the  old  peasant's  understanding  was  so  obtuse  that  he  paid 
little  attention.  More  than  that,  even  if  he  had,  he  would 
have  been  only  too  glad  to  be  young  himself,  and  on  the 
way  to  America.  Presently  Hans  mustered  courage  to 
commence  again. 

"  They  telled  me  in  our  village  that  in  America  the 
clouds  is  barrels,  and  it  rains  beer  sometimes,  so  people 
only  has  to  set  kegs  under  the  spouts." 

"  Potztausend !  little  one,  don't  you  believe  none  of 
them  foolish  stories.  But  I'll  tell  you  true  stories  about 
America.  There's  men  there  that  gives  men  money  just 
as  soon  as  they  comes  ashore,  and  shakes  their  hands,  and 
gives  'em  plenty  of  beer,  and  takes  'em  to  nice  houses, 
and  takes  their  old  German  money,  and  gives  'em  Amer 
ican  money,  lots  of  it,  more  than  five  times  as  much  as 
they  had  before,  and  all  new  money,  too.  They  are  so 
glad  to  see  'em  come." 

"  Well,  I  hope  they'll  give  me  some  money,"  said  Hans, 
with  childish  honesty,  "  'cause  I  ain't  got  much." 

"And  then,  when  Germans  has  been  there  two  or  three 
months,  they  takes  'em  again,  and  gives  'em  more  money 
for  nothing  at  all ;  but  all  they  has  to  do  is  to  take  some 
papers,  and  some  little  pieces  of  papers,  and  go  and  put 
it  all  in  boxes.  They  treats  'em  like  brothers,  and  shakes 
their  hands  every  time  they  meets  *em." 


52  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

"But  what's  all  them  papers  and  boxes  for?"  asked 
Hans. 

"Oh,  they're  just  to  get  beer  with.  If  they  gets 
enough  papers  into  the  boxes,  the  men  that  gets  the  most 
buys  beer  again." 

And  so  they  talked  and  walked  together,  Hans  and  the 
peasant,  till  noon,  when  they  sat  down  on  a  grassy  bank, 
and  the  peasant  gave  Hans  some  bread  and  sausages  out 
of  his  handkerchief,  and  they  ate  together  and  drank 
some  beer  from  a  flask. 

Hans  had  to  sit  down  and  rest  many  times  that  after 
noon,  and  it  was  not  till  about  sunset  that  he  reached 
Bremen.  He  knew  nothing  whatever  of  the  big  city,  so 
he  went  wandering  about  the  thronged  streets,  among  the 
crowds  of  people  so  strangely  and  brilliantly  dressed,  his 
great  eyes  rolling  about  in  his  round,  pudding-sack  face, 
like  those  you  may  see  in  a  little  Dutch  clock  in  a  jew 
eler's  window.  By  a  most  fortunate  chance  he  fell  in 
with  a  Bavarian,  with  a  great  red  face  and  yellow  beard, 
who  was  going  to  America  on  the  next  vessel,  and  agreed 
to  take  him  along  if  he  would  live  with  him  in  New  York 
and  learn  to  brew  beer.  Hans  readily  agreed  to  this,  and 
in  a  few  days  they  went  down  to  Geestemiinde,  and  went 
on  board. 

It  was  a  sailing  vessel  that  they  embarked  upon,  and 
they  had  a  great  deal  of  tempestuous  weather  on  the  voy 
age.  Ah  !  how  sick  was  poor  Hans  !  He  would  sit  by 
the  taffrail  hour  after  hour  and  gaze  down  upon  the  sea, 
which  looked  just  as  the  soapsuds  used  to  in  his  mother's 
washtub ;  and  then  he  would  keck,  and  retch,  and  strain 
until  he  thought  he  would  turn  wrong  side  out. 

When  the  ship  would  go  up,  his  head  would  feel  as 
heavy  as  if  there  were  a  big  gander  on  top  of  it ;  and 
then  it  would  go  down,  down,  down,  so  far  and  so  fast 


THE  MISSING  LINK  RESTORED.  53 

that  it  seemed  as  if  his  stomach  had  slipped  right  up  into 
his  mouth,  and  as  if  his  hair  were  coming  loose  and  flying 
up  into  the  air,  while  all  around  him  it  would  look  yellow 
and  ghastly,  and  he  would  feel  so  desperately  sick  that  he 
could  scarcely  keep  hold  of  the  ship's  rail.  Ten  thousand 
times  when  he  sat  crying,  and  felt  that  he  would  almost 
as  lief  fall  into  the  water  as  not,  he  wished  he  was  back 
again  minding  the  geese  at  home. 

The  fare  on  board  the  ship  was  very  wretched.  In  the 
morning  and  at  evening  it  was  nothing  but  miserable  watery 
soup  and  mouldy  bread,  and  at  noon  they  would  get  some 
greasy,  rancid  meat  and  beans,  or  perhaps  some  spoiled 
and  stinking  fish,  that  made  Hans  sicker  than  the  ship  did 
in  rolling. 

Many  grew  sick  and  died ;  his  friend,  the  Bavarian, 
was  sick  and  thought  he  should  die ;  the  storms  were  ter 
rible.  Nearly  every  day  Hans  saw  them  tie  up  some 
emigrant  in  a  sort  of  sack,  with  a  heavy  piece  of  coal  at 
his  feet,  and  slide  him  over  the  rail  into  the  dark  cold 
ocean.  He  was  afraid  to  look  over  to  see  what  became 
of  them,  and  he  soon  became  afraid  to  sit  by  the  edge  of 
the  ship  at  all  and  look  down  upon  the  water.  He  was 
so  weak  he  could  no  longer  walk  about  the  deck,  but  he 
would  crawl  out  for  an  hour  or  two  to  look  at  the  beauti 
ful  sun  once  more,  when  it  shone  out  dimly  through  the 
clouds,  and  wonder  whether  his  mother  were  thinking 
of  him,  and  whether  the  same  sun  he  saw  stood  over  his 
dear  old  home.  Then  he  would  weep  bitter  tears,  and 
wish  he,  too,  might  die,  though  he  did  not  want  to  be 
thrown  down  into  that  cold  black  sea. 

Then  he  would  crawl  back  into  his  black  and  filthy 
room,  and  one  of  the  emigrants  would  lift  him  up  into 
his  berth.  There  he  lay  without  any  covering,  and  all 
night  he  would  have  to  keep  hold  of  the  edge  of  the  berth 

r* 


54  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

with  both  hands  lest  he  should  fall  out.  The  ship  plunged 
about  so  that  he  would  sometimes  almost  stand  on  his 
feet ;  and  then  he  would  go  back  the  other  way  and  butt 
his  head  against  the  wall  so  hard  he  thought  he  should 
break  a  hole  through  after  awhile,  and  fall  out  into  the 
brine. 

Poor  Hans !  Did  he  not  wish  ten  thousand  times  he 
had  stayed  at  home,  and  minded  his  father?  By  the  time 
he  got  to  New  York  his  plump  round  face  was  all  pinched 
together,  and  he  had  to  be  carried  ashore.  They  carried 
him  through  the  streets  of  the  great  swarming  city,  and 
laid  him  in  a  bed  in  a  quiet  room,  where,  after  many 
weeks,  he  got  well. 

We  will  here  skip  over  a  long  interval  in  the  life  of 
Hans.  Suffice  it  to  say,  that  after  he  recovered  he  became 
an  apprentice  to  his  friend,  the  Bavarian,  with  the  great 
red  face  and  yellow  beard ;  stayed  with  him  till  he  was 
of  age ;  then  went  out  to  San  Francisco,  dug  gold,  be 
came  wealthy,  and  finally  took  unto  himself  a  frau. 

But  all  the  while  he  kept  thinking  of  his  father  and 
mother,  and  wondering  what  his  mother  would  do,  and 
after  he  had  quietly  settled  down  to  business  in  San  Fran 
cisco  he  determined  to  write  home.  He  wrote,  and  in 
due  time  received  a  letter  from  his  father,  in  which  he 
told  him  that  his  mother  had  died  many  years  ago,  soon 
after  he  ran  away,  for  grief  at  his  loss.  He  had  supposed 
Hans  was  dead,  but  had  long  ago  forgiven  him,  and  he 
begged  him  to  come  home  and  visit  him  without  delay, 
"For,"  said  he,  "I  might  be  sleeping  under  the  grass 
before  you  come,  and  so  die  without  beholding  your 
face." 

Hans  wept  when  he  read  this  letter,  and  he  determined 
to  go  at  once  to  his  father  before  he  died.  He  went  to 


THE   MISSING  LINK  RESTORED.  55 

New  York,  sent  a  telegram  home,  telling  his  father  by 
what  steamer  he  should  sail,  and  went  aboard. 

He  was  now  a  fine  and  manly  figure ;  his  yellow  hair 
had  darkened  into  a  beautiful  auburn  ;  his  face  had  lost 
something  of  its  expressionless  and  boyish  fatness,  but 
was  clear  and  fresh  with  the  ruddy  flush  of  health.  His 
huge  brown  beard  had  changed  him  so  that  nobody  who 
saw  the  yellow:haired,  white-faced  boy  carried  through 
the  streets  of  New  York  would  once  have  thought  that  this 
was  the  same. 

"I  wonder,"  said  he  to  his  wife,  as  they  sat  on  deck 
one  morning,  "I  wonder  if  my  father  will  know  me?" 

"Oh,  I  suppose  so.     Why  not?" 

"Because  I  am  not  Hans  any  longer;  nor  am  I  a 
German  even,  but  an  American." 

"But  your  father  has  grown  old,  too;  and  don't- you 
suppose  his  recollection  of  you  has  grown  old  as  fast  as 
he  has?" 

"  No ;  when  he  last  saw  me  I  was  a  mere  sprig  of  a 
boy,  with  a  round  whey-face  and  yellow  hair.  Every 
time  that  he  has  thought  of  me  since,  even  if  it  was 
twenty  years  afterward,  he  thought  of  that  same  boy  with 
the  yellow  hair." 

"  But  then  he  will  remember  how  he  himself  looked  at 
your  age." 

"  He  might,  perhaps,  if  he  had  before  him  an  exact 
picture  of  himself  at  thirty." 

"Has  he  one?" 

"  He  has  none  at  all.  Nobody  can  have  the  least  recol 
lection  how  he  looked  when  he  was  a  boy  or  a  young  man, 
unless  he  has  a  picture  which  was  taken  then.  If  one 
should  look  in  the  mirror  twenty  times  a  day  all  his  life, 
he  would  only  remember  how  he  looked  the  last  time." 

"Well,  we  shall  soon  see." 


56  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

"At  any  rate,  I  believe  my  mother  would  know  me; 
but,  alas  !  she  is  dead,  and  it  was  I  that  killed  her  by  my 
ingratitude." 

Here  Hans  turned  away  to  conceal  his  emotion. 

It  was  a  wonderful  thing  for  old  Christian  Thurngauer 
to  receive  a  telegram  from  his  son  in  far-off  New  York, 
which  seemed  to  him  on  the  other  side  of  the  world.  He 
believed  it  was  all  a  trick  and  a  jest  they  were  making 
upon  him.  "He  will  sail  to-morrow  in  the  steamer 
Quadratic,  and  here  it  is  to-day  yet !  Tut,  tut,  all  non 
sense  !  People  in  these  days  has  run  clean  mad  with  their 
jimcracks,  and  lost  their  senses.  'Twan't  so  in  my  young 
days.  They  didn't  have  no  such  fool  doins  in  them  days. 
Sail  to-morrow,  and  here  'tain't  night  yet !  Tut !  such 
foolishness!" 

So  the  old  man  talked  on,  and  it  was  not  till  the  burgo 
master  of  the  village  came  down  and  explained  the  whole 
matter  to  him  for  an  hour  or  two,  and  gave  him  some 
money  to  go  down  to  Bremen,  that  he  would  believe  any 
thing.  Even  then  he  would  not  believe  their  stories ;  but 
he  said  "he  would  go  down  to  Bremen  anyhow,  for  he'd 
never  been  there  once  in  his  life,  just  to  see  what  foolish 
ness  men  could  do  in  these  days." 

After  a  long  but  pleasant  passage  in  the  month  of  June, 
the  good  ship  Quadratic  hove  anchor  in  the  harbor  of 
Portsmouth,  England,  and  sent  ashore  some  mails  and 
passengers.  Next  morning  she  continued  on  her  way 
through  the  German  Ocean. 

It  was  now,  the  captain  said,  the  last  day  of  the  voyage, 
and  everybody  was  out  on  deck  to  watch  the  coming  land 
and  take  the  pleasant  sunshine.  Pale,  limp  ladies,  who 
had  suffered  unceasingly  during  the  voyage,  were  gently 


THE  MISSING  LINK  RESTORED.  57 

helped  on  deck,  and  sat  in  shady  corners,  fanned  and 
refreshed  by  the  cool  salt  breeze.  The  fidgety  old  gen 
tleman  brought  up  his  little  packages,  and  canes  and  coats, 
and  set  them  down  a  minute,  then  straightway  moved 
them  somewhere  else,  and  so  kept  fussing  about,  and 
moving  them  fifty  times  an  hour.  Little  knots  of  pas 
sengers  gathered  over  the  forecastle,  and  all  along  the 
ship's  rail,  and  pointed  out  to  each  other  each  fresh  object 
with  all  the  feverish  delight  of  children. 

The  very  wheels  seemed  to  partake  the  general  anima 
tion,  and,  eager  to  rest  once  more,  lashed  the  yielding 
waves  into  two  long  streaks  of  snowy  foam;  while  the 
graceful  old  Quadratic,  with  great  politeness  in  her  man 
ners,  went — 

"  Bending  and  bowing  o'er  the  billowy  swells," 

waving  her  "silent  welcome"  to  the  shore;  and  the 
great  white  sails  above  now  bellied  slowly  out  with  a 
sounding  flap  in  the  breeze,  as  she  careened,  then  slack 
ened  down  all  flaccid  and  lazy,  as  she  righted. 

Hans  and  his  wife,  with  their  little  Carl,  sat  alone  on 
the  quarter-deck  while  he  pointed  out  to  her,  one  after 
another,  the  objects  which  he  still  remembered.  They 
sailed  among  myriads  of  small  white  fishing-smacks,  which 
rocked  and  teetered  on  the  waves  so  much  like  toys  that 
Carl  was  delighted,  and  clapped  his  hands  in  childish  glee. 

At  last  the  long  white  line  of  the  surf  lifted  itself  slowly 
out  of  the  blue,  far,  far  off;  and  in  an  hour  more  they 
began  to  plow  the  muddy  waters  which  flowed  out  of 
the  river  Weser.  Then  the  long  flat  coast  spread  out  in 
finitely  before  them,  and  on  it  the  quaint  old  boxes  of 
houses,  huddled  together  in  villages,  and  the  ponderous 
windmills  swinging  around  their  four  long  arms  in  a  sort 
of  boozy  way,  as  if  they  had  taken  too  much  schnapps. 


58  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

As  all  these  familiar  objects  drew  nearer,  Hans  became 
sad  and  silent,  and  left  his  wife  and  Carl,  that  he  might 
pace  the  deck  alone.  He  could  not  forget  that  he  should 
see  his  mother  no  more  on  earth,  and  that  it  was  his  base 
ingratitude  which  had  brought  down  that  dear,  sad  face 
so  early  to  the  grave.  As  the  hour  drew  near  when  he 
should  stand  in  the  presence  of  his  once  stern  father,  his 
heart  was  filled  with  the  most  melancholy  recollections, 
and  with  an  indefinable  dread,  lest  he  had  not  been  fully 
forgiven ;  and,  strong  man  though  he  was,  as  he  drew 
nearer  to  that  beloved  yet  dreaded  face,  he  felt  as  if  he 
had  gone  back  through  all  the  years  of  his  wanderings, 
and  stood  again  before  him  with  the  awe  of  a  little  child. 

At  last  the  deep-voiced  cannon  boomed  from  the  fore 
castle  its  salutation  far  and  wide  over  the  level  land,  but 
there  came  back  no  echoing  response.  As  the  smoke 
lifted  above  the  bowsprit  there  came  up  the  long,  rumbling 
clank  of  the  great  chain  as  the  anchor  shot  swiftly  down 
to  its  miry  rest ;  and  to  Hans  the  sound  was  like  the  rat 
tling  of  the  clods  upon  his  mother's  coffin,  burying  that 
pale,  sad  face  he  should  see  no  more  forever.  The  vessel 
stood  still  at  last,  and  rested  from  her  long  tossing,  and  to 
him  the  strange  and  unwonted  cessation  of  noise  was  like 
the  silence  of  his  mother's  grave.  The  little  tender  came 
out  swiftly  from  the  shore,  dancing  and  bobbing  over  the 
waves,  rounded  to,  and  quickly  came  alongside  the  mighty 
hulk,  like  a  little,  affectionate  child  eager  to  greet  its 
mother. 

Even  before  the  tender  was  made  fast,  the  yearning 
eyes  of  Hans  discerned  his  father  amid  her  passengers, 
leaning  upon  his  staff — the  same  old  staff  as  of  yore — and 
gazing,  with  a  bewildered  look,  upon  the  huge  monster. 

Feebly  the  old  man  climbed  up  the  stairs,  supported  by 
a  friendly  hand,  for  Hans  could  not  trust  himself  to  go 


THE  MISSING  LINK  RESTORED.  59 

down.  He  stepped  upon  the  deck  and  gazed  about  him, 
seeking  the  face  of  his  long-lost  wanderer.  But  in  all 
that  throng  his  dim  eyes  rested  on  no  familiar  form.  All 
the  passengers  knew  the  history,  and  they  stood  in  re 
spectful  silence.  The  son  stood  near,  in  an  agony  of 
suspense,  but  not  daring  to  approach. 

But  at  length  he  stepped  forward,  and  reached  him  his 
trembling  hand.  Mechanically,  the  old  man  took  it,  and 
looked  in  his  face  with  his  dimmed  and  milky  eyes,  but 
gave  no  sign  of  recognition.  The  stricken  prodigal 
quivered  in  every  limb,  and  seemed  about  to  sink  to  the 
deck,  but  his  tongue  could  not  utter  a  word.  His  voice 
all  stuck  in  his  throat. 

"Ah!  my  father,  my  father,  speak  and  say  I  am  for 
given  !"  he  would  have  cried,  in  the  anguish  of  his  soul, 
but  his  tongue  refused  him  utterance. 

At  that  moment  little  Carl  came  running  to  him,  cry 
ing,  "Papa!  papa!"  clasped  him  about  the  knees,  and 
looked  up  in  innocent  wonder  into  the  grandfather's 
face. 

The  old  man  glanced  down  upon  the  child,  and  in  an 
instant  his  doubts  were  dispelled.  The  missing  link  was 
restored.  He  saw  at  his  feet  the  little  white-haired  boy  he 
had  coddled  thirty  years  before  upon  his  knees.  He  fell 
upon  his  son's  neck  in  a  passionate  embrace,  and  together 
they  mingled  their  glad  tears  and  their  sobs. 

Many  a  face  amid  that  throng  was  turned  aside  to  con 
ceal  a  moistening  eye. 


AWAKING    IN    THE    OLD    WORLD. 

Fair  scenes  shall  greet  thee  where  thou  goest — fair, 
But  different — everywhere  the  trace  of  men, 
Paths,  homes,  groves,  ruins,  from  the  lowest  glen 

To  where  life  shrinks  from  the  fierce  Alpine  air. 
Gaze  on  them,  till  the  tears  shall  dim  thy  sight, 
But  keep  that  earlier,  wilder  image  bright. 

BRYANT. 

HOW  we  got  to  Bremen  I  know  not,  for  it  was  mid 
night.  Neither  do  I  know  any  other  thing  what 
soever  save  that  I  awoke  in  the  morning,  lying,  or  rather 
half  sitting  up,  on  a  prodigious  bolster,  under  the  feather 
bed  instead  of  on  top  thereof.  The  bed  was  tucked  away 
in  a  most  dainty  little  niche,  curtained  off,  with  luxurious 
accommodations  for  sleeping,  but  the  most  contracted 
space  for  breathing.  And  the  counterpane  was  so  exqui 
sitely  smooth  and  silken  that  it  had  a  distressing  propen 
sity  to  slide  off  to  the  floor  during  my  slumbers.  And 
the  bed-tick  was  so  delightfully  pulpy  and  plump  with 
feathers  that  I  had  the  utmost  difficulty  in  inducing  it  to 
remain  perpendicularly  over  my  person,  as  much  as  if  it 
had  been  one  sack  of  flour  superimposed  upon  another. 

I  arose  very  early,  and  went  down  to  take  my  first 
observations  of  the  Old  World.  After  a  long  sea-voyage, 
with  what  a  dazed,  wandering,  and  uncertain  gaze  one 
treads  again  the  "strong  base  and  building"  of  mother 
earth  !  One's  head  feels  like  a  spent  pegtop,  swimming 
in  the  air.  In  the  first  movements  one  unconsciously 
braces  one's  legs,  as  if  to  resist  the  ship's  lurching,  and 
(60) 


AWAKING  IN  THE   OLD    WORLD.  6 1 

one  is  fain  to  clutch  at  the  ratlines,  as  if  the  deck  were 
about  to  come  up  again  into  one's  face. 

My  first  visit  was  to  the  market-place.  How  queer  it 
is  for  the  first  time  to  have  the  porches  of  one's  ears  filled 
with  the  unintelligible,  buzzing  hum  of  foreign  words, 
with  which  one  has  only  a  book  acquaintance  !  Why, 
these  people  stand  there,  with  their  graphic  and  changeful 
countenances,  and  gesturing  so  naturally  that  I  ought  to 
understand  them.  What  is  the  matter  ?  There  is  a  word 
I  understand.  There  is  another.  The  first  thing  one 
knows  one  smiles  at  himself  for  his  eagerness,  as  if  he  had 
caught  himself  smiling  and  nodding  to  a  person  whom  he 
thought  he  knew,  but  did  not.  He  runs  on  in  a  jack-o'- 
lantern  chase  after  these  words,  now  and  then  bobbing  up, 
that  he  understands,  and  thinks  he  is  about  to  catch  the 
whole  meaning,  but  "every  something,  being  blent  to 
gether,  turns  to  a  wild  of  nothing." 

How  immaculately  clean,  and  square,  and  regular,  and 
prinked-up  everything  is  about  the  streets  !  Every  square 
stone  in  the  flagging  is  just  as  large  as  every  other,  and 
looks  as  if  it  had  been  dusted  with  a  brush  of  peacock's 
feathers.  And  the  barouches  glide  over  them  so  tenderly, 
so  smoothly,  so  noiselessly  !  Every  house  is  precisely  as 
high  as  its  neighbor,  to  which  it  is  joined,  and  all  of 
them  alike  are  sicklied  over  with  that  creamy-yellow 
stucco.  It  is  wearisome  to  behold. 

And  then  you  never  see  anybody  in  the  streets,  as  in 
great,  roaring  New  York,  even  on  Broadway,  swinging 
his  arms  along,  with  his  sleeves  pulled  up  to  cool  his 
wrists.  Indeed,  nobody  wears  a  linen  coat  at  all.  And 
so  much  profound  bowing  and  doffing  of  shining  hats  ! 
These  two  soldiers,  in  their  bright  light-blue  uniforms, 
salute  each  other  with  as  much  punctilious  courtesy  as  if 
they  were  major-generals.  Stop  to  speak  to  this  laborer, 

6 


62  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

in  his  blue  linen  blouse,  and— presto  !  his  cap  is  in  his 
hands  and  he  stands  uncovered  till  you,  in  your  Ameri 
can  disgust,  bid  him  put  it  on  again. 

How  lightly  this  tenor-drum  is  tapped  as  the  soldiers 
move  along  to  guard-mounting !  And  the  very  locomo 
tive  pipes  in  a  thin,  delicate,  little  whistle,  as  if  it  feared 
to  scare  somebody. 

Except  these  gouty,  old  merchant  burghers,  with  their 
glistening  tiles,  everybody  seems  to  be  only  half  a  man.  The 
people  seem  to  be  scared,  as  if  they  were  afraid  of  doing 
something.  One  thinks  of  poor  little  Mr.  Chillip,  who 
would  slip  through  a  door  sideways  to  take  up  as  little 
room  as  possible.  A  wild  and  bloody  American  feels 
greatly  tempted  to  get  in  the  middle  of  the  street  and 
give  a  lusty  yell,  and  swing  his  hat,  so  that  he  can  hear  a 
good  hearty  noise  once  more. 

Ah  !  Bryant,  well  might  you  conjure  the  departing  Cole 
to  keep  that  "earlier,  wilder  image  bright."  Heaven  be 
thanked  that  we  have  that  image  ! 

But  to  me  one  of  the  most  amusing  and  yet  touching 
of  all  spectacles  was  that  of  the  thousands  of  collected 
emigrants,  waiting  for  a  passage  to  America.  Here  they 
all  were :  the  hard-featured  Brandenburger,  in  his  sheep 
skin  cloak ;  the  Saxon,  with  the  mild,  blue  eye  and  pud 
ding-sack  face ;  the  Bavarian  woman,  with  her  enormous 
bearskin  shako,  like  a  grenadier ;  the  jolly,  laughing 
Suabian,  in  his  knee-breeches  and  shad-bellied  waistcoat; 
the  pretty  Bernese  maiden  ;  the  Tyrolese  chamois-hunter, 
with  his  conical  hat  and  cock's  feather,  a  simple-hearted 
terra  filius,  gaping  in  a  loamy-faced  vacuousness  at  every 
thing.  But  the  thing  which  was  above  all  amusing 
was  to  see  how  the  leaven  of  the  far-off  liberty  was  work 
ing  already,  and  to  watch  their  uncouth  friskiness. 

All  at  once    you  shall  see  a  lumpish  fellow,  with  his 


AWAKING  IN  THE    OLD    WORLD.  63 

clouted  shoon,  jump  straight  up  a  foot  high,  like  a  hare 
when  the  hound  runs  underneath.  There  is  no  visi 
ble  incitement  whatever  to  this  sudden  and  gratuitous 
proceeding.  Then  he  will  shoot  out  his  hand,  and 
poke  his  fellow  in  the  ribs,  whereupon  they  will  both 
throw  up  their  heels  and  laugh  immoderately.  What 
has  so  suddenly  made  all  these  old,  spavined  plow- 
horses  into  merry-andrews  ?  Why,  they  are  going  to 
America. 

And  then  they  were  so  amusingly  and  so  unusually  pro 
fuse  with  their  snuff  and  tobacco  —  peasants  who,  for 
many  a  year,  perhaps,  after  a  hard  week's  toil  were  barely 
able  to  scrape  enough  together  for  Sunday  to  purchase  a 
very  small  schoppen  of  small  beer.  Whenever  I  went 
among  them  they  insisted  I  should  partake.  At  first  I 
took  a  pinch  and  sniffed  at  it,  but  it  was  so  very  strong 
that  I  sneezed  my  hat  off,  whereupon  the  simple  fellows 
were  like  to  fall  upon  the  ground  with  the  violence  of 
their  laughter.  Why  have  they  thus  suddenly  become  so 
shockingly  extravagant  with  their  snuff  and  their  schnapps? 
Oh,  they  are  going  to  America,  where  there  is  a  plenty 
and  to  spare.  And  have  they  not  collected  in  divers 
fragments  of  cloth  marvelous  store  of  little,  greasy, 
dingy  coins,  "hoarded  long  and  counted  oft;"  besides 
pillow-cases,  and  long  strings  of  sausages,  and  tin  cups, 
and  tobacco  and  snuff  of  mighty  potency  ? 

For  once,  and,  perhaps,  the  first  time  in  their  hard 
lives  of  poverty,  they  have  an  unbroken  holiday,  and 
many  of  the  more  sober  ones  wander  vacantly  about  the 
streets,  in  a  sad  perplexity  what  to  do  with  themselves. 
Others,  collected  under  the  spreading  lindens,  sought  to 
cheat  dull  care, — 

"  While  many  a  pastime  circled  in  the  shade, 
The  young  contending  as  the  old  surveyed." 


64  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

Untutored  freedmen  of  the  Old  World  !  They  scarce 
knew  yet  how  to  employ  their  new-found  faculties.  How 
touching  to  an  American  to  watch  these  uncouth  gambols 
of  these  newly  unyoked  oxen — so  uncouth  because  so  un 
accustomed  !  With  what  strange  and  unheard-of  antics 
may  we  not  imagine  the  children  of  Israel,  as  they  went 
out,  bent,  and  stiffened,  and  galled  with  their  hard  bond 
age  in  the  brickyards,  gave  vent  to  their  first  rejoicings ! 
Infinitely  more  precious  to  an  American  does  his  native 
land  become  when  he  beholds  how  it  is  yearned  for  by 
the  peoples  abroad.  Alas,  that  their  anticipations  are 
destined  to  encounter  so  many  rude  brunts,  and  the 
hopes  of  some  of  them  so  many  bitter  disappointments  ! 

Then  I  strolled  back  to  the  hotel,  and  when  I  arrived 
the  proprietor  sallied  forth  to  meet  me,  with  an  abundance 
of  ostentatious  civilities  and  kind  inquiries,  as  if  the  love 
of  me  were  greatly  shed  abroad  in  his  heart.  His  multi 
plied  blandishments  and  bowings  quite  overwhelmed  me, 
and  made  me  feel  ridiculous,  as  if  I  were  an  individual 
of  mighty  consequence.  But  to  a  meek-spirited  man,  who 
may  have  felt  somewhat  aggrieved  and  wounded  by  the 
"insolence  of  office"  of  the  regal  snobs  who  do  clerical 
duty  in  our  American  hotels,  this  is  worth  more  than  his 
passage-money  to  Europe,  for  he  feels  that  he  is  now  ap 
preciated  for  once  in  his  life.  Why,  this  landlord  is  a 
genius,  and  you  feel  that  he  understands  you. 

Entering  the  hotel,  I  found  I  was  going  in  the  same 
passage  used  by  the  horses.  They  are  driven  on  into  the 
hotel  court,  however,  while  the  guest  turns  aside,  just  be 
yond  the  porter's  lodge,  from  which  that  high  functionary 
is  always  peering  out  through  his  glass  walls,  ready  to 
issue  forth  on  the  instant,  and  extend  to  the  arriving 
guest  all  the  courtesies  and  assiduities  learned  from  his 
master. 


AWAKING   IN  THE    OLD    WORLD.  65 

I  passed  through  a  long  hall,  which  conducted  to  the 
cafe  or  breakfast-room.  In  an  instant,  before  I  was  even 
well  seated,  two  attendants  were  at  my  elbow,  arrayed  in 
fastidiously  elegant  suits  of  black,  with  immaculate  white 
neckcloths.  They  received  my  orders  with  a  profound 
obeisance,  and  the  remark  that  they  were  "beautiful" 
(schonri],  and  set  out  to  execute  them  with  the  most  com 
mendable  alacrity.  In  one  corner  of  the  room  there  was 
a  white  earthenware  stove,  towering  nearly  to  the  ceiling, 
and  polished  to  a  most  icy  and  forbidding  glitter.  The 
little  tables  were  profusely  littered  with  newspapers,  but 
how  lonesome  and  homesick  I  felt  for  a  moment  when  I 
found  on  all  of  them,  instead  of  the  familiar  faces  of  my 
inseparable  friends,  the  fat,  dowdy  hieroglyphics  of  the 
German  alphabet ! 

Under  the  conduct  of  my  German  friend,  I  went,  a 
little  later,  to  visit  the  old  cathedral,  being  then  under  the 
delusion  which  most  novices  in  European  travel  experi 
ence,  that  I  must  conscientiously  visit,  scrutinize,  and 
identify  each  and  several  of  the  stones,  bricks,  crucifixes, 
and  ancient  and  desiccated  mummies  in  every  city.  This 
also  is  a  delusion  to  which  the  guides  are  nowise  loth  to 
minister.  Although  afterward  I  should  have  rated  this 
cathedral  a  very  slender  spectacle,  and  even,  as  Byron 
says,  irreverently  and  contemptuously  held  my  nose  in 
gazing  upon  the  mummies,  I  am  bound  to  record  the 
powerful  impression  which  they  produced  upon  me  then. 

Designed  originally  as  a  simple  nave  and  intersecting 
transept,  it  has  expanded  through  seven  hundred  years, 
straggling  wide  around ;  adding  here  a  chapel,  a  sacristy, 
or  a  porch  ;  there  a  vestry,  or  a  mausoleum  for  a  warrior, 
bishop,  or  some  glorious  old  soldier  of  the  Lord ;  and 
shooting  up  into  airy  pinnacles,  and  blossoming  with 
gables  rich  in  colored  glass  or  stony  foliations.  Beneath, 

6* 


66  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

in  the  vast  and  gloomy  crypt,  our  lightest  footfall  echoed 
and  re-echoed  along  the  mouldy  alleys,  and  among  the 
shrunken  mummies,  which  grin  repulsively  out  upon  us 
from  their  linen  cerements.  Welcome,  indeed,  was  the 
voice  of  the  living  here,  even  though  it  was  only  the  inde 
scribably  drowsy  droning  of  the  wrinkled  beldam. 

Whether  we  move  along  the  majestic  aisles,  in  the  reli 
gious  and  mellow  dimness  of  their  tinted  light,  or  among 
the  gigantic  columns,  towering  far  up  and  reaching  each 
other  their  strong  arms  overhead  like  a  forest  monarch,  or 
pause  under  the  great  groined  arches  of  the  transept,  or 
penetrate  the  inmost  sacristies,  where  a  sacred  and  secret 
solitude  holds  undisturbed  dominion,  everywhere  we  are 
surrounded  by  a  concourse  of  silent  monitors, — patriarchs, 
prophets,  apostles,  martyrs, — who  all,  from  out  the  canvas 
seamed  and  dimmed  with  years,  look  down  upon  us  with 
the  same  unchangeably  sad,  earnest,  and  tranquil  mien. 

Ranged  below  them,  the  marble  effigies  of  those  who 
partook  their  triumphs  or  their  tribulations,  even  unto 
death,  kneel  meekly  with  upturned  eyes,  or  lie  recumbent 
along  their  stony  couches,  with  folded  hands,  in  that 
quaint,  and  straight,  and  stiffened,  and  yet  most  touching 
simplicity  which  only  the  childhood  of  sculpture  could 
have  fashioned.  No  studied  graces  of  posture ;  no  punc 
tilious  disposition  of  folded  drapery ;  no  dainty  curves,  or 
smiles,  or  dimples,  but  stark,  and  rigid,  and  meek  they 
sleep.  No  futile  effort  to  cheat  the  grim  destroyer  of  his 
terrors,  but  stiff,  and  still,  and  mute  they  bow  before  him. 

Whether  in  the  sculptured  monument,  or  enshrined  in 
storied  urn,  or  on  the  dimmed  and  somber  canvas,  or  within 
the  imposing  pomp  of  the  mausoleum,  or  beneath  the  dull, 
cold  pavement,  they  are  preachers  more  eloquent  than  the 
living.  These  you  may  mock  and  put  to  silence,  but, 
standing  before  those,  you  dare  not  mock.  The  living 


AWAKING  IN  THE    OLD    WORLD.  67 

die,  and  their  words  are  heard  no  more,  but  when  you 
toss  on  the  couch  of  death,  the  eyes  of  those  dumb  wit 
nesses  shall  still  turn  upon  you  their  sad,  earnest,  admoni 
tory  gaze. 

From  their  places  on  the  wall,  looking  out  through  their 
dull,  rayless  sockets,  they  have  watched  the  cycling  gen 
erations  of  the  living ;  they  have  seen  the  infant  carried  to 
the  baptismal  font ;  they  have  beheld  him,  in  the  full  pride 
and  strength  of  youth,  kneel  before  the  hymeneal  altar ; 
they  have  followed  him  as  he  doddered,  feeble  and  sight 
less,  before  them,  to  listen  a  last  time  to  the  voice  of 
sweet  music ;  they  have  seen  him  borne,  in  slow  and 
solemn  march,  to  his  rest.  Revolutions,  and  religions, 
and  kingdoms,  and  empires  have  arisen,  and  flourished, 
and  fallen  into  oblivion  ;  but  there  they  have  unremittingly 
maintained  their  silent  vigils.  The  watchman  on  the 
mediaeval  citadel  may  have  slumbered  on  his  sentry,  and 
neglected  to  warn  the  sleeping  garrison  of  the  incursion 
of  the  enemy;  but  these  sleepless  sentinels  on  the  out 
looks  of  time  have  failed  not  to  warn  the  careless  dwellers 
within  of  the  approach  of  the  King  of  Terrors,  and, 
through  "an  innumerable  series  of  years  and  the  flight 
of  times,"  have  ceased  not  to  utter  to  each  passing  pil 
grim  their  voiceless  admonition, — "So  shalt  thou  rest." 


RIDING   BY   RAIL. 

Rumpas  bellorum  lorum, 
Vim  confer  amorum 
Morum  verorum  rorum, 
Tu  plena  polorum  ! 

LONGFELLOW. 

AS  we  passed  out  from  the  hotel  in  Bremen  all  the 
waiters  in  the  establishment,  cut  and  long-tail,  were 
drawn  up  in  military  array.  In  their  immaculate  swallow- 
tailed  coats,  and  white  neckcloths,  ranging  from  biggest 
down  to  littlest,  who  looked  so  funny  in  his  clerical  attire, 
they  stood  with  their  hands  clapped  on  their  trousers 
seams,  bodies  as  rigidly  erect,  and  countenances  as  solemn 
and  austere,  as  an  "  awkward  squad"  in  the  terrific  pres 
ence  of  the  drill-sergeant. 

As  each  traveler  dropped  a  trifling  gratuity  in  the  ex 
tended  hand  of  each,  he  acknowledged  his  gratitude  with 
a  profound  and  silent  obeisance,  at  the  same  time  looking 
at  his  benefactor  with  one  eye  and  three-quarters  of  the 
other,  while  one  small  corner  squinted  down  at  the  money 
in  a  way  that  was  very  amusing.  Poor  machines  and 
sticks  that  they  are  !  it  offends  the  soul  of  a  wild  and  sav 
age  American  to  be  fussed  over  with  so  much  servility. 
And  then  there  was  the  last  and  supreme  fuss  of  the  pro 
prietor,  the  supple  and  smooth  blandishments,  the  smiles, 
and  the  unctuousness  of  farewell  flunkyism. 

We  got  through  it  all  at  last,  stepped  into  a  drosky,  and 
— just  then  the  commissionnaire — may  his  tribe  decrease ! — 
came  rushing  breathless  down-stairs  to  dun  us  for  his  fees, 
(68) 


RIDING  BY  RAIL.  69 

when  we  had  paid  him  in  the  cathedral,  at  the  same  time 
we  did  the  ancient  beldam.  He  thus  put  us  to  open 
shame  before  the  multitude,  though  one  would  have  be 
lieved  from  his  manner  that  it  nearly  broke  his  heart  so  to 
distress  us,  and,  as  the  engine  had  already  whistled,  we 
were  compelled  to  pay  him  again. 

What  a  wonder  to  our'  fresh  American  eyes  was  that 
palatial  station,  with  its  indented  battlements,  interlacing 
arches,  turrets,  groined  arches,  and  colonnades  !  If  only 
it  were  not  everywhere  sicklied  over  with  that  maudlin, 
drab-colored  stucco  of  Germany  !  It  was  some  relief  to 
this  to  look  upon  the  long,  latticed  piazzas,  covered  with 
screens  of  luxuriant  ivy,  so  copious  in  its  growth  that  it 
often  clambered  to  the  very  battlements  and  crept  through 
the  indentations.  If  one  of  those  brave  old  cavaliers  who 
jousted  in  Aspromont  or  Montalban  could  stand  before 
this  splendid  palace,  he  could  almost  believe  that  he  might 
still,  "  ycladd  in  mightie  armes  and  silver  shielde,"  ride 
forth  beneath  the  portcullis,  intent  on  "knightly  giusts 
and  fierce  encounters." 

A  large  number  of  uniformed  officials  were  sauntering 
up  and  down  the  spacious  saloons,  mingling  among  the 
passengers,  as  if  they  even  sought  occasions  for  extending 
to  them  every  possible  civility  and  information.  How 
cheerfully  and  smilingly  they  bow  the  willing  ear  to  any 
inquirer  !  How  elaborately  they  lengthen  out  the  pleas 
ant  answer,  "  Ja  wohl,  meinHerr"  instead  of  the  grumpy 
"Yes"  or  the  surly  and  contemptuous  nod  of  our  Amer 
ican  sovereigns  !  Verily  these  be  servants  of  the  people 
in  no  metaphorical  interpretation.  Many  of  them  seem 
to  feel  positively  grateful  to  you  that  you  have  given  them 
an  opportunity  of  doing  something  to  entitle  them  to 
their  wages  and  a  full  discharge  and  acquittal  of  con 
science. 


70  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

Let  us  inspect  the  passengers  arriving,  and  we  can 
grade  them  pretty  accurately  according  to  caste. 

Here  comes  a  clownish  peasant,  in  his  coarse  gabardine 
and  thumping  wooden  shoes,  half  running  or  trotting, 
staggering  under  a  mighty  chest,  which  bends  his  head  far 
forward,  and  bumps  cruelly  about  his  brawny  shoulders. 
Surely  he  will  ride  third-class. 

Next  there  sweeps  up,  with  great  ostentation,  a  carriage 
glittering  with  silver  and  with  gilding,  the  curveting 
steeds  flinging  the  gravel  disdainfully  aside  with  their 
dainty  hoofs.  The  lackey  flings  himself  off,  nearly  throw 
ing  himself  to  the  ground,  in  his  absurd  flummery  of  assi 
duity,  by  treading  on  the  tail  of  his  ridiculously  long  coat, 
lifts  his  high,  glazed  hat,  and  assists  the  inmates  to  alight. 
It  is  Mr.  Americus  Shoddy,  and  he  will  ride  in  the  first- 
class,  of  course,  with  the  other  kings,  fools,  and  Ameri 
cans.  He  has  the  "genuine  money -making  counte 
nance;"  his  collar  has  not  been  changed  since  we  sighted 
land,  and  his  slouched  hat  is  pulled  down  on  one  side. 
The  footman,  still  standing  uncovered  before  him,  ad 
dresses  him  some  inquiry,  "  with  'bated  breath  and  whis 
pering  humbleness,"  to  which  he  replies,  taking  out  one 
of  his  hands  for  a  moment  from  his  pantaloons  pocket, 
and  motioning  with  it,  "  Take  them  fixins  in  the  depot." 

Immediately  following  this  is  a  modest  drosky,  from 
which  springs  out  a  rosy-faced  little  merchant.  He  makes 
the  coachman  hand  him  the  Fahr-tariff,  which  he  had 
cunningly  secreted  under  the  cushion,  ascertains  for  him 
self  his  compensation,  quietly  counts  out  the  precise 
amount  in  the  infinitesimal  coins,  hands  them  to  the  fel 
low  without  allowing  him  a  word,  puts  his  cigar  in  his 
mouth  again,  and  walks  away.  He  is  sensible,  and  will 
ride  second-class. 

Next  comes  a  well -favored,  rubicund,  merry-eyed  priest, 


RIDING  BY  RAIL.  7! 

with  his  shovel-hat,  and  his  long  cassock  flapping  and 
fluttering  inconveniently  about  his  legs,  as  he  runs  for 
ward  at  the  sound  of  the  whistle.  He  does  not  omit  to 
carry  the  purse  and  the  scrip  for  his  journey,  and  in  a 
piece  of  penitential-looking  old  cloth  he  has  a  suspicious 
bottle  rolled  away.  He  rides  with  the  peasant,  with 
whom  he  cracks  a  joke  as  well  as  a  hard-boiled  egg,  and 
seems  nowise  concerned  to  inquire  as  to  the  condition  of 
his  soul. 

In  one  of  the  largest  saloons  the  passengers  are  busily 
unrolling  on  a  low  counter,  and  displaying  to  view,  their 
wardrobes,  "ruff  and  cuff,  and  farthingales  and  things," 
while  on  the  other  side  the  officers  are  leisurely  inspecting 
them.  Good  nature  ripples  over  most  countenances,  for 
even  the  veteran  officials  cannot  wholly  divest  these  pro 
ceedings  of  a  certain  aspect  of  ludicrousness. 

They  utter  scarcely  a  word,  quietly  nodding  and  smiling 
assent,  yet  allowing  nothing  to  pass  unopened,  though 
they  sometimes  merely  give  it  a  pinch  with  the  thumb  and 
forefinger,  as  on  the  corner  of  a  bandbox;  and  sometimes, 
again,  without  any  conceivable  reason,  plunge  in  an  arm 
elbow-deep,  and  rummage  far  and  wide  underneath,  till 
they  ferret  out  a  box  of  pills,  perchance,  and  unwrap  it 
persistently,  cover  after  cover,  despite  all  explanations,  to 
the  innermost  core  and  center  of  mystery.  Heart  knows 
under  what  a  solemn  responsibility  these  officials  labor, 
for  if,  through  their  remissness,  any  incendiary  potions  or 
evil  mixtures  and  concoctions,  or  other  "perilous  stuff" 
whatsoever,  should  be  imported  into  the  kingdom,  who 
knows  but  it  might  burst,  or  otherwise  crack  off,  or  pro 
duce  a  destructive  combustion,  and  alarm  his  Majesty ! 
Oh,  who  would  be  an  officer  of  the  customs?  "  Neither 
the  front  nor  the  back  entrance  of  the  custom-house  opens 
on  the  road  to  Paradise,"  says  the  Salem  Surveyor. 


72  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

One  notices  that  the  most  inexperienced  travelers,  espe 
cially  of  the  tender  sex,  stand  most  pertinaciously  on  the 
defensive  against  the  exposure  of  certain  highly  innocent 
and  exquisite  articles  of  the  wardrobe.  They  explain, 
protest,  expostulate,  and  thus  induce  a  number  of  embar 
rassing  contentions,  half  comical,  half  vexatious,  and  only 
make  the  inspection  more  rigid.  Women  are  natural 
smugglers. 

About  a  minute  before  the  departure  of  the  train,  the 
doors  were  opened,  and  the  passengers  surged  frantically 
through  upon  the  platform.  Then  came  a  spectacle,  on  a 
small  scale,  of  a  "paternal  government."  Accustomed 
as  we  are  to  see  our  railroad  officials  standing  about  in 
the  most  grouty  and  contemptuous  unconcern,  it  was  not 
a  little  amusing  to  see  these  German  officials,  many  of 
whom  were  of  dumpy  stature  and  of  considerable  obesity, 
and  flushed  with  excitement,  racing  anxiously  up  and 
down  the  platform,  with  a  paternal  solicitude  lest  some 
misguided  traveler  should  go  astray.  Here  one  plucked 
a  passenger  by  the  sleeve,  and  pointed  out  to  him  the 
proper  car ;  there  another  shouted  at  the  peasant,  "  Steigen 
Sie  heraus  /"  and  twitched  him  out  of  a  second-class  car; 
yonder,  another  ran  along  before  a  very  red -faced,  elderly 
gentleman,  who  trotted  and  waddled  after  him,  like  Mr. 
Pickwick  at  the  ice-pond,  till  they  came  to  the  proper  car, 
into  which  he  whisked  him  with  such  unseemly  haste 
that  the  old  gentleman  sprawled  flat  on  the  floor  of  the 
car,  flinging  his  bandbox  against  the  opposite  door,  while 
his  legs  projected  out  into  the  depot. 

Said  I  to  myself,  after  I  sat  down  in  the  car,  What 
figure  can  such  a  people  ever  cut  in  self-government,  when 
they  interfere,  with  so  much  fuss  and  meddlesomeness, 
even  in  the  most  trivial  affairs? 

We  found  ourselves  in  an  apartment  splendidly  uphol- 


RIDING  BY  RAIL.  73 

stered,  extending  quite  across  the  car,  and  separated  from 
all  others  by  partitions  reaching  to  the  ceiling.  There 
were  only  two  seats,  so  that  the  occupants  sat  facing  each 
other,  one-half  riding  backwards. 

Now,  herein  is  a  phase  of  the  German  character  admir 
ably  illustrated, — to  wit,  their  sociability.  In  an  American 
car  there  is  a  universal  sweep  from  end  to  end,  containing 
whatever  multitude  it  may  on  a  common  understanding ; 
but  here  each  compartment  contains  its  little  coterie,  half 
facing  half,  for  conversation.  It  is  an  intensely  disagree 
able  arrangement  to  most  Americans  to  have  their  faces 
set  square  over  against  strangers,  only  four  feet  distant ; 
but  I  have  seen  German  peasants,  after  they  had  tempo 
rarily  exhausted  their  stock  of  small  talk,  or  had  it  drowned 
in  the  tl  morum  verorum  rorum"  of  the  train,  sit  fifteen 
full  minutes  gazing  into  the  depths  of  each  other's  eyes 
with  a  most  profound  and  serene  vacuousness  that  was  re 
freshing  to  contemplate. 

It  was  our  fortune  to  be  assigned  to  a  compartment 
filled  with  ladies,  and  it  was  with  immense  consternation 
that  I  heard  the  conductor  of  our  car  bolt  the  door  and 
announce  that  it  would  not  be  opened  till  we  reached 
Hanover.  I  had  thought  to  enjoy  without  interruption 
these  my  first  broader  glimpses  of  Germany,  and  had  pro 
vided  myself  with  no  books  or  newspapers.  Great  was 
my  disgust,  therefore,  when  I  found  that,  through  my  own 
remissness  and  my  friend's  mischievous  plotting,  I  was 
packed  like  a  sardine  in  the  middle  of  the  sofa,  with  ladies 
on  both  sides  of  me,  and  likewise  opposite. 

The  Prince  of  Morocco  declares  to  Portia  that  he  would 
"  outstare  the  sternest  eyes  that  look"  to  win  her  regards  ; 
bat  what  would  he  do  confronted  by  the  most  bewitching  ? 
The  young  lady  opposite  me  had  such  eyes,  wonderfully 
soft,  and  blue,  and  melting ;  hair  of  that  golden  hue 

7 


74 


PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 


of  which  Ouida  seems  to  have  a  monopoly ;  and  delicate, 
almond-shaped  nails. 

I  scrutinized  the  architecture  of  the  ceiling  overhead, 
the  loops,  knops,  and  scollops,  and  other  paraphernalia. 
I  narrowly  inspected  the  ventilator  over  the  door,  with  a 
gaze  as  intent  as  that  which  a  photographer's  client  fixes 
on  a  polyanthus  pinned  to  a  curtain.  I  rummaged  my 
valise  for  articles  I  was  certain  it  did  not  contain.  After 
looking  a  long  time  at  a  fly  on  the  ceiling  overhead, 
scraping  and  polishing  his  thighs,  and  screwing  his  head 
on,  I  would  accidentally  look  at  my  vis-d-vis,  and — pop  ! 
our  eyes  would  cross.  Then  I  would  look  steadfastly  out 
at  the  cabbages,  streaking  past  us  in  a  gray  line,  as  if  they 
were  about  to  run  their  heads  off,  and  so  fall  to  musing  on 
the  beauties  of  German  agriculture,  and  of  a  rural  life  in 
general,  and  at  length  attempt  to  sweep  diagonally  across 
from  the  lower  corner  to  the  opposite  upper  one,  when — 
pop  !  our  eyes  would  cross  again. 

I  made  repeated  endeavors  to  create  a  diversion  in  my 
favor  by  engaging  my  friend  in  conversation,  "  nutans, 
distorquens  oculos  tit  me  eriperet"  but  he  cruelly  preferred 
to  appear  wholly  absorbed  in  contemplating  the  scenery 
without. 

It's  a  far  cry  to  Lochow,  but  Hanover  was  reached  at 
last ;  several  of  the  ladies  alighted,  and  I  took  good  care, 
in  the  redistribution  of  sittings,  to  secure  one  next  the 
window.  The  vacant  places  were  taken  by  a  couple  of 
extremely  elegant  and  finical  young  Berlinese,  who,  to  the 
astonishment  of  us  Americans,  deliberately  took  out  their 
cigar-cases,  extracted  therefrom  each  his  cigar,  lighted 
them,  and  began  to  whiff  out  voluminous  rolls  of  smoke, 
without  even  saying  to  the  remaining  lady,  "By  your 
leave. ' ' 

That  feature  of  the  landscapes  which  most  vividly  im- 


RIDING   BY  RAIL. 


75 


pressed  me  was  the  inexpressibly  wearisome  air  of  con 
straint,  of  silence,  of  rigid  precision.  In  all  that  dreary 
land,  where  "nor  fosse  nor  fence  are  found,"  absolutely 
and  interminably  level,  over  which  we  clattered  all  that 
April  day,  we  saw  not  a  single 

"  Wild  and  wanton  herd, 
Or  race  of  youthful  and  unhandled  colts, 
Fetching  mad  bounds." 

Here,  perhaps,  was  a  great  crooked-horned  cow,  led  to 
pasture  with  a  rope  along  the  roadside,  or  a  few  sheep, 
nibbling  the  close-cropped  grass  on  a  flat  as  big  as  my 
hat,  or  some  geese,  guarded  by  a  blue-cheeked,  carroty- 
haired  child, — everything  rigidly  watched  and  tended. 
How  I  wished  that  those  poor,  cribbed,  cabined,  and  con 
fined  animals  could  break  away  somehow,  leap,  and  jump, 
and  stand  on  their  heads,  if  they  so  desired,  and  throw  up 
their  heels  without  getting  a  permit  therefor  from  the 
Prussian  government ! 

There  was  not  a  singing  bird  to  be  heard  anywhere. 
What  heart  had  they  to  sing,  or  to  do  anything  else  whatso 
ever,  in  a  land  without  trees,  or  containing  only  poplars, 
so  absurdly  straight  and  erect  that  they  could  not  build 
in  them  ? 

The  whole  face  of  the  land,  as  far  as  our  eyes  could 
extend,  was  just  like  a  checker-board,  being  divided  into 
an  infinite  number  of  tiny  plats,  parti  colored  with  vari 
ous  grains  and  vegetables.  But  on  that  April  day  there 
was  a  "frown  upon  the  atmosphere."  It  was  not  the 
frown  of  a  leaden  heaven,  but  of  an  old  age,  cheerless  and 
saddened  by  penury.  A  single  rich,  creamy  cloud  would 
have  been  a  mighty  relief  to  the  landscape,  but  they  were 
all  skimmed  off,  leaving  the  atmosphere  indescribably 
bleak-looking,  poor,  and  blue,  like  thin  skimmed  milk. 


7  6  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

But  along  the  railroad  the  labor  expended  in  ornamen 
tation  was  wonderful.  Now  the  train  rushed,  without 
slackening  speed  in  the  least,  over  a  bridge  embellished 
with  elegant  carvings  in  stone,  and  which  trembled  no 
more  than  the  solid  earth.  Then  it  bowled  along  an  em 
bankment  whose  slopes  were  shaven  like  a  lawn,  and 
planted  with  diamond-work  of  boxwood  rows.  Then  it 
whirled  through  a  shallow  cut,  whose  unsightly  edges  had 
been  sodded,  and  ornamented  with  slender  pavements  of 
stone,  in  the  shape  of  geometrical  figures  or  of  branching 
trees. 

Every  half-mile,  or  oftener,  the  train  rumbles  past  a 
tiny  brick  cottage,  sometimes  half  hidden  in  ivy,  and 
always  surrounded  by  pretty  parterres  of  vegetables  and 
homely  flowers.  Here  resides  the  patrolman,  who  takes 
his  station  with  punctilious  precision  before  his  house,  and 
presents  arms  with  his  baton. 

By  an  ingenious  contrivance  of  telegraphy,  a  clear- 
toned  bell,  perched  in  a  little  isolated  belfry,  announces 
in  measured  strokes  our  arrival  at  a  station.  The  same 
contrivance  causes  a  tiny  clock-hammer,  fastened  to  the 
station,  to  give  forth  a  rapid  musical  tinkle  while  we  halt, 
and  when  we  start  again  the  bell  tolls  as  before. 

Thus  our  humble  journey  becomes  like  the  triumphal 
progress  of  a  crowned  and  sceptered  sovereign  through 
his  dominions.  The  patrolmen  accord  us  military  honors 
as  our  train  sweeps  majestically  before  them ;  watchful 
attendants  make  haste  to  bar  all  crossings  against  the  ap 
proach  of  vulgar  vehicles,  and  even  against  irreverent 
curs,  which  might  disturb  the  decorous  and  stately  advance 
of  our  royal  equipage.  Even  the  lightning  yields  loyal 
obedience  to  our  high  behests,  heralding  our  approach, 
recording  the  interval  while  we  graciously  deign  to  pause, 
and,  when  we  take  our  departure,  intoning  us  a  sonorous 
and  pompous  farewell. 


RIDING  BY  RAIL.  77 

But  it  is  now  almost  time  to  relinquish  the  enjoyment 
of  this  fancied  homage  and  these  imaginary  triumphs,  for 
we  are  rapidly  approaching  the  Prussian  capital.  The 
shadows  of  the  night  have  long  since  settled  calmly  down 
around  us,  and  the  silvery  flocks  of  heaven,  in  their  noise 
less  march  above  us,  look  down  in  tranquil  silence  upon 
our  noisy  and  tumultuous  flight. 

Far  before  us,  across  an  extended  plateau,  an  uncertain 
and  tremulous  luster,  as  of  the  aurora  in  September, 
stretches  in  a  long  arch  across  the  eastern  horizon.  But 
it  is  not  until  we  sweep  around  the  jutting  skirt  of  a  pinery 
that  the  great  metropolis  looms  in  midnight  resplendence 
before  us,  across  its  enveloping  waste  of  sand  and  swamp. 

Now  our  royal  courser,  as  if  he  had  husbanded  his 
powers  for  his  imposing  entry  into  the  capital — for  does 
not  everything  belong  to  the  king? — neighs  exultingly  in 
the  pride  of  his  unsubdued  strength.  How  his  single 
great  eye  drinks  up  the  darkness  before  him !  Fiercely 
does  he  drag  his  burden  after  him,  swaying  to  and  fro  in 
the  gloom. 

Thus  we  entered  at  midnight  into  great  Berlin,  and 
poured  out  into  a  surging  multitude,  in  which  the  gilded 
helmets  of  the  gendarmes,  glittering  in  the  gaslight,  are 
all  that  I  remember,  Out  of  this  tumultuous  and  jostling 
throng  some  skillful  hand  caught  us  up  into  a  drosky, — I 
know  not  how,  I  know  not  where, — and  we  were  whirled 
away  through  a  long,  silent,  cavernous  street. 


OLD    FRITZ    ON    GUARD. 

Since  these  arms  of  mine  hath  seven  years'  pith, 
Till  now  some  nine  moons  wasted,  they  have  used 
Their  dearest  action  in  the  tented  field ; 
And  little  of  this  great  world  can  I  speak, 
More  than  pertains  to  feats  of  broil  and  battle. 

OTHELLO. 

T3  ETURNING  one  afternoon  from  a  visit  to  the  Thier- 
_LV  garten,  I  sauntered  under  the  great  Brandenburg 
Gate,  and  then  along  the  magnificent  boulevard,  Unter 
den  Linden.  It  was  one  of  those  indescribably  sweet  and 
sunny  days  of  early  spring,  a  kind  of  beatific  accident, 
which  sometimes,  for  a  few  hours,  "breathes  through  the 
sky  of  March  the  airs  of  May,"  so  grateful  to  the  inhab 
itants  of  a  great  city. 

Along  the  middle  track,  the  Rotten  Row  of  Berlin, 
military  officers  reined  their  glossy,  curveting  Poles,  lean 
ing  forward  in  the  saddle  with  that  distressing  lack  of  ease 
and  confidence  which  marks  the  German  horseman.  Hun 
dreds  of  brilliant  equipages  glided  along  the  flagged  high 
ways,  with  tops  opened  to  scoop  in  the  mellow  sunshine. 
It  was  Corso  day,  and  all  the  haughty  nobility  of  Berlin 
was  abroad,  with  many  princes ;  and  from  but  the  lan 
daus  flashed  those  apple-red  faces  of  the  beer-drinkers, 
with  that  mottled  white-and-red  which  seems  to  be  daintily 
painted  on,  and  not  suffused  from  the  blood  beneath. 

Even  the  lordly  merchant,  slipping  along  the  pavement 
with  that  easy,  level  gait  of  the  German,  relaxed  a  little 
his  buttoned-up  complacency  and  his  upright  neck,  let 
(73) 


OLD   FRITZ   ON  GUARD.  79 

out  the  business  wrinkles  from  his  brow,  and  glanced  about 
him  with  a  kind  of  retail  satisfaction,  as  if  he  were  al 
most  apologizing  to  himself  for  smiling.  How  the  sweet 
sunshine  warms  up  even  his  soul,  and  makes  him  linger ! 
All  along  the  street,  in  front  of  the  Conditoreien,  the 
potted  shrubbery  fenced  in  from  the  pavement  long,  nar 
row  retreats,  whence  the  sippers  of  the  bitter  goat-beer 
glanced  out  through  the  green  leaves  upon  the  happy 
idlers.  The  winter  haunts  within  were  all  deserted  and 
silent,  but  there  came  out  now  and  then  a  chilly  puff  of 
yesterday,  mingling  in  the  sunshine,  and  reminding  them 
of  January.  How  joyously  they  laugh  and  quaff — these 
witty  Berlinese, — half  hid  in  their  leafy  screens,  and 
swig  off  mug  after  mug  of  that  inexpressibly  bitter  beer  ! 
The  Englishman,  when  he  feels  merry  and  wants  to  in 
form  mankind  of  that  fact,  like  the  Fat  Boy  of  Dickens, 
"  likes  eating  best,"  but  the  German  says  with  Wollheim, 
when  he  has  a  gala-day, — 

"  Bring*  mir  bairisch  Bier, 
Ewig  bairisch  Bier !" 

A  little  beyond  the  university  I  stopped  to  admire,  for 
the  hundredth  time,  Rauch's  magnificent  equestrian  statue 
of  Old  Fritz. 

There  is  not  in  all  Europe  such  another  noble,  com 
prehensive,  and  imposing  constellation  of  architecture — 
though  not  so  brilliantly  grouped  as  that  one  beholds 
in  standing  by  the  Egyptian  obelisk  in  the  Place  de  la 
Concorde — as  that  which  surrounds  the  great  Frederic. 
That  university  which  is  the  greatest  in  the  world,  and 
that  arsenal  which  is  the  mightiest ;  that  academy  of  art 
and  science  which  is  the  most  learned  ;  the  palatial  Old 
and  New  Museums ;  the  Protestant  and  Catholic  cathe 
drals,  side  by  side ;  the  vast,  gray  pile  of  the  Schloss ;  the 


8o  PAPERS  FROM   GERMANY. 

Royal  Library  and  the  Royal  Opera,  the  most  richly  mu 
sical  and  scenic  in  Europe  ;  and  the  palaces  of  the  kings, 
— these,  all  within  his  sight, — these,  to  use  one  of  the  am 
bitious  phrases  of  Berlin,  are  the  exclamation-points  upon 
the  illustrious  past,  and  the  interrogation-points  upon  the 
great  future,  of  the  Prussia  which  he  created. 

The  martial  atmosphere  which  floats  over  this  noble 
boulevard  is  terribly  significant.  From  the  Goddess  of 
Victory  on  the  Brandenburg  Gate,  who  conducts  her 
fierce  steeds  homeward,  through  all  its  course,  to  the 
statues  of  the  Lion-tamer  and  the  Amazon  guarding  the 
portals  of  the  Old  Museum,  the  Unter  den  Linden  re 
sounds  like  the  Iliad  with  the  clang  of  arms.  Grouped 
around  Old  Fritz,  or  standing  near  him  on  humbler  ped 
estals,  are  the  Great  Elector,  worthy  of  his  Roman  son ; 
old  Marshal  Forward,  Von  Bliicher,  who  spoke  at  Water 
loo  "  in  Prussia's  trumpet  tone,"  side  by  side  with  Gnei- 
senau,  his  Patroclus,  and  former  of  those  campaigns  whose 
execution  made  them  both  immortal;  Scharnhorst,  whose 
genius  gave  to  Prussia  that  unequaled  system  which  made 
her  a  "people  in  arms,"  and  thereby  the  savior  of  the 
Fatherland ;  and  the  great  captains,  Schwerin,  and  Win- 
terfeld,  and  York. 

Eight  marble  statues  on  the  bridge  over  the  Spree  por 
tray  the  tutelary  deities  who  lead  forth  young  Fritz  to 
a  long  and  glorious  career ;  defend,  support,  and  inspire 
him  through  its  arduous  warfare ;  reward  him  for  its  tri 
umphs  ;  and  crown  at  last  with  laurel  the  brow  of  the 
dying  hero  when  his  course  is  finished. 

The  citizen  of  Berlin,  when  walking  in  this  great  bou 
levard,  may  almost  fancy  he  hears  the  silver  clarion  of 
Virgil : 

"  Multa  quoque  et  bello  passus,  dum  conderet  urbem, 
Inferretque  deos  Latio,  genus  unde  Latinum, 
Albanique  patres  atque  altae  moenia  Romce." 


OLD  FRITZ   ON  GUARD.  8 1 

It  may  even  excite  a  smile  in  the  beholder,  in  a  thought 
less  mood,  to  note  how  often  the  martial  gods  are  called 
in  to  the  exclusion  of  the  softer  deities.  Pallas  appears 
twice,  and  three  times  does  exultant  Nike  bestow  upon 
him  her  acclamations  and  her  laurel  chaplets.  Even 
peaceful  Iris  is  impressed  into  Prussian  service  as  a  gentle 
vivandiere,  and  presses  to  Frederic's  feverish  lips  the  nec- 
tareous  cordials  of  Olympus. 

The  very  Caryatides  and  the  brawny-shouldered  Atlan- 
tes  on  the  facades  of  some  of  the  government  palaces  are 
relieved  on  guard  by  hussars,  cannoneers,  and  their  similars. 

But  the  thoughtful  gazer  can  hardly  smile,  for  it  is  one 
of  the  saddest  spectacles  of  Europe,  thus  to  observe  how 
a  peace-loving  people  have  been,  all  their  national  life, 
driven  to  "  feats  of  broil  and  battle"  by  the  bitter  neces 
sities  of  self-defense,  and  to  rescue  Germany  from  the 
evil  and  miserable  quarrels  imposed  on  that  unhappy 
country  by  its  hordes  of  little  princes.  Above  all  things 
else,  let  not  the  "red  fool-fury  of  the  Seine"  shake  her 
gory  locks  at  this  peaceful  people,  upon  whom  her  hellish 
lust  of  dominion  has  forced  this  loathed  habit  and  custom 
of  battle. 

While  Frederic  was  yet  alive,  and  occupied  his  favorite 
palace  in  Potsdam,  his  subjects  were  accustomed  to  assem 
ble  under  a  certain  linden  which  flourished  near  the  win 
dow  of  his  work-cabinet,  with  their  petitions  in  hand, 
waiting  to  gain  his  attention.  As  soon  as  he  chanced  to 
look  that  way,  up  would  fly  the  petitions,  fluttering  into  the 
air,  and  off  would  come  the  caps  of  the  petitioners.  He 
would  nod  a  friendly  recognition  from  the  window,  and 
forthwith  dispatch  one  of  his  stalwart  hussars  to  fetch  in 
the  documents. 

When  I  visited  Potsdam,  a  century  after  the  great  mon 
arch  had  been  carried  to  his  grave,  the  famous  old  "peti- 


g2  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

tion-linden"  was  still  living,  but  seemed  likely  to  topple 
over  in  the  first  hurricane. 

But  it  was  no  longer  needed.  The  palace  where  it 
stood  was  no  longer  the  favorite  abode  of  the  Prussian 
monarchs,  and  with  their  removal  migrated  also  the  tra 
dition  of  the  brave  old  linden.  The  very  bronze  which 
preserved  the  lineaments  of  the  grim  Frederic  became  the 
successor  of  the  venerable  petition-linden,  and,  as  it  were, 
the  patron  of  the  suppliants.  Who  had  a  better  commis 
sion  to  plead  for  mercy  to  the  poor  and  humble  than  the 
terrible  old  Fritz  ? 

By  accident  or  design,  the  statue  was  planted  very  near 
the  window  of  the  little  work-room  of  the  reigning  mon 
arch.  It  was  so  close  that  he  could,  as  he  sat  before  his 
writing-table,  discern  the  countenances  of  the  petitioners 
standing  at  its  base. 

It  was  the  custom  of  King  William  to  spend  many  hours 
every  day  in  this  his  favorite  work-room,  writing,  giving 
audiences,  or  perusing  and  dictating  telegraphic  messages 
by  hundreds.  When  he  was  reading  dispatches,  or  talking 
with  auditors,  he  generally  sat  beside  the  little  window, 
leaning  his  arm  along  the  sill.  He  would  cast  frequent 
glances  down  into  the  street,  and  invariably  return  with  a 
friendly  nod  or  beckoning  of  the  hand  the  salutations  of 
his  humblest  subject.  Everybody  in  Berlin  knew  where 
to  look  for  the  "King's  window,"  and  seldom  did  any 
body  ever  pass  it,  at  whatever  unseasonable  hour,  without 
glancing  up  to  see  if  it  was  occupied  by  the  august  scriv 
ener,  for  he  was  a  most  indefatigable  worker. 

If  he  sat  writing  at  his  desk,  they  could  just  discern 
his  head  and  shoulders.  But  nobody  could  ever  mistake 
that  broad  face,  those  half-closed  eyes,  that  Burnside 
beard,  that  clean-shaven  chin,  shining  almost  like  the 
razor  with  which  it  was  daily  polished.  It  was  a  heavy 


OLD  FRITZ  ON  GUARD.  £3 

face,  and  a  fluffy,  but  sensual-kind,  with  beetling  eyebrows, 
and  inclined  to  a  scowl,  serious,  but  not  severe,  when  in 
repose.  It  was  eminently  a  negative  face,  the  scowl  seem 
ing  to  denote  a  painful  laborer  thought  rather  than  with 
thought. 

But  if  beside  him  were  visible  the  figures  of  ambassa 
dors  or  others,  the  citizen  would  pause  for  a  moment  and 
begin  to  cudgel  his  brains.  Your  humdrum,  home-keep 
ing  Cousin  Michael  is  a  thorough  Paul  Pry,  ever  "pluck 
ing  the  grass  to  know  where  sits  the  wind."  Who  knows 
but  something  may  happen  \  Only  think  of  it, — if  some 
thing  should  happen  !  Wonder  if  there'll  be  war  with 
Napoleon  ?  Look,  neighbor,  that  messenger  has  a  red 
stripe  round  his  kepi.  I  believe  there  will  be  war  with 
Napoleon.  O  fie !  see,  it's  yellow.  He's  from  Austria, 
Don't  you  remember,  three  weeks  ago  the  king  refused  a 
mug  of  Vienna  beer?  If  that  doesn't  mean  war,  I  should 
like  to  know  what  does. 

But  these  wiseacres  seldom  arrive  very  near  the  truth 
with  their  guesses;  for  the  Germans  are  anything  but  bril 
liant  in  setting  "romance  on  the  throne  of  the  Caesars." 

Among  the  multitudes  who  press  along  in  endless  pro 
cession  past  the  statue  of  Old  Fritz  as  I  stand  there,  comes 
a  notable  man,  tall  and  spare,  with  the  inclined  head  and 
stooped  shoulders  of  a  professor.  What  eyes  !  They  are 
set  under  eyebrows  where  order  and  locality  are  large,  and 
so  far  back  in  his  head  that  he  looks  right  out  from  his 
brain.  Beard  or  moustache  has  he  none,  and  his  face  is 
furrowed  with  delicate  hair-lines,  like  the  spider-webs  of 
his  wonderful  strategy,  wherein  he  catcheth  the  crafty. 

That  is  the  "old  schoolmaster,"  silent  in  seven  lan 
guages.  He  flogs  the  naughty  nations  without  even  let 
ting  them  behold  his  rod.  All  Europe  is  mapped  on  that 
subtle  brain.  Shut  in  his  little  closet,  his  eyes  look  in- 


84  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

ward  upon  that  map,  and  order  battles.  He  fingers  the 
electric  wires,  and  a  quarter  of  a  million  soldiers  move  in 
obedience  to  his  commands. 

That  man  gripped  Benedek  at  Sadowa,  and  ground  him 
as  between  the  upper  and  nether  millstones.  He  coiled 
his  legions  like  a  boa  round  Metz,  and  crushed  it  in  his 
folds.  He  took  an  Emperor  in  a  trap,  and  Paris,  the 
world-city,  in  a  mouse-trap.  That  is  Moltke.  Yet  how 
modestly  and  pensively  he  walks  along,  with  his  hands 
behind  his  back  ! 

Now  here  comes  another  of  Prussia's  great  ones,  as  we 
may  know  by  the  profound  deference  with  which  he  is 
greeted.  He  strides  along  like  a  grenadier,  with  an  erect 
and  daring  mien,  towering  above  most  men  a  head  and 
shoulders.  He  is  a  major  of  dragoons,  with  a  white  cap 
and  yellow  band,  black-blue,  double-breasted  coat,  and  a 
great  mass  of  black  silk  wrapped  close  around  his  muscu 
lar  neck  almost  to  the  chin. 

He  is  not  in  a  smiling  mood  to-day,  but  his  face  is 
darkened,  Mephistophelian,  with  "  a  laughing  devil  in  his 
sneer"  at  all  humanity.  The  high  and  massive  forehead, 
the  peculiarly  square-cast  features,  the  half-closed  eyes,  the 
enormous  ears,  standing  far  out  from  the  huge,  close- 
cropped  head,  give  the  beholder  an  idea  of  an  almost 
Satanic  energy,  and  of  an  immense,  audacious  courage. 
No  words  can  convey  a  true  impression  of  the  unscrupu 
lous  daring,  the  amazing  strength  of  determination,  which 
dwell  in  that  grim  countenance.  It  is  the  pure  Scandi 
navian  brawn,  not  Teutonic,  but  the  heaven-daring  and 
earth-defying  audacity  of  the  old  vikings,  which  exulted 
in  danger  for  its  own  sake.  It  is  "  steel  and  blood,"  with 
very  little  blood. 

Not  in  all  my  life  have  I  ever  looked  upon  another 
human  being  who,  when  not  relaxing  in  the  moment  of 


OLD  FRITZ   ON  GUARD.  85 

social  intercourse,  seemed  to  be  so  absolutely  devoid  of  a 
conscience.  Hating  none,  fearing  none  on  earth  or  in 
heaven,  neglectful  and  even  scornful  of  personal  appear 
ance  and  of  most  of  the  conventions  of  society,  he  seems 
the  nearest  human  approach  to  Mephistopheles,  except 
that  in  the  sublime  grandeur  of  his  daring  he  more  resem 
bles  the  Miltonic  Satan. 

In  fact,  Bismarck  resembles  Goethe's  great  creation 
most  in  his  "  malignant  mirth"  upon  occasion,  which  yet 
is  hardly  malignant,  because,  like  Milton's  Satan,  he  has 
an  egotism  so  vast  and  an  ambition  so  immense  that  he 
hardly  appears  conscious  of  wickedness.  To  repeat,  Bis 
marck's  character,  though  sublime  in  its  audacity  and  in 
its  colossal  intellect,  appears  to  contain  no  ingredient  of 
conscience.  Yet  it  has  no  element  of  cruelty,  which 
lurked  in  the  Italian  nature  of  Bonaparte,  making  him  a 
vile  and  dastardly  assassin  in  Syria.  Bismarck  is  like 
Cromwell,  but  greater. 

Thus  he  strides  on,  in  his  large  indifference,  shoulder 
ing  his  way  through  the  obsequious  multitude,  not  deign 
ing  a  single  glance  toward  the  king's  window,  passes  on 
over  the  Spree  bridge,  and  enters  the  Schloss. 

Meantime,  a  considerable  number  of  persons  of  hum 
ble  degree  have  collected  about  the  iron  railing  which 
incloses  their  great  advocate.  For  the  hour  is  near  at 
hand  when  the  battalions  of  the  garrison  will  march  past 
to  the  afternoon  parade,  and  they  are  certain  then  to 
catch  a  glimpse  of  King  William.  The  battalion  drums, 
colors,  and  standards  must  all  be  brought  from  the  little 
room  beside  the  king's,  where  he  scrupulously  keeps  them 
under  his  own  lock  and  key,  and  where  an  unexpected 
visitor  has  sometimes  found  him  with  board  and  pins,  busy 
at  the  game  of  war,  like  a  seven-years'  child  !  Here  it 
was,  also,  that  he  humbly  bowed  himself  upon  his  knees, 

8 


86  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

and  wrestled  earnestly  in  prayer  with  his  Maker  for 
three  hours,  before  he  departed  for  the  campaign  in 
Bohemia. 

When  the  troops  defile  before  his  window,  therefore, 
he  never  neglects  to  appear  to  their  vision,  in  uniform  as 
scrupulously  correct  as  a  martinet's,  with  his  regulation- 
coat  closely  buttoned  up  to  his  ample  chin,  and  the  ribbon 
of  the  Ordre  pour  le  merite  hanging  down  over  the  lap 
pet.  This  is,  for  petitioners,  the  auspicious  hour,  between 
the  outward  march  of  the  troops  and  their  return. 

Here  is  the  Rheinlander,  in  his  bright-blue  linen  blouse  ; 
the  Westphalian,  with  his  white  great-coat,  and  a  piece  of 
ham  in  his  pocket ;  the  Pole  and  the  Silesian,  in  their 
untanned  sheepskins  ;  the  widow  in  her  weeds;  the  pen 
sioner  on  his  wooden  leg,  with  a  petition,  perhaps,  asking 
permission  to  beg  in  the  streets. 

To  be  sure,  they  are  congregated  right  in  the  middle  of 
the  main  thoroughfare  of  the  city,  and  are  exposed  to  the 
danger  of  being  dashed  under  the  wheels,  or  beneath  the 
feet  of  the  prancing  steeds.  But  there,  too,  rides  Old 
Fritz  high  aloft,  looking  grimly  to  the  west,  and  flourish 
ing  his  sceptre  with  authority,  bidding  the  multitude  part 
to  right  and  left.  This  is  highly  inconvenient,  no  doubt, 
and  productive  of  delays  to  the  gay  and  feathered  occu 
pants  of  the  coaches  which  glide  along ;  but  the  people 
will  have  it  so,  and  the  people  are  king  sometimes,  even 
in  Prussia. 

It  were  a  high-handed  outrage,  forsooth,  if  these  honest 
provincials  could  not  be  permitted  to  prosecute  their 
Eesthetical  culture  by  gazing  on  the  statue  of  Rauch's 
workmanship  ! 

The  citizens  of  Berlin  are  spirited,  and  noted  for  their 
persistence  in  defending  certain  minor  prerogatives,  while 
they  allow  the  greater  to  slip  through  their  fingers.  They 


OLD  FRITZ   ON  GUARD.  87 

will  resist  with  tooth  and  nail  a  rise  of  a  penny  in  the 
price  of  beer,  but  quietly  submit  while  the  king  takes 
away  their  liberties.  In  1848  they  made  a  desperate 
charge  on  the  city  officers,  under  the  ringing  slogan, 
"Liberty,  Equality,  and  the  Right  to  Smoke  in  the 
Thiergarten  ! "  and  carried  their  point.  So  here,  they 
insisted  on  the  right  to  study  High  Art  in  the  Unter  den 
Linden. 

The  government  not  only  yielded  gracefully,  but  pro 
vided  a  number  of  select  policemen,  designated  as  "con 
trollers  of  petitions,"  whose  duty  it  was  sedulously  to 
foster  these  aesthetic  cravings.  They  were  to  be  always  in 
attendance,  and  look  to  it  that  nobody  was  run  over  while 
he  was  gazing  at  the  Father  of  his  Country. 

And  now  the  king  is  seen  to  rise  from  his  writing-table, 
disappear  in  the  next  apartment,  then  present  himself, 
smiling  and  uniformed,  before  the  casement.  Off  in  a 
twinkling  go  a  score  of  hats, — tiles  polished,  tiles  fuzzy, 
plush  caps,  sheepskin  caps,  cloth  caps,  sweaty  and  frowzy, 
— while  several  large  blue-and-white  mottled  handkerchiefs 
descend,  with  many  a  pensive  and  melancholy  flutter, 
gently  down  to  the  ground.  Out  of  these  caps  emerge 
petitions,  soiled  and  greasy,  which  twinkle  on  high. 

All  manner  of  familiar,  cabalistic,  and  blandishing  ges 
tures,  winks,  nods,  and  beckonings  woo  his  Majesty. 
The  eager  petitioners  elbow  and  jostle  one  another,  and 
barely  escape  being  thrust  out  and  trodden  down  by  the 
horses. 

The  king  nods  pleasantly,  and  smiles,  and  sends  down 
one  of  his  gigantic  orderlies  to  bring  up  the  petitions. 
This  official  kindly  offers  to  take  the  documents  in  charge, 
and  pledges  himself  to  convey  them  in  his  own  person 
into  the  king's  hands. 

But — unaccountable  perversity — five  out  of  ten  of  the 


88  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

suppliants  wholly  reject  the  offer  !  It  is  absolutely  indis 
pensable  that  each  individual  should  be  presented  to  his 
Majesty  in  his  own  proper  person  and  essence,  in  order 
that  his  "little  matter"  may  be  accurately  propounded 
and  thoroughly  elucidated  to  the  king. 

"Would  the  porter  have  the  goodness  to  inform  his 
Majesty  that  Hans  Wurst,  from  Blitzendonnerhausen,  had 
arrived  ?  If  his  memory  was  a  little  treacherous,  he  might 
remind  him  that  he  once  drank  a  porringer  of  his  brindled 
cow's  milk,  and  smacked  his  lips  afterward,  when  he  was 
riding  on  a  hunt.  Would  he  also  please  inform  him  fur 
ther  that  Conrad  Rumpelschirmer's  mooly  ox  had  unlaw 
fully  and  feloniously  broken  into  his  (Hans  Wurst's) 
cabbage-garden,  and  abstracted,  purloined,  devoured,  and 
injuriously  munched  forty-three  heads  of  the  cabbages 
aforesaid  ;  that  the  court  had  refused  to  requite  him  of 
the  offender ;  and  that  he  had  come  to  Berlin  to  ascertain 
if  his  Majesty  could  not  issue  a  proclamation  in  behalf  of 
his  faithful  and  liege  subject,  Hans  Wurst  aforesaid,  com 
pelling  said  Conrad  Rumpelschirmer  to  make  full  and  com 
plete  restitution  to  him  for  the  felonious  purloinings  and 
endamagements  aforesaid  ? 

"  Then,  too  (plucking  him  mysteriously  aside  and  whis 
pering  in  his  ear),  he  could  assure  him  he  should  be  no 
loser  if  he  would  procure  him  such  audience,  as  he  had 
brought  up  four  crocks  of  nice  sauer-kraut  to  present  to 
his  Majesty ;  but  that  he  would  give  him  one,  provided 
he  would  not  reveal  the  transaction  to  his  Majesty." 

The  porter  smiles  blandly  an  official  German  smile  (the 
blandest  on  earth),  but  informs  his  countryman  that  his 
Majesty  has  a  good  many  "little  matters"  claiming  his 
attention.  And  so  at  last  poor  Hans  Wurst  dolefully  con 
sents,  and  reluctantly  gives  into  his  hands  the  greasy  and 
rumpled  document,  elaborated  in  hard  and  staggering 


OLD  FRITZ    ON  GUARD.  89 

characters,  and  worn  nearly  through  in  his  hat  in  coming 
from  the  far  province. 

As  soon  as  the  king  receives  the  documents,  he  holds 
them  up  before  the  window,  and  nods  and  smiles  pleas 
antly  to  the  suppliants  below,  as  an  assurance  that  their 
petitions  shall  receive  attention. 

And  now  the  soldiers  are  returning  from  parade.  They 
defile  with  stately  tread  and  mighty  clangor  of  brass  be 
fore  their  sovereign,  move  on  down  the  great  avenue, 
beneath  the  acacias  and  the  lindens,  encompassed  by  a 
great  cloud  of  citizens,  who  have  come  out  to  follow  them, 
and  listen,  with  the  ever-new  delight  of  their  nation,  to 
the  inexpressibly  rich,  mellow,  glorious  music  of  Ger 
many. 

The  king  vanishes  from  the  casement,  the  petitioners 
are  swept  away  in  the  music-loving  multitude,  the  twi 
light  slowly  darkens  in  the  streets,  its  pale,  wannish  glim 
mers  flicker  off  the  windows,  and  Old  Fritz  rides  high 
aloft  and  alone  on  guard. 


PROFESSOR   DOCTOR  KINCK  VON   KINCK. 

In  Berlin,  says  he, 
Be  you  fine,  says  he, 
And  make  use,  says  he, 
Of  your  eyne,  says  he ; 
Knowledge  great,  says  he, 
You  may  win,  says  he, 
For  I've  been,  says  he, 
In  Berlin. 

HoLTY. 

THERE  are  few  things  which  afford  me  more  pleasure 
than  to  wander  about  those  great  old  libraries  of 
Europe  and  rummage  among  their  quaint  and  curious 
volumes  of  forgotten  lore.  I  highly  value  the  privilege 
of  being  allowed  to  sit  at  leisure  in  their  alcoves,  and  pull 
down  one  ponderous  dusty  tome  after  another,  "bound 
in  brass  and  wild -boar's  hide,"  or  in  beechen  boards  and 
blue,  and  turn  them  over,  catching  now  and  then  from 
their  crabbed  black-letter  pages  some  whimsical  conceit, 
or  reading  some  story  of  those  ancient  worthies,  the  best 
that  ever  lived  "  thorough  the  unyversal  world." 

Nowhere  has  this  pleasure  been  oftener  tinged  with  a 
certain  pensiveness  or  melancholy  than  in  the  libraries  of 
the  Germans, — a  feeling  almost  as  sacred  as  that  which 
should  attend  the  visitor  in  their  village  churchyards. 
Above  all  other  people,  the  German  finds  his  best  compan 
ionship  in  books  ;  and  the  circles  of  a  society  he  has  found 
so  pleasant  he  wishes  to  enlarge,  until  they  shall  embrace 
the  whole  mundane  brotherhood. 
(90) 


PROFESSOR  DOCTOR   KINCK   VON  KINCK,       91 

He  willingly  relinquishes  the  enjoyment  of  social  inter 
course,  his  beloved  mug,  and  all  the  innocent  and  connu 
bial  endearments  of  his  frau,  to  give  himself  up  wholly  to 
his  unselfish  labors.  With  an  unwearying  and  more  than 
paternal  affection,  he  gathers  and  digs  from  innumerable 
sources  the  choicest  roots,  buds,  and  blossoms  of  the  True, 
the  Beautiful,  and  the  Good,  to  furnish  forth  and  embel 
lish  therewith  the  pages  he  is  writing  with  such  fond  and 
confiding  assiduity.  Each  volume  we  behold  on  these 
shelves  informs  us  of  some  such  earnest  life ;  informs 
us,  perchance,  of  long  years  of  penury  and  pain,  of 
nights  of  sleeplessness  and  days  of  hunger,  all  endured 
with  cheerfulness  in  the  sweet  hope  of  fame,  "that  last 
infirmity  of  noble  mind." 

And  now  he  is  dead,  long  dead ;  and  the  book  which 
he  wrote,  and  of  which  himself  was  the  principal  reader, 
has  lived  its  appointed  life,  and  is  found  no  more  among 
the  living,  except  in  these  dusty  alcoves,  or  amid  the 
heterogeneous  and  musty  collections  of  the  antiquarian. 
But  when  the  thoughtful  soul  passes  the  antiquated  book, 
or  stops  awhile  to  explore  its  pages  and  ramble  among  its 
obsolete  constructions  and  its  queer  old  cranky  involu 
tions,  he  will  not  mock  him  who  lived  all  these  laborious 
days  to  write  what  nobody  now-possesses.  It  is  the  coun 
terpart  of  the  author's  better  self;  the  faithful  Horatio 
whom  the  dying  Hamlet  piteously  adjures  to  linger  yet 
awhile,  and  in  this  harsh  world  draw  his  -breath  in  pain 
to  tell  his  story. 

"He  gave  the  people  of  his  best ; 
His  worst  he  kept,  his  best  he  gave." 

Here,  then,  in  this  great  library,  is  a  city  of  the  dead. 
Through  its  populous  recesses  we  should  tread  with  a 
greater  reverence  than  along  the  more  pleasant  and  sunny 


92  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

alleys  of  the  churchyard,  for  here  repose,  as  it  were,  the 
remains  of  the  soul,  while  yonder  is  only  the  mouldering 
and  loathsome  body.  And  while  the  separate  particles  of 
the  latter  return,  by  the  chemistry  of  decay,  each  to  its 
native  dust,  and  appear  again,  after  an  innumerable  suc 
cession  of  years,  to  gladden  our  eyes  in  the  "forms  and 
hues  of  vegetable  beauty,"  who  can  tell  what  seeds  of 
thought  may  have  been  planted  in  fruitful  intellects  by  the 
mere  passing  glimpse  of  a  title,  or  by  a  casual  perusal  of 
these  dead  and  forgotten  pages  ? 

One  day,  after  a  number  of  hours  thus  spent  in  the 
Royal  Library  of  Berlin,  I  sauntered  into  the  reading- 
room.  Among  the  numerous  busy  inmates,  I  had  my  at 
tention  particularly  attracted  by  a  robust  and  rosy-  or, 
rather,  pink-faced  gentleman,  who  the  librarian  kindly 
informed  me  was  none  other  than  the  celebrated  Professor 
Doctor  Kinck  von  Kinck. 

He  kept  buzzing  and  bobbing  over  a  great  number  of 
large  books  bound  in  blue  pasteboard,  plucking  out  from 
a  hundred  places  snippets  of  sentences  and  paragraphs, 
which  he  industriously  transcribed  into  a  memorandum- 
book.  He  was  quite  short-sighted,  and  as  he  turned  over 
the  pages  rapidly,  thrusting  his  nose  and  green  spectacles 
deep  down  between  them,  his  motion  reminded  me  of 
that  of  an  athlete  jumping  through  empty  barrels,  set  on 
end  in  a  series. 

My  mind  recurred  at  once  to  the  scene  so  delightfully 
described  by  Irving  in  his  "  Art  of  Book-making,"  and 
I  supposed  these  persons,  as  in  that  sketch,  were  all  pro 
fessional  authors.  What  was  my  surprise  when  the  libra 
rian  informed  me  they  were  all  popular  lecturers,  wholly 
distinct  from  the  hundred  ninety  and  seven  regularly 
employed  in  the  Royal  University  ! 

This  bit  of  information  piqued  my  curiosity  to  know 


PROFESSOR   DOCTOR   KINCK   VON  KINCK.       93 

something  further  concerning  them,  their  audiences,  and 
subjects  of  discourse.  I  asked  the  librarian  if  it  was  not 
a  matter  of  great  difficulty  to  procure  audiences  for  such 
a  multitude  of  lecturers.  He  replied  that  it  had  become 
very  difficult,  and  that  the  lecturers  thought  of  petitioning 
the  Prussian  government  to  institute  military  levies  in  their 
behalf. 

Even  while  we  were  speaking,  there  presented  himself  in 
the  library  a  collector  of  subscriptions  for  a  series  of  lec 
tures  soon  to  be  delivered  "  for  the  especial  benefit  of  the 
laboring-classes."  He  was  a  stout  little  man,  with  a  rather 
dirty  neck,  and  two  small  and  very  rosy-bright  patches  of 
color  on  his  white  cheeks,  in  the  manner  peculiar  to  many 
beer-drinkers.  The  librarian  was  a  very  pale,  thin-fea 
tured  gentleman,  with  preternaturally  large  black  eyes, 
and  one  leg  so  crooked  that  he  seemed  almost  to  step  on 
the  knee. 

The  stout  little  man  deliberately  hung  his  overcoat  and 
hat  on  the  rack,  set  his  cane  beneath  them,  approached, 
and  bowed  very  low  before  the  librarian,  smiling  all  over 
his  face.  The  librarian  bowed  quite  low,  smiled  an  offi 
cial  smile,  and  extended  his  hand. 

"  Good  day,  Herr  Doctor,"  said  the  little  man. 

"Good  day,  mein  Herr,"  replied  the  librarian,  in  a 
very  bland  but  non-committal  voice. 

The  stout  little  man  wore  a  kind  of  gray  jerkin,  gath 
ered  tight  by  a  band  behind,  and  edged  around  the  neck 
and  pockets  with  green  binding.  From  an  inside  pocket 
of  this  he  now  produced  a  very  thin  green  memorandum- 
book,  as  broad  as  it  was  long,  with  leaves  of  intensely 
blue  smooth  paper.  This  he  handed  to  the  librarian,  open 
at  the  subscription  page. 

"Herr  Doctor,"  said  he,  "it  gives  me  the  greatest 
pleasure  to  inform  you  that  Herr  Professor  Doctor  Kinck 


94.  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

von  Kinck  will  lecture  to-morrow,  at  seven  o'clock  P.M., 
in  Hypothenuse  Hall,  on  the  Satires  of  Horace.  I  have 
the  honor  to  say,  Herr  Doctor," — here  he  bowed  quite 
low, — "  that  he  has  commissioned  me  to  solicit  the  honor 
of  your  subscription." 

Upon  that  the  librarian  bowed,  and  smiled  that  pain 
fully  polite  official  smile,  so  exquisitely  and  so  inexpressi 
bly  less  than  nothing,  so  far  as  meaning  is  concerned, 
that  such  an  attack  as  this  must  slip  off  it  as  rain-drops 
off  a  duck's  feathers. 

"  Mein  Herr,"  he  replied,  "  it  gives  me  great  pleasure 
to  learn  that  the  Herr  Professor  Doctor  Kinck  von  Kinck 
will  lecture.  I  need  not  assure  you,  certainly,  that  none 
knows  better  than  myself  how  to  value  the  opportunity 
thus  afforded  of  profiting  by  the  Herr  Professor's  acknowl 
edged  great  learning,  if  my  official  engagements  would 
permit." 

Here  both  bow  quite  low  again,  and  smile,  and  the 
stout  little  man  resumes : 

"The  price  of  admission,  Herr  Doctor,  has  been  set 
very  low ;  only  four  silver  Groschen  per  ticket. ' ' 

Again  that  exquisitely  and  excruciatingly  polite  official 
smile — the  only  answer  the  honored  Herr  Doctor  deigns 
to  give  to  a  suggestion  so  immeasurably  and  so  insuffer 
ably  contemptible  as  that  relating  to  money.  The  little 
man  now  trains  on  him  his  last  battery,  and  very  com 
placently,  for  he  knows  it  will  succeed. 

"  Herr  Doctor,  I  believe  your  next  lecture  is  to  be 
?" 

"A  week  from  to-day,  mein  Herr,"  says  the  learned 
Herr  Doctor  librarian,  promptly. 

"And  the  subject,  I  believe ?" 

"On  a  singular  mass  of  fused  flint  recently  found  in 
the  ashes  of  a  burnt  haystack."  The  Herr  Doctor  an- 


PROFESSOR  DOCTOR  KINCK  VON  KINCK.      95 

nounced  this  with  more  animation  and  positiveness  than 
he  had  yet  shown,  having  been  hitherto  exceedingly  neg 
ative. 

"Ach,  yes  !"  The  little  man  utters  this  in  a  tone  of 
the  most  profound  remorse  and  self-abasement,  to  think 
he  should  have  forgotten,  and  strikes  impatiently  before 
his  face,  as  if  he  were  killing  a  mosquito. 

"  Pardon,  Herr  Doctor.  I  may  do  myself  the  honor 
to  remark  that  the  Herr  Professor  Doctor  Kinck  von 
Kinck  observed,  a  few  days  ago,  in  my  presence,  that  he 
certainly  intended  to  be  present  at  your  lecture." 

At  this  point  the  learned  Herr  Doctor  librarian  bows, 
and  both  of  them  smile  very  pleasantly.  Need  I  add 
anything  further?  The  little  man  knew  the  librarian's 
weakness,  and  that  the  certainty  of  having  one  auditor 
was  a  bait  at  which  he  would  inevitably  catch.  He  knew 
that  he  could  have  secured  his  subscription  with  the  lure 
of  half  an  auditor  (like  the  forty  professors  of  Erfurt, 
who  had,  in  1805,  twenty-one  students),  having  him  sit  in 
a  partition,  with  one  ear  opening  into  one  room  and  the 
other  into  another ;  but  he  chose  to  be  generous.  Of 
course  he  got  his  subscription,  and  went  away  with  many 
bows  and  smiles. 

Next  day  I  was  leisurely  sauntering  along  Subjectivity 
Street,  and  stopped  before  one  of  the  wooden  pillars 
erected  at  the  street-corners  for  that  purpose,  to  read  the 
latest  bulletins  of  lectures.  Among  them  was  one  an 
nouncing  "a  gratuitous  course  of  lectures  for  the  special 
instruction  of  the  laboring  classes;"  and  a  few  of  the 
topics  were  as  follows:  "The  Diseases  of  Chinese  Silk 
worms,"  "Salubrity  of  the  Climate  of  Beloochistan," 
"  The  Figures  of  Equilibrium  in  Liquids." 

Now,  thought  I  to  myself,  is  this  all  a  philanthropic 
humbug?  or  are  the  "  laboring  classes"  of  Berlin  possessed 


96  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

of  such  immense  learning  as  to  be  able  to  comprehend 
these  things?  Goethe  makes  one  of  the  characters  in 
"Faust,"  on  hearing  a  revolutionary  song,  declare  his 
gratitude  to  Heaven  that  he  is  not  responsible  for  the  pre 
servation  of  the  Holy  Roman  Empire.  But  what  gov 
ernment  on  earth  can  stand,  when  such  ponderous  boul 
ders  of  knowledge  are  pitched  promiscuously  about  its 
bases  ?  Surely  Prussia  is  in  danger  ! 

While  I  was  thus  musing,  whom  should  I  behold  but 
the  famous  and  learned  Herr  Professor  Doctor  Kinck  von 
Kinck  !  He  whisked  past  me  on  a  keen  run,  and,  turn 
ing  round,  I  observed,  a  few  rods  in  advance  of  him,  a 
person  whose  blue  linen  blouse  showed  him  to  be  a  mem 
ber  of  the  "  laboring  classes,"  and  of  whom  the  learned 
Herr  Professor  was  evidently  in  earnest  pursuit.  Being 
an  elderly  gentleman,  of  a  very  considerable  obesity,  he 
waddled  along  with  much  difficulty,  and  was  constantly 
losing  ground.  I  was  certain  it  was  he,  from  the  immense 
roll  of  smooth  greasy-blue  manuscript  which  protruded 
from  his  pocket. 

Well,  now,  thought  I  to  myself,  upon  my  word,  he's 
running  after  that  workman  to  get  him  for  an  audience ! 
He  wants  him  to  listen  to  his  lecture.  This  is  no  longer 
the  pursuit  of  knowledge,  but  the  pursuit  of  ignorance, 
under  difficulties. 

I  determined  now  that  nothing  should  deter  me  from 
hearing  the  Professor's  exposition  of  Horace.  On  the 
appointed  evening,  therefore,  I  found  myself  in  the  spa 
cious  Hypothenuse  Hall  on  Subjectivity  Street.  There 
was  not  a  soul  present  except  the  usher ;  but  presently  the 
pale  librarian  with  the  crooked  leg  arrived,  and  halted 
painfully  up  the  aisle.  He  was  followed  by  the  little  agent 
himself,  with  the  dirty  neck  and  rosy-mottled  cheeks. 
Then  came  two  other  persons,  one  of  whom  had  wads  of 


PROFESSOR  DOCTOR  KINCK   VON  KINCK.       97 

jeweler's  cotton  in  his  ears,  and  the  other  had  black  hair 
and  blue  spectacles.  We  five  composed  the  audience. 

The  learned  Herr  Professor  Doctor  arrived  very 
promptly.  He  was,  as  before  remarked,  of  a  short  stat 
ure,  and  quite  obese,  very  fair-skinned  and  ruddy-cheeked, 
though  the  color,  as  with  many  of  these  beer-drinkers, 
looked  almost  as  if  painted  on,  and  not  suffused  from  be 
neath.  His  hair  was  yellow,  parted  high  on  his  head, 
combed  behind  the  ears,  and  cut  straight  off  all  around. 
In  the  lobe  of  each  ear  was  a  very  small  ring.  Around 
his  neck  there  was  wrapped  a  very  portentous  black  neck 
cloth,  in  many  a  fold,  covering  his  neck  thickly  from  his 
ears  quite  down  to  his  shoulders.  He  moved  up  the  aisle 
with  that  peculiar  German  pace  or  gliding  motion,  con 
sisting  of  short  level  steps,  which,  as  the  novelist  Rich 
ardson  describes  it  in  his  own  case,  seems  rather  to  steal 
away  the  ground  than  to  get  rid  of  it  by  perceptible  de 
grees. 

He  was  evidently  gratified  by  the  warmth  of  our  ap 
plause  and  the  size  of  the  audience.  He  bowed  low,  then 
untied  the  blue  pasteboard  covers,  and  read  as  follows : 

"  Meine  Herren  :  The  lecture,  as  announced,  will  con 
sist  of  a  running  commentary  on  Satire  9,  Book  I.,  of 
Q.  Horatius  Flaccus,  popularly  elucidating  that  amusing 
composition  in  the  hodigetico-exegetical  method  of  West- 
ner.  The  subject  of  the  satire,  as  you  well  know,  is  the 
encounter  of  the  poet  with  a  persistent  Roman  bore. 

"If  you  will  carefully  observe  the  first  verse  of  this 
admirable  satire,  you  will  discover  in  it  a  most  beautiful 
instance  of  the  adaptation  of  the  rhythmical  structure  to 
the  sense  of  the  passage.  The  poet  was  ascending  the 
Sacred  Way,  which  is  a  brisk  slope  upward  from  the  Col 
iseum,  and  the  halting  movement  of  the  wards  Ibam 
forte  Via  Sacra  fitly  represents  the  laboriousncss  of  the 


98  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

ascent.  On  the  summit  of  the  ascent,  before  you  de 
scend  toward  the  Forum,  stands  now  the  Arch  of  Titus, 
where  Horace  probably  sat  down  to  rest  himself,  a  move 
ment  which  is  beautifully  represented  by  the  caesura  in  the 
verse,  where  we  pause,  or,  as  it  were,  sit  down,  in  scan 
ning.  Then  the  line  concludes  with  the  soft,  liquescent 
words,  sicut  meus  est  mos,  which  indicate  the  ease  of  the 
descent. 

"  You  will  observe,  meine  Herren,  that  the  third  line, 
which  records  the  approach  of  the  garrulous  fool,  contains 
four  words  of  two  syllables  each.  Now,  here  is  a  remark 
able  beauty  of  composition.  In  the  first  line,  where 
Horace  was  still  alone,  the  words  are  mostly  of  one  sylla 
ble  ;  in  the  second  line,  where  he  descends  into  the  noisy 
Forum,  the  words  swell  out  into  a  turbulent  length ;  but 
in  the  third,  where  the  poet  and  the  fool  are  together,  a 
majority  of  the  words  are  of  two  syllables.  [Applause  by 
the  man  with  the  defective  ears.] 

"Next,  I  will  call  your  attention  to  the  remarkable 
words,  O  te,  Bolane,  cerebri  felicem  !  O  Bolanus,  happy 
of  your  head  !  I  need  not  tell  you,  meine  Herren,  that 
this  celebrated  passage  has  given  rise  to  innumerable  vir 
ulent  controversies  among  the  learned,  beginning  as  early 
as  the  time  of  Permixtus,  in  the  second  century.  Every 
thing  hinges  on  the  case  of  the  substantive  cerebrum. 

"  First,  as  to  the  reading  cerebri.  By  this  we  must  under 
stand  the  poet  as  saying  that  Bolanus  is  happy  ^/"his  head, 
in  possession  of  his  head,  that  is,  in  having  any  head  at 
all.  But  we  can  form  no  conception  of  a  man  happy 
without  his  head  ;  hence  this  reading  seems  to  attribute 
to  the  poet  an  impertinence,  and  I  condemn  it  as  spu 
rious. 

"  With  regard  to  the  reading  cerebro,  we  know  that  poets 
are  licensed  to  give  the  ablative  the  sense  of  in,  without 


PROFESSOR   DOCTOR   KINCK   VON  KINCK.       99 

employing  that  preposition.  From  this  we  should  have 
the  reading,  happy  in  his  head.  But  the  usual  sense  of 
the  ablative  is  privative,  denoting  absence,  ablation,  or 
abstention.  Understanding  it  so,  we  should  read,  happy 
out  of  his  head.  But  it  can  hardly  be  supposed  the  poet 
would  write  in  this  manner,  though,  as  a  purely  psycho 
logical  fact,  people  are  often  happier  out  of  their  heads 
than  they  are  in  them.  [Profound  silence.] 

"I  do  not  attempt  to  deny  that  there  are  also  many 
difficulties  connected  with  the  reading  cerebrum.  The 
phrase,  happy  in  respect  to  his  head,  would  indicate  that 
he  was  peculiarly  felicitous  in  regard  of  some  peculiar 
quality  of  that  organ.  If  this  were  a  serious  composition, 
we  should  be  bound  to  suppose  that  Horace  meant  to 
congratulate  him  on  his  acumen  or  brilliancy ;  but,  since 
it  is  satirical,  we  are  unsettled  from  the  usual  base  of  cri 
ticism,  and  compelled  to  seek  for  outside  historical  infor 
mation.  There  is,  indeed,  an  inherent  probability  that 
the  poet  meant  to  felicitate  Bolanus  on  his  obtuseness,  since 
that  quality  would  have  shielded  him  (Horace)  from  this 
fool's  infliction. 

"  But  this  theory,  unfortunately,  is  controverted  by  the 
positive  historical  statement  of  Mallonius  (ii.  27),  that 
Bolanus  was  a  remarkably  astute  advocate.  On  the  other 
hand,  however,  Trebonius  affirms  with  equal  positiveness, 
in  a  fragment  discovered  in  Brindisi  in  the  fourteenth  cen 
tury,  that  when  he  dined  with  Bolanus  on  one  occasion 
he  had  peacock  in  the  third  course  and  boar's-head  in 
the  fourth,  and  ate  his  celery  with  sweet  oil.  This  would 
seem  to  indicate  that  he  was  a  person  of  a  rather  imbecile 
understanding.  So  this  important  question  still  remains 
sub  judice. 

"Mtsere  cupis  abtre,  You  are  monstrous  anxious  to  get 
away,  says  the  inexorable  bore  to  the  poet,  as  he  writhes 


100  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

and  wriggles.  I  desire,  meine  Herren,  to  call  your  atten 
tion  to  the  profound  metaphysical  or  psychological  knowl 
edge  here  displayed  by  Horace.  He  might  have  written 
vis,  You  wish  to  get  away ;  or  petis,  You  seek ;  or  desi- 
deras,  You  desire ;  or  niteris.  You  struggle  ;  but  not  one  of 
them  would  have  conveyed  the  nice  shade  of  meaning 
expressed  by  cupis.  Wish  denotes  pure  and  simple  voli 
tion  ;  seek,  muscular  volition,  as  that  of  a  stag-hound ; 
desire,  intellectual,  or,  oftener,  moral,  volition,  without 
cause  or  reason  expressed ;  struggle,  strong  and  violent 
volition,  accompanied  by  kicks,  blows,  flinging  of  stones, 
and  the  like.  But  want  denotes  intense,  interior,  subject 
ive  volition,  a  movement  of  the  intellect  seldom  found 
among  the  superficial  and  objective  Italians,  or  even  among 
the  ancient  Romans,  but  more  frequent  among  Northern 
nations.  Cupis  abire  !  It  is  very  expressive." 

During  the  delivery  of  the  above  paragraph,  the  Pro 
fessor  seemed  temporarily  to  lose  himself  in  a  profound 
metaphysical  abstraction.  He  gradually  lost  sight  of  his 
manuscript,  and  began  to  pace  slowly  up  and  down  on  the 
platform.  Presently  he  fell  into  the  national  attitude  of 
meditation,  to  wit,  the  left  hand  laid  gently  across  the  ab 
domen,  the  head  thrown  slightly  to  the  right  and  upward, 
and  the  right  forefinger  placed  alongside  the  nose.  In 
this  attitude  he  remained  in  a  deep  meditation  for  some 
moments.  Then  he  began,  in  a  dreamy  and  pensive 
strain,  to  repeat  what  he  had  uttered,  but  with  his  right 
side  toward  the  audience,  and  his  eyes  directed  upon  the 
side  wall  of  the  room,  as  if  he  were  abstractedly  apostro 
phizing  an  imaginary  audience. 

Here  I  ventured  to  commit  a  breach  of  decorum  to 
which  the  student  of  human  nature  is  sometimes  tempted. 
I  turned  back  and  looked  into  the  faces  of  the  audience 
of  four  persons.  Any  one  who  will  perpetrate  this  piece 


PROFESSOR   DOCTOR   KINCK   VON  KINCK.      IQI 

of  ill  manners  in  a  theater,  or  when  listening  to  a  comical 
speaker,  will  be  rewarded  with  an  interesting  phenomenon 
which  will  repay  the  loss  of  some  of  the  finest  passages. 
The  facial  muscles  of  the  most  impressible  people  in  the 
audience,  especially  in  Germany,  seem  to  play  in  sym 
pathy  with  the  speaker's,  assuming  the  same  smiles  and  dis 
tortions.  These  movements  sometimes  extend,  among 
Germans,  even  to  the  neck  and  arms,  causing  them  to 
gyrate  in  unconscious  and  gentle  accord,  as  if  in  an  effort 
to  assist  or  supplement  the  thought  of  the  speaker. 

In  like  manner,  one  may  often  observe  little  children 
at  play,  earnestly  intent  on  some  circular  or  twisting  mo 
tion,  industriously  following  it  up  with  their  lips  or  tongues. 
As  Horace  himself  says, — 

"  Si  vis  me  flere,  dolendum  est 
Primum  ipsi  tibi." 

So  now,  graven  on  the  bewildered  face  of  the  poor 
fellow  with  the  black  hair  and  blue  spectacles,  I  saw  the 
word  cupis  in  all  its  pregnant  significance.  Let  the  reader 
only  consider  what  a  dreadful  thing  it  was  for  a  member 
of  the  "laboring  classes"  to  have  this  intensely  psycho 
logical  word  written  upon  his  lineaments  !  I  was  mightily 
alarmed  for  him,  lest  it  should  strike  into  his  system. 

The  Professor  presently  faced  his  audience  again,  and 
resumed  upon  cupis : 

11 1  seem  to  myself,  meine  Herren,  to  see  them  now  be 
fore  me, — the  irrepressible  bore  in  his  luxurious  toga  and 
perfumed,  flowing  locks,  leering  with  a  grin  of  exultation 
on  the  unfortunate  Horace,  who  *  sweats  even  down  to 
the  ends  of  his  toes,'  and  looks  piteously  about  for  Apollo 
or  some  compassionate  mortal  to  hasten  to  his  rescue. 
The  taunting  tone  of  the  impudent  snob  in  that  word  is 

9* 


102  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

quite  untranslatable.  Cupis  abire.  Cupis — ha,  ha  !  Misere 
cupis — ha,  ha,  ha  !  [Great  laughter.] 

"When  Horace  tells  this  impertinent  chatterbox " 

Here  the  Herr  Professor  Doctor  was  suddenly  inter 
rupted  by  a  deep  and  prolonged  groan,  followed  by  a 
heavy  thud,  as  of  a  man  falling  to  the  floor.  Hastening 
to  the  spot,  we  found  that  the  unfortunate  laborer  with  the 
blue  spectacles  had  fallen  under  a  paralytic  stroke,  and 
was  insensible.  The  kind-hearted  Professor  hastened 
down  from  the  platform  in  deep  concern,  and  ran  with 
great  precipitation  to  fetch  the  sufferer  a  draught  of  beer. 
In  the  mean  time  we  carried  him  gently  out  into  the  open 
air,  and  then  across  the  street,  into  an  apothecary  shop, 
to  await  the  arrival  of  a  physician. 

Seeing  the  lecture  was  hopelessly  broken  off,  I  started 
homeward,  then  lingered  awhile  on  the  pavement,  while 
the  relatives  and  sympathetic  friends  were  administering 
cordials,  rolling  the  unfortunate  man  on  a  barrel,  ham 
mering  him  on  the  back,  and  performing  other  well-meant 
operations.  A  physician  arrived  presently,  and,  after 
glancing  at  the  sufferer,  took  his  companion  aside  to  ques 
tion  him  as  to  his  habits  of  life  and  the  probable  cause 
of  the  stroke.  I  overheard  only  the  concluding  sentences. 

"  Did  you  say  it  was  the  honored  Herr  Professor  Doc 
tor  Kinckvon  Kinck's  lecture  you  were  listening  to?" 

"It  was,  Herr  Doctor." 

"  Ach,  Donnerwetter  !  Then  I  can  do  nothing  for  him. 
It  is  a  hopeless  case." 

Next  morning  I  read  in  the  newspaper  the  coroner's 
verdict :  "  Came  to  his  death  from  an  excessive  and  un 
timely  administration  of  cupis" 


STUDENT    RAMBLES    IN    PRUSSIA, 
i. 

Hamlet.     I  am  very  glad  to  see  you.     Good  even. 

But  what,  in  faith,  makes  you  from  Wittenberg  ? 
Horatio.   A  truant  disposition,  good  my  lord. 

HAMLET. 

BUT  Wittenberg  breeds  "truant  dispositions"  no 
more.  No  more  does  the  German  student,  round- 
faced,  broad-shouldered,  in  his  immense  cannon-boots, 
and  with  his  little  skull-cap  gayly  cocked  on  one  side  of 
his  head  and  brilliant  with  as  many  colors  as  a  poppy- 
bed,  saunter  with  his  level  gait  through  the  narrow, 
crooked,  cobble-paved  alleys  of  lonely  Wittenberg.  No 
more  do  the  Bierburschen  prowl  through  the  streets  on 
midnight  missions  of  sign-lifting,  hoisting  one  the  other 
upon  his  shoulders  before  some  grocery  door,  or  scattering 
like  frightened  rats  at  the  alarm  of  the  police  "  rattlers," 
diving  higgledy-piggledy  down  the  darkened  alleys. 
No  more  in  lonely  Wittenberg  does  the  incarcerated 
sign-lifter  turn  his  leaden  eyes  from  the  depths  of  the 
university  dungeon,  as  he  hears  in  the  court  the  footfall 
of  some  comrade  who  was  fleeter  than  he,  and  sees  his 
shadow  flit  across  the  narrow  grating,  and  dolefully  sigh, 
O  beatus  ille  !  No  more  in  Wittenberg  does  the  hapless 
fag,  the  freshman  "fox,"  sigh  for  the  day  of  his  legal 
emancipation, — the  great,  the  pregnant  day  which  shall 
usher  him  into  the  miseries  and  the  mysteries  of  the  con 
dition  of  "singed  fox,"  when  his  emancipators  shall 


104  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

dance  and  yell  around   him,  paint  on  his  face  a  pair  of 
whiskers,  and  sing  the  song  of  his  deliverance : 

"  Ich  mal'  dir  einen  Bart,  dass  du  hinfort  geartet 
Sollst  sein,  nicht  wie  ein  Kind,  das  noch  ganz  ungebartet." 

Then,  in  due  process  of  time,  the  "singed  fox"  be 
came  a  "young  boy,"  then  an  "old  boy,"  and,  last  of 
all,  arrived  at  the  tremendous  dignity  and  responsibility 
of  a  "moss-skin,"  a  free  person,  inter  pares  primus. 
Then  he  could  wear  his  sword  of  authority,  and  play  the 
absolute  tyrant  over  the  luckless  "school worms,"  "boo 
bies,"  or  "yellow-bills"  in  the  classes  below;  compel 
his  freshman  to  run  on  errands,  to  feast  him  without  re 
turn,  to  lend  him  money  without  hope  of  repayment,  to 
fight  with  the  street-boys  for  his  amusement,  or  to  pom 
mel  for  him  the  "obscurants"  or  "stinkers"  who  obsti 
nately  refused  to  yield  to  his  tyranny  by  entering  the 
secret  societies.  And  if  the  wretched  fag  refused  to  obey, 
the  lordly  "moss-skin"  could  beat  him  with  the  flat  of 
his  sword. 

Evil  days  were  those,  albeit  the  golden  age  of  "aca 
demic  freedom,"  and  sad  dogs  were  many  of  the  gradu 
ates  who  went  home  to  their  elders.  The  old  song  says : 

"  Wer  von  Leipzig  kommt  ohne  Weib, 
Und  von  Halle  mit  gesundem  Leib, 
Und  von  Jena  ungeschlagen, 
Der  hat  von  grossem  Gliick  zu  sagen." 

Gone  forever  and  forever  by,  not  alone  in  Wittenberg, 
but  everywhere,  is  that  German  student  whom  Kobbe 
limns  with  a  touch  of  fond  and  tender  pathos :  "  Ah ! 
where  are  ye,  happy  times,  when  the  German  student  was 
a  being  who  considered  himself  lifted  above  common 
mortals,  and  who  looked  down  upon  the  life  of  a  citizen 
with  unspeakable  superciliousness  and  contempt?  Like 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  105 

the  ancient  Titans,  he  gazed  down  upon  the  puny  genera 
tion  that  crept,  and  crawled,  and  wept  upon  the  earth, 
regarding  them  as  so  many  ants  which  existed  only  for 
his  service. 

"Bestowed  in  his  immense  cannon-boots;  his  pipe, 
with  its  long,  swinging,  gay-colored  tassels,  resting  its 
bowl  on  the  floor  before  him ;  and  his  jaunty  little  cap 
tipped  to  one  side,  what  was  the  world  to  him,  or  he  to 
the  world  ?  Or,  as  he  sat  in  the  cellar  before  the  beer- 
table,  while  his  voice  swelled  high  in  Gaudeamus  or  in 
Landesvater,  and  the  backsword  hurtled  through  his  hat, 
and  the  glasses  clinked  around  him ;  or,  mayhap,  as  he 
swung  his  lusty  arms  to  a  Hoch  lebe  or  a  fiducit,  how  all 
things  else  in  the  outer  world  sank  into  prosy  vulgarity 
and  nothingness !  Or,  again,  when  he  sat  in  his  little 
chamber — his  throne  his  bed,  his  footstool  the  Pandects 
piled  high  around  him,  all  in  confusion,  wherever  he  could 
find  room  ;  the  beermug  beside  the  inkstand,  and  on  the 
broken  plate,  as  the  song  says,  '  with  the  potato  a  herring ;' 
his  table  an  altar  to  Bacchus ;  and  from  the  midst  of  all 
a  dense  savory  smoke  ascending  from  his  pipe — how  its 
delicious  fumes  wrapped  him  in  sweet  forgetfulness  of  the 
dull  world  ! 

' '  Behold  him  again  in  the  intoxicating  hour  when  he 
stands  before  the  chalk-line  on  the  floor,  and  the  gleam 
ing  rapiers  cross  and  clink  before  him — O  world  !  ye  do 
not  know  his  exultation.  Or  the  yet  greater  felicity  of  the 
day  when  he  gave  audience  to  his  freshmen !  There  he 
sat  in  his  fleecy  robe,  stretched  far  back  in  his  soft  easy- 
chair,  the  pipe  in  his  mouth,  his  weather-soiled  cap 
cocked  upon  his  head  ;  and  before  him,  clad  in  black 
from  tip  to  toe,  all  ruffled  and  frizzled,  and  \\i\\igaZanterie- 
swords  by  their  sides,  his  chapeaux  d*honneur,  like  cham 
berlains,  awaiting  the  beck  of  their  Serenissimus ;  while 


106  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

before  his  mental  vision  there  floats  a  coach  drawn  by  four 
or  six  prancing  steeds,  postilions  with  their  clanging  horns, 
marshals  of  honor,  seniors  and  Praeses  on  horseback — a 
long  train  in  brilliant  array  !  Now  he  is  king  for  the  last 
time  ;  for  the  last  time  a  free  man,  one  of  the  elect ;  and 
they  are  escorting  him  forth  with  honors  into  the  busy 
world.  But  it  existed  not  for  him.  .  .  . 

"Nowhere  else  than  in  Germany,  in  the  land  of  dream 
ers,  could  have  existed,  could  have  arisen,  such  a  being  as 
the  old  German  student.  Nowhere  else  than  in  old  Ger 
many  could  there  have  lived  such  an  exclusive  freedom. 
In  that  land  alone  where  no  freedom  was,  could  men  feel 
themselves  attracted  to  this  fiction  of  freedom." 

Ah,  yes !  these  enormous  ramparts,  which  encircle  the 
little  humdrum  town,  grass-grown,  and  clean-shaven  as  a 
lawn,  and  so  lofty  that  the  sentries  on  them  almost  over 
look  the  town,  as  they  pace  their  appointed  beats,  with 
their  polished  bayonets  and  their  Pickelhauben  flash 
ing  in  the  sunlight, — these  are  Chancellor  Bismarck's 
latest  revised  edition  and  commentary  of  that  old  "  aca 
demic  freedom."  These  gleaming  cannon,  which,  with 
their  single  grim  eyes,  Cyclops-like,  glower  down  from 
the  grassy  parapets, — these  are  the  big  exclamation-points 
of  sarcasm  which  King  William  writes  at  the  end  of  that 
brilliant  phantasmagoria  of  liberty,  that  "  fiction  of  free 
dom,"  conceived  in  dreaming  professors'  brains.  Ger 
many  needed  a  little  "blood  and  iron"  to  startle  these 
academic  troglodytes  out  of  their  political  hibernation, 
and  make  them  lift  their  noses  for  a  moment  from  be 
tween  the  pages  of  commentaries,  that  they  might  com 
prehend  true  liberty,  which  comes  only  from  strength, 
which  comes  only  from  union. 

But  there  is  no  change  since  Hamlet's  time  in  these 
little  greenish-yellow,  mud-and-cobble  houses,  the  ever- 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  107 

lasting  stucco  of  Germany,  sicklied  over  with  a  maudlin 
wash,  but  so  enormously  thick-walled  that  the  small  square 
windows  look  like  portholes  for  cannon.  Here,  on  a 
market-day,  one  wanders  whithersoever  the  current  bears 
him — now  jostling  among  wagons  and  pedestrians  sheer 
in  the  middle  of  the  alley;  now  nearly  overturned  by 
a  low  cabbage-wagon,  guided  by  a  stalwart,  red-faced 
woman,  and  tugged  along  by  a  dog,  barking  and  screw 
ing  his  tail  in  his  impatience.  You  had  better  take  care, 
or  he  will  knock  you  down  among  the  cabbages. 

Still  carried  along  in  the  devious  windings,  unable  to 
see  ten  rods  ahead  in  the  crooked  crevices  called  streets, 
seeming  to  be  only  earthquake-cracks  among  the  houses  ; 
sufficiently  grateful  if  one  escapes  being  borne  down 
by  an  Amazonian  market-woman  bending  under  an  im 
mense  hamper  of  vegetables ;  looking  before  and  behind, 
and  dodging  fearfully  under  horses'  noses. 

The  quaint  sharp  gables  are  ranged  along  like  so  many 
huge  saw-teeth,  or  the  red-tiled  roofs  slope  toward  the 
street,  reaching  down  through  several  stories,  with  rows 
of  dormers  to  each,  and  all  black-spotted  by  time  or 
smirched  with  splashes  of  lichens.  In  one  of  the  dormers 
is  a  mousing  grimalkin,  which  stretches  its  neck  eagerly 
up,  and  moves  it  round  and  round,  following  the  flight  of 
the  pigeons  close  above.  What  a  queer,  funny  way  these 
houses  of  old  Germany  have  of  standing  along  in  a  row 
like  militia  ! — some  with  backs  to  faces,  others  with  backs 
to  backs,  others  sides  to  sides,  and  every  one  leaning  in 
its  own  peculiar  direction. 

But  to-day  there  is  only  an  occasional  peasant-woman, 
in  a  very  short  dress,  stumping  along  with  her  wooden 
shoes,  and  rattling  over  the  cobbles,  as  she  shoves  her 
toes  in  at  every  step ;  or  one  of  Bismarck's  boys,  m  his 
dark-blue  uniform  with  red  facings,  and  his  fascine-knife 


Io8  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

dangling  in  its  broad  sheath  against  his  legs,  while  he 
munches  a  sausage  which  he  holds  in  both  hands. 

Once  out  of  Wittenberg,  I  journeyed  on  along  the 
ancient  royal  highway,  between  the  ever-welcome  colon 
nades  of  stately  poplars,  planted  that  the  kingly  head 
might  never  be  scorched  by  the  sun  of  summer.  The 
sun  shone  as  brightly  as  it  ever  does  in  blue  old  Germany ; 
but  what  a  weary,  weary  land  to  my  eyes,  on  that  pitiless 
May-day,  was  that  sandy  champaign,  almost  utterly  naked 
in  its  hopeless  sterility  !  So  indescribably  blue,  and  cold, 
and  pinched  was  it,  without  any  vegetation  but  a  forest 
of  planted  pines,  which,  after  a  quarter  of  a  century,  had 
struggled  up  with  their  wretched,  scraggy  trunks  only 
fifteen  feet.  The  very  soil  looked  blue  and  thin  and 
skinny,  and  the  rye  looked  blue,  and  was  so  meager  and 
chilled  that  it  could  not  conceal  the  ground  or  the  knees 
of  men  who  plucked  up  the  weeds. 

All  the  dismal  immensity  of  this  fenceless,  hedgeless, 
houseless  waste,  except  an  acre  of  rye  in  a  hundred,  was 
given  up  to  the  sorrel,  the  lichens,  and  the  quitches.  The 
very  air  seemed  poor  and  attenuated,  like  old  skimmed 
milk.  All  the  houses  were  clustered  together  in  little 
villages,  far  apart,  where  they  huddled  close,  as  if  for 
warmth.  Their  dead,  dull  peat-fires  gave  forth  no  cheer 
ful  wreaths  of  smoke.  In  all  the  desolate  and  bleak  waste 
there  was  scarcely  a  soul  abroad. 

The  faces  of  the  carroty-haired  children,  who  were  oc 
casionally  watching  some  geese,  were  mottled  with  blue, 
and  purple,  and  goose-pimples.  If  a  man  ventured  abroad 
to  pluck  up  weeds  in  the  stunted  rye,  which  seemed  to 
shiver  with  a  kind  of  rustling,  starved  chilliness,  his  hands 
were  bluer  than  the  air. 

So  utterly  worn  out,  so  bluish-wan,  and  weary,  and  lean 
with  the  lapse  of  untold  centuries  seemed  all  the  earth  and 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  109 

the  air  of  that  Germany  which  I  looked  out  upon  on  that 
dismal  May  forenoon. 

Lamartine  says  the  blood  of  the  Germans  is  blue,  but 
that  of  these  Brandenburgers  must  certainly  be  sour. 

It  will  readily  be  believed  that  I  did  not  undertake  a 
pilgrimage  through  this  inexpressibly  bleak  region  in 
search  of  fine  landscapes.  I  wished  only  to  visit,  by  their 
own  firesides,  and  in  their  own  fields,  that  hard,  grim, 
Puritanic  race  to  whom  Prussia  is  primarily  indebted  for 
all  her  greatness. 

It  was  hours  after  mid-day  before  the  spires  of  Witten 
berg  vanished  below  one  of  those  broad  sand-knolls,  which 
swell  broadly  up  with  a  thousand  acres.  The  afternoon 
was  far  spent,  and  I  began  to  cast  longing  glances  ahead 
in  quest  of  an  eligible  tavern.  I  had  come  up  with  a 
thumping  lout  of  a  young  peasant,  who  strode  along  with 
his  "  clouted  shoon,"  about  a  yard  and  a  quarter  at  a 
stride,  whose  voice  blubbered  and  gurgled  up  out  of  his 
stomach  in  such  a  manner  that  the  fierce  wind  whisked  it 
away,  leaving  me  only  an  occasional  horse-laugh  (where 
upon  I  would  also  laugh,  though  I  had  not  the  remotest 
notion  of  the  matters  whereof  he  was  discoursing).  By 
his  advice  I  passed  several  tolerable  inns,  though  I  found 
afterward,  to  my  sorrow,  he  was  looking  only  for  the 
cheapest. 

At  last  we  came  to  one  which  was  the  meanest  of  all, 
but  I  was  too  weary  to  go  a  step  farther.  It  bore  the 
pretentious  name  of  the  Inn  of  the  Green  Linden.  It  was 
an  absolute  hovel,  built  of  cobbles  and  mud,  tawny-yellow 
within,  greenish-yellow  without,  with  an  earthen  floor  and 
benches  around  the  walls.  Above  the  door  were  twined 
some  twigs  of  Whitsuntide  birch,  which  I  had  noticed 
during  the  day  on  the  peasants'  hats,  wagons,  and  every 
where. 


no  PAPERS  FROM    GERMANY. 

Around  a  pine  table  were  eight  or  ten  men  and  hobble 
dehoys,  each  with  a  Schoppen  of  terribly  stiff  beer  before 
him,  and  most  of  them  smoking  the  long,  swan-necked 
porcelain  pipe,  while  four  were  intent  on  cards.  The 
men  were  hard,  gristly-faced,  sour-blooded  fellows,  who 
only  muttered  now  and  then  a  monosyllable,  which  I 
could  seldom  understand.  The  youths  looked  on  with 
the  most  vacuous  loamy  countenances  imaginable.  So 
intent  were  they  on  the  miserable  game  that  they  gave  no 
heed  to  our  arrival,  and  when  I  endeavored  to  ascertain 
who  was  the  landlord,  I  received  only  a  blank  stare,  or  a 
gesture  of  impatience. 

I  sat  down  and  waited,  and  I  confess,  for  a  few  minutes, 
my  enthusiasm  for  the  Prussian  character  fell  absolutely  to 
the  freezing-point. 

After  about  half  an  hour  the  landlord  seemed  to  be 
disturbed  in  his  mind  by  a  suspicion  that  I  was  a  foreigner, 
drew  near,  and  ascertained  that  fact.  Whereupon  he 
brought  me  some  vile  black  coffee,  and  a  couple  of  ex 
cellent  wheaten  Semmel,  such  as  you  seldom  fail  to  find 
in  Germany,  and  which  do  much  to  atone  for  the  exe 
crable  coffee. 

The  players  continued  at  their  game  far  into  the  even 
ing,  and  though  the  stakes  were  of  the  most  trifling 
amount,  often  only  half  a  penny,  they  displayed  a  fierce 
and  obstinate  eagerness  which  was  surprising.  They 
would  rise  up  on  their  feet,  lean  far  across  the  table,  and 
smite  the  same  with  astounding  violence.  When  they  at 
last  desisted,  and  were  preparing  to  disperse,  they  col 
lected  about  me,  and,  finding  I  was  an  American,  listened 
to  me  awhile  with  a  kind  of  drowsy,  immovable  passive- 
ness,  while  the  smoke  lazily  twirled  above  their  heads. 
Unlike  the  lively  Suabians,  and  the  joyous  drinkers  of 
the  sunny  wine  of  Freiburg,  they  scarcely  asked  any  ques- 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  m 

tions,  or  expressed  any  interest  beyond  grunting  their 
assent  or  wonder. 

At  last  the  host  and  myself  were  left  alone.  Then  he 
proceeded  to  prepare  the  only  couch  he  could  offer,  by 
shaking  down  on  the  floor  a  bundle  of  clean  rye  straw. 
He  tucked  me  all  up  as  carefully  as  if  I  were  one  of  his 
young  Buben,  shook  the  hand  which  I  reached  out  from 
the  straw,  and  left  me  with  a  cheerful  "  Schlafen  Sie 
wohl." 

There,  in  the  inexpressibly  dense  and  bitter  smudge 
of  the  tobacco  smoke,  and  the  fumes  of  that  terrific  beer, 
cold  and  shivering,  I  grabbed  frantically  the  livelong 
night  at  my  persecutors. 

In  the  adjoining  room  a  lusty  fellow  stretched  himself 
on  a  bench,  pillowed  his  head  on  a  portentous  loaf  of  rye 
bread,  without  having  even  inserted  that  useful  article  of 
diet  into  a  pillow-case,  and  there  he  snored — stertitque 
supinus — the  long  night  through,  in  a  tone  so  exaspera 
ting  that  I  was  greatly  tempted  to  arise  and  introduce  a 
wisp  of  rye-straw  judiciously  into  his  windpipe. 

When  I  sat  up  on  my  couch  next  morning,  pulling  the 
straw  out  of  my  hair,  I  said  to  myself,  "  Oh,  I  have  passed 
a  miserable  night !"  I  had  not  had  any  "fearful  dreams," 
nor,  for  that  matter,  any  sleep,  that  I  was  aware  of; 
neither  had  I  had  any  "ugly  sights,"  because  it  was  too 
dark  to  see  them ;  but  I  felt  them.  They  appeared  to  be 
greatly  rejoiced  to  be  able,  once  in  their  lives,  to  extract 
blood  from  a  man's  veins  instead  of  beer. 

The  next  day  I  passed  through  spectacles  of  the  most 
wonderfully  minute  and  unceasing  toil.  In  a  planted 
pinery,  where  the  trees  were  become  too  large  to  be 
plowed,  there  were  men  on  their  knees  weeding  them. 
Others,  in  long  sheepskin  cloaks,  inherited  from  the  time 
of  Tacitus,  were  weeding  great  fields  of  flax.  In  a  royal 


H2  PAPERS  FROM   GERMANY. 

forest  a  woman  was  culling  the  merest  twigs  for  fuel. 
Others  along  the  roadside  snipped  off  the  close  short 
fleece  of  grass,  bunched  it  up  in  mighty  bundles  on  their 
backs,  and  carried  it  to  the  village  for  the  stalled  cattle. 
Here  a  stalwart  yeoman  lazily  leans  his  chin  on  the  top 
of  his  crook,  guarding  three  sheep  as  they  nimbly  nibble  ! 
Peasant  women  going  to  the  village  to  hawk  their  little 
stuff,  shuffled  along  with  their  wooden  sabots,  making  a 
prodigious  dust,  and  chatting  cheerfully  with  their  stolid 
lords,  though  they  were  half  bowed  down  to  the  earth 
beneath  the  intolerable  weight  of  vegetables.  And  the 
infamous  tyrants  trudged  on  beside  the  poor  women,  never 
offering  to  touch  their  burdens  with  so  much  as  one  of 
their  fingers. 

The  women  and  the  cows  of  Germany  perform  all  the 
labor  in-doors,  and  a  third  of  that  done  out-doors. 

At  this  point  I  will  introduce  a  few  statistics,  taken  from 
the  Prussian  Jahrbuch,  showing  the  industrial  condition  of 
the  monarchy  in  certain  aspects.  By  the  latest  census  (1863) 
there  were  in  the  entire  kingdom  1,216,919  independent 
landholders  or  farmers,  while  the  number  of  dependent 
laborers,  of  all  sorts,  on  these  farms  was  1,911,861.  How 
different  is  that  from  England,  where  there  are  only  some 
30,000  landholders ! 

The  relation  between  the  number  of  independents  and 
dependents  of  the  rural  districts  is  quite  variable.  Thus, 
in  the  Stralsund  district,  there  are  5*40  laborers  to  one 
farmer;  in  the  Berlin  district,  3*32;  Potsdam,  2^58; 
Konigsberg,  2*73;  Magdeburg,  2'o6;  Erfurt,  1*24;  Co 
logne,  1*05;  Aix-la-Chapelle,  o-82. 

The  reader  will  detect  a  singular  and  apparently  para 
doxical  fact  in  the  above  figures.  In  the  Westphalian 
and  other  fertile  provinces  along  the  Rhine,  the  propor 
tion  of  laborers  is  much  less  than  in  the  sterile  eastern 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  113 

provinces.  In  other  words,  in  those  fat  and  merry  pro 
vinces  where  Catholics  are  most  numerous  and  wine 
abounds,  the  number  of  dependent  laborers  is  smaller, 
proportionately,  than  in  these  sandy  barrens  I  am  travers 
ing,  peopled  by  a  grim,  Puritanic,  beer-drinking  race. 
This  appears  to  be  contrary  to  what  one  would  naturally 
expect. 

The  explanation  seems  to  be,  that  these  eastern  pro 
vinces  have  been  longest  under  the  iron  rule  of  Prussia, 
and  that  the  onerous  taxes  which  have  been  necessitated 
by  her  military  system  have  forced  many  farmers  to  sell 
their  little  patrimonies,  and  become  hirelings  to  the 
nobility.  If  so,  it  is  the  hard  and  bitter  price  which 
Germany  has  to  pay  for  union,  because  nothing  else  in 
the  world  but  the  grim  military  system  of  Prussia  can  ever 
stamp  out  the  infernal  janglings  of  the  little  princes  of 
Central  and  Southern  Germany,  and  make  one  great  nation, 
respectable  and  strong.  The  world  will  never  know, 
until  it  is  fully  set  forth  in  history,  the  infinite  indebted 
ness  of  Germany  to  those  few,  early,  Puritanical  provinces 
of  Prussia,  and  the  mighty  burdens  they  have  borne  in 
their  poverty  in  building  up,  in  spite  of  itself,  the  great 
ness  of  the  German  nation. 

When  Germany  is  fully  united  and  strong  externally, 
she  will  become  liberal  to  her  own  citizens.  Louis  Blanc 
said,  in  1840,  "Germany  becomes  Prussian  to-day,  to 
become  democratic  to-morrow."  With  this  agrees  Bis 
marck:  "None  but  a  completed  commonwealth  can 
afford  the  luxury  of  a  liberal  government." 

I  think  the  Germans  will  never  "witch  the  world  with 
noble  horsemanship."  The  horses  of  Prussia  are  splendid 
animals  for  the  farm,  strong,  and  glossy,  and  round,  equal 
to  the  heaviest  Clydesdales ;  but  the  people  seem  to  care 
very  little  to  mount  them.  After  all  my  travels  in  Prus- 

10* 


114 


PAPERS  FROM    GERMANY. 


sia,  I  have  yet  to  see  a  man  riding  on  horseback  in  the 
country,  and  in  the  city  it  is  chiefly  the  military  officers 
who  prance  along  the  boulevards.  The  great  superiority 
of  the  Hungarian  cavalry  over  the  Prussian  was  abun 
dantly  demonstrated  in  the  Bohemian  campaign  of  1866. 
The  dreaded  "Three  Uhlans"  of  Edmond  About  were 
often  Poles. 

It  is  said  that  the  sovereigns  of  Germany,  when  paying 
visits  of  ceremony  at  foreign  courts,  seldom  omit  to  take 
along  with  them  a  favorite  charger  or  two,  to  whose 
paces  they  are  accustomed,  that  there  may  be  no  blunders 
or  embarrassments  in  the  reviews.  It  would  be  a  dread 
ful  thing  if  his  majesty  should  be  planted  on  his  august 
head  by  an  uncourtly  Gaul. 

These  poor  peasants  here  evince  little  more  confidence 
than  do  their  majesties.  The  outrageously  unprofessional 
and  awkward  manner  in  which  they  treat  the  noble  brutes 
would  enrage  a  horse-fancier  beyond  endurance.  To  save 
toll  at  the  gates,  they  often  hitch  only  one  horse  in  a 
two-horse  wagon,  so  that  the  tongue  bruises  and  thwacks 
his  shins  in  a  disgraceful  manner.  And  then  to  hitch  the 
head  of  one  gallant  horse  to  the  tail  of  another — bah  ! 

In  the  village  of  Beelitz  I  had  an  amusing  adventure, 
resulting  from  my  ignorance  of  the  customs  of  the  country. 
Upon  entering  the  village,  I  began  to  cast  about  me  for 
some  eligible  tavern,  wherein  I  might  take  my  customary 
mid-day  repast.  The  first  one  I  approached  was  the  Inn 
of  the  Black  Horse ;  but  there  were  rather  too  many 
frowzy,  unwashed  children  and  dingy  geese  tumbling 
about;  besides,  the  sign  hung  down  from  one  corner. 
The  only  other  one  was  the  Inn  of  the  White  Eagle, 
which  was  scarcely  any  better,  but  it  was  Hobson's  choice. 
It  was  so  extremely  small  that  I  was  in  doubt  whether  it 
was  a  public  tavern  or  not ;  so  I  rapped. 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  I15 

Only  the  clink  of  the  dinner-knives  responded. 

The  operation  was  repeated  with  a  certain  amount  ot 
vigor.  There  was  a  kind  of  objurgatory  remark  made 
inside,  and  in  a  moment  the  door  was  opened  about  two 
feet,  and  an  immense  brawny  arm,  bared  to  the  elbow, 
was  protruded  out  around  the  edge  of  the  door.  The 
arm  alone  was  visible,  no  body  seeming  to  be  attached 
thereto.  In  the  fingers  there  was  clutched  a  hunk  of  some 
substance  which  appeared  to  solicit  my  closer  inspection. 
A  single  glance  at  this  substance  revealed  to  me  the 
pleasing  and  interesting  fact  that  it  was  bread.  It  was 
undoubtedly  bread. 

This  was  an  unexpectedly  prompt  response  to  my  de 
sires,  and  presented  an  opportunity  for  the  acquisition  of 
a  limited  amount  of  provisions  cheap,  but  one  of  which 
my  conscience  would  not  permit  me  to  avail  myself. 
Howsoever,  I  scrutinized  the  bread  with  quite  a  lively  in 
terest.  It  was  manifestly  good  bread,  that  is  to  say,  it 
had  been  good  bread  at  some  former  period  of  time,  but 
was  now  somewhat  dry.  Indeed,  I  think  I  may  safely 
affirm  that  it  was  totally  devoid  of  moisture. 

Presently  the  hand  holding  this  article  of  diet  executed 
a  sudden  movement  of  impatience,  or,  as  it  were,  of 
beckoning  or  blandishment,  as  if  I  were  expected  to  take 
this  bread  and  masticate  the  same.  But  as  I  still  hesitated, 
the  arm  was  suddenly  withdrawn  into  the  tavern,  there 
was  a  very  audible  remark  made  inside,  and  then  the 
brawny  hostess  owning  the  hand  presented  herself  at  the 
door,  and  appeared  to  have  made  an  astounding  dis 
covery. 

Tableau  ! 

A  substantial  dinner  of  pork  and  cabbage.  Many 
apologies. 


!i6  PAPERS   FROM   GERMANY. 

Moral:  In  a  country  where  beggars  are  numerous, 
never  knock  at  the  tavern  door. 

******* 

I  will  end  this  chapter  with  a  translation  of  part  of  a 
curious  document  I  came  upon  in  my  rambles.  It  is  en 
titled  "  Leipsic  Beer  Code,"  and  is  the  body  of  rules 
accumulated  from  tradition  upon  the  subject  of  beer- 
drinking  in  the  Leipsic  University.  It  will  show  better 
than  a  treatise  could  to  what  a  system  the  devotees  of 
Gambrinus  have  reduced  their  orgies : 

I.  SUBJECTS  OF  THE  CODE. 

1.  All  persons,  under  the  operations  of  this  Code,  are 
divided  into  beer-boys  and  foxes. 

2.  A  fox  becomes  a  beer-boy,  either  by  the  lapse  of 
two  semesters,  or  by  beer-trial.     The  beer-trial  is  con 
ducted  in  the  following  manner :  the  song  beginning, 

"  In  Leipzig  angekommen, 
Als  Fuchs  bin  aufgenommen," 

is  sung ;  and  if,  after  the  first  and  the  last  stanzas,  the  can 
didate  drinks  a  whole,  and  after  each  of  the  others  a  half- 
pint,  he  is  solemnly  proclaimed  a  beer-boy. 

3.  All  kinds  of  beer  are  constitutional  under  this  Code, 
but  other  drinks  are  not  recognized. 

II.  DRINKING  CHALLENGES. 

4.  To  increase  the   jollity  of  drinking-bouts,  it  is  an 
immemorial  custom  for  the  beer-boys  to  drink  to   each 
other  about  a  round-table,  even  if  it  is  only  the  plain 
beer-table  of  the  jovial  student,  for  thereby  the  reproach 
of  the  "solitary  swig"   is  removed.     When  Miiller  says 
to  Schulze,  •"  I  come  to  thee,  I  challenge  thee,  I  drink  to 
thee  a  half,  a  whole,"  or  so,  Schulze  will  be  so  carried 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  117 

away  with  enthusiasm  that  he  will  involuntarily  accept  in 
the  usual  words. 

5.  As  to  the  acceptance  of  the  quantity  named,  Schulze 
is  bound  under  all  circumstances,  both  morally  and  by 
the  beneficent  rules  of  the  beer-shame,  to  do  so  at  once, 
and  in  the  following  words:   "Profit,  drink  it,  swig  it, 
it's  right."     Mere  winking  or  nodding  does  not  suffice. 
Even  the  expression  "Swig  it  double"  is  not  forbidden, 
only  Schulze  is  not  to  guarantee  that  it  is  actually  done. 
If  Shtilze  delays  to  respond   "Profit"  etc.,  then  Miiller 
can  demand   it  of  him  with  the  words,   "Schulze,  say 
'Profit?  "    etc.  three  times.     If  Schulze,  after  this  de 
mand,  does  not  at  once  accept  the  quantity  named,  he 
goes  into  a  beer-shame.     If  Miiller  drinks  before  Schulze 
accepts,   the   latter  is  not  bound   to  follow  up.     But  if 
Schulze  has  his  throat  so  well  in  order  that  he  feels  the 
need  of  a  drink,  he  cries  out  with  a  loud  voice,  "Miiller, 
I  follow  you  up,"  whereupon  the  latter  gives  vent  to  his 
unspeakable  joy. 

6.  One  is  not  bound  to  accept  a  challenge  from  a  beer- 
debtor.     The  constitutional  quantity  ranges  from  a  quar 
ter-pint  to  two  wholes. 

7.  Should    several    beer-honorable    souls,    as    Miiller, 
Schulze,  Lehmann,  etc.,  wish  to  express  their  liking  for 
some  one,  they  blow  him  in  the  air  with  so  or  so  many 
wholes  or  halves, — that  is,  each  of  them  drinks  the  same 
quantity   to  Richter,   for   instance.     Richter   must  now 
drink  this  quantity  to  each  of  them  in  return,  at  intervals 
of  five  beer-minutes  (three  minutes).     Foxes  cannot  blow 
in  the  air  this  way  without  the  participation  of  at  least 
one  beer-boy. 

8.  To  promote  universal  jollity  at  the  beer-table  is  the 
object  of  the  very  useful  custom  called  "  Drinking  to  the 
World."    Richter,  after  drinking  his  quantities,  retaliates 


Il8  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

with  the  same  (at  least  a  half-pint)  upon  every  one  at  the 
table  except  Miiller,  Schulze,  and  Lehmann. 

III.  BEER-DUELS. 

9.  A  beer-duel  is  a  duel  in  which  the  weapons  are  beer, 
and  the  conqueror  is  he  who  first  drinks  a  certain  quantity 
in  a  constitutional  manner. 

10.  As  in  every  duel,  so  here,  there  must  first  be  an 
offense  given.     After  every  offense  a  challenge  must  be 
given  within  at  least  five  beer-minutes.     The  offense  is 
of  two  sorts,  "sage"  and  "beer-baby." 

11.  In  case  a  beer-boy  is  called  "sage,"  he  can  either 
challenge  the  offender,  or,  when  he  thinks  the  offense  was 
involuntary,  or  proceeded  from  some  other  cause,  he  can 
reply  with  "Doctor."     The  other  must  then  challenge 
him,  or  reply  with  "Pope."     After  "Pope"  a  challenge 
must  be  given.     In  case  of  a  duel  on  "sage,"  each  party 
drinks  a  half;  "  Doctor,"  a  whole  ;  "  Pope,"  two  wholes. 

12.  When  a  beer-boy  is  called  "beer*baby,"  a  chal 
lenge  must  be  given,  and  each  party  drinks  a  half. 

13.  Each  principal   must   choose  a  second,    and    the 
second  of  the  challengee  an  umpire.     The  challenger's 
second  commands,  "Let  the  Popes  (or  Doctors)  seize!" 
the  challengee's  second  says,   "Attack!"    the  other  re 
plies,  "  Out !"    In  a  duel  on  "  beer-baby,"  the  challengee 
chooses  an  umpire,  who  equalizes  the  weapons.    The  chal 
lenger  says,  "One;"   the  challengee,  "Two;"  the  chal 
lenger,  "Three;"  whereupon  they  begin  to  drink. 

14.  The  umpire  declares  him  in  beer-shame  who  drinks 
unconstitutionally,   or  who  was  the  last   to   say   "  beer- 
baby."    To  drink  unconstitutionally  is,  to  begin  to  drink 
before  the  word   "Out,"  or  "Three;"  to  slop  out  beer 
(bleed)   during  the  drinking;    to  leave  a  little   (called 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  up 

Philistine),  enough  to  cover  the  bottom  of  the  mug ;  or, 
to  break  the  mug  in  setting  it  down. 

15.  Seconds  and  umpires  must  be  beer-honorable  beer- 
boys,  and  the  umpire  is  bound  on  Grand  Cerevis  to  decide 
according  to  his  best  knowledge  and  belief. 

IV.  ORDERS  Ex  PLENO. 

1 6.  Every  beer-boy  -has  the  right,  in  certain  cases,  to 
order  a  fox  to  drink  as  a  punishment.     This  is  called  an 
order  ex  plena.     It  is  usually  resorted  to  when  the  foxes 
carry  their  tails  too  high,  and  long  experience  has  demon 
strated  it  to  be  the  best  means  for  keeping  them  in  a  proper 
state  of  humility. 

1 7.  The  order  ex  pleno  is  given  in  the  following  man 
ner:  The  beer-boy  calls  out  to  the  culprit  fox,  "  Mtiller, 
drink  ex  plena"  once.     If  the  fox  delays,  this  order  is 
given  a  second  and  third  time,  and  if  he  still  refuses, 
he  is  at  once  declared  in  a  beer-shame.     Idle  excuses  are 
not  to  be  accepted.     If  the  beer-boy  calls  out,   "It  is 
remitted,"  the  fox  is  released  from  further  drinking;  but 
if  he  compels  him  to  drink  it  all,  he  is  bound  to  drink  at 
least   one  swallow  with  him,   under  pain   of  the   beer- 
shame. 

1 8.  Should  a  fox  think  he  was  ordered  to  drink  ex  pleno 
without  sufficient  ground  (which  is  hardly  conceivable), 
he  can,  after  he  drinks  his  quantity,  ask  the  other  why  he 
ordered  him  to  do  it.     If  he  still  thinks  himself  wronged, 
he  can  then  take  oath  before  any  impartial  beer-honor 
able   beer-boy,  and   through  him  have  a  beer-court  as 
sembled. 

19.  In  beer-villages,  that  is,  in  every  place  outside  of 
Leipsic,  except  in  corps-bouts  and  regular  beer-cellars,  a 
man  of  a  higher  semester  can  order  one  of  a  lower  to  drink 


120  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

ex  plena.     If  the  latter  refuses,  the  other  can  punish  him 
by  shaking  his  mug  of  beer  out  over  his  head. 
« 

V.  GRAND  CEREVIS. 

20.  The  Grand  Cerevis  is  the  highest  form  of  affirma 
tion  in  all  beer-cases.     It  is,  therefore,  to  be  given  as  the 
last  and  indefeasible  testimony,  when  no  other  kind  can 
be  adduced  for  lack  of  witnesses. 

21.  Since  the  Grand  Cerevis  is  principally  employed 
when  jollity  has  reached  its  acme,  by  reason  of  the  un 
limited   swigging,  and  when,  by  consequence,  it    is   no 
longer  to  be  expected  that  general  attention  will  be  paid 
to  what  is  passing,  it  is  necessary,  in  order  to  prevent  a 
frivolous  use  of  it,  that  it  should  never  be  given  negatively. 
In  other  words,  one  must  never  affirm  on  Grand  Cerevis 
that  another  did  not  do  so  and  so ;   but,  at  the  utmost, 
that  he  did  not  hear  or  see  him  do  so  and  so.    One  Grand 
Cerevis  must  also  never  be  given  against  another. 

22.  The  only  case  where  the  last  clause  above  given  is 
violated  is  as  follows  :  When  one  accuses  another  of  having 
given  his   Grand  Cerevis  falsely,  he  must  establish   that 
fact  through  two  beer-honorable  witnesses,  who  are  bound 
on  Grand  Cerevis  to  declare   truthfully  what  they  have 
seen  or  heard.     If  the  defendant  is  proven  guilty,  he  goes 
into  the  highest  beer-shame. 

******* 
I  cannot  follow  up  this  quaint  document  further.  It 
contains  eighty-three  sections,  describing  beer-courts, 
beer-conventions,  beer-punishments,  the  beer-shame,  etc. 
There  are  twenty-two  beer-crimes  which  lead  to  the  beer- 
shame,  seven  which  conduct  to  the  sharpened  beer-shame, 
and  four  which  terminate  in  the  perpetual  beer-shame,  or 
gallows,  at  which  point  the  offender  may  be  forcibly 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  121 

ejected  from  the  drinking-bout,  if  he  refuses  to  enter  a 
beer-trial  for  the  sake  of  drinking  himself  back  to  a  beer- 
honorable  estate.  Although  hanging  on  tke  gallows,  he 
can  still  return,  if  he  will  drink  enough  within  a  certain 
number  of  minutes. 


STUDENT    RAMBLES    IN    PRUSSIA. 


All  that's  moisture 

Drink  with  cheer ; 
Only  water 

Touch  with  fear. 

GOUNOD'S  OPERA  FAUST. 

STANDING  just  outside  the  mighty  ramparts  of  Mag 
deburg,  looking  south,  I  saw  only  a  green  infinity 
of  grass.  Not  a  tree  for  the  birds  to  perch  in  and  sing. 
11  Daz  tuot  den  vogellnen  we"  as  the  ancient  Walther 
sings.  How  grumpy  they  were,  although  it  was  June,  as 
if  they  felt  sour  toward  the  Lombardy  poplars  for  shoot 
ing  up  their  branches  so  straight  that  they  could  not  build 
in  them !  Even  when  they  wanted  to  alight,  they  had  to 
clutch  a  perpendicular  twig  desperately,  and  stand  out 
horizontal,  to  their  great  disgust. 

Imprimis,  let  us  observe  this  circumstance.  The  superb 
old  Lombardy  poplars,  regally  useless,  and  planted  in  the 
times  of  "divine  right"  notions,  are  here  fast  yielding 
place  to  sweet-scented  apples  and  cherries.  It  is  the 
triumph  of  modern  utilitarian  democracy  over  roy 
alty.  Every  poplar  destroyed  is  one  more  infinitesimal 
kingling  gone.  "Off  with  his  head!"  Well  done  for 
him. 

Walking  down  between  these  blooming  and  sweet- 
smelling  rows — here  a  king,  there  a  score  of  democrats — 
you  shall  see,  far  out  on  the  magnificent  long  sea-rolls  of 
brown  loam,  gangs  of  laborers,  seventy  or  eighty  in  a 

(122) 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  123 

row,  men  and  women  together,  dressed  in  blue  Saxon 
linen,  hoeing  in  the  beet-rows,  which  reach  away  till  they 
disappear  below  the  blue  horizon.  It  is  4he  same  sad, 
hopeless,  trip-hammer  stroke  which  one  might  see,  some 
twenty  years  ago,  in  our  own  sunny  Carolinas.  There  is 
the  overseer,  too  (how  much  he  looks  like  Legree!), 
moving  to  and  fro  along  the  line. 

It  is  not  that  there  is  such  an  excessive  amount  of 
physical  suffering,  except  in  winter  and  in  unusual  cases ; 
but  the  circumstance  most  deplorable  is,  the  intellectual 
vacuousness,  the  lubricity,  and  the  utter  crushing  out  of 
noble  ambitions  wrought  by  this  never-ceasing  drudgery 
for  another.  It  degrades  human  nature  to  be  always  a 
hireling. 

As  the  sun  nears  the  horizon,  and  " procul  villarum 
culmina  fumant"  with  supper-getting,  many  a  wistful 
glance  wanders  thither.  When  the  village  bell  rings, 
forthwith  they  throw  up  their  heels,  leap,  and  jump,  and 
stand  on  their  heads,  and  butt  one  another  like  bellicose 
rams,  showing  that  they  lack  much  of  exhaustion.  But 
their  toil  is  not  ennobled  by  the  sacred  ambitions  of 
ownership,  and  such  toil  is  inevitably  brutalizing. 

For  this  reason  it  was  that,  in  the  village  inns,  although 
the  peasants  who  flocked  in  to  fuddle  themselves  with 
beer  in  the  evening  were  more  glib  and  oily  in  speech 
than  the  sour-blooded  boors  about  Wittenberg,  they 
were  far  more  lascivious.  The  unchastity  of  the  South 
Germans  is  partly  accounted  for  by  their  softer  climate, 
but  here  the  same  temperature  prevails  as  about  Wit 
tenberg. 

The  Germans  seem  to  suffer  in  their  moral  nature,  under 
a  purely  hireling  system,  more  than  any  other  people  of 
Christendom.  Manifestly,  they  are  not  to  be  compared 
with  the  Italians  as  to  the  absolute  descent,  because  they 


124 


PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 


fall  from  a  higher  level ;  but  they  are  a  nobler  race,  and 
are  correspondingly  more  brutalized  by  peonage. 

The  laborers  on  these  beet-plantations  live  in  immense 
barracks  owned  by  the  planters,  and  in  the  towns  those 
employed  in  the  sugar-factories  live  in  the  same  manner, 
but  in  still  more  deplorable  squalor.  They  live  largely 
off  beets  and  other  vegetables,  and  greens  snipped  out  of 
the  fields,  in  consequence  of  which  their  faces  are  very 
fluffy  and  pulpy.  They  seem  to  have  in  their  veins  the 
colorless  lymph  of  fishes.  The  little  carroty-haired  chil 
dren,  tumbling  on  their  heads  in  the  streets  of  Stassfurt, 
have  the  ophthalmia  to  a  distressing  extent.  Nearly  all 
of  them  look  repulsively  blear-eyed  and  watery,  as  if  they 
were  just  about  to  dissolve  away. 

I  talked  with  one  of  the  laborers  on  the  plantation,  who 
was  a  trifle  more  intelligent  than  most  I  tried,  but  his 
utter  ignorance  of  political  liberty  was  astonishing.  Said 
I  to  him : 

"  Couldn't  you  get  along  without  a  king,  think?" 

The  question  almost  shocked  him,  and  he  looked  quite 
vacant. 

"  The  king  gives  alms  to  the  poor."  It  was  the  strong 
est  argument  that  occurred  to  him. 

"But,  suppose  you  should  elect  your  king,  and  allow 
him  regular  wages,  such  as  you  get  yourself,  only  higher, 
in  proportion  to  his  place?" 

The  poor  fellow's  countenance  was  really  troubled,  and 
he  answered  softly,  as  if  afraid  he  might  be  overheard  : 

"Oh,  I  think  that  would  be  bad,  for  then  the  poor 
would  get  no  alms." 

"Is  that  all  you  fear?  Suppose  your  Diet  in  Berlin 
paid  him  wages — not  half  so  much  as  he  now  gets — and 
saved  the  rest  for  the  poor?" 

He  gave  a  glance,  to  be  sure  we  were  not  overheard, 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  ^5 

and  then  he  considered  the  notion  of  electing  a  king, 
which  seemed  to  be  peculiarly  strange  and  terrible  to  him. 
Then  came  the  argument  which  was  convincing. 

"  But,  if  we  did  not  vote  for  this  king,  but  another, 
his  police  would  come  and  catch  us,  and  put  us  in 
prison." 

The  poor,  scared,  starved  soul !  So  utterly  impossible 
was  it  for  him  to  place  himself  back  of  the  notion  of  the 
king  as  the  source  of  all  things  earthly.  He  seemed  to 
be  as  incapable  of  conceiving  of  anything  whatever  exist 
ing  without  the  consent  of  the  king  as  we  all  are  of  under 
standing  how  the  Almighty  has  existed  from  eternity, 
self  created.  I  questioned  many,  and  found  this  notion 
of  royal  almsgiving  was  always  uppermost. 

Here  it  becomes  necessary  to  write  a  thing  which  may 
seem  terribly  un-American  and  undemocratic.  A  vast  ma 
jority  of  the  masses  of  the  Continent  are  not  "sighing 
for  liberty"  at  all.  They  do  not  even  know  what  liberty 
is.  The  root  of  the  matter  is  not  found  in  them.  They 
are  dimly  conscious,  like  a  linnet  hatched  in  its  wicker- 
cage,  that  there  is  something  lacking  in  their  little  lives ; 
but,  if  they  long  to  come  to  America,  an  honest  analysis 
of  their  minds  would  evolve  the  unheroic  fact  that  most  of 
them  are  distinctly  conscious  of  no  higher  purpose  than 
to  be  able  to  acquire  a  more  ample  quantum  of  meat  and 
mustard  for  a  smaller  outlay  of  labor. 

The  war  between  Prussia  and  Austria  was  just  in  its 
incipiency,  and  Stassfurt  was  full  of  belligerent  talk.  As 
the  villagers  sat  around  their  little  tables,  I  thought  many 
times  they  would  certainly  fall  to  breaking  one  another's 
noses.  First,  one  would  leap  up,  lean  far  across  the  table, 
and  beat  it  very  earnestly  with  his  fist,  or  strike  wildly 
into  the  atmosphere,  as  if  in  the  prosecution  of  severely 
personal  hostilities  against  a  June-bug ;  then  the  other 

n* 


126  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

would  do  the  same ;  then  they  would  both  jump  up, 
put  their  countenances  close  together,  and  discourse 
very  violently  and  simultaneously  for  many  moments 
together. 

Close  by  the  roadside,  on  an  eminence  commanding 
a  prospect  far  and  wide  over  the  plains,  stood  a  sandstone 
monolith,  which,  to  the  seeker  after  the  dark  ways  of 
character,  was  a  better  guide  than  ever  Number  Nip  served 
to  the  wayfarer.  It  appears  that  the  Duke  of  Anhalt,  on 
whose  territory  it  stood,  some  twenty  years  ago,  when  his 
excessive  taxes  had  reduced  the  people  to  beggary,  was 
graciously  moved  in  his  paternal  heart  to  order  the  con 
struction  of  a  ducal  turnpike,  to  enable  his  subjects  to 
keep  the  wolf  from  their  doors.  This  was  all  very  good 
and  pleasant  to  a  philanthropic  mind,  but  the  weak  point 
of  the  German  character  appears  on  this  monument,  in 
the  following  inscription,  among  others : 

"  Wanderer,  as  you  pause  here,  let  us  joyfully  declare 
to  you  that  Love  fashioned  this  column,  as  a  memorial 
of  our  lealty  to  him." 

The  principal  circumstance  to  be  noted  in  this  inscrip 
tion  is  that  certain  something  of  servility,  of  adulation 
and  incense-burning  to  sleek  rank  rather  than  to  starved 
and  penniless  genius,  that  "too-much-ness"  of  loyalty 
of  which  Coleridge  accuses  the  Germans.  Compare  the 
German  Domkirchen  with  the  cathedrals  of  Italy.  In  the 
latter  are  tens  of  thousands  of  statues,  statuettes,  busts, 
pictures,  cartoons,  in  which  the  children  of  genius  do 
each  other  noble  honor  above  all  ribboned  potentates; 
but  in  German  churches  there  are  few  grand  tombs,  ex 
cept  to  coffin  the  purple,  few  sublime  frescoes,  except  to 
celebrate  the  heroism  of  the  blue  blood.  How  true,  how 
pitifully  true,  even  of  the  genius  of  Germany,  is  that  bit 
ter  sarcasm  of  Bismarck:  "If  the  people  had  money 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  127 

enough,  every  one  of  them  would  have  his  king."  Or 
that  acrid  word  of  Moltke,  as  he  stood  before  the  splendid 
portraits  of  Bazaine  and  McMahon  in  Versailles:  "I 
think  we  Prussian  generals  have  about  as  much  merit  as 
these  gentlemen,  but  they  will  not  place  any  of  our  por 
traits  in  a  Pantheon  at  Berlin."  Of  all  nations  of  Europe 
the  most  peaceful,  and  the  most  unhandsome  on  a  horse, 
they  have  the  most  absurd  disproportion  of  equestrian 
bronze  in  their  streets. 

When  will  the  Germans  cease  to  worship  kings,  and 
build  for  the  Fatherland  a  true  Walhalla,  wherein  shall  be 
gathered  their  real  Einheriar? 

What  more  contemptuous  term  of  reproach  in  the  rest 
of  Europe  than  ''German  count?"  In  their  journals 
they  quote  the  sayings  of  their  great  statesmen  far  oftener 
than  we  in  America  do,  but  it  is  merely  the  tribute  of 
bookworms, — the  conceit  of  learning.  It  is  egotism. 
Egotism  and  skepticism  are  one.  And  it  is  a  curious 
commentary  on  the  value  of  most  modern  skepticism, 
that  the  most  skeptical  people  of  Christendom  are  the 
most  devoted  king-worshipers. 

A  skeptical  people  can  never  maintain  republican  gov 
ernment.  They  are  too  absolute ;  they  must  push  every 
principle  to  its  ultimate  results ;  none  of  the  imperfect 
systems,  which  alone,  in  this  fallen  world,  can  be  carried 
on  among  men,  will  be  tolerated  by. them.  They  would 
pick  it  to  pieces,  and  establish  in  its  stead  such  a  Utopian 
complication  as  was  sought  to  be  made,  in  1848,  in  Frank 
fort.  There  is  no  elasticity  in  the  German  character,  no 
spirit  of  compromise,  none  of  our  easy  American  laisser 
alter,  which  is  indispensable  to  self-government.  The 
German  loses  his  temper  in  politics,  and  strikes  blindly 
about  him.  German  minorities  always  protest.  They 
have  no  patience  with  political  offenders.  "  Shoot  them 


128  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

down  like  mad  dogs,"  said  Luther  of  the  rebellious 
peasants. 

But  we  have  wandered  a  long  way  from  our  sandstone 
pillar.  Yes,  here  is  Hettstadt. 

The  landlord  of  the  White  Swan  was  a  tall,  slender, 
meager-faced  man,  and  he  received  me  with  much  solem 
nity.  We  sat  down  on  opposite  sides  of  the  polished 
earthenware  stove,  he  with  a  hand  on  each  knee,  and  I 
looked  at  him,  and  he  looked  at  me,  and  we  both  looked 
at  each  other.  To  keep  up  the  conversation,  I  was 
obliged  to  set  forth  unto  him  my  whole  history  in  order, 
interspersing  the  same  with  divers  instructive  accounts  of 
American  wheat  and  rye.  But  when  the  young  people 
came  in,  as  usual,  in  the  evening,  to  refresh  themselves 
with  a  little  beer,  his  tongue  was  loosened.  His  preter 
natural  gravity  had  been  superinduced  only  by  the  pro 
found  cogitation  in  his  mind,  whereby  he  was  lifting  him 
self  to  the  realization  that  he  had  a  genuine  live  Ameri 
can  under  his  roof. 

He  rehearsed  to  them,  with  an  almost  childish  eager 
ness,  all  my  noble  qualities,  together  with  those  of  Amer 
ican  vegetables ;  every  man  the  while  looking  at  me  with 
his  two  round  eyes,  with  many  ejaculations  of  admiration, 
until  I  began  to  feel,  as  Hawthorne  said  he  did  once  when 
lionized,  very  much  like  a  hippopotamus.  I  had  to  drink 
an  alarming  quantity  of  beer  that  evening,  and  answer 
several  hundred  questions  about  America. 

Eisleben  stands  on  one  side  of  a  picturesque  valley, 
not  very  deep,  and  about  a  half-mile  wide,  looking  across 
to  vast  accumulations  of  copper  slag,  heaped  among  the 
knolls. 

Directly  I  deposited  my  traveling-bag  in  the  Golden 
Ship,  I  set  out  to  seek  the  birthplace  of  the  great  monk. 
And  what  a  disappointment !  Elizabeth  Goethe  says : 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  ^9 

"  The  individual  is  buried  in  consecrated  ground.  So 
should  one  also  bury  great  and  rare  events  in  a  beautiful 
coffin  of  recollections,  to  which  each  can  return  to  com 
memorate  the  remembrance."  But  how  all  my  youthful 
and  rose-colored  imaginings  of  Luther's  birthplace  were 
mildewed ! 

Conceive  a  mud-and-cobble  house,  of  the  natural  earth- 
color,  jammed  in  between  two  others  so  tight  that  it 
shoots  up  into  two  full  stories,  though  scarcely  more  than 
fifteen  feet  on  the  ground,  looking  like  a  little  boy  in  a 
spelling-class,  -standing  on  tiptoe,  with  his  arms  squeezed 
close  to  his  body.  Not  more  than  five  corpulent  old 
burghers  could  walk  abreast  in  the  alley  before  it,  and  right 
in  front  of  the  stone  step,  worn  down  many  inches  by 
centuries  of  use,  trickled  along  a  film  of  sewerage.  The 
tiny  window  on  the  right  of  the  door  contained  nearly 
a  hundred  pieces  of  stained  glass,  about  three-fourths  of 
them  square,  and  the  others  puttied  together  in  kaleido 
scopic  fashion.  Over  the  door  was  a  black  medallion 
bust  of  the  Reformer,  a  modern  work,  with  leaves  and 
grapes  twined  around  it,  and  this  dubious  legend  written 
above : 

"  Jedes  Wort  ist  Luther's  Lehr, 
Darum  vergeht  sie  nimrner  mehr." 

The  door  consisted  of  two  rough  unplaned  boards 
tacked  together,  and  the  walls  were  of  almost  Cyclopean 
thickness,  the  same  within  as  without.  In  one  corner 
there  was  a  huge  uncouth  structure  of  hewn  logs,  whereby 
we  ascended  to  the  upper  story. 

This  is  low,  and  the  walls  are  partly  covered  with 
ragged  paper,  partly  with  frescos,  and  partly  with  paint 
ings,  chiefly  by  Cranach  and  Albrecht  Diirer,  referring  to 
scenes  in  Luther's  history.  They  are  in  the  quaint,  pre- 
Raphaelite  style ;  the  trees  looking  like  toy-trees  drawn 


I30 


PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 


by  school-children,  with  occasional  dabs  of  leaves  without 
any  visible  means  of  support,  and  the  trunks  sometimes 
failing  to  make  connection  with  the  ground ;  and  the 
people  reaching  their  arms  out  of  their  breasts,  as  in  an 
Egyptian  wall-picture.  One  of  them  depictures  the  Diet 
of  Worms  under  Biblical  forms,  being  divided  into  three 
compartments :  that  on  the  right  showing  Nebuchadnez 
zar  (Charles  V.),  and  the  three  young  Jews  (Luther, 
Spalatin,  etc.),  with  the  corpulent  form  of  Tetzel  among 
his  councilors ;  that  in  the  center,  the  golden  image 
(Popery) ;  and  that  on  the  left,  the  Jews  in  the  burning 
fiery  furnace. 

These  paintings  are  full  of  bigotry.  They  are  as  Luther 
describes  himself,  "  Rough,  boisterous,  stormy,  and  alto 
gether  warlike,  born  to  fight  innumerable  devils  and 
monsters,  to  remove  stumps  and  stones,  to  cut  down 
thistles  and  thorns,  and  to  clear  the  wild  woods."  The 
guide  shows  a  mediaeval  coin,  which,  as  you  hold  one  side 
up,  presents  Leo  X.,  but  when  the  other  is  turned  up, 
there  appears  a  moderately  correct  likeness  of  the  devil. 

It  will  be  remembered  that  the  "profoundly  learned 
lady,  Catherine  Luther,  his  gracious  housewife,"  bore  to 
Luther  six  children.  Of  his  numerous  descendants,  living 
in  Halle,  nobody  knew  anything  whatsoever  except  the 
simple  fact  that  they  existed.  "Alas  for  thee  that  thou 
art  a  grandson,"  says  Goethe. 

The  memory  of  the  mighty  monk  is  not  cherished  as  it 
deserves  to  be,  either  by  the  Prussian  government  or  by 
the  German  nation.  Not  in  all  the  city  of  Eisleben,  with 
its  two  daily  newspapers,  could  I  find  a  photograph  of  the 
Reformer,  and  it  was  with  difficulty  that  I  found  two  of 
his  house  in  an  obscure  Buckhandlung.  The  stone  step 
of  his  humble  dwelling  is  little  worn  now  by  the  tread 
of  reverent  pilgrims,  and  the  cobwebs  stretch  athwart  the 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  131 

stairs.  That  the  house  exists  even  is  due  to  its  Cyclopean 
walls.  It  is  built  better  than  was  Shakspeare's. 

Germany  has  erected  a  few  statues  to  the  honor  of 
genius, — to  Guttenberg,  and  Faust,  and  Schoeffer ;  to 
Goethe  and  Schiller  ;  but  most  are  in  apotheosis  of  sashed 
and  ribboned  idiocy,  bestriding  the  horse  which  the  Ger 
mans  of  all  men  sit  most  ill,  and  only  great  "by  the 
grace  of  God,"  or  the  titular  additions  of  flunkyism. 
France  writes  on  her  July  Column  the  names  of  all  her 
immortals;  Italy  fashions  from  enduring  marble,  with 
the  long  patience  of  centuries,  and  places  in  her  Pantheon 
of  Milan  the  forms  of  all  her  illustrious  sons ;  but  Ger 
many,  which  is  full  of  bronze  kings,  who,  in  their  genera 
tion  were  tyrannic  idiots,  plants  no  worthy  statue  to 
Luther,  or  Humboldt,  or  Beethoven,  princes  of  eloquence, 
of  science,  and  of  music  in  all  our  Christian  world. 

Peaceful  as  she  is,  and  plodding  in  all  practical  matters, 
Germany  is  tine  youngest  of  all  civilized  peoples,  and,  like 
a  young  girl,  her  imagination  runs  on  military  brass  and 
spangles. 

The  next  day  was  Sunday,  and  we  attended  service  in 
the  little  chapel  wherein  Luther  preached  his  last  sermon. 
Its  rough  walls  were  cracked  and  crumbled  away  in  many 
places,  giving  chinks  for  the  chattering  rooks,  and  check 
ered  around  the  bottom  outside  with  memorial  tablets  of 
stone  bearing  the  names  of  deceased  members.  The 
high-backed  perpendicular  seats  were  thoroughly  of  the 
American  pioneer  sort,  in  their  discomfortableness.  They 
remind  one  forcibly  of  that  ancient  meeting-house  where 
in  one  was  wont  to  sit,  listening  to 

"  The  humming  of  the  drowsy  pulpit  drone 
Half  God's  good  Sabbath," 

with  one's  little  legs  projected  straight  out,  like  a  couple 


132  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

of  marline-spikes,  now  sleepily  blinking  at  the  flies  dancing 
a  mad  cotillon  in  the  air,  and  now  munching  a  caraway- 
speckled  cooky,  surreptitiously  slipped  into  one's  hand 
as  a  preventive  against  childish  ungodliness. 

The  congregation  rose  to  their  feet  during  the  reading 
of  the  text,  and  bent  their  heads  reverently  while  the 
Lord's  Prayer  was  recited,  as  did  also  the  pastor,  removing 
his  skull-cap.  I  was  surprised  to  see,  on  the  pulpit  beside 
him,  an  old-fashioned  hour-glass.  It  was  matter  of  sur 
prise,  because  the  Germans  are  noted  for  the  brevity  of 
their  discourses,  and  are  never  so  long-winded  as  the 
seventeenth-century  English  divines,  with  their  "six- 
teenthly"  and  "  seventeenthly"  elaborated  with  "Epis 
copal  pertinacity,"  as  Sydney  Smith  says. 

I  had  an  interesting  conversation  with  a  young  editor 
of  the  town  on  the  scarcity  of  fuel  in  Prussia.  It  is  cer 
tain  that  this  has  a  very  benumbing  effect  on  the  intellects 
of  the  peasants,  who  consume  such  quantities  of  cold  beer 
besides.  The  picture  of  a  sour-blooded  peasant  shivering 
over  his  still,  dead,  smokeless  peat-fire,  is  not  one  sug 
gestive  of  brilliant  brain-work. 

Dr.  H.  P.  Tappan,  a  distinguished  metaphysician,  said 
that  when  he  wished  to  compose  on  an  abstruse  topic  he 
shut  himself  in  a  cold  room ;  but  there  is  no  logic  in  an 
unintermitting  congelation.  The  terrible  rigors  of  Dun 
Edin  are  doubtless  well  suited  to  the  production  of  steely 
treatises  on  "Fixed  fate,  free  will,  foreknowledge  abso 
lute,"  if  there  be  judicious  alternations  of  roaring  fires; 
but  the  poor  blue-nosed  peasant,  with  never  a  jolly  blaze 
before  him,  raps  on  his  frosty  mind,  and  finds  no  fore 
knowledge  in  it  at  all. 

In  the  village  of  Querfurt  I  was  burdened  and  over 
whelmed  by  the  hospitalities  of  the  people  when  they 
discovered  I  was  a  child  of  die  machtige  Rcpublik.  In  the 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  l^ 

evening  I  effected  the  acquaintance  of  a  musician  who 
had  returned  from  our  happy  land,  with  daughters  and 
dollars,  and  he  rallied  a  circle  around  me  who  kept  me 
up  till  the  stroke  of  midnight,  and  were  rapping  at  my 
door  directly  after  cockcrow.  All  that  forenoon,  I  re 
member,  and  until  three  in  the  afternoon,  we  ranged 
about  the  village,  visiting  the  ancient  round- tower,  and — 
well,  I  believe  that  was  the  only  antiquity,  but  we  made 
up  for  that  by  visiting  it  at  various  angles,  to  complete 
the  perspective ;  and  each  time  we  emerged  from  it  we 
discovered  an  entirely  new  and  convenient  beer-garden, 
whereinto  we  entered,  being  weary,  and  rested,  and  re 
freshed  ourselves  with  a  little  beer.  My  musical  friend 
had  indoctrinated  his  fellows  in  the  American  custom  for 
this  particular  occasion. 

In  The  Traveling  Student,  Schneider  has  the  following 
discourse : 

"  Quiet,  Freshman  !  You  are  to  keep  still  when  old 
moss-heads  speak." 

"  O  Lord  !  I  can't  stand  so  much  drinking  of  healths. 
It's  killing  me." 

"Hold  your  tongue,  Freshman.  You  have  taken  only 
nineteen  schoppen  of  vile  cerevisium  yet.  That  is  nothing. 
Study  three  years,  and  you'll  bring  it  up  to  twenty- 
nine." 

Like  the  luckless  freshman,  I  thought  it  was  a  good 
time  to  stop,  between  nineteen  and  twenty-nine.  But 
such  genial  and  overflowing  hospitality ! — one  cannot  be 
boorish. 

What  a  tempting  way  the  Germans  have  of  arranging 
provisions  in  the  show-window  with  rural  scenery:  boiled 
hams,  daisies,  links  of  sausage,  sweet-williams,  sprouting 
pinks,  sweet  fountains,  and  moss-banks !  Try  this  glass 
of  maitrank,  an  innocent  beverage,  new  to  Americans. 

12 


134 


PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 


My  friends,  we  all  shakes  our  hands.  Sausages  hanging  in 
the  woods.  Fine  portrait  of  General  Scott  on  the  wall. 
General  Scott  fought  for  his  country,  and  whipped  the 
Mexicans.  You  cheers  for  General  Scott. 

It  was  long  after  noon  before  I  could  by  any  means  get 
away  from  the  importunate  hospitality  of  these  pleasant 
people. 

Like  the  young  editor  of  Eisleben,  my  musical  friend 
accompanied  me  many  miles,  and  insisted  on  carrying 
my  traveling-bag  the  entire  distance.  It  was  an  extremely 
warm  day  in  June,  and  he  was  quite  a  stout  little  gentle 
man,  yet  he  clothed  himself  with  a  heavy  overcbat  before 
he  started,  and,  to  my  astonishment,  wore  it  the  whole 
afternoon,  but  laid  it  off  directly  we  entered  the  cool 
hotel  in  the  evening.  Of  course,  after  our  arduous  labors 
in  exploring  the  round-tower,  we  frequently  became 
fatigued,  whereupon  we  would  enter  into  a  little  inn,  and 
refresh  ourselves  with  a  little  beer.  There  was  an  inn  every 
half  mile,  and  my  friend  was  quite  impartial.  At  first  I 
kept  him  company,  but  presently  I  was  obliged  to  skip 
every  other  inn,  and  at  last  to  refuse,  sternly  and  abso 
lutely. 

The  German  capacity  to  drink  beer  is  positively  amazing. 
Yet  I  can  truly  say  that  I  never  saw  an  habitual  drunkard, 
or  even  a  drunken  man,  in  Prussia. 

Next  day,  when  I  parted  from  my  stout  little  musical 
friend  in  Freiburg,  he  seemed  considerably  affected.  His 
eyes  moistened,  his  voice  trembled,  and,  before  I  was  in 
the  least  aware  of  his  intentions  upon  me,  he  imprinted  a 
very  warm,  soft,  and  broad  kiss  on  my  forehead.  There 
was  no  doubt  whatever  of  the  sincerity  of  his  affection, 
yet  I  confess  I  almost  staggered  with  amazement.  But 
this  same  man,  the  day  before,  when  we  came  upon  a  poor 
woman  who  had  fallen  in  the  road  beneath  a  mighty  bunch 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA. 


135 


of  grass,  which  she  had  reaped  and  stacked  upon  her  neck, 
passed  her  by  with  contemptuous  unconcern.  It  did  not 
seem  to  occur  to  him  for  a  moment  that  she  was  the  vic 
tim  of  an  infamous  domestic  tyranny. 

So  strangely  susceptible  are  the  German  people  of  the 
deepest  attachments  known  on  earth,  and  yet  so  destitute 
of  gallantry,  and  often  so  tyrannous  over  their  women  and 
children  ! 

At  Naumburg  I  had  two  hours  to  wait  in  the  station, 
and  I  imprudently  took  out  my  map  and  newspapers,  and 
commenced  reading  the  war  news  from  Bohemia.  Pres 
ently  a  broad-faced  gendarme,  with  a  short  stout  sword  in 
his  scabbard,  and  trousers  which  fitted  his  legs  as  if  the 
latter  had  been  molten  and  poured  into  them,  came  and 
gently  tapped  me  on  the  shoulder.  He  asked  to  see  my 
"papers,"  meaning  my  passport,  but  as  he  could  read  no 
word  in  it — though  I  could  hardly  keep  from  bursting 
outright  with  laughter  at  the  intense  and  inscrutable 
solemnity  with  which  the  fellow  perused  it  awhile — he 
requested  me  to  accompany  him  to  police  headquarters. 

As  nobody  there  could  read  English,  we  went  next  to 
the  burgomaster.  This  personage  was  a  blue-eyed,  rather 
long-featured,  and  exquisitely  bland  gentleman,  seated 
behind  a  desk,  on  which  was  a  mountain  of  documents 
bound  in  the  inevitable  blue,  official  pasteboard  covers 
of  Prussia.  He  questioned  me  pretty  sharply.  He  could 
by  no  means  comprehend  what  any  rational  individual 
should  be  doing,  walking  about  over  Prussia  and  writing 
down  matters  in  his  book,  without  some  ulterior  Zweck. 
He  was  greatly  concerned  to  know  what  my  Zweck  was. 
' '  Was  haben  Sie  denn  zum  Zweck  P '  he  asked  me  several 
times. 

I  explained  to  him,  as  well  as  I  could,  that  my  Zweck 
was  to  acquire  useful  and  interesting  information  for  my- 


136  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

self,  and  also  to  impart  the  same  to  inquiring  minds. 
But  he  was  not  satisfied,  and  presently  he  bethought  him 
self  to  call  in  his  wife,  who  could  speak  English. 

li  Liebe  Frau"  said  he,  "herein" 

This  lady  spoke  English  very  sweetly,  and  it  was  all  the 
more  delicious  from  her  exquisitely  musical  and  liquid 
German  accent.  It  was  worth  more  than  an  hour's  arrest 
to  be  questioned  by  such  a  charming  inquisitor.  At  his 
command  she  perused  my  note-book  pretty  thoroughly, 
but  when  she  found,  instead  of  descriptions  of  fortresses 
intended  for  the  use  of  the  wicked  Austrians,  such  peace 
ful  and  innocent  observations  as  that  the  King  of  Prussia, 
for  instance,  squinted  when  he  laughed,  and  that  two 
gallons  of  goat's  milk  in  Eisleben  made  a  pound  of  strong 
cheese,  she  smiled  feebly,  and  handed  the  note-book  back. 
To  convince  her  I  was  an  American,  I  handed  her  some 
letters.  She  turned  them  over  and  over,  and  then  looked 
at  me  with  a  puzzled  and  dubious  expression. 

"But  they  are  not  opened,"  she  said,  with  the  faintest 
tone  of  expectant  triumph  in  her  voice. 

The  burgomaster  also  looked  at  me  more  sternly  than 
he  had  ever  hitherto  done,  as  if  demanding  that  this  dark 
mystery  should  be  solved  at  once. 

I  squeezed  one  a  little  in  my  hand,  causing  it  to  gape 
open  at  the  end,  where  it  had  been  merely  slit. 

They  were  both  so  chagrined  that  such  a  simple  device 
should  have  escaped  them  that  they  at  once  dismissed  the 
case.  The  lady  explained  to  her  lord  that  the  contents 
of  my  note-book  were  not  dangerous,  and  that  she  was 
convinced  I  was  by  no  means  an  incendiary  person,  a 
roaring  democrat  going  about  seeking  helpless  monarchs 
to  devour ;  and  so  at  last  they  sent  me  away,  with  very 
sweet  and  bland  apologies  and  expressions  of  regret. 


STUDENT    RAMBLES    IN    PRUSSIA. 


Thus  I  wag  through  the  world,  half  the  time  on  foot  and  the  other 
half  walking ;  and  always  as  merry  as  a  thunder-storm  in  the  night.  And 
so  we  plow  along,  as  the  fly  said  to  the  ox.  Who  knows  what  may 
happen  ?  Patience  and  shuffle  the  cards. 

LONGFELLOW. 

AS  I  left  the  cathedral  of  Frankfort,  its  great  chime 
of  bells  were  pealing  out  wild  and  wide  and  swift 
over  the  old  imperial  city  their  clangorous  summons  to 
matins.  What  a  stirring  and  imperious  voice  is  that  of 
the  morning  bells  wherewith,  all  round  the  world,  the 
Church  of  the  ancient  Eternal  City  speaks  yet  to  her 
worshipers ! 

The  Prussians  had  occupied  the  city  only  a  few  days 
before,  and  Frankfort  was  ebullient  with  wrath.  As  I 
walked  down  the  street  I  saw  a  ragged  urchin  run  after 
a  Prussian  officer  with  a  lady  on  his  arm,  screaming  and 
yelling  with  laughter,  "  Kuckuk  mit^nem  Schmetterling  !  " 
(Cuckoo  with  a  butterfly),  until  the  officer  became  so  en 
raged  that  he  dropped  the  lady,  drew  his  sword,  and  pur 
sued  the  screeching  youngster  most  furiously.  He  ran 
into  a  crowd,  who  protected  him. 

I  walked  on,  past  the  house  of  the  good  Rath,  wherein 
was  lived  that  "rich  and  manifold  life,  without  any  posi 
tive  moral  tendency;"  past  that  lordly  statue  from  whose 
troublous  brow  looks  out  the  grandest  mere  intellect  since 
Shakspeare  ;  past  the  statues  of  those  three  men  of  whom 
12*  (i37) 


138  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

Louis  XI.  said,  in  wonder,  that  they  spent  all  their  time 
in  making  ' ' plusieurs  beaux  fores." 

In  a  twinkling,  almost,  I  popped  out  from  the  narrow, 
reeking  alleys  of  the  old  city  into  the  superb  beauty  of 
this  immensely  rich  metropolis. 

On  one  of  its  broad  avenues,  so  surpassingly  rich  in 
shade-trees,  among  the  lordly  piles  built  with  "  Christian 
ducats,"  but  inhabited  by  men  scarcely  known  beyond 
the  bulletins  of  the  Frankfort  Bourse,  there  nestles  in  a 
bosky  labyrinth  one  little  white-walled  cottage,  to  whose 
owner  Czar  and  Caesar  and  Kaiser  do  homage.  It  is  the 
house  of  Rothschild.  It  is  rather  Oriental  in  shape,  look 
ing  in  front  as  if  one  low,  flat-roofed  house  were  placed 
upon  another,  the  lower  being  much  the  wider.  Across 
its  whitewashed  front,  between  the  upper  and  lower 
ranges  of  casements,  trails  its  one  ornament, — full  of  sig 
nificance  to  its  pretentious  neighbors, — a  slender  moulding 
of  flowers  and  cornucopias  intertwined.  It  was  a  pleas 
ing  spectacle,  to  find  this  descendant  of  a  race  once 
"God-beloved  in  old  Jerusalem,"  now  persecuted  and 
homeless  on  earth,  dwelling  in  unaffected  simplicity,  and 
content  to  observe  that  outward  modesty  which,  like 
mercy,  is  "mightiest  in  the  mightiest,"  and  so  beautiful 
in  contrast  with  the  tawdry  pomp  of  his  people's  heredi 
tary  oppressors. 

Once  out  of  this  wonderful  wealth  of  suburban  green 
ery,  I  entered  upon  the  great  champaign  of  the  valley  of 
the  Main.  It  is  early  June,  and  a  mellow,  drowsy 
glamour  spreads  like  an  enchantment  over  the  plain, 
softening  the  outlines  of  the  low  Wiesbaden  mountains. 
Far  down,  athwart  this  sunny,  dreamy  plain,  roll  the 
light-green  waters  of  the  Main,  the  ancient,  while  the 
spotless  cope  of  the  heavens  spreads  high  and  wide  above, 
resting  down  upon  the  hills,  "  with  peaky  tops  engrailed," 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  139 

with  which  it  is  blended  by  the  haze  into  an  almost  un 
broken  oneness.  The  stately  poplars  of  the  Prussian 
highways  shade  the  roadsides  no  longer,  but  are  wholly 
replaced  by  stout-limbed  apples,  wherein  the  birds,  ex 
ultant  in  the  grateful  warmth  after  a  chill  and  rainy  week, 
twitter  and  chirp  and  shake  out  their  feathers  and  twiddle 
their  tails,  and  jump  up  and  down  over  their  callow 
young  a  hundred  thousand  times  a  day. 

Whether  on  a  noble  and  lordly  estate  of  the  dimensions 
of  a  house-yard,  or  on  a  bloated  and  grasping  monopoly 
of  a  full-rounded  acre,  each  peasant  is  tilling  the  ances 
tral  ground,  separated  from  his  neighbor  by  no  unsightly 
,  fence  or  unsociable  hedgerow,  and  molested  in  his  opera 
tions  by  no  plows  or  cultivators,  or  other  inconvenient 
and  troublesome  gimcracks  of  modern  ambition.  Every 
hamlet  and  every  hovel  is  to-day  deserted  and  silent.  All 
the  occupants  are  laboring  in  the  field  this  sunny  weather, 
the  woman  side  by  side  with  her  lord,  brother  and  sister 
together,  chattering  maiden  and  lover  a  little  apart.  If 
the  clumsy  hobbledehoy  discovers  an  injurious  potato- 
worm  close  by  the  little  pink  toes  of  his  beloved,  and 
slashes  at  it  with  his  mattock  to  see  her  jump  and  give  a 
pretty  scream,  whose  business  in  all  the  world  is  it  but 
his  own,  I  should  like  to  know?  Here  one  group,  with 
measured  and  laborious  stroke,  swing  the  heavy,  two- 
pronged  mattock  among  the  vines ;  others  collect  the 
wandering  tendrils  and  teach  them  to  clasp  the  espaliers ; 
i  woman  moves  along  the  highway  with  erect  and  steady 
tread,  bearing  on  her  head  a  mighty  bunch  of  grass ; 
there  one  drives  a  lumbering  water-tank  backward  and 
forward,  while  a  helper  slings  the  liquid  manure  far  and 
wide  over  the  young  meadow. 

At  frequent  intervals  along  the  wayside  still  stand,  in 
neglect  and  decay,  the  memorials  of  a  religious  devotion 


140 


PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 


from  which  the  living  generation  appear  to  have  grievously 
lapsed.  The  wooden  crucifixes,  some  of  which  were  erected 
over  a  century  ago,  and  bearing  effigies  of  the  Redeemer 
in  his  dying  agony,  beneath  which  are  still  dimly  dis 
cernible  such  legends  as,  "At  the  name  of  Jesus  every 
knee  shall  bow,"  now  stand  forsaken  and  dismantled,  and, 
to  the  eye  of  taste,  repulsive.  Kneeling  penitents  no 
longer  wear  away  the  grass  around  them,  or  piteously  beat 
their  foreheads  on  the  ground,  or  adorn  their  weather- 
stained  arms  with  garlands ;  and  when  a  summer  breeze 
plays  over  the  field,  it  sways  the  bending  stalks  of  rye  full 
against  them,  these  cedes  labentes  deorum.  The  peasants 
dare  not  lay  sacrilegious  hands  upon  them  to  remove 
them,  but  they  allow  them  no  more  to  crowd  out  their 
barley. 

From  the  dark  and  fertile  alluvium  in  which  Frankfort 
is  situated  the  soil  gradually  changed,  as  I  mounted 
higher  upon  the  plain,  into  an  ashen  whiteness,  and  the 
full  mid-day  glare  of  the  summer  sun  was  reflected  from 
it  with  that  flickering  brilliancy  which  almost  blinds  the 
eyes,  as  in  parts  of  Lombardy  and  Venetia — the  perfection 
of  a  vineyard  soil.  About  one  o'clock  I  reached  the 
celebrated  champagne  factory  of  Hockheim,  and  found 
within  its  long  cool  walls  a  most  grateful  refuge  from  this 
fervid,  shimmering  incandescence. 

I  found  the  only  proprietor  who  was  present  a  thoroughly 
courteous  and  affable  gentleman,  rather  short  of  stature, 
and  with  a  sharp,  American,  "genuine  money-making" 
countenance.  That  German  wine  manufacturers  are  not 
incapable  of  accomplishing  remarkably  shrewd  things  will 
appear  hereinafter. 

We  visited  first  the  "hot  room,"  which  is  not  hot  at 
all,  being  unheated,  but  is  so  called  to  distinguish  it  from 
the  "cold  room,"  or  cellar.  At  first  I  was  under  the 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA. 


141 


guidance  of  an  intelligent  clerk,  too  intelligent  and  frank 
by  far,  for  the  proprietor  soon  came  and  relieved  him, 
evidently  fearing  he  would  expound  too  many  processes. 
Here,  as  we  passed  along,  our  taper  dimly  revealed  on 
some  of  the  butts  and  tuns  the  outlines  of  quaint  and  fan 
tastic  devices, — vintage  festivals,  wild  junketings  of  fauns 
and  satyrs,  bacchanalian  carousals, — many  of  them  de 
pictured  at  life-size  on  the  immense  heads  of  the  vessels : 

"  Old  Silenus,  bloated,  drunken, 
Led  by  his  inebriate  satyrs : 
On  his  head  his  breast  is  sunken — 
Vacantly  he  leers  and  chatters." 

There,  in  the  weird  solitude  and  darkness  of  that  old 
wine-hall,  these  creatures  hold  their  fantastic  orgies  un 
disturbed,  ready  to  salute  each  new  explorer  with  the 
same  leering  grins  and  grimaces  if  he  will  only  rewake 
them  to  life  by  the  gleam  of  his  little  wax  taper. 

At  this  point  let  us  begin  at  the  beginning,  and  trace 
the  lordly  juice  through  its  various  transmigrations,  until 
it  astonishes  itself  and  other  people  by  its  wonderful  ac 
quired  qualities.  The  hilarious  labors  of  crushing  and 
pressing  the  grapes  must  be  performed  in  the  field,  lest, 
if  the  bunches  were  conveyed  anywhither  in  a  cart,  some 
of  the  tender  skins  might  be  ruptured,  thus  mingling  the 
juices  of  the  stem  with  those  of  the  berry,  or  the  internal 
structure  of  the  juices  might  be  disorganized,  and  their 
tartrates  jolted  into  nitrates  or  phosphates.  With  what 
incredible  carefulness  and  painstaking  the  bunches  are 
handled  !  Not  a  crate  of  King  Dagobert's  eggs  would  be 
lifted  more  softly,  borne  more  tenderly.  After  culling 
out  all  the  stems  and  straws,  and  whatsoever  other  con 
ceivable  matters  might  mar  the  quality  of  the  juice,  the 
vintners  press  the  grapes  without  an  hour's  delay,  for  if 


142  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

this  should  ensue,  those  berries  which  are  red  would  im 
part  that  color  to  the  juice.  Grapes  which  are  slightly 
crimson  communicate  to  the  wine  a  richness  which  the 
paler  berries  do  not,  but  they  must  be  crushed  directly 
they  are  picked,  if  white  wine  is  desired. 

The  juice  thus  procured  is  brought  to  the  factory  and 
poured  into  some  enormous  wooden  tanks.  Here  it  re 
mains  throughout  the  winter,  fermenting,  mingling,  and 
distributing  the  ripest  and  sunniest  juices  through  those 
which  are  paler,  so  that  the  whole  mass  is  concocted  into 
a  uniform  consistency,  and  purges  itself  of  a  large  quan 
tity  of  impure  matters,  which  are  precipitated  to  the 
bottom. 

With  the  earliest  warm  days  of  spring  the  fermentation 
has  sufficiently  advanced,  so  that  the  must  may  be  taken 
from  the  tanks  and  bottled.  Pure  and  wholesome  as  it 
now  appears,  it  is  still  loaded  with  impurities,  and  is  exe 
crably  sour.  The  smallest  mouthful  will  produce  a  lament 
ably  unhandsome  countenance  on  the  impatient  drinker. 

Up  to  this  point  all  varieties  of  wine,  the  still  and  the 
sparkling,  the  noble  and  the  base,  have  pursued  a  com 
mon  course,  simply  fermenting  as  natural  juices.  Hence 
forth  they  part  company.  First  we  will  follow  the  baser 
sorts,  which  are  to  be  converted  into  sparkling  wines  or 
champagnes.  These  are  not  bottled  yet,  but  are  conveyed 
from  the  tanks  into  the  great  tuns  and  butts  above  men 
tioned,  where  they  can  be  compounded,  nurtured,  and 
11  craftily  qualified"  to  evoke  within  them  the  treacherous 
and  delusive  sparkle  more  readily  than  if  they  were  in 
bottles.  We  went,  for  form's  sake,  into  the  room  where 
these  operations  are  performed,  and  found  a  great  quantity 
of  suspicious-looking  funnels,  sections  of  hose,  chambered 
stoves  for  nursing  the  juice,  and  gallipots  rilled  with  mys 
terious  decoctions  and  distillments  for  imparting  the 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  I43 

"  delicate  aroma"  which  the  too  fleeting  German  summer 
failed  to  communicate.  Here,  by  the  aid  of  these  subtile 
elixirs,  viellesseur,  pomard,  distillation  of  potatoes,  and 
heart  knows  what,  they  concoct  a  vintage  as  mean  as 
Scuppernong  into  a  liquor  fit  for  gentlemen's  tables  in 
America.  After  allowing  me  a  few  moments  of  silence 
to  gather  such  information  as  I  might  from  an  inspection 
of  harmless  vessels  and  of  labels  that  told  no  tales,  my 
sharp -faced  proprietor,  usually  so  voluble,  but  here  so 
ominously  silent,  led  me  hastily  away. 

All  the  varieties  now  go  below,  in  bottles,  into  the 
"cold  room," — the  sparkling  with  all  those  mysterious 
concoctions  admixed ;  the  still  wines  containing  only  a 
little  white  beet-sugar,  the  purest  essence  of  sweetness 
produced  by  human  art.  Only  a  very  small  portion  of 
the  vintage  is  rich  enough  to  be  used  for  these  noble 
wines.  We  go  down  with  them  into  the  vast  subterranean 
vaults, — down  a  first  flight  of  steps,  down  a  second  flight, 
into  the  profoundest  deep  of  deeps,  a  dungeon  more  ter 
rible  than  that  where  Bonnivard  wore  his  life  away.  In 
the  first  vault  into  which  we  descend  the  champagne 
variety  is  still  frisky  with  fermentations,  and  frets  and 
chafes  within  its  narrow  prison-house  like  the  ^Eolian 
winds  in  their  cave, — "  indignant es  magno  cum  murmure 
fremunt" — while  the  workmen  vainly  seek  by  daily  turn 
ings  to  mollify  its  rage, — ' '  mollitque  animos  et  temperat 
iras."  Instead  of  being  appeased  by  a  reversal  of  posi 
tion,  it  is  often  impelled  into  a  more  towering  passion, 
and  resents  the  high  offense  against  its  dignity  by  flinging 
the  ragged  shards  of  its  broken  dungeon  hurtling  about 
the  eyes  and  ears  of  the  workmen,  who  would  certainly 
suffer  for  this  their  crimen  Iczsa  majestatis,  but  for  their 
strong  visors  of  wire  gauze.  All  these  noisy  outbreaks, 
however,  the  workmen  contemplate  with  the  same  quiet 


144  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

complacency  and  satisfaction  with  which  the  farmer 
watches  his  prankish  young  herds ;  and,  indeed,  if  they 
were  mute  and  motionless,  they  would  be  greatly  con 
cerned. 

Farther  below  there  is  much  less  clatter  and  whizz  of 
shivered  bottles,  for  the  haughty  spirit  that  inhabits  them, 
no  longer  able  to  resent  the  vile  decoctions  that  are  eat 
ing  his  heart  away,  has  abated  his  fiery  ardor.  Still  lower 
down,  he  rests  quiet,  broken-hearted,  and  submissive, 
thoroughly  crushed  and  subdued  by  the  cold  damps  of  his 
prison-walls,  and  the  heartless  rigor  of  his  incarceration. 

When  the  wine  is  ripe  and  old,  it  is  hoisted  from  the 
vaults  with  the  carefulest  of  motions,  cork  downward,  to 
prevent  the  sediment  on  it  from  mingling  again  with  the 
liquor.  A  workman  then  takes  a  bottle  in  his  left  hand, 
cuts  the  cord,  which  lets  the  cork  shoot  out,  together  with 
the  sediment  and  a  teaspoonful  of  wine,  then  claps  his 
thumb  deftly  over  the  mouth,  and  hands  the  bottle  to 
another.  This  one  fills  the  little  remaining  space  with 
sugar,  cognac,  and  very  old  wine,  mingled  in  secret  pro 
portions,  and  the  bottle  is  then  ready  to  be  corked  for  a 
last  time,  wired,  labeled,  and  dispatched  to  America  or 
Calcutta. 

What,  now,  is  the  result  of  the  two  processes, — the 
honest  and  the  dishonest?  On  the  one  hand,  fresh, 
crisp,  sparkling  Moselle,  which  sends  up  a  thousand  little 
beady  silver-specks  from  the  bottom  of  the  bumper,  quiv 
ering  up  in  dainty,  tender  effervescence,  fascinating  to  the 
eye,  and  deliciously  cool  in  the  mouth  like  a  breath  of 
soda ;  but  it  is  a  cheat  and  a  delusion.  All  the  glorious 
heart  of  ripeness  and  mellowness  is  eaten  out  of  it  by  the 
manifold  concoctions  through  which  it  has  passed.  On 
the  other  hand,  the  honest  process,  aided  alone  with  a 
little  quintessence  of  sweetness, — the  beet-sugar, — gives  us 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  145 

the  noble,  old,  inexpressibly  rich  Hockheimer,  still,  and 
deep,  and  calm,  and  satisfying  to  the  soul  of  man.  The 
first  is  the  ever-restless,  nomadic,  brave,  ardent  American ; 
the  other,  the  ripe,  old,  mellow,  dreaming  soul  of  the 
German  philosopher,  infinitely  rich,  soft,  and  full  of  mazy 
fantasies.  And  it  is  precisely  that  flippant  and  lively 
wine  that  is  sent  to  America,  while  the  wise  and  cunning 
old  Germans  retain  the  other.  Knowing  I  was  an  Amer 
ican,  this  shrewd  proprietor  caused  many  varieties  of  the 
sparkling  juice  to  be  set  for  my  approval,  and  but  few  of 
the  better  sort ;  and  he  tried  various  devices  to  induce 
me  to  pronounce  in  favor  of  the  first.  "  All  your  coun 
trymen  prefer  it,"  said  he,  impatient  and  almost  offended 
that  I  persisted  in  liking  the  still  wine  better. 

To  reduce  this  matter  to  dollars  and  cents,  which  may 
make  it  more  comprehensible  to  certain  minds,  I  may  say 
that  the  confiding  young  clerk  told  me  that  the  average 
price  per  bottle  of  the  best  sparkling  wines  sent  from  this 
factory  to  America  is  only  forty  cents,  while  the  still 
varieties,  such  as  the  genuine  Hockheimer,  a  great  part 
of  which  goes  to  the  royal  cellars  in  Berlin,  cost,  at  the 
factory,  $1.50  to  $1.75  a  bottle.  Steinberger,  another 
still  wine,  which  was  the  favorite  of  the  Dukes  of  Nassau, 
costs  $9.72  a  gallon  at  the  factory  !  We  know  nothing 
of  good  still  wine  in  America. 

I  may  add,  in  conclusion,  that  I  fully  felt  the  important 
responsibility  devolving  upon  me,  as  a  committee  of  one, 
for  the  investigation  of  the  qualities  of  Rhine  wines,  and 
that  I  prosecuted  my  researches  with  that  thoroughness 
and  assiduity  befitting  one  charged  with  the  rendition 
of  a  verdict  so  weighty.  But  I  distinctly  recollect  that, 
as  frequently  happens  also  when  profound  minds  are  en 
gaged  in  the  adjudication  of  legal  questions,  the  more  I 
investigated  the  less  I  came  to  any  clear  conclusion. 

13 


1 46  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

Then  at  last  I  left  the  great  champagne  factory,  and 
hastened  forward,  eager  to  behold  the  Rhine  for  the  first 
time  at  the  approaching  sunset.  At  the  summit  of  a 
little  hillock,  which  the  road  passed  over,  I  came  suddenly 
in  sight  of  the  valley,  just  after  the  setting  of  the  sun,  and 
seated  myself  on  the  coping  of  a  roadside  wall  to  enjoy 
the  noble  vision.  Imagine  two  vast  and  beautifully  un 
dulating  plateaus,  each  a  league  in  width  and  a  dozen  long, 
inclined  toward  each  other  with  a  uniform  and  gentle 
slope,  and  their  surfaces  covered  with  an  infinitely  sub 
divided  mosaic  of  white-walled  villages,  dark-green  pas 
ture,  yellowing  grain,  light-green  barley,  and  somber 
pineries.  And  down  between  these  vast  slopes  glide  the 
silken,  sea-green  waves  of  the  historic,  the  legendary,  the 
romantic  Rhine. 

As  far  away  to  the  left  as  the  eye  can  extend  the 
majestic  river  begins  its  course,  and  travels  league  on 
league  directly  toward  me ;  then  sweeps  in  a  slow  and 
stately  curve  before  me,  where  his  green  waves  laugh 
among  the  willows,  as  they  go  down  to  the  sea ;  rolls  his 
great  flood  past  a  hundred  villages,  which  strew  his  shores 
like  baubles ;  then,  curving  northward,  hews  his  giant 
highway  through  the  mountains,  and  sinks  from  view. 
The  noble  Rhine  disdains,  in  the  pride  of  his  Teutonic 
strength,  the  effeminate  purple  drapery  of  the  streams  of 
luxurious  Italy,  and  enrobes  himself  in  an  atmosphere 
tinted  with  emerald,  as  if  the  very  radiance  of  his  own 
shining  waves  were  diffused  upward  through  the  lower 
heavens. 

And  now,  over  all  these  green-and-yellow-mottled,  far- 
slanting  plateaus,  and  vine-grown  slopes,  and  murmuring 
villages,  and  along  all  the  meandering  margents  of  the 
willows,  there  creeps  the  hallowing  enchantment  of  the 
daylight  dying.  The  gorgeous  segment  of  light  that 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  147 

arches  across  the  west  is  the  sole  lingering  fragment  of 
the  broken  empire  of  the  king  of  day,  and  it  crimsons 
with  the  blood  of  his  impetuous  hosts,  who  fiercely  strug 
gle  for  its  occupation  with  the  dusky  legions  of  the 
queen  of  night.  But  they  contend  in  vain,  and  slowly 
and  reluctantly  retreat  before  the  darkling  masses  of 
their  adversary,  and  sink  silently  down,  down,  down. 
The  drowsy  and  soothing  murmur  of  human  avocation 
mellows  down  to  a  peaceful  stillness,  across  which  the 
silvery  trill  of  some  clarionet  is  wafted  like  a  melodious 
echo  in  a  dream ;  the  far,  white  walls  of  silent  cities 
glimmer  vaguely  in  the  thickening  darkness,  and  sink  at 
length  beneath  its  encroaching  floods ;  a  myriad  house 
hold  fires,  like  shining  points,  spring  one  by  one  along 
the  glooming  slopes,  countless  as  the  stars  which  hold 
their  noiseless  march  above ;  and  I  sit  in  the  brooding 
darkness,  alone.  After  the  painful  incandescence  of 
noon  at  Hockheim,  how  sweet  to  my  aching  eyes  were 
the  changing  glories  of  that  unequaled  sunset ! — waning 
successively  from  the  softest  emerald  to  orange,  from 
orange  to  crimson,  from  crimson  to  leaden  night. 

In  Mayence,  as  always,  I  went  first  to  visit  the  cathe 
dral,  guided  thither  by  the  tumultuous  and  mighty  clangor 
of  its  great  bells.  In  front  of  the  gorgeous  high  altar 
two  or  three  priests,  robed  in  soiled  white  cassocks,  were 
performing  their  drowsy  rites ;  now  swinging  a  smoking 
censer  before  the  altar,  now  before  the  people ;  kneeling 
mechanically  in  various  places,  and  touching  their  fore 
heads  to  the  altar ;  exposing  with  ostentatious  solemnity 
a  gilded  image  to  the  worshipers ;  then  intoning  a  chant 
in  a  rapid  and  monotonous  sing-song,  while  a  loud  blare 
of  instruments  peals  down  from  some  hidden  gallery. 
Most  of  the  peasant  women,  who  composed  a  large  pro 
portion  of  the  worshipers,  had  come  in  from  the  market- 


148  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY, 

place  hard  by,  in  their  short,  work-day  dresses,  and  they 
were  constantly  coming  and  going.  Most  of  them  brought 
their  huge  baskets  and  panniers  with  them  into  the  slips, 
where  they  kneeled  a  few  minutes,  counting  their  rosaries. 
Some  hurried  right  away,  others  proceeded  to  extract 
from  their  pockets  divers  rags,  from  which  they  took  out 
dingy  little  coins,  the  gains  of  the  morning,  and  counted 
them  over  and  over  again  with  laborious  accuracy,  while 
others  wandered  through  the  gorgeous  aisles  and  the  tran 
sept,  lugging  their  uncouth  baskets,  and  staring,  perhaps 
for  the  thousandth  time,  at  the  lustrous  fringes  of  velvet 
and  gold,  the  ivory  effigies,  the  golden  candelabra,  and 
all  the  splendid  paraphernalia  of  their  religion.  Nothing 
is  more  singular  and  more  notable  among  the  South  Ger 
man  peasants  than  their  almost  infantine  devotion  to 
tawdry  ornamentation. 

This  was  well  illustrated  in  a  little  village  near  May- 
ence,  whose  single  street,  when  I  entered  it,  was  furbe- 
lowed  in  an  astonishing  manner.  Scores  of  streamers 
and  banners,  of  endless  variety,  were  stretched  across  the 
street,  while  the  front  of  every  dwelling  was  lavishly 
decorated  with  festoons  and  garlands  of  flowers,  miniature 
flags,  and  an  innumerable  and  indescribable  multitude  of 
devices  in  colored  papers.  They  were  momently  ex 
pecting  the  arrival  of  their  bishop  (Catholic),  who  was 
on  his  periodical  tour  through  his  diocese,  to  confirm  the 
children  of  three  years  and  upward.  Presently  his  com 
ing  was  heralded  by  the  booming  of  cannon,  and  then  a 
great  procession  of  children,  young  men  and  maidens, 
went  out  to  receive  him,  and  brought  him  in  beneath  a 
gorgeous  canopy  of  silk,  the  while  chanting  a  solemn  an 
them.  In  the  evening  the  successful  termination  of  this 
ceremony  of  holy  anointing  of  children  was  celebrated 
by  booming  cannon,  the  incessant  rattle  of  musketry,  an 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  149 

open-air  speech  from  the  bishop,  uproariously  applauded, 
and  finally,  by  an  alarming  outpouring  of  beer.  On  the 
evening  of  this  religious  festival  I  saw  at  least  a  score  of 
peasants  who  required  to  be  lifted  into  their  wagons,  or 
steadied  through  the  streets,  mumbling  and  maundering 
like  a  calf — more  than  I  saw  in  all  Prussia  besides  ! 

In  the  village  of  Ober  -  Ingelheim  there  was  also  a 
festive  occasion  which  was  well  illustrative  of  South  Ger 
man  character  (for  these  peasants  here  are  no  longer  like 
those  in  Protest-ant  Prussia).  It  was  the  birthday  of  a 
certain  great  man  of  the  village,  who  died  and  was 
buried,  and  they  assembled  to  do  honor  to  his  memory 
in  the  graveyard  !  A  speech  was  made  by  an  orator  stand 
ing  on  his  monument !  So  great  was  the  crush  of  the 
multitude  to  hear  the  eulogium  that  there  arose  a  conten 
tion  at  the  gate,  wherein  walking-sticks  were  freely  used 
and  broken  over  the  people's  heads,  and  when  they  were 
all  at  last  well  in,  there  was  a  most  unseemly  surging  and 
swaying  to  and  fro,  right  over  the  graves,  which  were 
shamelessly  trodden  and  beaten  down. 

Then  a  band  of  music  came  in,  and,  standing  before 
certain  graves,  discoursed  some  of  the  mellow,  glorious 
music,  the  inexpressibly  sweet  and  solemn  threnodies,  of 
Germany,  as  it  were  a  mournful  serenade  to  the  spirits  of 
the  dead.  Again  the  abominable  desecrations  and  tram 
pling  of  graves  !  It  was  not  done  by  vulgar  clowns,  but 
by  cultivated  villagers,  men  and  women  who  had  in  them 
the  soul  of  music,  even  to  intense  devotion. 

If  there  is  one  thing  notable  above  another  in  a  South 
German  city,  it  is  the  studiously  artistic,  or  rather  artil- 
ized,  nature  of  the  ornamentation  of  the  cemeteries. 
Great  prices  are  paid  for  large  pieces  of  coral,  or  stalac 
tites  and  stalagmites,  or  fantastic  shapes  of  Oriental  ala 
baster,  to  place  upon  the  graves,  whereon  ivy  is  taught  t^ 

'3* 


!5o  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

climb  in  imitation  of  nature.  And  yet  people  of  such 
finely  artistic  perceptions,  so  passionately  fond  of  music, 
and  so  exquisitely  capable  of  judging  it,  will  tread  thus 
ruthlessly  over  the  grave,  which  the  English  or  American 
child  is  taught  so  reverently  to  pass  around.  And  yet 
English  and  American  graveyards  are  gloomy  as  death 
compared  with  the  South  German  !  It  is  a  mystery,  a 
contradiction,  one  of  those  innumerable  paradoxes  of  the 
German  character. 

The  South  German  mind  is  utterly  hollow  and  vain, 
sacrificing  utility  or  noble  reverence  for  gauds  at  any  time. 
Why  do  not  the  multitudes  tread  over  the  grave  beautiful 
with  ivy  and  coral  or  natural  alabaster  ?  Simply  because 
of  their  devotion  to  the  form  of  beauty.  The  graves  are 
not  ornamented  even  because  of  affection,  but  because  of 
a  devotion  to  the  gay,  the  brilliant,  the  beautiful  in  super 
ficial  things.  Says  Louis  Ehlert :  "  The  hasty  demands 
of  life  do  not  stop  to  inquire  whether  it  be  Sabbath  or 
not ;  they  surprise  man  amid  the  worship  of  the  Beautiful, 
and  scarcely  give  him  time  to  refrain  from  profanation  of 
the  altar."  But  the  South  Germans  sacrifice  everything 
upon  the  altar  of  the  Beautiful,  even  piety  to  the  dead, 
and  worship  there  alway. 

Between  Bingen,  "dear  Bingen  on  the  Rhine,"  and 
Ehrenbreitstein,  the  Rhine  traverses  a  defile  which, 
though  far  less  sublime  and  elevated  than  Harper's  Ferry, 
reminds  the  American  of  that  historic  pass.  Wherever 
there  is  the  smallest  sunny  bank  or  handful  of  earth  amid 
the  towering  ledges,  the  industrious  peasants  have  terraced 
it  with  walls  and  planted  it  with  vines,  so  that  the  innu 
merable  little  zigzag  walls  and  cross-walls  have  the  ap 
pearance  of  an  immense  honeycomb. 

Everywhere  else  are  the  somber  pines,  while 


STUDENT  RAMBLES  IN  PRUSSIA.  15  j 

"  Above,  the  frequent  feudal  towers 

Through  green  leaves  lift  their  walls  of  gray, 
And  many  a  rock  which  steeply  lowers, 
And  noble  arch  in  proud  decay." 

He  who  has  never  voyaged  from  Bingen  down  the  Rhine, 
between  these  time-old  walls,  where  it  moves  in  majesty, 
may  well  believe  that  when  a  German  cradled  on  its 
banks  relates  its  natural  glories,  he  does  but  speak  with  a 
fond  and  filial  exaggeration ;  and  that  the  artist  who  has 
labored  to  portray  them  has  sought  rather  to  repay  a  debt 
of  gratitude  than  to  sketch  a  truthful  panorama.  But 
when  he  comes  and  beholds  the  object  of  these  seeming 
adulations,  his  incredulity  straightway  vanishes.  Whether 
gazing  on  the  "walls  of  gray"  which  crown  many  a 
towering  crest,  or  on  the  giant  palisades  in  liveries  of 
softest,  richest  brown,  or  on  the  sloping  ledges  and  vast, 
overthrown  boulders  whose  emerald  tints  seem  only  a 
deepened  reflex  of  the  silken,  sea-green  waves  which  glide 
beneath  them,  he  declares  in  his  rapture  that  these  un 
hewn  walls  yield  hues  more  noble  than  the  artist  ever 
spread  upon  his  canvas.  However  bleak,  and  cold,  and 
gray  the  hand  of  nature  may  have  penciled  ledges  in 
drier  and  higher  regions,  here  they  seem  warm,  and  soft, 
and  glowing.  However  hard  and  grim  may  be  the  sur 
roundings  of  the  Rhine  where  it  is  cradled  among  the 
thundering  avalanches  and  the  savage  granite  of  Alpine 
solitudes,  it  flows  down  at  length  in  the  tranquil  majesty 
of  its  greatness,  along  exuberant  and  picturesque  valleys 
which  its  own  green  waters  have  fructified,  and  through 
mountain  gorges  which  its  own  humid  influence  has  soft 
ened  and  green-limned  with  beauty. 


THE    KAISER'S    RESOLVE, 
i. 

Sweet  are  the  uses  of  adversity, 

Which,  like  the  toad,  ugly  and  venomous, 

Wears  yet  a  precious  jewel  in  his  head. 

SHAKSPEARE. 

IN  1 848  three  crazy  words  from  France  created  such  an 
earthquake  in  Austria  that  the  imperial  succession 
made  a  long  skip.  Uncle,  father,  were  both  set  aside, 
in  that  year  of  rejuvenescence,  and  the  boy  Francis  Joseph 
reigned  Kaiser  of  Austria.  The  House  of  Hapsburg,  how 
ever,  did  not  skip  as  many  traditions  as  years,  and  Hun 
gary  revolted.  But  the  struggle  of  revolution  went  sore 
against  her,  through  treachery  and  division,  and  the  end 
was  now  daily  awaited. 

One  evening  the  young  Kaiser,  unutterably  disgusted 
and  bewildered  with  the  state  business  to  which  he  was 
so  little  used,  was  reclining  languidly  in  an  easy-chair  be 
fore  the  fire  in  a  small  private  parlor  of  the  old  Burg. 
With  his  feet  resting  across  a  footstool  cushioned  like  an 
ottoman,  he  slipped  far  down  in  the  capacious  chair, 
crossed  his  hands  over  the  arms,  turned  his  head  wearily 
to  one  side,  snuggled  it  deep  into  the  rich  downy  velvet, 
and  was  soon  lost  in  sleep.  From  this  he  was  awakened 
by  a  messenger,  bringing  a  telegram  from  Pesth,  they 
having  orders  to  bring  him  such  at  whatever  hour.  Mut 
tering  a  petulant  curse  upon  the  lackey,  he  sleepily  reached 
out  his  hand,  took  the  message,  dropped  it,  cursed  the 
(ISO 


THE   KAISER'S  RESOLVE. 


153 


lackey  for  his  awkwardness,  took  it  again,  and  laid  it  on 
the  cushion,  without  once  lifting  his  head. 

Some  time  after  the  messenger  went  out,  a  brand  of  fire 
fell  down,  startling  him  a  little,  when  he  remembered  the 
telegram,  stretched  it  out  with  both  hands,  and  read : 

ARMY  HEADQUARTERS,  PESTH, 
October  7,  1849. 

To  His  IMPERIAL  MAJESTY  THE  KAISER. 

Since  Gorgey's  surrender  at  Vilagos,  the  whole  province 
has  been  tranquilized.  The  rebel  soldiers  have  been  dis 
persed  to  their  homes,  and  quiet  prevails.  Yesterday  the 
nine  generals  were  shot  at  Arad. 

HAYNAU,  FZM. 

"So!  then  it  is  over.  Pity  nine  had  to  be  shot," 
soliloquized  the  young  Kaiser  half  aloud;  and  then, 
after  heavily  and  drowsily  blinking  at  the  paper  three  or 
four  times,  he  rolled  his  head  over  again,  snuggled  it  into 
the  velvet,  and  slowly  the  uplifted  hands  drifted  down, 
down,  down,  till  they  softly  rested  on  the  chair  again,  and 
the  paper  slipped  from  their  nerveless  grasp,  and  fluttered 
to  the  floor.  Weariness  prevailed,  and  he  was  slumbering 
again. 

Whither  wandered  the  dreams  of  the  imperial  sleeper  ? 
Did  his  roving  imagination  return  to  the  hated  work- 
cabinet  in  the  vast  and  lonely  Burg,  whence  he  had  just 
escaped,  to  drag  him  again  through  the  thousand  argu 
ments  and  cross-arguments  with  which  his  ministers  and 
dispatches  from  his  jangling  provinces  daily  distracted  his 
p  unpered  young  life  ? 

No ;  the  remembrance  of  the  message  still  lingers,  and 
he  wanders  in  dreams  far  away  to  the  battle-fields  of  un 
happy  Hungary.  He  gropes  his  way  among  the  hideous 
and  blackened  ruins.  The  vultures,  scared  from  the  un- 


I54  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

buried  corpses,  flap  and  scream  around  him.  Human 
heads,  bloody  and  horrible  with  their  protruding  eyes, 
stare  at  him  from  the  tops  of  poles.  He  stops  at  last 
before  the  patriot  generals  doomed  by  his  command  to 
death.  The  files  of  executioners  stand  stolidly  before 
them.  There  are  the  faint  words  of  preparation,  each 
slightest  sound  being  terribly  distinct  in  the  awful  stillness. 
He  hears  the  muskets  click.  Then  a  second  word  of  com 
mand,  low  but  plain.  The  fatal  crash  of  muskets  is  heard. 
They  fall,  writhing  and  ghastly,  and  the  bright  blood 
spirts  on  their  gorgeous  Magyar  uniforms.  The  young 
Kaiser  leaps  to  his  feet,  with  a  shudder  of  unspeakable 
horror,  catching  his  breath  convulsively  ! 

The  low  buzz  of  commands  was  only  the  purring  of  the 
fire  ;  the  crash  of  musketry,  the  brands  falling  again  ;  and 
the  bright  streams  of  blood,  the  flickering,  expiring 
flames. 

Thus  was  announced,  and  thus  was  received,  the  news 
of  the  downfall  of  poor  Hungary,  and  the  beginning  of 
one  of  the  most  hellish  retributions  recorded  in  history. 

II. 

Eighteen  long  years  rolled  away,  and  some  of  them  left 
their  imprint  in  wrinkles  upon  the  face  of  Francis  Joseph. 
Its  boyish  roundness  was  gone,  it  had  grown  longer,  ap 
parently,  and  was  pulled  down  and  pulled  together  into 
something  very  like  an  habitual  scowl.  It  was  a  small 
and  delicate  face,  but  there  was  little  meaning  in  the 
eyes,  except  a  kind  of  querulous  appeal  to  be  let  alone. 
The  cares  of  his  bedlam  of  provinces,  forever  wrangling 
and  bickering,  and  the  unvarying  succession  of  disap 
pointments,  defeats,  bankruptcies,  and  disagreements  with 
his  ministers,  had  soured  his  temper.  He  was  always 


THE  KAISER'S  RESOLVE. 


155 


suspicious  that  somebody  was  about  to  overreach  him.  His 
eyes,  looking  out  from  their  slender  setting  beneath  faint 
eyebrows,  seemed  to  be  always  glancing  toward  one  side 
or  the  other,  never  straight  forward. 

Kossuth,  the  noble,  the  generous,  the  confiding,  was 
pining  in  proud  and  hopeless  poverty  as  a  teacher  in 
Turin.  Gorgey,  the  infamous,  after  having  dragged  his 
Fatherland  down  to  an  earthly  hell  rather  than  abate  one 
jot  of  his  satanic  pride,  had  retired,  detested  and  ab 
horred,  as  an  obscure  professor  in  Styria,  haggard  with  a 
remorse  which  came  too  late.  Haynau,  the  Austrian 
Hyena,  whether  in  a  spirit  of  demoniacal  mockery,  or 
attracted  by  the  splendid  chivalry  and  magnanimity  of 
that  people  whose  best  sons  he  had  butchered,  declared 
his  purpose  to  become  an  Hungarian ;  and  put  to  the 
practical  test  their  great-hearted  forgiveness  by  riding  on 
horseback,  with  a  single  attendant,  through  the  length  of 
the  land.  With  the  wonderful  elasticity  of  that  people, 
they  had  recovered  everything,  except  their  liberty  and 
their  unforgotten  dead. 

And  now  the  black  war-clouds  commenced  drifting 
heavily  down  from  Berlin,  and  there  was  sore  apprehen 
sion  in  the  old  Imperial  Burg.  The  tempest  was  also 
gathering  in  Italy.  The  Hungarian  Parliament  beheld 
its  opportunity,  and  prepared  and  forwarded  to  the  Kaiser 
a  proposition  for  restoring  them  their  ancient  constitu 
tion,  and  a  separate  army  and  treasury.  This  was  too 
much,  or  rather,  it  was  too  soon.  The  Kaiser  had  been 
well  scourged  at  Solferino  and  Magenta,  but  those  events 
were  so  distant  that  the  lesson  of  them  had  slipped  from 
his  memory. 

An  Imperial  missive  was  quietly  sent  down  to  Pesth, 
informing  the  members  of  the  Parliament  that  the  exi 
gencies  of  public  affairs,  fortunately,  were  not  so  pressing 


156  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

as  to  demand  their  further  attention ;  and  that  therefore 
his  Imperial  Majesty  graciously  accorded  them  permis 
sion  to  go  about  their  private  business. 

ii  i. 

Francis  Joseph  went  to  war  with  King  William.  Or 
rather,  as  a  matter  of  history,  his  man  Benedek  stayed 
supinely  in  Bohemia,  and  let  the  war  come  over  the 
Giant  Mountains  to  him.  About  the  first  day  of  July,  1866, 
Marshal  Benedek  telegraphed  earnestly  to  his  Imperial 
master  substantially  this :  "I  beseech  your  Majesty  to 
make  peace  on  the  best  attainable  terms."  Benedek  was 
an  Hungarian,  and  he  saw  well,  what  was  hidden  from 
the  Kaiser's  eyes,  that  his  compatriot  Magyars  in  the 
army  had  no  heart  in  the  bloody  business  which  was 
approaching. 

But  no  peace  was  made,  and  the  two  great  armies  stood 
up  to  the  battle.  Two  days  after  the  above  dispatch, 
about  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning,  there  came  to  the 
Burg  the  following  message : 

ARMY  HEADQUARTERS,  KONIGGRATZ, 
July  3,  1866. 

To  His  IMPERIAL  MAJESTY  THE  KAISER. 

The  decisive  battle  of  the  campaign  was  joined  this 
morning.  Everything  is  going  well. 

BENEDEK,  FZM. 

At  ten  o'clock  there  came  another  brief  message : 

"The  battle  is  raging  all  along  the  line.  Our  troops 
are  steadily  advancing,  and  the  enemy  is  falling  back. 
Everything  is  going  well." 

This  was   true  up   to   that   hour,  for  the  two  Prussian 


THE   KAISER'S  RESOLVE. 


157 


armies  had  not  yet  effected  a  junction.  But  the  tele 
graph  talked  no  more.  All  day  long  it  was  obstinately 
silent.  The  Kaiser,  no  longer  the  listless  boy  disgusted 
with  affairs,  in  his  impatience  repaired  to  the  office  in  the 
Burg.  At  his  command  they  shot  messages  off  to  the 
battle-field,  but  they  dived  off  the  end  of  the  wire,  and 
clicked  in  deserted  offices,  or  were  drowned  in  the  mighty 
roar  of  battle.  Where  was  Benedek?  was  the  agonizing 
question.  And  still  the  messages  which  they  lanced  at 
him  danced  off  the  end  of  the  wire  into  nothingness, 
lost  in  the  great  void  of  the  world,  and  brought  no  re 
sponse. 

But  at  last,  about  ten  o'clock  at  night,  oh,  joy  !  the  in 
strument  began  to  rattle,  as  if  it  wanted  to  say  something. 
All  ears  were  erected.  The  operator  called  off,  "  Hohen- 
mauth."  Then  he  slowly  repeated  aloud  to  the  Kaiser 

what  the  wire  was  saying, "Click,  click,  click! 

at — first — the — retreat — was — conducted — 
in — good — order, — but — finally — the — soldiers — were — 
panic  -  stricken — and — the — retreat — became — a — rout. — 
Hundreds — perished — in — the — Elbe.  * ' 

The  Kaiser's  heart  sank  within  him.  Feverishly  his 
finger  sought  for  Hohenmauth  on  the  wall-map.  Hohen- 
mauth?  Hohenmauth?  Perdition  catch  these  German 
maps  !  They  are  so  covered  with  little  fine  names  that 
nobody  can  find  any  place.  Ah  !  here  it  is  !  Sick  was 
the  heart  of  the  Kaiser  when  he  marked  it.  A  long  way 
more  than  a  score  of  miles  south  of  Koniggratz !  All 
that  long  flight  since  ten  o'clock  in  the  morning ! 

Never  in  history  or  in  story  will  the  narrative  of  Konig 
gratz  be  told  more  graphically  than  Marshal  Benedek 
pictured  it  to  his  Imperial  master,  in  that  single  date,  and 
that  fatal  sentence,  "Hundreds  perished  in  the  Elbe." 

Then  all  the  remainder  of  that  dreary  night  the  Kaiser 


158  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

lingered  in  the  telegraph  office  in  the  Burg,  alternately 
dictating  dispatches  to  his  "good  brother"  on  the  Seine, 
and  listening  to  his  replies.  All  night  long,  without  in 
termission,  the  wire  hummed  and  buzzed  between  Paris 
and  Vienna,  and  it  was  long  after  sunrise  of  that  summer 
morning  before  the  Kaiser  entered  his  carriage  and  drove 
out  to  the  palace  of  Schonbrunn.  And  not  many  hours 
afterward,  the  tricolor  of  France  waved  over  beautiful 
Venice.  The  Kaiser  flung  the  burdensome  province  out 
of  his  left  hand,  that  he  might  withdraw  it  to  the  succor 
of  his  right. 

IV. 

Before  he  drove  out  to  Schonbrunn,  however,  he  was 
able,  by  this  cession  of  Venetia,  to  telegraph  to  the  Arch 
duke  Albert,  in  Verona,  to  set  the  South  Army  in  motion 
in  all  haste  for  Vienna.  And  right  well  did  the  heroes 
of  Custozza  obey  the  command,  for  they  longed  to  meet  a 
foeman  worthier  of  their  steel.  One  long  train  after 
another,  crowded  with  the  gallant  lads,  thundered  over 
the  great  Semmering  Pass,  and  bowled  away  down  the 
valley  to  Vienna.  Never  in  history  has  another  immense 
army  been  hurled  as  that  army  was  hurled  from  Italy  into 
Bohemia.  With  a  proud  heart  might  the  Kaiser  have 
looked  down  from  the  south  windows  of  the  Burg,  to  be 
hold  the  trains  rumble  in,  for  never  was  grander  achieve 
ment  of  human  energy ;  but,  alas  !  he  was  filled  with  dis 
may  when  he  looked  from  the  north  windows.  Swiftly  as 
his  gallant  lads  were  hastening  to  save  the  tottering  mon 
archy,  the  fierce  and  dreaded  Prussians  were  rushing  more 
swiftly  to  overthrow  it. 

The  watchers  perched  far  aloft  in  St.  Stephen's  tower, 
straining  their  eager  eyes  across  the  valley  of  the  Dan 
ube  toward  the  low  mountains  and  hills  of  Moravia, 


THE   KAISERS  RESOLVE.  159 

already  caught  with  their  glasses  the  long  and  glittering 
lines  of  the  Pickelhauben  amid  the  blue  mountain  passes. 
Gay,  thoughtless  Vienna  for  once  forgot  to  laugh,  and 
looked  on  in  silence,  while  one  immense  train  after  an 
other  rolled  away  toward  Pesth,  loaded  with  archives,  and 
jewels,  and  bullion,  and  with  the  fleeing  nobility. 


v. 

Then  came  another  night  when  there  was  sore  trouble 
and  unrest  in  the  old  Imperial  Burg.  In  his  little  cabinet 
sat  the  Kaiser,  surrounded  by  a  few  faithful  counselors, 
who  pleaded  with  him  as  they  plead  whose  life  hangs  in 
the  balance.  The  irresolute  and  yet  obstinate  monarch, 
goaded  almost  to  distraction  by  this  unparalleled  succes 
sion  of  sudden  and  overwhelming  calamities,  and  protest 
ing  he  was  betrayed  by  every  one,  declared  his  determi 
nation  to  put  himself  at  the  head  of  his  gallant  army,  lead 
it  to  victory,  and  save  his  dynasty,  or  perish  in  the  uni 
versal  ruin.  They  entreated  him,  on  the  contrary,  to 
follow  the  example  of  his  illustrious  ancestor,  go  down  to 
Pesth,  and  there  throw  himself  on  the  generosity  of  the 
great-hearted  Magyars. 

Now  he  would  start  impatiently  across  the  floor,  ex 
claim  aloud  against  his  enemies  and  betrayers,  uttering 
impotent  and  puerile  threats ;  then  he  would  sit  a  long 
time  moodily  silent,  listening  doggedly  to  their  arguments 
and  entreaties.  It  was  long  after  midnight,  and  the  wan 
and  flickering  camp-fires  of  his  four  hundred  thousand 
soldiers  had  hours  since  ceased  to  be  reflected  in  the 
twinkling  waters  of  the  Danube,  or  among  the  forests  of 
the  Moravian  hills.  The  sentinel  paced  his  beat  to  and 
fro  alone  in  the  shadow  of  the  grim  arsenal.  Still  the 
humiliated  monarch  hesitated. 


160  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

The  great  bell  in  the  tower  of  St.  Stephen,  with  a  deep 
and  measured  clang,  slowly  tolled  the  stroke  of  three. 
In  the  solemn  silence  of  the  night,  the  sonorous  rever 
berations  floated  in  to  those  sleepless  watchers  in  the 
cabinet  with  awful  distinctness.  Suddenly  the  Kaiser 
started  up,  as  if  alarmed  by  its  ominous  voice,  advanced 
to  a  window,  and  looked  out  upon  his  slumbering  capital. 
What  said  the  great  bell  to  him,  with  its  after-vibrations  ? 
"  Go — go — go — o — o — o — o  !" — faintly  ringing,  ringing, 
dying,  in  the  midnight  void.  It  was  as  the  voice  of  the 
city,  of  those  eight  hundred  thousand  human  beings  who 
were  asleep,  reposing  their  destiny  in  his  hands.  In  that 
solemn  hour  their  voice  was  heard ;  his  better  self  pre 
vailed.  Turning  suddenly  to  his  counselors,  he  said, 
"I  will  go." 

When  we  remember  the  fatuous  persistency  with  whir  h 
Louis  Napoleon  saddled  his  own  incompetency  upon  his 
army,  thereby  crushing  it  into  hideous  disaster  and  ruin, 
let  it  be  remembered,  to  the  praise  of  Francis  Joseph, 
that,  weak  and  obstinate  as  he  was,  he  listened  to 
wholesome  but  bitter  counsel.  When  we  consider  the 
galling  humiliation  it  was  for  a  Hapsburg  to  go  and  plead 
like  a  mendicant  before  the  haughty  Magyars,  whom  he 
had  so  cruelly  spurned  and  destroyed  when  they  petitioned, 
let  it  also  be  remembered  that  he  accepted  even  this 
penance. 

VI. 

The  Kaiser  went  down  to  Ofen.  In  the  ancient  and 
sacred  capital  of  the  kingdom  of  St.  Stephen,  he  met  the 
Magyar  chiefs.  They  received  him  with  cold  and  haughty 
obeisance.  Happy  for  him,  in  that  moment  of  keen 
humiliation,  he  did  not  yet  know  that  no  standards  were 
lost  at  Koniggratz,  except  by  Magyar  regiments.  In  all 


THE   KAISER'S  RESOLVE.  161 

the  Oriental  splendor  of  their  native  uniforms, — what  of 
them  had  been  spared  by  the  mean  and  beggarly  pro 
scription  of  1849, — which  are  not  equaled  in  Europe  for 
their  picturesqueness,  they  stood  before  him,  to  listen  to 
his  appeal.  In  their  own  rich  and  melodious  tongue, 
and  with  a  frankness  which  astonished  them,  he  pictured 
to  them  his  tottering  monarchy,  and  entreated  them  to 
hasten  to  his  succor. 

They  listened  to  his  words  in  stern  silence.  He  pleaded 
for  that  Austria  with  which,  for  eight  hundred  years,  their 
traditions  and  their  glories  had  been  united.  He  pictured 
to  them,  in  the  best  eloquence  he  could  summon,  the  con 
sequences  of  defeat,  the  disruption  of  the  empire,  and 
their  own  probable  absorption  into  Russia.  They  listened 
to  him  with  astonished  eagerness,  and  yet  with  the  most 
lofty  outward  unconcern  and  the  immobile  gravity  of  the 
Orient.  Not  once  was  he  rewarded  with  such  a  ringing 
outburst  as  followed  the  appeal  of  Maria  Theresa.  His 
heart  was  dismayed. 

Then  he  spoke,  lastly,  of  his  family,  and,  in  soft,  tremu 
lous  tones,  he  pleaded  before  the  Magyars  as  a  father 
speaking  unto  fathers.  In  the  earnestness  of  his  plea  for 
his  innocent  little  ones,  he  forgot,  for  the  moment,  the 
monarch,  his  feelings  overmastered  him,  his  eyes  moist 
ened  with  tears,  and  he  turned  away  his  face,  and  was 
silent. 

Then  at  last  the  haughty  Magyars  made  reply.  They, 
too,  were  not  unmoved,  but  it  was  not  a  time  for  scenic 
display.  It  was  a  time  for  justice.  They  could  not  for 
get  the  fearful  crime  of  1849.  They,  too,  spoke  plainly. 
Never  before  had  the  hearts  of  monarch  and  people  been 
so  uncovered  to  each  other's  gaze.  It  was  an  hour  of 
mutual  reasonings,  not  of  reproaches,  but  of  noble  and 
solemn  admonitory  eloquence,  addressed  by  them  to  their 

14* 


1 62  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

humbled  monarch.  They,  too,  had  had  children,  and  sec  i 
them  cut  down  in  hideous  butchery  before  their  eyes. 
After  eighteen  years,  they  remembered  those  things  no 
longer  vindictively,  but  with  a  mournful  and  unforgetting 
bitterness ;  and  they  spoke  to  him  with  that  lofty  and 
patriarchal  dignity  native  to  the  children  of  the  Orient. 
Each  of  them  could  say : 

"  Time  has  laid  his  hand 
Upon  my  heart,  gently,  not  smiting  it, 
But  as  a  harper  lays  his  open  palm 
Upon  his  harp,  to  deaden  its  vibrations." 

They  offered  him  a  crown  for  a  constitution.  He  accepted. 
Before  he  left  them,  Hungary  was  restored.  How  great 
happiness  it  was  given  to  that  man  to  bestow,  within  a 
few  days,  upon  two  peoples, — the  Venetians  and  the 
Magyars ! 

In  that  hour,  how  greatly  and  how  signally  were  the 
Magyars  avenged !  They  had  not  only  recovered,  by  a 
peaceful  triumph,  what  had  been  wrested  from  them  with 
cruel  and  bloody  violence,  but  they  had  seen  a  Haps- 
burg  weep. 

Thus  it  is  that  the  kings'  extremities  are  the  people's 
opportunities. 

NOTE. — All  the  main  events  set  forth  in  the  preceding  narrative  are 
matters  of  historical  record ;  but  it  is  necessary  to  state,  for  the  sake  of 
accuracy,  that  a  few  of  the  minor  incidents  and  details  rest  on  no  higher 
foundation  than  the  gossip  of  court  circles  in  Vienna. 


KAISER    HANS. 

There  was  a  king  of  Yvetot  once 

But  little  known  in  story  ; 
To  bed  betimes,  and  rising  late, 
Sound  sleeper  without  glory  ; 
With  cotton  nightcap,  too,  instead 
Of  crown,  would  Jenny  deck  his  head, 

'Tis  said. 

Rat  tat,  rat  tat,  rat  tat,  rat  tat, 
O  what  a  good  little  king  was  that ! 
Rat  tat. 

BfcRANGER. 

ONCE  upon  a  time  there  was  a  good  little  Kaiser 
called  Kaiser  Hans,  who  ruled  over  the  land  of 
Albeeria.  The  name  of  his  capital  city  was  Circumstadt, 
and  his  favorite  summer  palace,  near  by,  was  called 
Maulhaus. 

Now,  one  morning  this  good  little  Kaiser  awoke  at 
eight  o'clock,  and  opened  his  eyes.  He  rung  his  bell  for 
the  attendant,  and  ordered  him  to  bring  in  a  small  cup 
of  black  coffee,  which  he  drank  reclining  in  bed,  and 
then  covered  up  his  head  with  the  sheets,  and  took  an 
other  pleasant  nap. 

Afterward  he  awoke  again,  and  winked  three  times,  and 
rubbed  his  eyes.  Then  he  arose  and  dressed  himself  all 
over,  and  wound  up  his  watch.  After  that,  he  caused  the 
attendant  to  put  his  slippers  on  his  feet,  and  then  he  sat 
down  before  the  fire  and  ordered  them  to  bring  im  a 
mug  of  Klein-schwechater  beer,  which  they  brought,  and 
he  quaffed  the  same.  Then  his  Majesty  held  out  his  feet 

(163) 


1 64  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY, 

to  the  fire,  and  toasted  his  toes,  and  rubbed  his  stomach, 
and  felt  very  snug  and  comfortable. 

At  ten  o'clock  and  fifteen  minutes,  this  good  little 
Kaiser  Hans  pared  his  nails. 

Some  time  afterward  he  sat  down  to  his  piano,  and 
played  the  little  love-song,  "  Come  questo  care"  from  Don 
Bucefalo.  This  seemed  to  recall  old  and  pleasant  memo 
ries  of  the  youthful  life  of  the  Kaiser,  and  he  sat  some 
time  absorbed  in  deep  reflection. 

At  eleven  o'clock  the  Kaiser  partook  of  breakfast, 
which,  on  this  occasion,  he  was  pleased  to  eat  alone.  He 
partook  of  a  deviled  Manx  chicken,  with  the  quality  of 
which  he  expressed  himself  well  satisfied. 

Soon  after  this  he  proceeded  to  the  White  Chamber, 
where  he  presided  over  a  council  of  ministers,  assembled 
to  consult  upon  the  main  business  of  the  day.  Directly 
he  took  his  seat  upon  the  throne,  the  Kaiser  arose,  and 
stated  to  his  ministers  that  the  question  for  their  con 
sideration  that  day  was  the  very  important  one  of  mili 
tary  reform.  Complaints  had  reached  his  ears,  he  said, 
through  petitions  from  his  faithful  and  well-beloved  sub 
jects,  that  they  were  grievously  burdened  and  distressed 
by  the  present  military  system.  The  welfare  of  his  people 
lay  ever  very  near  his  heart.  He  was  deeply  moved  by 
these  appeals.  He  had  assembled  together  his  trusted 
ministers,  on  whose  wisdom  he  had  depended  so  often, 
and  not  in  vain,  that  they  might  assist  him  in  devising 
some  thorough  measure  of  relief.  A  sovereign's  greatest 
crown  of  glory,  he  believed,  was  in  his  tender  nurture 
and  protection  of  his  people.  He  invited  all  his  ministers 
to  express  themselves  freely. 

When  his  Majesty  the  Kaiser  ceased  speaking,  his 
Eminence,  Prince  Moritz  von  Mettler,  Minister  of  Other 
People's  Affairs,  a  tall,  dark  gentleman,  with  black  whis- 


KAISER   HANS.  165 

kers,  arose  and  craved  his  sovereign's  indulgence.  He 
said,  if  he  might  be  permitted  by  his  august  master,  he 
would  suggest  that  a  pressing  necessity  for  reform  existed 
in  the  present  color  of  the  infantry  uniform  trousers.  It 
was  well  known  that  scarlet  was  a  dangerous  color  in 
battle,  as  it  virtually  invited  and  guided  the  enemy's  fire, 
thus  causing  wounds  in  the  shins,  which  incapacitated  the 
soldier  not  only  from  all  further  service,  but  from  future 
usefulness  in  civil  stations.  He  would  suggest  that  green 
trousers  be  substituted,  as  being  more  like  the  color  of  the 
fields. 

His  Eminence  Count  Johannes  von  Pumpenhausen, 
Inspector  of  Bungs,  a  well-favored  German,  with  specta 
cles  and  blonde  hair,  begged  to  suggest  that  the  white 
coats  of  the  uniform  also  be  abolished.  Battles  were 
seldom  fought  in  winter,  as  the  learned  Dr.  Conrady  had 
demonstrated  in  his  great  history  (vol.  ii.  p.  136),  hence 
the  white  coats  were  conspicuous  in  the  landscape,  and 
scarcely  less  dangerous  than  scarlet  trousers. 

At  this  point  of  the  proceedings,  his  Majesty's  favorite 
spaniel,  King  Charles,  bounded  into  the  council-chamber. 
He  was  exceedingly  delighted  to  see  his  kind  little  master, 
and  whisked  and  jumped  about,  and  wagged  his  tail  to 
such  an  extent  that  his  whole  body,  from  his  ears  back, 
seemed  to  be  one  elongated  tail.  Kaiser  Hans  was  also 
much  pleased  to  see  his  favorite,  and  stooped  down  and 
patted  his  head,  and  called  him  by  name.  Thereupon 
the  dog  waggled  his  tail  again.  The  attendants  finally  had 
to  remove  him  from  the  chamber. 

His  Majesty  then  said  he  was  pleased  to  listen  to  these 
suggestions,  and  considered  them  valuable ;  but  they  were 
not  in  the  direction  he  had  anticipated,  since  they  did 
not  steadfastly  keep  in  view  the  welfare  of  his  people, 
whose  prosperity  he  always  had  earnestly  at  heart. 


!66  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

His  Excellency  the  Minister  of  Other  People's  Affairs 
begged  to  remind  his  Majesty  that  green  cloth  was  cheaper 
than  scarlet,  and  would  therefore  lessen  the  expenses  of 
the  military  bureau,  and  enable  the  taxes  upon  the  people 
to  be  very  materially  lightened.  He  had  no  doubt  that 
each  pair  of  green  trousers  substituted  for  the  scarlet  would 
save  a  peasant  the  value  of  two  chickens. 

His  Excellency  Baron  Rothkopf  von  Rothkopf,  Minister 
of  Belligerency,  a  gentleman  with  fiery  red  hair,  begged 
to  be  allowed  to  suggest  that  neither  of  the  noble  gentle 
men  had  struck  at  the  root  of  the  matter.  The  measure 
of  reform  must  go  deeper,  and  deal  with  profounder  ques 
tions  than  any  which  had  been  mooted,  or  the  empire 
of  Albeeria  was  bankrupt.  The  present  was  a  time  which 
demanded  the  most  searching  investigation  into  the  errors 
and  corruptions  of  the  past.  The  empire,  as  all  the  noble 
gentlemen  well  knew,  was  even  then  struggling  in  the 
very  throes  of — he  had  almost  said  dissolution  ;  but  no, 
it  was  a  healthy  effort,  the  effort  of  a  great  body  to  free 
itself  from  the  materia  peccans,  the  evil  influences  of  bad 
legislation  and  bad  administration.  Albeeria  was  not  a 
corpse,  Heaven  be  thanked,  but  only  a  convalescent  strug 
gling  with  its  great  natural  strength  to  shake  off  disease. 

The  measure  of  reform  which  seemed  to  him  most  ur 
gent,  was  one  in  relation  to  the  soldier's  personal  welfare. 
How  often,  his  Excellency  asked,  during  the  recent  dis 
astrous  campaign  which  shook  Albeeria  to  its  base,  how 
often  had  the  soldier  been  seized  by  his  beard,  and  thus 
held  while  he  was  beaten  !  How  often  had  his  beard  be 
come  the  harbor  of  dust,  fog,  and  consequent  disease  ! 
How  often  had  he  bled  to  death,  because  his  cumbrous 
and  useless  beard  prevented  the  surgeons  from  reaching 
his  wound  in  time  to  stanch  the  flow  of  blood  !  The 
noble  gentlemen  must  certainly  be  aware  that  the  learned 


KAISER  HANS.  167 

Dr.  Krackmeyer,  in  his  great  work  on  the  Human  Whiskers 
(p.  1407),  had  demonstrated  that  one-half  the  throat 
diseases  of  soldiers  are  caused  by  their  beards,  which  they 
are  too  indolent  to  keep  punned. 

He  would,  therefore,  humbly  suggest  to  his  Majesty 
that  the  projected  reform  should  begin  with  the  whiskers 
of  the  army.  He  would  propose,  in  fine,  that  the  soldier 
should  be  required  to  shave  off  his  beard. 

His  Majesty  said  he  must  ask  the  eloquent  minister  the 
same  question  as  before.  In  what  manner  would  this  re 
form  benefit  his  faithful  and  beloved  subjects?  He  was 
unable  to  perceive. 

His  Excellency  begged  to  reply  to  his  sovereign,  ever 
anxious  for  his  people,  that  whatever  benefited  the  soldier 
must  indirectly  benefit  the  subject.  It  would  give  occu 
pation  to  thousands  of  barbers,  now  languishing  in  utter 
penury  for  lack  of  employment.  But,  far  more  than  this, 
it  would  restore  the  efficiency  of  the  army,  insure  Albeeria 
victory  in  the  impending  great  conflict  of  arms,  and, 
therefore,  give  the  whole  nation  prosperity,  where  now  all 
was  ruin. 

His  Majesty  was  pleased  to  say  that  he  was  deeply  im 
pressed  by  the  views  which  the  minister  had  urged  so 
eloquently. 

His  Excellency  the  Minister  of  Other  People's  Affairs, 
nervously  stroking  his  beard,  and  speaking  in  a  husky 
tone,  asked  whether  the  noble  gentleman  had  intended  to 
cast  any  slur  upon  his  colleagues  by  his  vehement  and 
very  pointed  tirade  against  beards. 

His  Excellency  the  Minister  of  Belligerency  sharply 
replied  that  he  could,  with  as  good  reason,  ask  whether 
his  Excellency  the  Minister  of  Other  People's  Affairs 
had  intended  to  cast  any  slur  upon  him  (the  speaker)  by 
his  attack  upon  trousers  of  a  certain  color. 


1 68  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

His  Majesty  said  it  grieved  him  to  see  two  of  his  min 
isters  descend  to  sharp  and  undignified  personal  allusions. 
He  could  not  permit  two  of  his  most  distinguished  sub 
jects  to  become  involved  in  an  affair  of  honor  upon  such 
trivial  matters. 

Under  this  paternal  rebuke  from  their  sovereign,  the 
two  noble  gentlemen  made  ample  apologies  and  retrac 
tions,  and  finally  shook  hands  very  amicably. 

After  some  further  unimportant  discussion,  his  Majesty 
caused  a  decree  to  be  drawn  up,  and  then  dismissed  the 
council. 

The  decree  was  as  follows : 

Hans,  by  the  grace  of  God  Kaiser  of  Albeeria ;  King 
of  Essen  and  Trinken  ;  Prince  of  Sauer-Kraut,  Schnapps, 
and  Pumpernickel ;  Archduke  of  Brod  and  Kartoffel ; 
Duke  of  Bratwurst ;  Margrave  of  Rindfleisch ;  Count  of 
Klein-Schwechater ;  Grand  Commander  of  the  Order  of 
Hans;  Chevalier  of  the  Order  of  Zechen,  Kneipen,  and 
Scherzen ;  etc.  etc.  etc. 

It  is  Our  pleasure,  and  We  hereby  decree : 

1.  Every  subaltern   officer  and   soldier   in   Our   army 
shall  abate,  remove,  abolish,  and  shave  off  his  whiskers. 

2.  Every  commissioned  officer  in   Our  army  shall,  at 
his  option,  shave  off  his  entire  beard,  or  only  that  part 
of  it  situated,  lying,  and  being  between  two  lines  let  fall 
perpendicularly  from  the  corners  of  the  mouth. 

Given  in  this  Our  capital  and  city  of  residence,  Cir- 
cumstadt. 

HANS,  m.p. 


ALLGEMEINE   ZEITUNG.* 

Gazettes,  if  they  are  to  be  interesting,  must  not  be  restrained. 

FREDERIC  THE  GREAT. 

In  a  free  commonwealth  both  language  and  reason,  word  and  thought, 
must  be  free. 

TIBERIUS  C^SAR. 

HAVING  solicited  and  obtained  permission  to  visit, 
at  their  office,  the  editors  of  the  Allgemeine 
Zeitung,  of  Augsburg,  I  took  good  care  to  keep  my  ap 
pointment  punctually.  At  an  early  hour  in  the  forenoon 
the  train  set  me  down  at  the  depot,  and  I  started  out 
to  wander,  without  as  much  as  the  mythical  thread  of 
Ariadne  to  guide  me,  along  alleys  more  tangled  than  the 
streets  of  Troy,  and  among  the  historic  memorials  that 
still  bear  their  majestic  witness  to  a  once  fabulous  opu 
lence.  After  an  illustrious  career  of  eighteen  hundred 
years,  this  Imperial  City  has  seen  its  scepter  depart  for 
ever  ;  and  over  its  once  populous  and  resounding  marts 
there  hovers  now  a  tranquil  stillness.  Where  once  the 
lieutenants  of  Augustus  led  out  beyond  the  walls  their 
long  legions,  with  glittering  helmet  and  cuirass ;  and 
where  the  gorgeous  retinue  of  a  monarch,  greater  than 
ever  ruled  in  the  Eternal  City,  moved  in  imposing  and 
solemn  grandeur  along  its  winding  streets,  to  hold  their 
august  tribunal  for  a  continent,  there  the  web-footed 

*  Reprinted,  by  permission,  from  Harper's  Magazine. 

'5  (169) 


1 7o  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

tribes  hold  now  their  noisy  musters  undisturbed.  I  wan 
dered  on,  past  the  "Three  Moors,"  where  once  the 
Fuggers  gave  audience  to  spendthrift  sovereigns,  but 
where  the  traveler  now  resorts  to  taste  its  famous,  sunny 
wines ;  under  the  great  clock-tower  above  the  gate  in  its 
ponderous  walls ;  past  arsenals,  and  ancient,  gloomy 
palaces,  and  long,  monotonous  fronts  of  modern  bar 
racks  ;  past  the  mediaeval  cathedral,  whose  jagged,  crum 
bling  walls  are  the  home  of  chattering  ravens,  but  whose 
interior  is  still  resplendent  with  the  offerings  of  a  wealth 
gathered  from  the  ports  of  a  world. 

At  last  I  came  suddenly  upon  it,  hidden  away  in  a 
labyrinthine  recess,  little  less  difficult  to  penetrate  than 
that  in  the  vicinity  of  the  London  Printing-House  Square. 
On  a  quiet,  grass-grown  alley  a  long,  low  building  lifts  its 
gray  front  toward  the  south — it  is  the  home  of  Germany's 
"Great  Thunderer." 

Passing  through  a  spacious  entry-way  into  the  large, 
quadrangular  court,  I  found  an  obliging  individual  who 
conducted  me  at  once  to  the  apartments  of  the  editor-in- 
chief.  An  atmosphere  so  cheerful,  so  domestic,  so  tran 
quil  pervaded  everything  around  me  that  I  seemed  to 
myself  to  be  in  a  private  residence  ;  and,  half  yielding  to 
the  impression,  knocked  on  his  door.  He  opened  it  him 
self,  for  he  was  wholly  without  attendants. 

In  a  twinkling  the  voices  of  both  of  us  were  drowned 
in  a  fierce  chorus  from  his  little  favorites — black  terriers 
and  tan,  white  spaniels  and  black — whisking  about  our 
feet  and  making  an  extraordinary  uproar.  Presently  he 
succeeded  in  calming  them  so  that  we  could  hear  each 
other  speak.  I  presented  him  my  card,  and  was  received 
with  the  most  cordial  kindness. 

"  Ich  bin  gekommen,  Hcrr  Rcdacteur,  urn" — here  a 
fresh  scurry  of  yelps  deafened  us  for  a  moment — "//;// — • 


ALLGEMEINE   ZEITUNG.  1 71 

um — to  visit  your  newspaper  establishment,  in  accordance 
with  your  very  kind  invitation." 

"Ja,ja;  ich  sehe.  Ein  Amerikaner.  Come  in,  come 
in,  sir." 

Oh,  who  shall  ever  fully  know  and  honor  the  benevo 
lence  of  his  brother-man?  What  more  noble  proof  of  it 
than  the  commiseration  with  which  two  persons  not  of 
the  same  language  regard  each  other  when  they  meet  ? 
How  kindly  and  how  patiently  each  assists  the  other  by 
speaking  to  him  in  his  language ! 

Thus  there  ensued  for  a  moment  a  running  skirmish  at 
cross-purposes:  "Take  place,  sir;  take  place,"  said  the 
editor,  pointing  to  a  great  arm-chair  covered  with  rich 
velvet. 

"Ich  wiinsche,  mein  Herr,  nur — nur " 

"You  are  a  journaleest,  I  think — a  correspondent;  not 
true,  sir?" 

Seeing  the  venerable  editor  was  intent  on  speaking 
"Engleesh,"  I  quietly  abandoned  the  benevolent  contest, 
for,  like  Wellington  in  French,  he  spoke  "with  the  greatest 
intrepidity,"  while  my  German  was  rather  labored. 

The  editor-in-chief,  Dr.  Altenhofer,  was  a  gentleman 
of  stout,  short  stature ;  the  muscular  neck,  small  gray 
eyes,  and  strong  lower  development  of  the  head  denoting 
that  he  was  fond  of  the  good  things  of  life.  He  reminded 
me  not  a  little  of  the  portrait  of  Sir  Walter  Scott,  only 
there  was  not  that  wonderful  Scotch  top-head.  The 
somewhat  misanthropic  and  heavy  expression  of  his 
thoroughly  Suabian  features  would  not  have  pointed  him 
out  as  the  author  of  the  quietly  humorous  paragraphs 
I  knew  him  to  have  written.  A  head  equally  and  com 
pactly  rounded,  rather  than  large  or  prominent  in  any 
point,  thinly  covered  with  gray  hair,  with  a  forehead  not 
high  but  full,  seemed  to  be  the  home  of  a  certain  dogged 


1 72  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

but  immense  power  rather  than  of  any  brilliancy  of  im 
agination. 

He  wore  a  bright  parti-colored  dressing-gown,  rich  as 
that  of  "Lusignan;"  a  Turkish  fez  of  crimson  velvet, 
from  the  top  of  which  swung  a  long  black  tassel ;  and  an 
incredible  mass  of  black  satin,  wound  about  the  neck 
until  it  became  more  formidable  than  a  Prussian  regula 
tion  stock. 

I  was  surprised  to  find  even  an  editor-in-chief  occupy 
ing,  as  a  work-room,  such  sumptuous  apartments.  There 
were  three  rooms — parlors,  I  had  almost  written — all  laid 
with  the  choicest  Brussels  carpets,  furnished  with  luxu 
rious  sofas,  velvet-cushioned  easy-chairs,  mahogany  cen 
ter-tables,  book-cases  with  richly  carved  walnut  mouldings, 
busts,  engravings,  and  several  gems  by  old  masters, 
Cranach,  Holbein,  and  others.  The  books  on  the  shelves 
were  numbered  by  thousands, — modern  volumes  in  dainty 
bindings  ranged  above ;  worm-eaten  and  dusty  tomes  of 
ancient  lore  drawn  out  below  in  solemn  phalanx.  The 
deep  recesses  of  the  casements  were  the  hiding-place  of 
pleasant  flowers ;  and  the  clambering  vines,  covering 
nearly  all  the  window,  bathed  the  rooms  in  a  soft,  green 
radiance.  As  well  expect  sturdy  political  disquisitions  to 
issue  from  these  dreamy,  Platonic  abodes  as  to  look  for 
madrigals  from  the  grimy,  garish,  sweltering  attics  of  our 
American  editors. 

The  chief  editor  had  four  lieutenants,  only  one  of  whom 
occupied  the  spacious  suite  of  rooms  with  him.  After  a 
few  minutes  of  conversation,  I  suggested  that  I  could  not 
allow  myself  to  interrupt  their  pressing  labors  (though  the 
elegant  walls  contained  no  curt  admonitions  to  the  visitor), 
and  that  nothing  would  be  more  agreeable  to  me  than  to 
be  permitted  to  be  a  silent  spectator  of  the  various  stages 
of  growth  of  a  German  newspaper. 


ALLGEMEINE   ZEITUNG.  173 

They  accordingly  seated  themselves  at  their  tables,  and 
began  to  rummage  among  the  heaps  of  newspapers  and 
letters  before  them.  The  veteran  chief  seized  first  upon 
a  quantity  of  letters  from  his  correspondents,  lifted  his 
large  green  spectacles  a  little  higher  on  his  nose,  and 
commenced  chasing  the  scraggy  hieroglyphics  to  and  fro 
across  the  page,  addressing  me  now  and  then  a  question. 
But  a  German  editor  cannot  so  completely  make  himself 
two  men  at  once  as  an  American.  In  a  letter  from  Berlin 
his  quick  eye  detects  a  paragraph  that  might  cause  his 
correspondent  to  be  expelled  from  his  Majesty's  domin 
ions,  and  he  quietly  buries  it  under  a  long,  black,  ob 
livious  furrow, — "  allinet  atrum  traverso  calamo  signum" 
To  another  he  affixes  a  brief  note  of  explanation,  or  of 
total  disavowal.  A  little  further  on  he  pauses  doubtingly 
upon  a  quotation  from  Lucretius,  glances  a  moment  into 
a  thick  quarto  within  easy  supporting  distance,  then  passes 
on  content.  In  a  market  quotation  that  has  traveled  over 
the  wires  all  the  way  from  Bombay  he  seizes  upon  a  geo 
graphical  name  that  seems  to  violate  the  analogies  of 
Sanscrit  terminology.  A  brief  reference  to  a  ponderous 
lexicon  at  his  right  elbow  confirms  his  suspicions,  and  he 
washes  his  hands  clear  of  it  with  an  ?-mark. 

Now,  after  deigning  it  scarcely  a  glance,  he  contemp 
tuously  tosses  a  letter  into  a  capacious  wicker-basket. 
"  Death  loves  a  shining  mark."  The  German  editor  is 
utterly  intolerant  of  "eloquence."  My  indignation 
waxed  warm  against  him.  Presumptuous  and  vain  man 
that  thou  art,  has  thy  little  lease  of  power  thus  emboldened 
thy  thoughts  and  steeled  thy  heart,  to  wage  such  cruel 
and  Herodian  warfare  upon  these  innocents  of  the 
brain  ? 

While  he  is  thus  burrowing  through  a  hill  of  "diplo 
matic  correspondence"  and  English  newspapers,  his  lieu- 

.5* 


I74  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

tenant  in  the  adjoining  room  is  laboriously  quarrying 
through  a  mountain  of  "occasional  correspondence" 
and  German  journals.  The  other  three,  in  their  apart 
ments,  are  industriously  mining  in  all  the  other  leads  of 
Europe, — France,  Italy,  Spain, — all  except  Turkey  and 
the  Slavonic  languages.  The  crude  metals  thus  obtained 
they  hammer,  and  purge  of  all  dross,  and  beat  into  the 
smallest  possible  compass. 

All  these  busy  workers  are  what  Confucius  modestly 
called  himself,  "  transmitters,  not  makers,"  for  they  very 
seldom  delve  in  the  dangerous  and  unprofitable  mines  of 
original  composition.  The  atmosphere  of  Germany  is 
of  a  nature  so  peculiar  that  literary  mining  may  be  prose 
cuted  with  the  greatest  safety;  but  in  political  shafts 
there  always  collects  a  body  of  highly  inflammable  and 
destructive  gases,  which  are  liable  to  explode  without  a 
moment's  warning,  and  hoist  the  workmen  in  irretrieva 
ble  ruin. 

Returning  presently  from  a  cursory  inspection  of  the 
rooms,  I  was  pained  and  dismayed  at  the  disastrous  havoc 
that  had  been  wrought  among  the  helpless  contributors. 
There  were  letters  from  far  Oamaru,  in  the  South  Sea 
Islands,  written  by  the  uncertain  flicker  of  a  rush-light ; 
from  Hong-Kong,  penned  by  the  glare  of  a  burning  joss ; 
from  Helsingfors, where  the  atmosphere  was  still  luminous 
at  midnight ;  from  wherever  in  the  world  there  is  a  Ger 
man, — and  where  is  there  not  one? — all  written  with 
laborious  accuracy,  most  of  them  furnished  forth  with 
apposite  ornaments  and  choice  morsels  of  wisdom  from 
Horace  and  Cicero,  and  all  of  them  framed  with  a  highly- 
commendable  terseness;  yet  all,  all  consigned  without  favor 
and  without  compunction  to  the  insatiable  basket. 

I  asked  the  editor  if  his  conscience  did  not  sometimes 
reproach  him  for  the  wantonness  with  which  he  thus  de- 


ALLGEMEINE   ZEITUNG. 


175 


prived  mankind  of  so  much  valuable  advice  and  informa 
tion.  He  replied  that  it  had  ;  that  he  had  often  regretted 
the  hard  necessity  that  was  imposed  upon  him ;  that  he 
was  every  day  made  aware  that  it  is  the  inalienable  privi 
lege  of  every  German  to  write  and  publish  a  letter ;  and 
that  his  countrymen  carried  with  them  a  high  sense  of 
their  prerogatives  to  the  remotest  confines  of  the  earth. 
He  believed  they  received  as  many  as  eighty  communica 
tions  daily,  aside  from  those  relating  entirely  to  business 
concerns. 

Besides  these  countless  stationary  contributors  they  em 
ployed  two  special  correspondents  in  the  Austrian  camps 
in  Bohemia,  and  one  in  the  Confederate  army  campaign 
ing  on  the  Main ;  but  the  latter  the  Bavarian  Prince 
Charles,  Commander-in-Chief,  expelled,  together  with  all 
his  comrades,  detailing  one  of  his  aids  to  transmit  by 
telegraph  the  "necessary  news!"  This  was  a  return 
to  the  system  of  the  Roman  government,  for  Suetonius 
relates  that  Julius  Caesar  appointed  a  military  editor  for 
the  acta  politico,  diurna  (some  interesting  fragments  of 
which  Petronius  has  preserved  in  his  ''Supper  of  Trimal- 
chio"),  and  that  he  ordered  copies  of  it  to  be  dispatched 
by  couriers  to  the  provinces.  This  was  certainly  a  more 
generous  undertaking  than  that  of  the  Bavarian  prince. 
In  his  earlier  campaigns  Caesar  wrote  and  published  his 
own  journals,  which  have  survived  eighteen  centuries — a 
destiny  certainly  not  reserved  for  the  ephemeral  records 
of  the  war  of  1866.  In  the  modern  instance,  as  in  the 
ancient,  there  appears  to  have  been  no  detriment  suffered, 
but  a  benefit  gained,  by  the  substitution  of  a  military  for 
a  civilian  journalist,  for  the  dispatches  of  both  were 
equally  laconic,  while  those  of  the  former  narrated  events 
with  military  accuracy. 

A   German   correspondent,  who   witnessed   the   great 


176  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

battle  of  Custozza,  spurred  back  to  Verona  in  furious 
haste,  took  down  his  annotated  edition  of  Schiller,  seated 
himself  among  his  lexicons,  furbished  his  dusty  spectacles 
and  then  covered  a  large  page  of  foolscap  with  a  history 
of  the  battle,  which  he  prefaced  with  an  admirable  quota 
tion  from  "The  Robbers,"  and  illustrated  by  two  in 
structive  references  to  Grotius's  work  on  the  Rights  of 
War  and  Peace.  The  modern  German,  like  the  ancient 
Roman,  studying  the  idiom  of  camps,  abhors  prolixity; 
but  what  should  we  say  if  Caesar  had  introduced  his  con 
cise  description  of  his  battle  with  the  Nervii,  and  embel 
lished  a  number  of  passages  in  it  with  elegant  extracts 
from  "Antigone"  or  "Prometheus  Unbound"?  Con 
ceive  him  making  a  destructive  onslaught  on  the  left 
flank  of  the  Sequani  with  a  quotation  from  Alcaeus  ! 

After  lingering  a  short  time  among  the  editors,  I  pro 
ceeded,  under  the  guidance  of  the  foreman,  through  the 
light,  airy  rooms  in  which  the  compositors  were  at  work. 
There  were  between  seventy  and  eighty  persons,  many  of 
them  small  boys,  ranged  before  a  series  of  elevated  desks, 
sloping  toward  them,  and  partitioned  into  a  great  number 
of  minute  compartments.  The  number  of  these  com 
partments  is  necessarily  great,  since  the  erudite  editors 
and  correspondents,  whose  compositions  the  printer  must 
follow  as  scrupulously  as  an  ancient  Jewish  copyist  his 
manuscript,  pillage  all  languages  and  enrich  their  own 
with  its  spoils.  In  one  series  of  them  are  the  German 
letters ;  in  another,  the  Latin ;  in  another,  the  Greek ;  in 
another,  the  Cyril ;  while  others  contain  single  letters  or 
symbols  from  the  French,  Italian,  Swedish,  Dutch,  and 
numerous  others.  Over  all  this  grimy  mosaic  of  tongues 
hover  his  busy  ringers,  choosing  with  incredible  rapidity 
here  one  piece,  another  there,  and  shaping  them  into 
words,  some  of  which  speak  to  him  in  familiar  accents, 


ALLGEMEINE  ZEITUNG.  177 

while  others  utter  only  a  vacuous  myth.  Poor,  patient, 
plodding  printer — groping,  guessing,  comparing,  earnestly 
anxious  to  know  the  mind  of  the  master  whom  he  serves, 
but  who  often  addresses  him  not  only  in  a  foreign  idiom, 
but  so  crudely  and  so  uncouthly  in  his  own  that  his  servile 
understanding  cannot  follow — who  oftener  maligned,  who 
more  conscientious  than  the  German  compositor  ? 

Although  they  were  employed  almost  exclusively  by 
daylight,  a  large  proportion  of  them  had  seriously  im 
paired  their  vision.  Whether  induced  by  neglect  of  san 
itary  requirements  and  excessive  use  of  acid  vegetable  diet 
(which  is  most  probable),  or  by  close  application  to  a 
vicious  alphabet,  the  prevalence  of  ophthalmia  among 
South  German  printers  (which  is  much  more  universal 
than  in  Prussia)  is  a  subject  of  serious  concern  to  their 
physicians  and  philanthropists.  The  appearance  of  so 
large  a  number  of  young  boys  and  youths,  with  the  full, 
round,  and  almost  colorless  faces  so  peculiar  to  German 
apprentices,  disfigured  by  their  uncouthly- large  green 
goggles  or  spectacles,  would  have  been  highly  grotesque 
if  it  had  been  less  melancholy.  Five  full  years  these 
mere  children  must  plod  through  this  irksome  and  cease 
less  drudgery — for  the  German  compositor,  not  less  than 
the  American,  knows  little  of  Sunday — before  they  are 
released  from  the  restraints  of  apprenticeship ;  and  when 
this  long  probation  has  at  last  passed  away,  it  often  leaves 
them  with  an  eyesight  incurably  impaired.  But  they  can 
not  escape  even  then  from  bondage,  for  they  are  dependent 
on  their  daily  toil  for  the  merest  sustenance,  and  it  is  too 
late  to  turn  back  and  devote  another  sixth  part  of  a  life 
time  to  the  acquisition  of  another  craft.  There  is  no 
avenue  of  escape  but  that  which  leads  out  to  the  New 
World ;  and  that,  unhappily,  is  too  often  closed  by  the 
poverty  which  it  alone  could  alleviate.  And  yet  they 


I78  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

labor  with  cheerfulness ;  and  I  saw  pale-faced  boys,  bend 
ing  over  their  grimy  "cases,"  cast  occasional  glances  of 
deep  enjoyment  upon  the  little  pot-plants  in  their  windows. 
So  strange  did  these  sweet  flowers  seem  amid  the  inde 
scribable  dinginess  and  smut  of  a  printing-room ! 

Having  now  visited  the  principal  rooms,  I  returned  to 
the  parlor  of  one  of  the  junior  editors,  who  gave  me  a 
"complete  day's  history  of  a  German  newspaper." 

The  editor  sips  his  black  coffee  or  chocolate,  and  arrives 
in  his  parlor  nearly  as  early  as  the  clerks,  instead  of  at 
eleven  o'clock,  like  the  American.  First  he  reads  over 
the  proofs  of  the  afternoon  edition,  although  they  have 
been  read  already  very  thoroughly  by  the  proof-reader. 
Then  he  busies  himself  in  his  letters,  as  above  described, 
until  about  noon,  when  the  afternoon  paper  is  out,  a  copy 
of  which,  still  dank  and  reeking,  he  takes  in  his  pocket 
to  read  while  seated  at  his  dinner.  Thus  early  has  he  ac 
quired  a  vigorousness  of  appetite  which  does  not  come  to 
his  American  congener  until  the  middle  of  the  afternoon  ; 
and  he  accordingly  partakes  of  a  very  leisurely  and  sub 
stantial  repast,  followed  by  a  number  of  Schoppen  of 
Munich's  best,  or  by  a  half-flask  of  Johannisberger. 

The  afternoon  is  occupied  in  the  preparation  of  the 
morning  edition.  Sunset  finds  his  labors  for  the  day 
substantially  ended,  and  the  main  body  of  the  paper  in 
type  at  an  hour  when  its  great  contemporary  of  London 
lingers  yet  half  in  the  inkstand.  While  the  "  Great 
Thunderer"  composes  himself  for  a  night  of  placid  and 
bucolic  repose,  his  English  brother  keeps  up  all  night  his 
growls  and  his  grumbles. 

Nightfall,  then,  brings  relief  to  most  of  the  tired 
laborers,  whether  with  head  or  with  hand,  and  the  pro 
found  rural  stillness  that  settles  down  over  the  great  es 
tablishment  is  broken  only  by  the  slow  and  measured 


ALLGEMEINE  ZEITUNG. 


179 


tread  of  the  solitary  watchman,  moving  to  and  fro  in  the 
light  of  the  dim  taper,  or  by  the  squeaking  and  gibber 
ing  of  some  literary  mice.  One  editor  remains  alone  in 
his  parlor,  but,  instead  of  writing  for  dear  life  beneath 
the  flaming  gaslight,  or  making  great  garish  head-lines 
over  the  telegrams  swarming  in  upon  him,  he  is  probably 
absorbed  in  the  latest  romance  by  Auerbach.  By  ten 
o'clock,  or  earlier  if  he  choose,  he  turns  his  light  down 
low,  and  snugly  bestows  himself  in  his  luxurious  couch. 
If,  perchance,  a  trusty  compositor  still  lingers,  employed 
upon  a  brief  dispatch  from  Berlin,  as  soon  as  it  is  finished 
he  follows  the  comfortable  example  of  his  superior.  In 
stead  of  that  row  of  flaming-bright  windows  in  the  fourth 
or  fifth  story,  which,  in  America,  shine  out  until  nearly 
morning  over  the  darkened  city,  all  here  is  deep  and 
blissful  repose. 

Perhaps  at  midnight  a  dispatch  comes  from  Paris  (for 
those  naughty  Frenchmen  will  never  go  to  bed,  and  let 
honest  people  sleep),  and  the  messenger  comes  pounding 
at  the  editor's  door.  He  rouses  himself  in  his  night-robe, 
reclines  in  bed  in  that  attitude  beloved  of  inveterate 
novel-readers,  gazes  dreamily  on  the  jumbled  and  some 
times  hopelessly  meaningless  words  before  him  (for  Euro 
pean  operators  make  bad  work  with  news),  reads  them 
forward  and  then  backward,  as  they  did  the  Delphian 
oracles,  conjectures,  expurgates,  and  punctuates,  until  they 
assume  at  least  a  constructive  meaning,  then  sends  them 
to  a  compositor,  who  has  also  to  be  awakened.  After 
three  o'clock  nothing  further  can  be  introduced  into  the 
morning  edition,  and  the  editor's  slumbers  are  thence 
forth  undisturbed. 

At  early  cock-crow  the  forms  are  set,  without  stereo 
typing,  in  the  cylinders,  which  are  then  put  in  motion. 
The  great  sepulchral  press-room,  hitherto  so  quiet,  now 


l8o  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

speedily  becomes  "distraught  with  noise."  What  a 
weird,  Plutonic,  diabolical  thing  it  seems, — that  black- 
looking,  many-cylindered,  many-jointed  monster, — clank 
ing  there  in  its  power ;  swallowing  down  bale  after  bale 
into  its  insatiable  maw,  and  flapping  off  its  iron-feathered 
pinions  the  printed  sheets  !  What  demoniacal  business 
or  sorcery  manufacture  is  prosecuted  here  ?  Is  it  an  abode 
of  wizards  and  hobgoblins,  or  is  it  a  laboratory  of  Doctor 
Faustus?  Near  by  the  glowing  furnace  flings  a  ruddy 
glare  over  the  faces  of  the  workmen  ;  the  engines  hiss  and 
quiver  under  their  own  superfluous  strength ;  the  sooty 
feeders  move  hither  and  thither,  carrying  bales,  as  if,  like 
fell  ministers,  they  sought  to  propitiate  with  votive  offer 
ings  this  paper-devouring  Moloch. 

Such  is  a  brief  narrative  of  my  visit  to  the  home  of  this 
village  Weltblatt,  this  village  oracle,  which  is  so  great  in 
Germany.  More  than  any  of  its  contemporaries,  more 
than  any  other  paper  in  Europe,  it  is  the  workmanship 
and  noble  monument  of  a  single  man,  John  Frederic 
Cotta ;  the  outgrowth  of  a  single  great  thought,  followed 
with  an  unwavering  fidelity,  to  which,  in  the  political 
sphere  at  least,  the  history  of  Germany  affords  few  par 
allels. 

A  man  of  incorruptible  integrity,  great  learning,  accu 
rate,  reticent,  and  an  utter  contemner  of  the  tuft-hunting 
and  sycophancy  of  his  time,  Cotta  saw  with  pain  the 
press  of  his  Fatherland  sunk  in  abject  vassalage,  sloth, 
and  scurrility;  whispering  with  bated  breath  the  per 
mitted  chronicles  and  scandal  of  fifty  courts,  and  abso 
lutely  devoid  of  political  intelligence  not  copied  from  the 
Monitcur,  and  he  determined  to  rescue  it  from  a  servility 
so  ignominious. 

In  1798  he,  together  with  a  kindred  spirit,  established 
this  journal,  and  in  the  first  issue  announced  that  it  would 


ALLGEMEINE  ZEITUNG.  jgi 

be  the  mouth-piece  of  none  but  himself  and  his  corre 
spondents.  For  a  creed  he  proclaimed  the  great  word, 
facts — facts — facts.  Germany  was  astonished  and  incred 
ulous,  and  the  courts  set  all  their  snares  to  entrap  him. 
His  name  was  mentioned  with  scoffing  not  unmixed  with 
concern,  but  an  unbroken  silence  was  his  only  retort. 
This  almost  divine  patience  and  silence  under  reproach 
and  injury  were  something  so  unusual  among  his  too- 
passionate  countrymen  that  they  attracted  curiosity,  and, 
eventually,  that  admiration  that  is  never  denied  to  con 
scious  strength.  No  word  was  suffered  to  appear  in  his 
columns  that  had  not  previously  received  his  personal 
scrutiny.  Everything  scandalous,  trivial,  or  dogmatical 
he  expurgated  so  rigidly,  and  every  one  who  furnished 
him  accurate  and  sententious  descriptions — if  it  were  only 
five  lines — of  what  he  himself  had  seen  or  learned  from 
the  most  unimpeachable  witnesses  he  remunerated  so  gen 
erously,  that  he  not  only  eluded  all  the  stratagems  of  the 
courts  and  the  espionage  of  the  police,  but  surrounded 
himself  gradually  with  many  friends  in  every  station. 
The  princes  and  princelings,  seeing  he  did  not  come  to 
them,  and  that  his  proclamations  were  rapidly  becoming 
more  weighty  than  their  own,  followed  the  prudent  ex 
ample  of  Mohammed  and  went  to  him.  Five  years 
after  the  foundation  of  the  paper  the  remote  Pasha  of 
Egypt  forwarded  him  semi-official  communications,  to 
gether  with  a  respectful  solicitation  for  insertion.  Early 
in  the  century  the  French  court  was  the  only  one  that 
maintained  an  official  organ;  but  from  1818  to  1820  this 
paper  supplanted  even  the  Moniteur.  No  cabinet  in 
Europe  could  claim  its  columns  exclusively  as  it  own ; 
nor  was  there  one  but  was  fain  to  seek  at  times  their  now 
powerful  assistance.  But  a  triumph  far  more  gratifying 
to  their  owner  than  this  conquest  of  kings  was  that  of  the 

16 


182  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

great  names  of  Goethe,  Humboldt,  Fichte,  Schelling,  and 
others,  all  of  whom,  in  speaking  through  them  to  their 
countrymen,  thought  themselves  not  less  honored  than 
honoring. 

Many  years  before  his  death  Cotta  had  the  satisfaction 
of  seeing  the  journal  he  had  built  up  with  such  incredi 
ble  labor  the  acknowledged  leader  of  Continental  journal 
ism  ;  and  what  was  greatly  better,  he  could  affirm  that  it 
was  the  voice  of  his  beloved  Germany,  while  its  only 
great  rival  was  only  the  voice  of  the  king  who  "  ruled  the 
hour" — to-day  Louis  XVI.,  to-morrow  Robespierre.  As 
he  lay  on  his  death-bed  he  could  say,  truthfully  and  with 
noble  pride,  that  his  example  had  contributed  more  than 
the  wars  of  Bonaparte  to  vindicate  the  freedom  of  the 
press  in  his  Fatherland.  The  poet  Goethe,  though  a 
citizen  of  an  inconsiderable  t  wn,  compassed  the  sublime 
thought  of  a  universal  literature ;  but  Cotta,  with  a  truer 
perception  of  human  possibilities,  created  a  bond  of 
German  liberty  and  German  concord  more  effective  than 
the  poet's  own  august  memory. 

When  Goethe  approached  his  final  hour  he  could  nom 
inate  no  follower  to  continue  his  sublime  labor,  and  his 
works  were  his  only  successor;  but  when  Cotta  passed 
away  from  his  labors,  that  must  be  renewed  day  by  day, 
would  they  not  go  down  with  him  into  the  grave  ?  No  ; 
for  a  work  so  beneficent  is  self-perpetuating,  and  imperi 
ously  summons  a  pupil  to  follow  in  the  footsteps  of  the 
master.  The  glazing  eyes  of  the  dying  Colta  still  traced 
the  familiar  lines,  and  his  stiffening  fingers  still  guided  the 
correcting  pen,  even  though  it  were  grasped  in  the  hand 
of  another. 

No,  the  labor  of  his  hands  has  not  perished  ;  neither 
have  those  hands,  though  turned  to  silent  dust,  ceased  to 
guide  it  onward.  In  a  land  always  torn  with  intestine 


ALLGEMEINE   ZEITUNG.  183 

feuds,  always  groping  in  search  of  an  unknown  good,  it 
has  moved  tranquilly  on  amidst  the  wrecks  of  broken 
monarchies,  unshaken^  by  the  brunts  of  revolution,  un 
moved  by  the  menaces  of  monarchs,  unawed  by  the  ap 
proach  of  contending  armies;  never  threatening,  never 
desponding;  yet  more  eloquent  than  all  the  clamorous 
partisans  around  it,  more  eloquent  than  all  the  imperious 
oracles  of  courts. 

"It  is  the  voice  of  a  god"  is  no  longer  the  idolatrous 
acclamation  of  the  multitudes;  but,  on  the  contrary, 
when  a  monarch's  voice  is  heard  speaking  through  that 
which  the  people  have  consecrated  to  liberty,  it  renders 
it  fatally  and  forever  odious.  He  who  speaks  the  king's 
words  is  soon  fain  to  eat  the  king's  bread.  In  those 
sleepless  outposts  of  German  liberty,  the  book-stalls,  the 
voice  of  the  dead  Cotta  still  speaks ;  but  the  voice  of  the 
living  king  is  not  heard  there.  No  news-vender  offers 
you  the  king's  paper;  you  must  go  to  the  publication- 
office  for  that. 

The  greater  popularization  of  knowledge  in  America, 
which  is  both  the  cause  and  the  result  of  the  newspaper, 
is  shown  by  the  greater  comparative  rewards  of  its  writers. 
Thus,  for  instance,  Prussia  pays  her  English  ambassador 
$29,400  a  year,  while  the  best-paid  editors  of  Berlin  re 
ceive  only  $1000  or  $1200.  On  the  other  hand,  the 
highest  salary  received  by  an  American  ambassador  is 
$17,000,  while  New  York  editors  receive  from  $2400  to 
$6000.  The  editor-in-chief  of  the  Allgemeine  Zeitung 
has  a  yearly  stipend  of  only  $998. 

The  characteristics  of  German  editorials  are  the  same, 
in  general,  that  mark  the  literature  of  the  country.  The 
Horatian  maxim  which  teaches  that  "knowledge  is  both 
the  foundation  and  the  source  of  correct  writing"  is  the 
guide  of  the  ambitious  feuilletonist  no  less  than  of  Kant 


1 84  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

and  Schelling ;  while  the  American  practically  obeys  the 
advice  of  Cicero,  first  to  acquire  words,  and  afterward 
thoughts.  "Fine  writing,"  therefore,  which  is  only  a 
paraphrase  of  Hamlet's  "words,  words,  words,"  that  is, 
words  for  the  sake  of  words,  finds  no  place  in  the  Ger 
man's  ambition.  There  is  a  species  of  wretched  diplo 
macy  practiced  in  our  American  law-courts,  called 
"speaking  against  time,"  known  also  to  thriftless  colle 
gians  on  examination-day,  under  a  slightly  modified  form, 
as  "mouthing,"  which  is  also  not  unknown  to  journalists 
of  slender  intellectual  resources,  when  they  sit  before  a 
vacuous,  hungry  page  that  must  be  filled. 

This  is  a  device  having  its  origin  in  a  peculiarly  Amer 
ican  combination  of  insincerity  and  fertility  of  invention, 
and  to  the  less  ingenious  but  more  conscientious  German 
is  wholly  unknown,  for  he  is  always  profoundly  in  earnest, 
even  though  the  topic  to  be  treated  is  not  more  elevated 
than  the  proper  care  of  shoe-leather. 

If  a  German  editor  has  no  original  thoughts  to  offer 
his  readers — and  it  is  exceedingly  seldom  that  he  has 
none — he  by  no  means  refuses  to  allow  Aristotle,  or 
Scaliger,  or  Grotius,  or  Jean  Paul  to  speak  in  his  stead ; 
nay,  so  great  is  the  benevolence  of  his  nature,  and  so 
honorable  his  sense  of  comparative  merit,  that  he  often 
permits  them  to  speak  so  frequently  that  neither  himself 
nor  his  topic  can  be  perceived  to  have  said  anything  at 
all.  "Wonderful  erudition,  but  no  logic,"  as  Victor 
Cousin  once  said  of  Ralph  Waldo  Emerson.  If  you  will 
only  give  a  Vienna  feuilletonist  leisure  and  lexicons,  he 
will  array  a  subject  so  humble  as  that  of  city  drainage  in 
apparel  of  the  most  faultless  texture  and  classical  ele 
gance  ;  yet  it  will  not  be  discoverable  that  he  has  said 
anything  in  particular  in  regard  to  city  drainage.  Into 
his  short  newspaper-woof  he  will  weave  more  golden 


ALLGEMEINE   ZEITUNG.  185 

threads  and  shreds  of  "sky-tinctured  grain"  than  enter 
into  the  fabric  of  the  sacred  coronation-robe  of  St. 
Stephen ;  but  his  gorgeous  garment  will  not  afford  its 
wearer  any  appreciable  amount  of  protection  against  a 
few  rugged  arrows  of  Anglo-Saxon  logic. 

One  of  the  most  salient  features  in  the  methods  of  the 
German  editor  is  the  feebleness  and  indecision  with  which 
he  generalizes  from  passing  events,  in  order  to  turn  the 
current  of  the  time  upon  the  mill-wheels  of  thought. 
With  two  occurrences  before  him,  the  searching  and 
vigorous  intuition  of  the  Anglo-Saxon  seizes  out  of  them 
a  prophecy,  or  a  formula  for  his  future  guidance ;  but  the 
dreamy  and  skeptical  Teuton,  distrusting  his  ability  to 
cast  the  horoscope  of  coming  events,  applies  himself  in 
stead  to  ascertain  whether  the  occurrences  ever  took 
place. 

The  most  exalted  attribute  of  the  philosophical  histo 
rian  (which  the  journalist  should  be)  is  the  imagination — 
not  the  fancy — which  gives  him  power  to  summon  from 
the  dust  buried  generations,  and  revivify  them  with  the 
hopes,  the  hates,  the  fears  they  carried  with  them  into 
the  grave.  This  endowment,  this  historical  imagination, 
which  is  thus  useful  to  the  historian  of  dead  men,  is  alone 
capable  of  seizing  out  the  heart  of  meaning  from  the 
present.  When  exercised  upon  current  events,  this  his 
torical  imagination  becomes  intuition  into  their  relations, 
and  perception  of  their  widest  import. 

This  clairvoyant  insight  into  the  genius  of  his  time, 
into  that  which  daily  goes  on  around  him,  is  denied  to 
the  German  editor.  It  was  their  sympathies  rather  than 
their  prophetic  ken  which  made  the  German  press  predict 
success  to  our  anti-slavery  North,  while  the  English 
prophesied  only  evil  continually. 

The  imaginative  Frenchman  and  the  Englishman 
16* 


1 86  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

schooled  in  the  craft  of  state  always  seek  first  the  con 
nections  of  the  present  with  the  future,  but  the  German 
first  with  the  past ;  hence  the  press  of  the  former  hold 
that  of  the  latter  in  a  perpetual  bondage.  The  German 
.editor  feigns  to  hold  the  "conjectural  politics"  of  his 
western  neighbors  in  philosophical  contempt ;  yet  when 
their  seers  take  their  station  to  watch  for  omens  in  the 
perturbed  sky  of  Europe  he  never  fails  to  be  present,  and 
scans  them  with  an  intensity  of  curiosity  that  is  a  tacit 
confession  of  the  shortness  of  his  own  forecast.  If,  when 
the  earth  is  giving  premonitions  of  disruption,  and  the 
low,  sullen  mutterings  of  the  approaching  earthquake  are 
heard  at  intervals,  the  journalists  on  the  Seine  and  on  the 
Thames  (as  the  German  sarcasm  is)  are  sometimes  capa 
ble  of  hearing  the  grass  grow,  their  contemporaries  on 
the  Spree  and  on  the  Danube  often  hear  nothing  what 
ever  until  the  earth  yawns  along  the  Rhine  and  swallows 
down  a  German  province.  On  the  other  hand,  they 
sometimes  harass  themselves  with  an  undefinable  terror, 
and  predict  a  throng  of  improbable  calamities,  with 
whose  imaginary  ordeals  they  are  so  distraught  that  when 
the  genuine  catastrophe  comes  it  finds  them  unprepared, 
and  overwhelms  them  with  unresisted  violence. 

After  the  great  battle  of  Sadowa  had  unsettled  Europe, 
and  destroyed  that  "balance  of  power,"  to  preserve 
which,  as  French  catechisms  teach,  is  the  chief  end  of 
man,  the  German  journals  had  an  infinite  deal  of  pother, 
and  were  occupied  nearly  half  their  time,  all  the  next 
winter,  in  destroying  the  mare's-nests  of  Continental 
alliances  discovered  by  the  imaginative  Parisians. 

This  routinism  and  this  very  incredulity  it  is  that  makes 
the  German  press,  in  the  crises  of  history,  paradoxical  as 
it  may  sound,  the  most  untrustworthy  of  the  Continent. 
During  the  tranquil  leisure  of  peace  the  soil  of  Germany 


ALLGEMEINE  ZEITUNG.  187 

produces  the  most  fragrant  and  the  most  copious  abun 
dance  of  the  roses  of  Truth ;  but  in  the  disturbed  epochs 
of  revolution  it  yields  also  the  most  noxious  harvests  of 
the  nettles  of  Uncertainty.  With  the  German,  truth  is 
the  growth  only  of  toilsome  comparison  and  analysis,  for 
he  lacks  the  Anglo-Saxon's  searching  penetration,  which 
adjusts  conflicting  probabilities  at  the  moment,  and  from 
internal  evidence  alone.  During  the  short  war  of  1866 
the  South  German  and  Austrian  press  was  inundated  with 
false  history ;  the  comparative  amount  of  truth  in  the 
published  telegraphic  reports  sunk  even  below  that  of  the 
marvelous  bulletins  that  were  written  along  the  Potomac 
and  the  Chickahominy  in  the  early,  credulous  days  of  the 
rebellion.  There  were  no  amazing  and  magnificent  in 
ventions,  as  among  us ;  but  lean,  bald,  official  falsehoods 
day  after  day  persisted  in.  The  unhappy  editors  pub 
lished  everything,  the  chaff  with  the  wheat,  in  sheer  des 
peration,  for  there  was  no  leisure  to  winnow  it ;  but  they 
published  also  an  incredible  daily  edition  of  interroga 
tion-points — such  editions  as  were  never  read  before  or 
since  in  any  well-informed  community.  None  is  more 
conscientious  and  truthful  than  the  German  editor ; 
neither  is  any  more  incapable  of  instantly  branding  false 
hood  on  its  brazen  front. 

During  those  few  fearful  weeks  when  the  "Black 
Eagle"  flapped  his  exulting  wings  over  Bohemia,  and 
Germany  was  convulsed  as  it  had  not  been  since  Water 
loo,  nothing  could  have  been  more  pitiable  than  the  Ger 
man  press,  groping  amidst  the  surging  and  raging  of  the 
battle  like  the  blind  Ajax,  and  crying  out  for  light ! 
Around  a  little  window  in  Munich  there  gathered  nightly 
a  multitude  with  pale,  careworn  faces,  waiting  for  the 
official  dole  of  "necessary  news;"  far  off  beside  the 
Main  their  sons  and  brothers  lay  already  in  their  "cold 


1 88  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

and  bloody  shrouds,"  or  fled  with  a  traitor  prince  in  ig 
nominious  retreat,  while  each  day  brought  the  fierce 
Prussians  a  day's  long  march  nearer  Munich;  yet  each 
day  the  official  journal  gave  them  the  poor,  stale  lie, 
"No  more  battles  at  the  front,"  and  they  turned  away 
with  sickened  hearts ! 

In  Prussia,  Austria,  and  Bavaria  alike  the  police-officers 
search  suspected  dwellings  without  a  warrant,  confiscate 
and  carry  away  obnoxious  papers,  and  on  their  testimony 
alone  imprison,  mulct,  or  banish  as  a  public  malefactor  a 
subject  whose  greatest  offense  perhaps  was  an  unguarded 
utterance  touching  the  sacred  person  of  the  monarch ;  or, 
if  he  will  accept  debasement  as  the  price  of  liberty,  they 
suffer  him  to  roam  his  Majesty's  dominions  at  pleasure, 
but  voiceless.  In  Prussia  alone  have  I  known  such  an  in 
terdict  enforced  with  such  minuteness  of  interpretation 
that  a  subject  who  had  given  his  parole  was  seized  and 
imprisoned  for  a  violation  of  it,  because  he  had  visited  a 
public  assembly,  and,  "  by  his  presence"  merely,  exhorted 
the  populace  to  sedition  !  The  mere  hint  of  a  potentate, 
so  inconsiderable  that  one  may  stride  over  his  dominions 
in  an  hour,  is  sufficient  to  procure  the  banishment  of  an 
Austrian  subject  from  Austria  by  Austrian  courts.  But  in 
Prussia  alone  have  I  witnessed  the  amazing  spectacle  of  a 
court,  composed  largely  of  gray-haired  men,  publicly  con 
demning  an  edition  of  the  Allgemeine  Zeitungto  be  burned 
with  fire  for  traducing  their  august  sovereign  ! 

It  is  notorious  in  Germany  that  the  journals  of  Vienna 
as  far  surpass  those  of  Berlin  in  the  license  of  their  pas 
quinades  on  the  court  and  nobility,  as  the  latter  surpass 
the  former  in  sturdy  political  discussions  and  in  the  casu 
alty  lists  they  publish  after  battles.  It  is  the  Kaiser's 
good  pleasure  to  allow  the  journalists  to  amuse  the  mer 
curial  and  merry  citizens  of  his  capital  with  "quips  and 


ALLGEMEINE   ZEITUNG.  189 

cranks"  which,  in  the  columns  of  the  austere  and  solemn 
journals  of  Berlin,  would  be  Staatsamtsehrebeleidigung  ! 

Another  characteristic  of  the  Vienna  press,  as  contra 
distinguished  from  that  of  Berlin,  is  its  coquetry  with 
French  phrases  and  awkwardly  Germanized  words,  such  as 
comfortabel,  octroyirung,  etc.  The  dialect  of  Berlin  may 
often  deal  in  words  so  rugged,  hirsute,  and  ponderous  as 
to  make  the  reader  feel  uncomfortable,  but  it  is  at  least 
patriotic  and  unimpeachable  German.  So  terrible  is  the 
Berlinese  sometimes  that,  in  a  telegraph  treaty  made  be 
tween  France  and  Prussia,  on  one  occasion,  the  French 
insisted  on  the  stipulation  that  "  no  unusual  combinations 
of  words  should  be  permitted,"  as  the  operators  of  Berlin, 
to  save  expense,  sometimes  glued  together  such  terrible 
big  words  that  their  contemporaries  in  Paris  had  to  coil 
them  around  a  cylinder  to  get  them  off  the  wires  ! 

Most  of  the  telegraph  lines  in  Germany  are  controlled 
by  government,  and  they  do  not  encourage  journalistic 
enterprise  by  making  deductions  for  dispatches  of  extraor 
dinary  length,  but  rather  the  contrary.  And  it  is  doubt 
ful  if  newspaper  proprietors  could  be  induced  to  accept  a 
much  greater  quantity  than  they  already  receive.  When 
such  a  possibility  is  suggested,  they  simply  shrug  their 
shoulders  in  dismay,  for  that  which  they  now  receive  re 
quires  to  be  so  often  translated  in  its  tortuous  journeyings, 
and  is  sometimes  so  wretchedly  rendered  by  routine  offi 
cials,  that,  upon  its  arrival,  it  is  frequently  impossible  to 
render  it  more  than  approximately  intelligible  and  accurate. 
To  the  conscientious  and  painstaking  German  these  uncer 
tain  oracles  are  peculiarly  unsatisfactory  and  obnoxious  ; 
they  perturb  his  philosophic  equanimity,  they  becloud  his 
understanding,  they  harass  and  perplex  his  waking  hours, 
and  thus  invade  and  retrench  the  period  allotted  by  nature 
to  healthful  repose.  It  is  greatly  corrosive  of  intellectual 


190  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

tranquillity,  and  wholly  subversive  of  the  principles  that 
should  control  every  well-regulated  human  life,  to  be 
compelled  to  lose  half  an  hour  from  one's  meditations  on 
the  Corpus  inscriptionum  Romanarum  in  an  attempt  to 
ascertain  from  a  miserable  telegram  whether  a  colliery  ex 
plosion  in  Wales  occurred  at  Llwydcoed  or  at  Llwid- 
coed. 

But  in  no  department  of  journalistic  enterprise  is  Ger 
many  more  deficient  than  in  her  Art  journals.  When  St. 
Paul's  Cathedral  requires  new  windows  of  stained  glass 
they  must  be  brought  from  Munich ;  when  Englishmen 
of  culture  weary  of  looking  at  the  wretched,  tawdry  col 
lections  of  the  National  Gallery,  they  flee  to  Dresden  and 
Munich ;  yet  when  Germans  would  read  of  what  them 
selves  have  accomplished  they  are  obliged  to  subscribe  for 
a  London  journal.  Germany  affords  the  most  striking 
demonstration  of  the  truthfulness  of  the  old  complaint, 
that  artists  do  not  read.  Of  agricultural  papers  Leipsic 
publishes  over  half  a  dozen, — in  fine,  there  is  no  known 
country  in  which  agriculture  is  at  the  same  time  better 
taught  and  illustrated  and  more  wretchedly  practiced  than 
in  Germany,  especially  in  South  Germany. 

Single  newspapers  in  Germany  never  attain  the  colossal 
circulations  sometimes  found  in  France  and  England. 
This  fact  is  entirely  in  accordance  with  the  centrifugal 
tendencies  of  the  character  of  the  nation.  There  pre 
vail  in  Germany  as  many  theories  of  governmental  and 
ecclesiastical  polity — all  of  them  of  the  most  indubitable 
practicability  and  impregnable  orthodoxy — as  there  are 
separate  and  particular  persons,  viz.,  some  fifty  or  sixty 
millions.  Now  every  thoughtful  reader  must  see  at  once 
that  it  would  be  very  difficult — I  think  I  might  say  ex 
tremely  difficult — for  one  paper  to  espouse  one-half  of 
these  theories,  or  even  a  tenth  portion  of  them.  It 


ALLGEMEINE  ZEITUNG.  !9! 

should  also  be  here  premised  that  every  German  citizen 
desires  the  welfare  of  the  land  of  his  nativity  more  than 
he  desires  his  customary  nutriment;  and,  further,  that  he 
is  profoundly  persuaded  and  convinced  that  that  welfare 
can  be  permanently  established  and  maintained  only  by 
bringing  to  bear  upon  the  science  of  legislation  a  body 
of  preordained,  immutable,  and  primordial  principles, 
axioms,  and  corollaries  which  no  previous  legislator  or 
collection  of  legislators  of  any  century  or  country  has 
hitherto  either  discovered  or  applied.  For  want  of  an 
understanding  of  those  principles  the  fatherland  is  travel 
ing  hourly  to  canine  habitations.  To  avert  a  catastrophe 
so  deplorable  and  so  fraught  with  direful  consequences, 
he  patriotically  establishes  a  journal  in  which  to  propound, 
elucidate,  and  demonstrate  those  principles.  He  also 
reads  it.  Whether  any  other  of  his  countrymen  engage 
with  him  in  that  patriotic  and  interesting  avocation  is  a 
matter  of  secondary  consequence,  for  he  now  peruses 
healthful  sentiments,  and  feels  secure. 

Thus,  while  the  United  Kingdom  of  Great  Britain 
supports  only  ninety  daily  newspapers,  Prussia  publishes 
one  hundred  and  forty-three,  and  Austria  seventy-two, 
most  of  them  in  the  German  provinces.  While  I  do  not 
for  a  moment  overlook  the  importance  of  the  circum 
stance  that  the  journals  of  Great  Britain  have  only  one 
government  to  assault  or  champion,  while  those  of  Ger 
many  have  a  matter  of  thirty  or  thereabout  upon  which 
to  employ  their  attention,  I  likewise  cannot  forget  that 
in  Prussia  it  is  perilous  to  subscribe  for  more  than  one 
political  journal,  while  in  England  (as  also  in  America) 
it  is  perilous  to  subscribe  for  only  one.  As  soon  as  a 
thriving  burgher  in  the  little  village  of  Eichhornstadt  be 
comes  so  ambitious  as  to  presume  to  peruse  a  journal  in 
addition  to  the  government  organ,  it  will  go  hard  but  the 


IQ2  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

police  will  presently  find  it  necessary  to  confiscate  his 
wild-cherry  book-case,  together  with  its  contents;  but  if 
the  American  farmer  peruses  only  one  partisan  newspaper 
it  may  be  a  great  many  months  after  the  occurrence  before 
he  learns  that  his  party  has  violated  the  Constitution.  I 
am  fully  persuaded,  therefore,  that  it  is  the  great  multi 
plicity  of  governments  alone  that  has  been  able  to  impart 
vitality  to  so  large  a  number  of  daily  journals,  when  they 
were  laboring  under  the  depressing  restrictions  above 
narrated ;  and  in  view  of  this  fact  the  cruelty  of  Count 
Bismarck  in  merging  together  a  number  of  those  govern 
ments  will  appear  in  its  most  aggravated  and  heinous 
character. 

Another  notable  phenomenon  is  found  in  the  fact  that 
Protestant  and  intelligent  North  Germany  does  not  pub 
lish  proportionately  as  many  papers  as  South  Germany 
and  Austria.  Berlin,  with  a  population  of  620,000,  re 
quires  only  142,200  copies  of  daily  newspapers;  while 
Vienna,  with  a  population  of  only  530,000,  requires 
142,700  copies.  In  other  words,  Berlin  has  a  daily  to 
every  4-39  inhabitants ;  Vienna,  one  to  every  3*73.  Dres 
den,  with  a  population  of  200,000,  requires  25,800  copies ; 
Munich,  population  167,000,  daily  papers  77,600. 

Certainly  this  marked  disparity  cannot  establish  a  supe 
rior  intelligence  for  the  South,  for  every  other  known  fact 
demonstrates  the  contrary.  The  true  explanation  is  that 
the  South  publishes  a  greater  proportionate  number  of 
small  penny  papers  {Kreutzerblatter) — very  minute  and 
trivial  affairs,  largely  filled  with  advertisements,  and  of  so 
low  a  price  that  thrifty  merchants  subscribe  for  several 
of  them.  They  contain  very  little  political  or  valuable 
information  of  any  description,  but  chiefly  "wise  saws 
and  modern  instances,"  "old  wives'  fables,"  neighbor 
hood  genealogies,  chronicles  of  two-headed  calves,  and 


ALLGEMEINE  ZEITUNG. 


193 


such  like  matters  as  are  level  with  the  intellectual  abilities 
of  the  credulous,  tattling  populations  of  the  Catholic 
South.  The  South  German  or  the  Austrian  laborer  awaits 
nearly  as  anxiously  as  the  French  or  the  American,  and 
more  anxiously  than  the  English  or  the  Prussian,  his  daily 
portion  of  small  news,  though  he  employs  great  economy 
in  its  purchase.  You  will  find  in  his  house  a  trifling 
newspaper  and  a  well-thumbed  prayer-book  oftener  than 
in  that  of  the  Prussian,  but  less  frequently  a  copy  of 
Schiller. 

17 


SOME     GERMAN     CHARACTERISTICS. 

Dey  set  dem  down  und  argued  it, 

Like  Deutschers  vree  from  fear, 
Dill  dey  schmoke  ten  pfounds  of  Knaster 

Und  drinked  drei  fass  of  bier. 
Der  Breitmann  go  py  Schopenhauer, 

Boot  Veit  he  had  him  denn, 
For  he  dook  him  on  de  angles 

Of  de  moral  oxygen. 

HANS  BREITMANN. 

ONE  of  Kaulbach's  colossal  frescos,  ornamenting 
the  new  picture-gallery  of  Munich,  allegorizes  the 
triumph  of  true  art  over  false.  Under  the  conduct  of 
Minerva,  the  artists  and  scholars,  some  on  the  friendly 
back  of  Pegasus,  some  on  the  ground,  are  making  a  terrific 
row  with  a  many-headed  monstrosity  called  the  Zopf. 
Thwacked  and  thumped  on  all  sides  with  all  manner  of 
weapons,  brushes,  mahl-sticks,  dictionaries,  chisels,  this 
modern  Cerberus  struggles  to  escape  in  every  direction, 
but  cannot,  on  account  of  the  number  of  his  heads. 
With  frantic  rage  depicted  in  one  of  his  hideous  faces, 
the  blustering  and  gasconading  audacity  of  an  Homeric 
hero  in  another,  and  the  whimpering,  sneaking  grimaces 
of  a  whipped  Thersites  in  another,  this  grotesque  man- 
beast — worthy  the  creative  genius  of  Spenser — writhes  and 
writhes,  but  cannot  escape. 

Such  a  many-headed  nondescript  has  Germany  always 
been  among  the  nations.     Every  one  of  the  sixty-odd 
millions  who  speak  the  great  language  of  Luther — he  is 
(  194) 


SOME    GERMAN  CHARACTERISTICS.  ^5 

Germany.  The  heart  of  every  one  of  them  beats  honestly 
and  passionately  for  one  and  the  same  fatherland ;  but, 
alas  !  the  head  of  every  one  of  these  sixty-odd  millions 
is  the  origin  and  perpetual  dwelling-place  of  an  absolutely 
perfect  system  of  government,  without  the  adoption  of 
which  the  fatherland  aforesaid  will  necessarily  and  inevi 
tably  go,  and  daily  and  hourly  is  going,  hopelessly  to  the 
dogs ! 

In  the  German  provinces  of  Austria,  for  instance,  there 
are  six  well-defined  political  parties — Centralists,  Auton 
omists,  Dualists,  Federalists,  Democrats,  and  Clericals. 
To  catch  the  shades  of  difference  between  the  platforms 
of  some  of  them  would  require  a  dialectician  able  to 
"distinguish  and  divide  a  hair  'twixt  south  and  south 
west  side."  The  Germans  reduce  politics  to  a  learned 
science,  and  treat  it  in  the  methods  of  the  scholastics. 
The  famous  Frankfort  Parliament  of  1848  contained  a 
hundred  and  eighteen  professors !  But  the  Germans 
learned '  something  in  that  Parliament,  for  they  elected 
to  the  first  North  German  Parliament  only  twelve  pro 
fessors. 

The  professors  of  Germany  are  the  bane  of  its  liberties. 
They  seek  a  perfect  liberty,  a  platonic  liberty,  such  as  no 
nation  ever  has  had  or  can  have.  The  Frankfort  consti 
tution  has  been  fondly  called  the  wisest  ever  made.  It 
was  quite  too  wise.  The  German  professor  says,  x  of 
taxation  -j-  y  of  representation  =  z  of  liberty ;  but  Fran 
cis  Joseph  says  it  should  be  ?-  of  representation.  The 
professor  says  that  is  not  a  good  equation.  Thereupon 
the  Kaiser  loses  his  temper,  and  cancels  that  quantity 
altogether. 

These  professors  do  not  understand  how  to  vote  a  de 
manded  appropriation  which  they  know  they  cannot  with 
hold,  simply  to  save  the  form  of  right,  as  the  House  of 


196  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

Commons  did  many  a  year  when  it  was  struggling  with 
the  Tudors  or  the  Plantagenets. 

In  the  legislatures  of  Berlin  and  Vienna  one  finds  vast 
and  almost  encyclopaedic  learning;  in  Paris,  elegant 
scholarship,  wit,  sometimes  fresh  and  crisp  eloquence ; 
and  in  Florence,  a  legal  acumen  often  carried  to  a  ridicu 
lous  excess.  The  Germans  deliver  lectures  in  their  par 
liaments,  the  French  construct  climaxes,  the  Italians 
quibble  on  points  of  law,  while  the  Magyars  appoint  sub 
committees  and  proceed  to  business. 

The  intense  individualism  mentioned  above  has  a  re 
sult  which  may  seem  paradoxical,  or  not  legitimately 
deducible  therefrom,  and  which  yet  is  probably  natural. 
The  egotism  of  independence  in  thought  and  action  be 
comes,  'in  politics,  the  egotism  of  servility,  if  the  critics 
will  tolerate  the  phrase.  In  speaking  to  Lord  Loftus,  the 
English  ambassador,  Bismarck  once  characterized  this 
foible  of  his  countrymen  with  trenchant  sarcasm.  "My 
lord,"  said  he,  "you  do  not  know  the  Germans  yet.  I 
can  assure  you  that,  if  the  people  had  money  enough, 
every  one  of  them  would  have  his  king." 

To  a  member  of  any  particular  little  principality,  there 
are  more  "foreigners"  in  Germany  than  in  England. 
That  is  to  say,  if  a  man  is  so  unfortunate  as  to  live  out 
side  of  an  imaginary  circle  inclosing  some  few  thousand 
acres,  by  courtesy  called  a  kingdom,  he  is,  politically,  an 
alien.  One  of  the  most  notable  features  of  Vienna  jour 
nalism  is  the  absurd  violence  with  which  any  man  not 
born  in  Austria  is  attacked  as  a  "foreigner,"  especially 
if  he  is  a  German.  The  great  Count  von  Beust,  the  most 
astute  premier,  and  the  one  who  gave  Austria  the  most 
splendid  diplomatic  triumphs,  since  Metternich,  was  stig 
matized  as  a  "  foreigner"  because  he  came  from  Saxony. 

The  inhabitants  of  the  little  principality  of  Reuss  will 


SOME    GERMAN  CHARACTERISTICS. 


197 


resist  to  the  last  drop  of  their  blood  rather  than  allow  the 
Prussians  to  eat  a  steak  of  venison  from  the  princely  pre 
serves,  though  they  themselves,  only  a  little  before,  in  a 
frenzy  of  passion,  tear  down  the  chateaus  in  the  park 
made  odious  to  them  by  the  tyranny  of  the  prince. 

In  Prussia,  however,  the  sentiment  is  far  broader  and 
more  catholic.  The  only  questions  asked  respecting  a 
candidate  are  :  Is  he  capable  ?  Is  he  a  German  ?  Indeed, 
when  the  great  University  of  Berlin  was  established, 
learned  men  were  specially  invited  to  professorships  from 
nearly  the  whole  civilized  world. 

Another  result,  perfectly  logical  and  natural,  of  this 
intense  individualism,  is  found  in  the  cosmopolitanism  of 
the  German  mind.  The  Germans  are  an  epitome  and 
digest  of  all  nations.  Begin  at  Dantzic,  and  study  your 
way  through  to  Basle,  if  your  lifetime  sufficed,  and  you 
would  never  need  to  travel  more.  You  would  possess  all 
that  this  present  time  has  to  offer,  not  only  of  exact  and 
speculative  science,  but  of  human  character. 

As  Dr.  Dollinger  says,  the  Germans  have  written 
better  on  Shakspeare  than  the  English,  and  better  on 
Dante  than  the  Italians.  Even  the  Italians  themselves, 
egotistical  and  self-saturated  as  they  are,  confess,  through 
Count  Cesare  Balbo :  "  These  wonderful  and  conscien 
tious  Germans  are,  step  by  step,  usurping  to  themselves 
all  our  learning."  The  ancient  saying  of  Jordan,  in  his 
Chronica  de  Imperio,  "  For  the  student  one  place,  namely 
Paris,  suffices,"  should  be  changed  now  to,  "For  the 
student  one  country,  namely  Germany,  suffices."  Ger 
many  alone  has  the  real  and  true  university,  because  Ger 
many  alone  has  real  and  true  universality  of  thought. 

The  traveled  German  becomes  like  an  onion  with  its 
many  layers.  You  can  peel  off  one  after  another,  each 
representing  some  foreign  nation,  until  you  arrive  at  last 

17* 


198  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

to  the  original  heart  and  core  of  the  fatherland.     The 
German  alone  of  all  men  can  truly  say,  with  Ulysses, — 

"  I  am  a  part  of  all  that  I  have  met." 

This  intensely  developed  egotism  and  personal  inde 
pendence  of  thought  makes  the  German  continually  over 
flow  into  one  great  ocean  of  universal  brotherhood.  That 
is  to  say,  he  continually  flies  off  in  a  tangent  from  the 
fatherland  and  from  all  his  friends  and  kindred,  and  joins 
himself  in  sympathy  to  the  remotest  and  the  strangest  of 
the  tribes  of  men.  He  loves  his  own  country  more  ar 
dently  than  any  other  human  being, — and  the  more 
ardently  in  proportion  to  its  smallness, — and  yet  he  loves 
the  whole  world.  He  has  the  true  "world-soul." 

It  is  in  illustration  of  this  fact  that  Germany  clung  to 
Latin  most  tenaciously  of  all  mediaeval  nations,  and  to 
French  most  tenaciously  of  all  the  modern.  "He  who 
seeks  to  restore  to  use  his  mother  tongue  is  considered  a 
lunatic,"  wrote  Gabriel  Wagner  in  despair.  Even  as  late 
as  1690,  Professor  Thomasius,  in  Halle  University,  found 
the  German  language,  as  written,  so  little  understood, 
that  he  was  compelled  to  exercise  his  classes  in  making 
German  letters  on  the  blackboard  before  they  could  listen 
to  him  in  that  language  intelligently.  "  The  most  of 
them,"  said  he,  "could  not  even  construct  the  simplest 
sentence,  or  write  a  German  letter."  But  they  were  pro 
ficient  enough  in  Latin.  Even  the  great  Leibnitz 
abandoned  all  attempts  to  introduce  German  into  the 
universities. 

And  the  German  continued  longest  of  all  in  the  de 
grading  vassalage  to  the  French.  Not  only  did  Frederic 
the  Great  correspond  with  Voltaire  in  French,  but  with 
his  sister  Amalie.  Count  Ernst  von  Hesse  and  Leibnitz 
exchanged  none  but  French  letters.  Maria  Theresa  con- 


SOME    GERMAN  CHARACTERISTICS.  199 

sidered  it  unworthy  of  her  to  correspond  in  German.  To 
this  day  German  is  systematically  discouraged  in  the  noble 
circles  of  Vienna,  but  far  less  so  in  Berlin. 

Having  inflicted  upon  the  French  at  Sedan  the  most 
crushing  defeat  ever  suffered  in  civilized  warfare,  still  the 
conquerors,  with  the  most  exquisite  politeness,  negotiated 
with  the  fallen  emperor  in  his  own  tongue  !  European 
etiquette  may  have  demanded  that,  but  American  inde 
pendence  would  have  been  rejoiced  to  see  that  language 
of  which  Leibnitz  says,  "It  never  says  any  but  honest 
things,"  at  last  and  for  once  assert  itself  against  the  lying 
idiom  of  dandies  and  harlots.  But  if  King  William  did 
not,  at  least  the  harmonious  cannon  of  Prussians,  Bava 
rians,  Saxons,  Wurtembergers,  bellowing  together  on  the 
heights,  thundered  into  the  ears  of  the  stupefied  and  col 
lapsed  braggarts  the  information  that  for  once  the  Unzu- 
sammengehorigkeit  of  the  grand  old  jargon  was  laid 
aside. 

A  German  who  did  not  begin  to  learn  our  language 
until  he  had  arrived  at  an  adult  age,  once  told  me  that, 
at  the  end  of  five  years,  he  habitually  "  thought  in  Eng 
lish."  I  doubt  if  anybody  but  a  German  would  have 
accomplished  that. 

But  this  very  comprehensiveness  or  fluidity  of  charac 
ter,  which  enables  them,  as  it  were,  to  pour  themselves 
into  the  thoughts  of  all  men,  is  fatal  to  them  politically. 
Bismarck,  with  his  usual  acuteness  of  perception,  but 
with  more  sadness  of  utterance  than  is  his  wont,  declares 
that,  "The  disposition  of  mind  which  causes  men  to 
grow  enthusiastic  in  support  of  foreign  nationalities,  even 
when  their  own  fatherland  suffers  thereby,  is  a  form  of 
political  disease  which,  alas !  is  found  in  Germany 
alone." 

The  Germans  of  Austria  outnumber  every  other  nation- 


200  PAPERS  FROA1  GERMANY. 

ality,  and  they  have  again  and  again,  by  their  valor  on 
the  battlefield,  subjugated  every  other  in  that  motley  em 
pire,  and  again  and  again  abdicated  to  every  other  in 
politics.  "  Nowhere  do  things  happen  more  wonderfully 
than  in  the  world,"  says  the  Princess  Elizabeth  Charlotte 
of  Orleans,  in  one  of  her  letters ;  and  nowhere  in  the 
world  more  wonderfully  than  in  Germany. 

Of  this  species  of  moral  abdication  it  will  be  worth 
while  to  give  examples  at  some  length.  A  pamphlet  pub 
lished  in  Leipsic,  in  1867,  gave  a  list  of  six  hundred  and 
seventy-four  families  in  Hungary,  who,  in  the  two  years, 
1848  and  1849,  caused  their  names  to  be  translated  from 
German  into  Magyar.  This,  be  it  remembered,  at  the 
time  when  to  be  a  Magyar  was  to  be  the  subject  of  the 
greatest  suspicion  and  persecution  from  the  Imperial  Gov 
ernment  ! 

It  is  chiefly  the  nobles  and  the  middle  classes  who 
affect  this  thing,  for  the  peasants  remain  in  the  ways  of 
the  fathers.  For  instance,  Tolpy,  Matray,  Ballagi,  Hun- 
salvi,  and  Ipolyi,  members  of  the  Hungarian  Academy, 
thought  themselves  unfit  to  enter  its  august  portals  until 
they  had  divested  themselves  of  the  unseemly  rags, 
Schedel,  Lutzenbacher,  Bloch,  Unsdorfer,  and  Stummer, 
respectively.  They  sometimes  carry  the  egg-shells  of 
their  Teutonic  origin  still  on  their  heads,  as  Szonntag, 
Weisz,  Oszwald,  and  Sulcz,  for  Sonntag,  Weiss,  Oswald, 
and  Schulze.  So  common  is  this  thing  that  they  have  a 
stanza  about  it,  which  may  be  rendered  thus : 

"  Ludasy  call  me  here, 

In  Prussia  call  me  Kehl. 
Thus  Magyar  feathers  grow 
From  German  sparrow's  tail." 

In  Tyrol  these  silent  conquests  go  on  more  stealthily, 


SOME    GERMAN  CHARACTERISTICS.  2oi 

and  the  sweet  accents  of  sunny  Italy  are  steadily  creep 
ing  up  the  valley  and  among  its  mountains.  The  fierce 
old  battle-cry,  Morte  ai  Tedeschi !  is  heard  there  no  more  ; 
but  the  soft  air  of  Italy,  the  beaming  wine  of  Terlan  and 
Lagarina,  and  the  silvery-sounding  patronymics,  are  more 
potent  than  the  red-shirted  legions.  There  is  on  the 
border  a  little  village  with  the  mighty  name  Mezzo  Te- 
descho  Mezzo  Lombardo  (half  German,  half  Lombard), 
which  once  corresponded  to  the  fact ;  but  it  stands  now 
far  out  in  the  ocean  of  Italian  waters. 

Honest  Hans  Wurst  colonizes  in  the  valley  of  the  Adige, 
and  straightway  he  and  all  his  carroty-haired  progeny 
are  installed  in  the  illustrious  family  of  Calderini,  tracing 
their  genealogy  back  to  the  flood. 

And  this  translation  of  German  names  and  sympathies 
into  Italian,  strange  to  relate,  suffered  no  check,  but 
rather  an  acceleration,  from  the  great  German  victory  of 
Custozza.  The  Tyrolese  seemed  to  say,  with  Cato,  Vic- 
trix  causa  diis  placuit,  sed  victa  Catoni. 

In  Triest  these  conquests  of  the  Italianissimi  are  more 
enigmatical,  for  they  are  opposed  to  the  interests  of  com 
merce,  which  is  supposed  always  to  follow  common  sense. 
The  Germans  who  are  forever  agitating  for  the  annexation 
of  that  city  to  Italy  are  too  well  read  in  history  not  to 
know  that,  when  Bonaparte  joined  it  to  that  country, 
thus  cutting  it  off  from  its  natural  base  of  supplies  in 
Austria,  the  population  fell  to  19,000. 

In  the  Slavonic  provinces,  which  are  the  most  degraded 
in  Austria,  and  which  are  indebted  to  the  German  lan 
guage  for  whatever  culture  they  have,  these  renegades  are 
found,  as  clannish  as  elsewhere.  Herr  Kaiser,  for  in 
stance,  in  some  little  swinish  village  of  huts  in  Carniola, 
dubs  himself  ''from  immemorial  antiquity,"  by  the  Sla 
vonic  name  of  Zeravez.  To  set  everything  right  on  its 


202  PAPERS  FROM  GERMANY. 

head,  he  puts  his  given  name  behind  the  surname,  and, 
as  Zeravez  Ambrosch,  he  feels  himself  a  made  man,  ad 
unguemfactus  homo. 

The  great  Bishop  Strossmayer,  who  made  such  a  gal 
lant  struggle  in  the  Eternal  City  against  the  Dogma  of 
Infallibility,  and  who  makes  no  attempt  to  disguise  his 
origin,  is  one  of  the  most  redoubtable  champions  of 
Panslavism  in  the  Parliament  of  Croatia. 

A  German  member  of  the  Parliament  of  Carniola  not 
only  learned  their  uncouth  idiom,  but  spoke  it  in  prefer 
ence  to  his  mother  tongue,  although  more  than  two-thirds 
of  his  audience  were  German,  and  did  not  understand 
him.  Why  should  a  man  be  more  Catholic  than  the  Pope 
himself? 

In  Carinthia  these  renegade  Germans  received  a  merited 
rebuke.  They  constructed  for  the  schools  an  artificial 
alphabet,  that  they  might  study  their  native  dialect  of 
Slavonic.  But  the  children  could  not  understand  it  any 
better  than  the  German ;  and,  moreover,  the  parents  pe 
titioned  their  Parliament  that  the  scholars  might  be  per 
mitted  to  learn  German,  because,  even  after  they  acquired 
the  patois  alphabet,  there  was  no  literature  for  them  to 
read. 

In  Bohemia  the  German  nobles  become  leaders  of  the 
ultra  Tchech  party,  as  against  their  own  unspeakably 
oppressed  and  pillaged  countrymen. 

Enough  instances  have  been  adduced  above  to  show 
forth  this  weakness  of  the  Teutonic  mind,  which  began 
to  be  exhibited  as  early  as  the  time  of  the  celebrated 
Philip  Schwarzerd,  better  known  by  his  Greek  name  of 
Melanchthon.  And  it  was  through  their  respective  deal 
ings  with  this  national  foible,  that  Austria  finally  lost  the 
hegemony  in  the  German  Empire,  and  Prussia  gained  the 
same. 


SOME    GERMAN  CHARACTERISTICS.  203 

Through  the  whole  course  of  her  history  Prussia  has 
industriously  and  persistently  Germanized,  but  Austria  has 
always  lusted  after  the  flesh-pots  of  Slavonia.  Above  all 
things  else,  and  all  other  considerations,  Prussia  has 
sought  to  add  to  herself  German  territory,  but  Austria  has 
married  and  conquered  fourteen  languages,  and  always 
anything  rather  than  German.  In  the  mixed  provinces 
of  that  empire  it  has  come  to  be  regarded  as  axiomatic 
that  to  belong  to  the  Government  party  is  to  be  Slavonic 
— to  the  Opposition,  German.  It  is  an  historical  fact 
that  the  single  Slavonic  province  of  Bohemia  has  been 
allowed  to  furnish  three-fourths  of  the  officers  of  the 
empire,  and  that  too  when  all  Tchechs  are  devout  disci 
ples  of  St.  Vladimir,  whose  most  notable  saying  was,  "  It 
is  better  to  live  under  the  knout  of  Russia  than  in  Aus 
trian  freedom."  There  are  hundreds  of  little  towns  in 
the  mixed  provinces  of  Austria,  where  a  little  assistance 
from  the  government  would  enable  the  Germans  to  main 
tain  a  German  school,  and  so  save  their  children  from 
becoming  denationalized  ;  but  Austria  never  helps  them. 
On  the  contrary,  Prussia  gladly  gives  such  assistance  in 
her  Polish  province,  and  in  Schleswig-Holstein,  to  save 
her  young  German  subjects,  and  gain  others  from  the 
Poles  and  Danes. 

In  a  word,  then,  all  indications  point  to  Prussia  as  the 
only  rightful  regenerator  and  conserver  of  those  Teutonic 
forces  which  Austria  and  the  petty  princes  have  so  prodi 
gally  wasted.  To  Prussian  statesmen  everything  that  is 
German  is  exceedingly  precious,  while  all  the  other  Ger 
man  governments,  including  Austria,  have  practically  co 
operated  with  France  in  scattering,  dividing,  dissolving, 
and  frittering  away  the  noblest  national  inheritance  on 
the  continent. 


IN    THE    GREAT    WEST. 


THE    COLLEGE    POLITICIANS. 

I'll  sing  the  zeal  Drumlanrig  bears, 
Who  left  the  all-important  cares 

Of  princes  and  their  darlings ; 
And,  bent  on  winning  borough  towns, 
Came  shaking  hands  wi'  wabster  lowns, 

And  kissing  barefit  carlins. 

BURNS. 

IN  a  little  Western  town,  which,  as  a  seat  of  learning, 
was  greatly  exalted  above  its  natural  importance,  and 
whose  quiet  inhabitants,  being  chiefly  descended  from  the 
Puritans,  were  often  grievously  scandalized  by  the  wild 
pranks  of  the  madcaps  collected  there  from  the  great 
roaring  cities  of  the  West,  this  story  has  its  action. 

In  a  dingy  chamber,  on  a  certain  evening,  two  students 
were  seated  on  opposite  sides  of  a  table,  conning  Latin. 
The  kerosene  lamp  between  them,  having  a  shade  with 
brick-red  pictures  of  elegant  rural  gentlemen  gracefully 
bending  with  sickle  in  hand  to  reap  impossible  golden 
wheat,  was  just  lighted  for  the  evening.  One  of  the  stu 
dents  had  his  lexicon,  carefully  covered  with  sheepskin, 
leaned  up  at  a  convenient  angle  on  a  small  wooden  frame, 
and  his  De  Offidis  spread  open  upon  his  lap.  He  was  a 
youth  of  huge  stature,  but  very  loose-knit  in  the  joints, 
with  a  head  so  capacious  that  his  almost  white  hair  seemed 
to  be  spread  over  it  in  a  single  layer.  His  great  blood- 
(  204) 


THE   COLLEGE  POLITICIANS. 


205 


less  face  and  forehead,  and  his  big  eyes,  reminded  the 
beholder  of  nothing  more  forcibly  than  a  couple  of  eggs 
broken  into  a  tolerably  large  basin  of  flour.  When  he 
stood  up  to  make  a  lyceum  speech,  his  feet  were  planted 
wide  apart,  and,  in  his  gestures,  his  powerful  arms  radi 
ated  from  him  in  rigidly  straight  lines,  with  all  his  fingers 
spread  out  fan-shaped. 

He  was  a  man  of  a  massive  intellect,  but  his  uncouth- 
ness  procured  for  him,  among  the  pert  collegiates,  the 
nickname  of  Pulp. 

His  companion  was  as  odd  a  genius  as  himself,  but  in  the 
opposite  extreme.  He  was  short  and  stout,  with  a  head 
like  a  bullet,  and  a  singularly  funny  pug-nose.  It  seemed 
to  have  been  struck,  at  some  period  of  his  earlier  history, 
with  injurious  violence,  and  slightly  driven  up  into  his  fore 
head,  and  at  the  same  time  flattened  on  the  end,  and 
bunched  out  sharp.  He  had  a  piping  voice,  which  was 
often  fervently  lifted  up  in  the  class  prayer-meetings ;  and 
he  had  a  habit,  when  addressing  his  fellows,  of  turning 
his  head  somewhat  to  one  side,  and  elevating  his  little 
eyes  to  the  upper  corner  of  the  wall  with  a  kind  of  soft, 
Madonna-like  simplicity,  while  his  mouth,  being  pursed 
together,  caused  his  pug-nose  to  turn  up  in  a  comical 
manner. 

He  was  profoundly  earnest,  in  his  narrow  way ;  but  he 
had  the  misfortune  of  being  obliged  to  wear  the  same 
very  short,  pudgy,  pale-drab  overcoat  all  through  college ; 
— hence  he  had  to  abide  a  nickname  also.  He  shall  be 
known  in  this  history  as  little  Tim  Pliny. 

He  had  just  shoved  into  the  table  a  drawer  from  which 
he  had  eaten  his  frugal  repast,  and  was  again  immersed  in 
his  lexicon.  Pulp  continued  to  fumble  his  awhile,  then 
he  turned  his  De  Offiriis  over,  straddling  widely  on  the 
table,  rose  up,  joined  his  hands  behind  him  under  his 

18 


206  IN   THE    GREAT   WEST. 

coat-skirts,  and  commenced  pacing  to  and  fro  across  the 
floor,  in  his  soft  shambling  gait,  putting  down  his  heels 
first  and  as  carefully  as  if  he  were  treading  on  Geneva 
crystals.  Presently  he  stopped,  rolled  his  great  gray 
eyes  up  toward  the  ceiling,  and  slowly  repeated  to  him 
self  the  famous  passage  : 

"  Nunquam  se  minus  otiosum  esse,  quam  quum  otiosus, 
nee  minus  solum,  quam  quum  solus  esset." 

Then  he  raised  his  voice  out  of  the  depths  of  its  ab 
straction  : 

"I  think,  Mr.  Pliny,  that  is  one  of  the  profoundest 
sentiments  ever  uttered.  Quam  quum  solus  esset.  Won 
derful  power  of  introspection  and  treasury  of  intellectual 
resources  must  that  philosopher  possess,  to  whom  the 
microcosm,  the  little  world  of  himself,  is  greater  than  the 
great  world,  the  macrocosm  of  the  universe  !  Remarka 
ble  power  of  introspection,  Mr.  Pliny." 

"  If  he  had  only  been  a  Christian  instead  of  a  heathen  ! 
But  a  heathen's  thoughts,  not  being  directed  toward  his 
Maker,  must  be  wicked  and  deceitful,"  replied  little  Tim 
Pliny,  without  looking  up  from  his  book. 

"An  inconsequential  suggestion,  Mr.  Pliny;  quite. 
Christianity,  if  absorbingly  pursued,  consumes  the  indi 
viduality.  No  Christian  philosopher  has  ever  possessed 
a  more  profoundly  subjective  idealism  than  the  heathen 
speculists  of  Greece,"  rejoined  Pulp,  with  a  disdainful 
flourish  of  his  arm  above  his  head,  as  he  seated  himself. 

"Do  you  think  Cicero  as  great  as  St.  Paul?"  asked 
Tim  Pliny,  looking  up,  distressed  at  his  chum's  skepti 
cism. 

Rap,  rap,  rap  ! 

"Come  in,"  said  Pulp,  out  of  his  infinite  and  serene 
benevolence. 

The  knocker  availed  himself  of  this  invitation. 


THE   COLLEGE   POLITICIANS.  207 

"Good-evening,  Mr.  Square,"  said  Pulp,  rising,  and 
reaching  him  his  huge  hand  across  the  corner  of  the 
table. 

"Take  a  chair,  Mr.  Square,"  piped  little  Tim  Pliny, 
and  then  he  cackled  and  shook  himself,  and  felt  quite 
funny  indeed  over  his  jingling  rhyme. 

Square,  with  an  easy  familiarity,  shook  hands  with  both 
at  once,  then  seated  himself  at  the  end  of  the  table.  This 
newcomer,  although  his  very  prominent  cheek-bones  and 
sunken  cheeks  gave  him  a  triangular-shaped  face,  had  a 
mathematically  square  and  marble-white  forehead.  His 
hair  was  coarse  and  black,  and  in  their  deep,  flaring 
sockets  glowed  a  pair  of  relentless,  coal-black  eyes.  His 
voice  was  hard  and  sometimes  almost  terrible.  He  was 
accustomed  to  stand  up  in  class,  and  translate  De  Corona 
with  wonderful  accuracy  and  fluency,  in  a  strong  voice, 
and  with  more  audacious  assurance  and  pomposity  of 
utterance  than  if  he  had  been  Demosthenes  speaking  on 
the  bema.  His  splendid  scholarship  made  him  a  favorite 
of  the  professors,  but  he  was  detested  by  his  class. 

"  We  were  just  entering  upon  a  very  interesting  dis 
cussion  relative  to  that  famous  passage  in  the  lesson 
beginning  Nunquam " 

"  Forever  totus  in  tilts,  Pulp.  Cut  that !"  said  Square, 
impatiently,  lighting  his  cigar  over  the  lamp-chimney. 
"I  came  here  to  talk  politics.  You  never  smoke,  I  be 
lieve.  You  know,  Pulp,  you  have  influence  among  the 
Neutrals  in  all  the  classes,  and  you  ought  to  bear  a  hand  for 
yours  truly,  because  it  will  all  redound  to  the  glory  of  the 
Neutrals.  You  know  these  dapper  little  sweet-williams  of 
the  secret  societies  have  had  the  President  of  the  Lyceum 
three  years  hand-running,  and  they  now  labor  under  the 
delusion  that  they  have  a  moral  mortgage  upon  the 
same.  Are  you  afraid  of  these  wealthy  curled  darlings? 


208  IN  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

Curse  the  whole  crew  of  the  sick-faced,  musky  dandies, 
and  lily-livered  pulks  !  I  will  fight  them  to  the  last  tunk, 
before  they  shall  ride  over  our  necks  every  year  on  their 
high  cock-horse.  They  have  whistled  and  snapped  their 
fingers  at  us,  as  if  we  were  spaniels  in  training,  long 
enough ;  and  if  /  have  any  influence,  the  Neutrals  shall 
not  crawl  and  whine  after  them,  like  whipped  puppies  and 
fags,  any  longer,  by " 

"Oh,  don't  swear,  Mr.  Square!"  squeaked  little  Tim 
Pliny ;  and  then  he  cackled  very  much  again,  and  rubbed 
his  hands,  at  his  unintentional  rhyme,  for  he  had  meant 
to  be  very  solemn. 

Square  looked  at  him,  with  an  ill-concealed  expression 
of  contempt,  then  lighted  his  cigar  again,  which  had  gone 
out  during  the  above  outburst. 

Pulp  had  listened  intently,  his  thin-haired,  lumpy  head 
rolling  heavily  back;  and  when  the  orator  finished,  he 
puckered  out  his  mouth  sagely.  After  considerable  delib 
eration,  he  said : 

" Caret  tibi  pectus  inani  ambitione,  Mr.  Square?  For  I 
fear  it  is  indeed  a  vain  ambition.  The  secret  societies 
are  always  reinforced  by  deserters  from  our  ranks ;  besides 
which,  they  outvote  us  from  the  beginning.  In  comittiis 
prevalebunt. ' ' 

"Prevalebunt  be !"  said  Square,  fiercely,  smiting 

the  table  with  his  clinched  fist.  "I  know  there  are 
always  white-faced  muck- worms  enough  among  the  Neu 
trals,  who  are  groveling  in  the  dust  the  whole  four  years 
of  college  after  these  insolent  damned  jewelers'  sons  and 
French  cooks,  in  hope  of  getting  an  invitation  to  join 
them.  They  are  ready  to  do  anything  they  bid  them, — the 
pitiful  fags  ! — even  to  blacking  their  boots.  But  if  we  come 
out  once  in  a  body,  like  men,  and  dare  to  own  our  own 
souls,  and  fling  defiance  in  the  teeth  of  these  cowardly 


THE   COLLEGE   POLITICIANS.  209 

snobs  and  bullies,  they  will  come  to  us  quick  enough,  and 
we  can  demand  our  own  terms." 

Poor  little  Tim  Pliny  had  laid  down  his  book,  and 
simply  gazed  at  Square  with  open  mouth,  appalled  at  such 
audacious  wickedness.  But  Pulp  was  slowly  kindling, 
for,  as  soon  as  Square  finished,  his  great  gray  eyes  rolled 
about  in  a  fine  frenzy.  He  was  manifestly  jarred  out  of 
his  ponderous  propriety  by  such  daring  and  fierce  talk, 
and  it  took  him  some  time  to  recover  his  metaphysical 
condition  of  mind. 

"You  state  your  propositions  vigorously,  Mr.  Square, 
I  concede.  And  now  I  think  I  remember  to  have  heard, 
vaguely,  that  the  hereditary  feud  between  the  Alphas  and 
the  Omegas  is  more  embittered  than  common  this  year. 
Adversi  turbine  venti  confligunt,  as  Virgil  says. ' ' 

"Yes,"  interposed  Square,  eagerly;  "and  they  have 
the  little  societies,  their  allies,  so  equally  divided  be 
tween  them  that  we  Neutrals  hold  the  balance  of  power. 
Let  them  tear  one  another,  the  false  harpies !  If  we 
will  only  make  politics  a  study,  as  they  do,  and  begin  in 
time,  and  not  be  eleventh-hour  vaporers  and  fools,  we 
can  bring  them  cringing  to  us  for  an  alliance,  and  force 
them  to  give  us  the  President  this  year.  We  can  force 
them  to  do  it,  and  then,  of  course,  I  shall  be  elected." 

In  this  strain  the  discussion  was  continued  for  some 
time,  during  which  Square  established,  from  private  in 
formation  he  had,  the  following  facts: — That  there  was 
an  extraordinarily  bitter  rivalry  that  year  between  the 
Alphas  and  the  Omegas,  the  leading  societies  \  that  each 
of  them  had  a  good  man  for  the  Presidency,  and  each 
was  determined  to  elect  at  all  hazards.  Both  of  them 
had,  by  the  proffer  of  certain  minor  offices,  not  only 
strengthened  their  old  alliances,  but  gained  new  qnes, 

1 8* 


2IO  I  A7   THE    GREAT   WEST. 

having  plied  all  the  small  societies  so  industriously  that 
they  had  ranged  them  all  on  one  side  or  the  other.  Also, 
these  two  great  hostile  camps  were  so  nearly  equal  in 
numbers  that  they  dared  not  enter  the  election  without 
some  positive  arrangement  with  the  Neutrals. 

Neither  of  them,  however,  expected  to  make  any  com 
pact  which  should  bind  all  the  members  of  that  body, 
because  it  was  a  kind  of  wild  Ishmael  of  college,  con 
taining  all  the  odd  and  eccentric  elements  which  could 
not  be  carved  into  their  likeness.  Any  one  of  the  secret 
societies,  in  making  a  political  alliance,  was  always  able 
to  bind  all  its  members  to  the  support  of  a  certain  ticket ; 
but  the  Neutrals  were  refractory,  independent,  scattering, 
a  drove  of  wild  ass  colts  which  never  could  be  so  penned 
in  but  that  some  of  them  would  make  a  clean  breach 
through  the  fence.  There  were  always  stragglers  and 
guerrillas  among  them,  prowling  on  the  outskirts  of  the 
secret  societies,  seeking  admittance. 

After  having  read  Square's  fierce  denunciation  of  this 
class,  as  above,  it  may  be  interesting  to  the  reader  to  be 
informed  that  he  had  formerly  been  expelled  from  a 
branch  chapter  of  the  Omegas  in  another  college !  At 
the  moment  when  he  was  heaping  maledictions  on  all 
secret  societies,  he  was  wearing  the  Omega  badge,  not, 
of  course,  on  the  left  lapel  of  his  vest,  but  attached  to 
that  portion  of  his  trousers  by  which  he  might  be  sup 
posed  to  signify  toward  it  his  most  concentrated  and  pro 
found  contempt. 

The  result  of  Square's  energetic  movements  was,  that  a 
few  of  the  most  prominent  Neutrals  issued  a  call,  a  few 
days  after  the  circumstances  above  narrated,  requesting 
all  collegiates  not  belonging  to  any  secret  society  to 
assemble  at  a  designated  hour  in  the  Greek  recitation- 
room.  So  thoroughly  had  the  election  excitement  among 


THE   COLLEGE  POLITICIANS.  2n 

the  secret  societies  penetrated  the  Neutrals,  that  there 
was  scarcely  one  lacking.  Square  took  good  care  not  to 
get  himself  nominated  chairman,  and  then,  by  being 
promptly  on  the  floor,  as  soon  as  business  was  in  order, 
with  a  motion  for  appointing  a  Committee  on  Elections, 
of  course  he  secured  for  himself  the  chairmanship  of  that 
committee.  The  other  members  were  Pulp,  and  a  third 
man  of  remarkable  insignificance.  Then,  through  a 
friend  whom  he  had  charged  for  the  purpose,  the  wily 
Square  procured  the  passage  of  a  resolution  instructing 
this  committee  to  fight  shy,  simply  awaiting  bids  for  alli 
ance  ;  and,  on  no  account,  either  to  make  or  receive  any 
proposition  looking  to  anything  less  than  the  Presidency 
for  the  Neutrals. 

A  further  result  of  these  proceedings  was,  that,  early 
the  next  afternoon,  a  delegation  from  the  Alphas,  more 
prompt  and  watchful  than  their  enemies,  called  upon  the 
Neutral  Election  Committee  to  beat  the  bush.  The  two 
principal  delegates  were  Augustus  and  Polly. 

Augustus  was  a  handsome  brunet,  tall,  slender,  with  a 
very  commendable  incipient  moustache,  and  a  pair  of 
coal-black  eyes.  He  had  that  easy  nobility  of  dignity, 
that  eloquence  of  mere  motion,  that  unhesitating  volu 
bility,  which  proclaimed  him  the  born  orator.  More 
than  this,  he  had  that  wild  and  wizard  quaver  of  the 
voice,  that  lightening  of  the  eye,  in  his  impassioned 
moments,  and  that  electric  quivering  of  the  hand  above 
the  head,  followed  by  a  swing  of  the  arm  with  that  aban 
don  which  announced  the  genius,  and  which  held  the 
listeners  in  thrilled  and  breathless  silence,  so  that  they 
forgot  to  applaud  until  after  the  bewitchment  of  the 
clarion  voice  had  ceased.  And  then,  when  they  tried  to 
recollect  what  he  had  uttered,  "  Every  something,  being 
blent  together,  turned  to  a  wild  of  nothing."  He  was 


2i2  IN   THE    GREAT   WEST. 

of  that  kind  of  men  whom  women  love  with  a  devotion 
that  passeth  knowledge. 

Polly  was  the  college  nickname  of  a  youth  who  should 
have  been  born  a  girl.  He  wore  his  hair  long,  had  a  liquid 
longing  languor  in  his  large  eyes,  and  soft,  long  cheeks. 
But,  above  all  else,  he  was  thoroughly  girlish  in  his  im 
petuosity  and  his  charming  unreason,  and  in  his  passionate 
Italian  fondness  for  burrowing  in  some  harmless  plot,  some 
secret  society  intrigue.  He  was  always  hunting  up  per 
sonal  facts,  anecdotes,  and  reminiscences.  He  was  a 
walking  encyclopaedia  of  biography  of  all  the  men — at 
least,  all  the  Alphas — who  had  ever  been  in  college.  He 
knew  what  Alpha  took  a  valedictory  in  1854,  who  took 
the  salutatory  in  1837,  and  all  about  it.  He  had  postage- 
stamps,  autographs,  and  an  Alpha  catalogue  with  innu 
merable  annotations  and  interlineations. 

These  two,  and  a  third  who  need  not  be  described, 
met  the  Neutrals  in  Pulp's  room.  This  apartment  was, 
therefore,  occupied  by  seven  persons,  little  Tim  Pliny 
being  supernumerary,  for  he  had  obstinately  refused  to  go 
out.  Polly  was  no  speaker,  so  Augustus  was  to  be  spokes 
man.  But  Polly  was  full  of  fidgets  lest  his  eloquent  f rater 
should  offer  too  much ;  so  he  seated  himself  close  beside 
him,  slyly  reached  his  arm  around,  and  seized  his  coat- 
tail,  ready  to  twitch  it  in  case  of  emergency. 

The  Neutrals  sat  on  one  side  of  the  room,  the  Alphas 
on  the  other,  and  little  Tim  Pliny  at  the  table.  Intense 
solemnity  prevailed.  Augustus  rose  and  began,  somewhat 
embarrassed  as  his  manner  was  at  the  outset : 

"Gentlemen  of  the  Neutral  Committee:  Having  been 
unofficially  informed  of  the  action  recently  taken  by  your 
honorable  body,  in  regard  to  the  impending  election,  the 
Alphas,  to  which  we  have  the  honor  to  belong,  have  dele 
gated  us  to  meet  you,  and  endeavor  to  effect  some 


THE    COLLEGE   POLITICIANS.  213 

arrangement  for  an  alliance.  Our  meeting  was  entirely 
informal  [twitch  by  Polly] We  have  no  creden 
tials  to  offer  you,  gentlemen,  showing  our  authority  to 
negotiate  ;  but  we  demand  none  from  you,  believing  that, 
in  an  affair  of  this  description,  we  can  repose  confidence 
in  our  mutual  good  faith.  It  is  unnecessary,  perhaps,  for 
me  to  enter  here  upon  an  extended  explanation  of  our 
relations  toward  our  ancient  and  hereditary  enemies,  the 
Omegas ;  but  I  think  it  may  not  be  improper  to  request 
an  answer  to  the  question  whether  they  have  yet  ap 
proached  your  committee  with  any  [twitch] whether 

the  Omegas  have — well,  I  think  it  is  entirely  safe,  gentle 
men  of  the  committee,  to  premise  that  we  are  prepared 
to  offer  you  more  fraternal  and  generous  terms  than  the 
Omegas  can  possibly  be  willing  to  concede.  You  must 
have  perceived,  gentlemen,  in  the  course  of  your  college 
experience,  that  the  Alphas  have  never  yielded  themselves 
up  to  that  blind  spirit  of  persecution  and  of  contumelious 
effrontery  toward  the  always  honorable  and  noble  body 
of  students  you  represent,  which  has  disgraced  the  history 
of  the  Omegas  from  the  foundation  of  the  chapter 

[twitch] Gentlemen,    we    are    instructed    by   our 

society,  then,  to  offer  you  an  alliance  upon  the  following 
exceedingly  liberal  conditions :  The  Alphas  to  elect  the 
President  of  the  Lyceum  (seeing  they  have  not  been 
represented  in  that  office  for  a  year),  they  pledging  them 
selves,  on  their  part,  to  vote  solid  for  a  Neutral  as  V ice- 
President,  and  promising  also,  on  the  good  word  of  gen 
tlemen,  to  secure  to  this  arrangement  all  the  votes  of  the 
societies  in  alliance  with  them.  Of  the  six  minor  offices, 
we  pledge  ourselves  to  give  you  four,  reserving  only  two 
for  our  allies.  Such,  gentlemen,  are  the  very  liberal 

terms  we  have  been  instructed  to  offer  [twitch] " 

Augustus  sat  down   in  great  disgust  at  this  unseemly 


214  IN   TIIE    GREAT   WEST. 

curtailment  and  reduction  to  plain  sense  of  his  intended 
flowers  of  speech.  Square  rose  abruptly  to  reply : 

"Gentlemen  of  the  Alphas:  You  speak  of  giving  us 
the  Vice-Presidency  and  four  of  the  minor  offices.  Until 
this  moment  I  had  not  been  made  acquainted  with  the 
fact  that  the  authority  was  vested  in  your  secret  societies, 
either  singly  or  collectively,  to  give  or  withhold  any  of 
the  offices  whatsoever  within  the  gift  of  the  whole  body 
of  students.  In  reply  to  your  offer  to  give  us  the  offices 
named,  I  have  simply  to  state  that  my  instructions  are  to 
entertain  no  proposition  which  does  not  offer  the  Neutrals 
the  Presidency." 

Polly  glanced  at  Augustus,  and  Augustus  glanced  at 
Polly.  Pulp  rolled  his  great  gray  eyes  at  Square  in  amaze 
ment.  As  for  little  Tim  Pliny,  who  did  not  at  all 
believe  in  these  wicked  buyings  and  sellings,  he  was 
so  indecorous  as  to  put  his  head  under  the  table  and 
snicker. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  pursue  the  course  of  the  negotia 
tions,  and  indeed  they  had  not  much  further  course. 
After  a  little  more  parleying,  with  great  stateliness  and 
stiffness  the  Alphas  withdrew. 

It  is  well  to  record,  perhaps,  that  Polly  took  his  depart 
ure  from  the  scene  of  these  unsuccessful  negotiations  with 
a  large-sized  flea  in  his  ear.  There  entered  into  his  mind 
a  profound  conviction,  or  rather,  one  of  those  prescient 
intuitions  for  which  he  was  noted.  He  had  the  keenness 
to  perceive  that  Square,  with  all  his  ferocity,  was  not  a 
mighty  man  among  the  Neutrals,  and  not  at  all  to  be 
feared  ;  and  that  Pulp  was  the  mountain,  which,  not 
being  able  to  bring  it  to  him,  like  the  prophet,  he  must 
approach. 

As  they  went  out  through  the  wicket-gate  (or  the  place 
where  the  gate  should  be,  for  certain  evil-disposed  persons 


THE   COLLEGE   POLITICIANS.  215 

had,  before  Pulp  was  put  on  the  committee,  abstracted, 
purloined,  and  secreted  the  same),  whom  of  all  men 
should  they  meet  but  a  delegation  of  Omegas,  going  up 
to  labor  with  Pulp  ?  Singular  what  a  popular  place  of 
resort  that  sorry  chamber  had  suddenly  become  for  those 
young  aristocrats  !  Little  Tim  Pliny  had  hard  work  now 
adays  to  get  a  chance  to  eat  his  dinner  at  all.  He  would 
hardly  get  well  to  nibbling  and  munching  at  a  piece  of 
Graham  bread,  when  somebody  would  knock,  and  he 
would  have  to  whip  the  bread  into  the  drawer,  shove  in 
the  same,  wipe  his  mouth,  and  become  intently  engaged 
over  his  Greek  lexicon.  Indeed,  it  is  related  that  a  band 
of  young  politicians  once  came  upon  him  so  suddenly 
that  he  bolted  a  whole  cut  of  sausage  endways,  which 
lodged  in  his  throat,  to  the  serious  detriment  of  his  faculty 
of  speech  for  several  consecutive  minutes. 

Several  days  passed  on,  and  each  society  delegation 
met  the  Neutrals  frequently,  as  it  leaked  out  that  one  or 
the  other  had  offered  better  terms.  But  a  time  at  last 
arrived  when  each  had  offered  its  ultimatum,  and  had  no 
thing  further  to  propose.  The  chairman  of  the  Neutrals 
now  summoned  another  general  meeting,  for  the  purpose 
of  listening  to  the  report  of  the  committee,  and  taking 
action  thereon.  This  evening,  therefore,  would  be  the 
momentous  crisis  of  the  whole  campaign.  If  the  Neutrals 
should  determine  to  adhere. to  the  resolution  of  instruc 
tions  given  to  their  committee,  it  would  make  a  "  trian 
gular  fight,"  for  neither  society  intended  to  offer  them 
the  Presidency  for  this  year ;  but  if  they  voted  to  accept 
the  terms  of  either,  the  contest  was  already  virtually  de 
cided. 

For  these  reasons,  therefore,  while  the  Neutrals  were 
holding  secret  session  (for  they  did  this,  despite  their  de 
nunciation  of  the  societies)  in  the  Greek  recitation-room, 


2i 6  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

the  electioneering  committees  of  the  Alphas  and  the 
Omegas  were  assembled  at  their  respective  headquarters, 
eager  to  catch  the  earliest  intelligence.  Both  of  them 
had  spies  or  sycophants  among  the  Neutrals,  who  were 
certain  to  hasten  to  them  with  the  result,  in  hope  of  earn 
ing  the  coveted  membership. 

In  Augustus's  splendid  suite  of  chambers  (for  a  society 
man  could  occasionally  persuade  himself  to  accept  rooms 
on  the  second  floor)  there  were,  besides  Polly  and  the 
third  man,  nearly  all  the  Alphas  congregated  together,  for 
there  was  no  studying  that  night.  While  waiting  and 
wondering  at  the  unusually  protracted  discussions  of  the 
Neutrals,  they  had  agitated  the  question  in  all  its  bearings 
for  the  thousandth  time,  until  they  had  grown  listless  and 
disgusted.  They  were  almost  invisible  to  each  other  in 
the  cigar-smoke,  as  they  indolently  lounged  on  the  sofas, 
or  covered  all  the  huge  French  bedstead,  like  an  army 
encamped,  or  lazily  shuffled  the  chess-men,  or  lolled  in 
the  rocking-chairs,  reading  something  out  of  "Verdant 
Green." 

The  ever-wakeful  Polly  sat  at  the  window,  looking  down 
into  the  street,  and  occasionally  casting  wistful  glances  up 
it  toward  the  college.  His  colleague  sat  near  him,  in 
specting  his  meerschaum. 

"I  say,  Polly,"  exclaimed  the  latter,  "blast  my  eyes 
but  those  Neuts  are  windy  tonight!" 

Polly  winked  significantly  with  one  eye. 

"  Pulp  has  his  hands  full  of  '  hoc  job.'  " 

"  Do  you  think  he  can  make  it?" 

"  Of  course  he  can." 

There  was  a  slight  click  of  the  gate-latch  down  in  the 
yard,  only  caught  by  Polly's  catlike  ears.  Looking  down, 
he  saw,  where  the  gaslight  flooded  the  snow,  three  men 
standing  behind  a  snowball  bush,  apparently  consulting. 


THE    COLLEGE  POLITICIANS.  217 

Presently  they  moved  out  of  the  shadow,  and  advanced 
toward  the  door. 

"  Cock's  soul  !"  cried  Polly,  leaping  up.  "Boys,  the 
Omega  committee  are  coming  up  here  !  What  does  it 
mean?" 

In  an  instant  every  sleeper  was  aroused  ;  the  chess-men 
executed  some  frantic  gymnastics  in  the  air,  and  the  win 
dow  went  nigh  to  be  broken  by  the  boys  surging  against 
it.  Their  immemorial  enemies  coming  to  solicit  an  alli 
ance  !  What  can  it  mean  else  ?  It  must  be  that  they 
have  some  secret  information  that  the  Neuts  are  going 
against  them.  What  does  it  mean  ?  Such  a  thing  was 
never  heard  of  in  college. 

But  no  head  was  equal  to  the  tremendous  necessities  of 
the  occasion  but  Polly's.  Make  an  alliance  with  the 
Omegas?  Of  course,  if  the  Neuts  were  lost,  but  not 
otherwise.  Victory  at  any  cost ;  but  victory  would  be 
twofold  sweeter  if  it  meant  also  defeat  to  the  Omegas. 
But  quid  facere?  The  Omegas  were  already  admitted, 
and  were  tramping  in  the  hall  below.  If  they  only  knew 
how  the  Neuts  were  going !  Tramp,  tramp,  tramp ! 
coming  up  the  stairs.  Polly  frantically  clutched  his  hat, 
and  sung  out : 

"  Delay,  boys,  at  all  hazards  !  Mum's  the  word  !  Tell 
'em  an  important  member  of  the  committee  is  absent. 
Leave  all  to  me." 

With  that  he  dashed  over  two  sofas  and  a  wide  bed 
stead,  knocking  flat  down  a  f rater  Alpha.  He  made  a 
frantic  rush  for  a  window,  opened  it,  and  leaped  out  like 
a  frog  on  a  shed-roof,  his  coat-tail  whipping  through  the 
sash  just  as  the  Omegas  knocked.  Crawling  along  the 
roof  on  the  inside  slope,  he  reached  the  outside  corner, 
slipped  down  a  post  bruin-fashion,  and  found  himself  in 
the  back-yard.  He  must  make  a  wide  circuit  before 


2i8  IN   THE    GREAT   WEST. 

coming  into  the  street,  lest  the  Omegas  should  catch  a 
glimpse  of  him  from  the  window.  While  he  is  flounder 
ing  through  the  snow  in  back-gardens,  tearing  through 
choice  English  gooseberry  bushes  and  raspberries,  nearly 
cutting  his  neck  in  two  on  clothes-lines,  and  receiving 
attacks  in  the  rear  from  several  ferocious  bull-dogs,  indig 
nant  at  being  disturbed  at  such  an  unseemly  hour  of  the 
night,  we  precede  him  to  the  Greek  recitation-room,  to 
make  some  note  of  things  which  happened  there  before 
his  arrival. 

The  Neutrals  being  called  to  order.  Square,  as  Chair 
man  of  the  Committee  on  Election,  proceeded  to  make 
his  report.  He  simply  stated  the  offers  they  had  received 
as  the  ultimatum  of  each  society.  He  was  not  unaware 
of  his  growing  unpopularity,  and  he  had  so  often  fulmined 
against  the  society  men,  that  for  once  he  restrained  him 
self. 

Upon  this  there  arose  a  mighty  wind  of  debate.  Some 
called  upon  the  Neutrals  to  accept  the  offer  of  the  Alphas, 
others  that  of  the  Omegas,  and  others  insisted  that  they 
should  go  into  the  fight  independent  of  either. 

Pulp  waited  calmly  until  all  the  small  orators  had  lashed 
themselves  into  a  fury,  and  subsided.  Then  he  arose, 
and  went  all  the  way  to  the  upper  end  of  the  room,  in 
his  rolling,  plantigrade  gait,  picking  his  feet  up  and  set 
ting  them  down  so  softly,  and  with  his  head  thrown  back 
in  his  lunatic  manner.  He  stepped  on  the  dais,  planted 
his  feet  far  asunder,  placed  his  hands  upon  his  hips,  and 
began  abruptly,  the  audience  listening  breathless : 

"  Buddha  Sakia  said,  '  All  men  are  equal,'  and  he  re 
ceived  the  lowly.  But  the  haughty  Brahmins  despised 
him,  and  remained  aloof,  saying,  '  He  accepts  even  beg 
gars  and  criminals.'  They  received  only  the  great.  As 
a  consequence  of  this  Pharisaical  exclusiveness,  the  Brah- 


THE   COLLEGE   POLITICIANS. 


219 


mins  number  less  than  one-fifth  the  converts  of  the 
Buddhists.  Let  us  be  instructed  by  this  example,  and 
shun  a  vainglorious  but  empty  independence.  There  are 
three  great  contestants  in  the  field.  If  we  enter  into  a 
triangular  battle,  the  election  may  last  all  night ;  and,  de 
pend  upon  it,  the  society  men  will  linger  until  the  morn 
ing  stars  grow  dim,  while  the  Neutrals  will  either  go  over 
to  them  through  sheer  weariness,  or  go  home.  As  a  last 
resort,  they  will  make  an  alliance,  and  thus,  in  either  case, 
we  shall  lose  everything, — cantamus  vacui.  But  by  a 
timely  alliance  we  shall  secure  much.  I  give  my  voice  for 
an  alliance  with  the  Alphas." 

He  sat  down  amid  universal  astonishment.  What, 
Pulp !  Of  all  men  in  college,  Pulp,  proposing  an  alli 
ance,  and  that  with  the  aristocratic  Alphas  !  Pulp,  who 
had  so  often,  in  his  elevated  and  philosophical  vein,  dis 
coursed  on  the  evils  of  clannishness,  emulous  intrigue, 
and  the  deplorable  bitterness  of  bickering  flowing  from 
that  fountain  of  gall,  the  secret  societies.  Pulp,  the 
greatest  intellect  in  four  hundred,  whom  even  the  profes 
sors  never  contradicted,  but  listened  to  as  to  a  superior ; 
Pulp,  the  lofty,  the  Baconian,  the  wise,  haranguing  in 
favor  of  a  coalition  with  boys  ! 

Square  was  furious.  "It  is  false!"  he  cried  fiercely, 
quivering  with  passion.  "It  is  false!  The  soft-handed 
snobs  dare  not  go  into  a  fight  without  us.  Let  not  these 
brainless  dandies  '  who  caper  nimbly  in  a  lady's  chamber 
to  the  lascivious  pleasing  of  a  lute,'  pipe  their  Ranz  des 
Vaches  to  us  !  Has  my  colleague  been  opiated  with  musk 
and  geranium?  Has  he  been  brained  with  a  lady's  fan? 
Has  he  been  introduced  into  the  '  first  circles,'  and  been 
overpowered  by  the  lewd  witcheries  of  the  round-dance? 
Has  his  philosophy  been  turned  into  a  jeweler's  kit,  and 
the  music  of  the  spheres,  which  echoed  sweet  and  low 


220  IN  THE   GREAT  WEST. 

from  his  soul,  been  crimped  into  the  little  measure  of 
their  creed,  until  his  great  heart  beats  to  the  ticking  of  a 
twenty-carat  gold  watch,  and  his  traitor  hands  mark  the 
time  of  boughten  infamy  ?  It  is  a  lie  !  a  gratuitous  lie  ! 
They  will  fight  each  other  to  the  bitter  end,  and  we  have 
only  to  stand  by  and  await  their  coming,  which  will  be 
the  coming  of  cowards,  begging,  ay,  whining,  for  an  al 
liance.  This  I  happen  to  know  from  private " 

At  this  point  he  was  interrupted  by  Pulp,  who  had 
been  seen  to  step  out  a  moment  with  the  doorkeeper,  and 
then  return  to  his  place.  He  stopped  there  a  moment, 
as  if  hoping  Square  would  pause ;  but  the  fierce,  dis 
jointed  invective  of  the  man  was  too  much  even  for  the 
philosophic  Pulp,  and  he  held  up  his  right  hand,  with  all 
his  fingers  intensely  rigid**with  passion,  each  one  striving 
to  get  as  far  away  as  possible  from  all  the  others.  He 
spoke,  huskily  : 

"Will  Mr.  Square  permit  me  to  interrupt  him  for  a 
moment  ?  In  reply  to  his  assertion  that  the  societies  will 
never  coalesce,  I  have  to  say,  that  I  have  just  received, 
from  a  trustworthy  source,  the  information  that  the 
Omegas  have  gone  to  the  Alpha  headquarters,  and  are  at 
this  moment  in  consultation  with  them  in  regard  to  an 
alliance." 

Square  turned  deadly  pale,  and  uttered  never  a  word 
more.  Well  he  might,  for  in  an  instant  the  room  was 
filled  with  hisses,  yells,  and  hoots  of  execration.  The 
voices  of  Pulp  and  the  chairman,  calling  for  order,  were 
utterly  drowned  and  lost,  being  inaudible  even  to  them 
selves.  Infuriated  cries  of  "  Put  him  out !  Put  him  out !" 
"The  liar!"  "The  slanderer!"  "The  big  mouth!" 
mingled  with  stamping,  hisses,  groans,  and  cat-calls. 
Every  one  rose  from  his  seat.  Fists  were  brandished 
fiercely  at  the  fallen  plotter.  Fiery  maledictions  were 


THE   COLLEGE   POLITICIANS.  22I 

hissed  in  his  face  through  clinched  teeth.  He  would 
doubtless  have  suffered  personal  violence,  if  he  had  not 
seized  his  hat  and  hastened  away.  Ruined  forever ! 
Never  did  vaulting  ambition  so  overleap  itself,  and  fall. 
He  never  appeared  in  chapel  again,  and  he  left  college  in 
less  than  a  week. 

As  soon  as  quiet  could  be  restored,  a  member  moved 
a  reconsideration  of  the  former  vote  of  instructions, 
which  was  carried.  Then  Pulp  moved  that  the  offer  of 
the  Alphas  be  accepted ;  the  motion  was  seconded,  and 
instantly  carried  by  a  unanimous  vote.  A  committee- 
man  was  elected  in  place  of  Square,  and  then  the  com 
mittee  was  instructed  to  proceed  at  once  to  the  Alpha 
headquarters  with  the  acceptance. 

Polly  had  hurried  back  to  his  follows,  and,  as  soon  as 
he  cooled  his  face  a  little  with  snow,  and  removed  the 
impressions  he  had  received  from  the  clothes-lines  and 
the  gooseberry  bushes,  he  entered,  and  greeted  the  wait 
ing  Omegas  with  considerable  cordiality.  But  the  Neu 
tral  committee  soon  arrived,  and  the  disgusted  Omegas, 
knowing  what  it  signified,  took  their  melancholy  depart 
ure.  They  knew,  without  asking,  that  the  offer  of  the 
Neutrals  would  be  accepted  before  theirs. 

Not  long  afterward  came  the  election,  and  the  Alphas, 
of  course,  gained  the  Presidency.  Next  morning  Pulp, 
for  the  first  time  in  his  college  history,  was  late  at  chapel. 
He  walked  up  the  aisle  with  downcast  eyes.  So  unusual 
a  circumstance  turns  every  eye  upon  him.  What  is  the 
matter  with  the  man  ?  Has  he  suddenly,  in  some  unac 
countable  manner,  become  ashamed  of  his  huge  feet,  that 
he  looks  at  them  so  steadily?  What  is  that  so  bright  and 
pretty  on  the  left  lapel  of  his  vest  ?  It  must  be  a  butter 
fly.  No  ;  it  is  winter  yet.  Four  hundred  pairs  of  eyes 
are  riveted  on  it.  What  can  it  be  ?  It  burns  his  breast 

19* 


222  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

as  the  flaming  emblem  of  her  crime,  the  "scarlet  letter," 
did  the  bosom  of  Hester  Prynne. 

It  is  the  Alpha  badge  ! 

Deserter  ? 

Yes ;  and  something  more.  Most  of  the  Neutrals 
used  a  harsher  word  than  that. 

A  week  or  two  later,  just  before  Commencement,  Polly 
is  talking  in  his  chamber  with  a  frater  who  has  just  re 
turned  from  a  long  vacation. 

"But  I  say,  Polly,  how  in  the  deuce  could  you  fellows 
stand  it  to  rope  in  such  a  camel  ?' ' 

"But  we  had  to  do  it  to  get  the  Neuts,  don't  you  un 
derstand?  Then,  too,  he  had  only  two  weeks  more  in 
college." 

"Tell  me  how  it  all  happened,  Polly.  Die  age,  O 
virgo  /' ' 

"Well,  you  see  the  Neuts  put  him  on  their  committee 
one  evening,  and  the  next  afternoon  we  met  them,  and 
hcec-fatus-zdi  the  matter.  I  saw  in  a  minute  Pulp  carried 
them  all  on  his  shoulders.  So  that  very  night  we  voted 
him  in,  and  I  rushed  him  hard,  and  pledged  him  about 
midnight,  and  we  initiated  him  about  one  o'clock.  But, 
of  course,  we  didn't  swing  him  out  till  election  was  over; 
and  then  it  was  only  two  weeks  to  Commencement.  We 
could  stand  it  two  weeks." 

"Who  would  have  thought  Pulp  would  do  it?" 

"Do  you  remember  what  Pope  says  of  Lord  Bacon?" 


TWO    ONLY    SONS. 

If  thou  didst  ever  hold  me  in  thy  heart, 
Absent  thee  from  felicity  awhile, 
And  in  this  harsh  world  draw  thy  breath  in  pain 
To  tell  my  story. 

HAMLET. 

THERE  lived  once  on  the  bank  of  the  Beautiful 
River,  in  Ohio,  two  neighbors,  of  whose  children 
we  have  somewhat  to  chronicle.  Farmer  Polney  was  a 
hard-working,  God-fearing  man  ;  but  Mr.  Baywood  lived 
in  an  old-time,  generous  ease,  on  the  interest  of  his 
money.  His  house  stood  close  beside  the  lordly  river, 
surrounded  by  a  smirk  white  fence,  with  flowers  in  par 
terres,  shrubbery,  etc.;  but  Farmer  Polney's  house  was 
far  back  amid  his  fields,  and  had  a  hard  and  naked  ap 
pearance,  being  inclosed  by  a  lichened  fence,  and  by  a 
few  rosebushes,  which  were  frequently  nibbled  by  some 
extremely  utilitarian  calves. 

These  two  families,  being  the  most  prominent  in  the 
little  neighborhood  fenced  in  by  the  river  hills,  led 
off  in  all  the  momentous  school-meetings  and  in  the 
various  solemn  conclaves  and  weighty  businesses  of  the 
district.  They  contrived,  by  strict  economy,  and  by 
having  the  teacher  "board  round,"  to  maintain  a  school 
three  months  in  summer  and  three  in  winter.  So,  twice 
a  year  there  was  considerable  commotion  in  the  little 
humdrum  district,  and  much  riding  up  and  down  of  pros 
pective  schoolmistresses  on  wheezy,  old,  stiff-necked 
plow-horses,  on  side-saddles  that  were  certain  to  turn  over. 

(223) 


224  2N   THE    GREAT   WEST, 

Sometimes  they  came  to  see  Farmer  Polney,  but  oftener 
Mr.  Baywood,  because  he  was  never  away  in  the  fields ; 
but  it  was  always  Farmer  Polney's  horses  which  had  to  go 
after  the  schoolmistresses,  and  take  them  home  on  Satur 
days  ;  and  it  was  always  little  white-headed  Sargent  Pol 
ney  who  had  to  go  with  them  and  ride  behind.  And  in 
variably,  when  they  ascended  a  steep  hill,  the  girth  would 
burst,  and  he  would  slip  off  behind  over  the  horse's  tail, 
and  the  saddle  and  schoolmistress  would  fall  on  top  of 
him. 

Harry  Baywood  and  Sargent  were  always  together,  as 
absolutely  indispensable  to  each  other  as  the  sine  to  the 
cosine.  In  the  weekly  spelling-schools,  held  on  long 
winter  evenings,  they  two  and  Jolie  Baywood  were  always 
the  last  to  be  "spelled  down."  Harry  was  never  con 
tent  unless  he  had  Sargent  at  his  house,  and  the  latter  was 
so  fond  of  Jolie  that  he  had  no  trouble  in  going,  and  in 
variably  overstayed  the  hour  appointed  by  his  father. 

Farmer  Polney's  library  was  small,  and  contained  prin 
cipally  such  intensely  solemn  and  inscrutable  volumes  as 
Drelincourt  "On  Death,"  Baxter's  "Saint's  Rest,"  and 
similar ;  while  old  Mr.  Baywood's  book-case  was  ample, 
reaching,  in  its  grandeur  of  rich  old  walnut  mouldings 
and  gilded  tomes,  all  the  way  from  the  floor  to  the  ceiling, 
and  containing  "Robinson  Crusoe,"  "Scottish  Chiefs," 
etc.  But  Harry  would  always  drag  Sargent  away  from 
the  books,  and  whisk  him  off  out-doors  to  watch  his  mills 
for  sawing  rotten  wood,  his  wind-mills,  and  all  manner 
of  automatons  and  moving  gimcracks. 

He  was  a  merry  and  a  lively  boy,  caring  nothing  for 
girls,  dogs,  and  cats,  except  to  torment  them,  hang  them 
by  the  neck,  or  explode  firecrackers  in  their  ears.  He 
was  captain  of  all  the  school  battles,  but  he  could  do  no 
thing  without  Sargent  for  his  swift-footed  lieutenant.  He 


TWO    ONL  Y  SONS.  225 

organized  all  games  of  "  shinny"  on  the  ice,  and  all  snow 
balling  combats ;  but  Sargent  always  contrived  to  make 
his  duty  to  his  captain  so  elastic  as  to  allow  him  to  push 
Jolie's  sled,  or  stand  by  her  side  when  the  snowball  bom 
bardment  waxed  most  furious.  He  could  not  have  told 
why  it  was  if  he  had  puzzled  for  a  week,  but  it  was  never 
theless  an  indisputable  fact  that  he  never  could  play  at 
"  blindman"  without  catching  Jolie  first;  and  it  was 
equally  certain  that  she  would  be  offended  if  he  did  not 
catch  her  first.  But  the  strangest  thing  of  all  was,  she 
would  give  him  the  most  trouble  she  possibly  could. 

The  schoolmistresses  were  generally  selected  from 
among  the  poorer  "hill-folks;"  hence  these  two  boys 
presently  got  beyond  their  depth,  and  "  knew  more  than 
the  mistress."  They  graduated  across  the  river,  into  the 
pretentious,  three-story  brick  "college,"  but  they  were 
still  inseparable.  They  crossed  in  the  same  skiff,  Harry 
always  rowing  the  forward  oar,  in  which  respective  posi 
tions  they  had  many  a  tug  to  try  which  could  turn  the 
other.  They  were  in  the  same  Latin  classes  with  Bullion's 
Grammar,  played  the  same  games  of  ball  and  marble. 

But  now  at  last  they  were  obliged  to  separate.  Harry 
conceived,  after  awhile,  a  rooted  disgust  for  Latin,  and 
aspired  to  a  steamboat.  Sargent  rather  liked  the  art  and 
science  of  surveying,  and  had  vague  yearnings  for  civil 
engineering,  though  he  had  once,  after  having  his  suscep 
tible  imagination  strongly  wrought  upon  by  the  blare  of 
trumpets  from  a  menagerie  chariot,  registered  a  solemn 
promise  in  chalk,  upon  the  paternal  work-bench,  to  de 
vote  his  life  to  the  menagerie. 

Harry  was  too  modest  for  a  Western  steamboat-captain, 
that  pearl  of  all  gentlemen ;  too  modest  to  grapple  with 
the  rude  insolence  of  the  boiler-deck ;  though  he  had 
that  native  and  graceful  nobility,  that  dignity  of  mere 


226  W  THE    GREAT  IVES7\ 

motion,  of  manner,  of  voice,  which  made  him  the  com 
panion  of  his  seniors  and  the  envy  of  the  younger.  He 
went  into  partnership  with  an  old  man  in  a  small  local 
craft.  But  he  rapidly  mounted  to  the  hurricane  deck,  and 
waxed  prosperous  exceedingly. 

As  for  Sargent,  he  suddenly  fell  away  from  the  binomial 
theorem  to  the  cornfield.  Farmer  Polney  had  conquered 
his  way  up  from  poverty  by  hard  knocks,  and  "he  still  kept 
a  strong  grip  upon  the  farm ;  but  he  was  resolved  that  his 
boy  must  begin  to  prepare  himself  to  stand  presently  in 
his  stead.  It  was  well  enough  for  him  to  go  to  school 
until  he  "ciphered  to  the  rule  of  three,"  but  when  he 
began  to  gabble  algebra,  and  quotations  from  Caesar,  the 
farmer  shook  his  head.  He  gave  him  "sums"  to  find 
the  number  of  acres  in  a  certain  field  ;  he  tried  to  interest 
him  in  adding,  subtracting,  and  multiplying  crops  of 
wheat.  He  gave  him  sole  and  exclusive  proprietorship 
in  sheep  and  a  yoke  of  oxen ;  he  induced  him  to  clear 
away  the  forest  on  a  hillside,  and  plant  an  orchard.  But 
the  orchard  grew  to  brambles,  and  the  chipmunks  nibbled 
away  all  the  apples  thereof. 

The  boy  would  carry  out  his  "  Paradise  Lost, "-the  only 
readable  book  he  could  find,  and  leave  it  at  the  end  of  a 
cornrow,  and  when  he  plowed  a  round,  he  would  snatch 
it  up  and  commit  to  memory  two  or  three  verses.  While 
he  was  repeating  them  on  another  round,  he  would  let  the 
plow  gouge  out  a  cornhill,  whereupon  he  would  most  un 
justly  fustigate  the  faithful  and  innocent  old  horse,  and  an 
alarming  capering  about  and  destruction  of  maize  would 
result.  He  named  his  young  oxen  "  Noun"  and  "  Verb  ;" 
but  they  recognized  no  such  outlandish  and  opprobrious 
names,  and  accordingly  ran  away,  got  unyoked,  and  one 
violently  extracted  the  other's  tail,  to  which  it  had  been 
very  injudiciously  attached.  In  trying  to  add  some  verses 


TWO    ONL  Y  SONS. 


227 


of  Milton  to  the  stock  he  possessed,  while  cutting  corn  in 
the  field,  he  would  grievously  hack  his  shins.  In  the  long 
winter  evenings  he  would  sit  by  the  kitchen  stove,  to  es 
cape  the  contagious  and  agreeable  tattle  of  the  sitting- 
room,  crooning  over  his  Milton  or  his  Latin  grammar ; 
but,  after  the  day's  fatigues,  he  would  nod  in  spite  of  him 
self,  and  then  thump  his  head  in  disgust. 

His  father,  with  the  old  habit  of  authority  strong  upon 
him,  and  impatient  of  any  blundering  in  his  sight,  sought 
to  direct  the  boy's  doings,  even  in  his  own  little  crops, 
and  in  the  most  minute  particulars,  where  he  should  have 
let  him  stumble  along  and  learn  for  himself.  The  youth's 
slowly  growing  sense  of  independence  would  sometimes 
assert  itself  in  most  tempestuous  phrasing,  which  he  would 
afterward  bitterly  regret. 

Thus  he  was  gradually  acquiring  an  unconquerable  re 
pugnance  toward  the  farm,  and  groped  blindly  along,  in 
obedience  to  some  higher  impulse,  he  knew  not  what. 
His  thirst  for  knowledge  increased,  and  he  often  pleaded 
with  his  father  for  permission  to  go  to  college,  and  wept 
in  secret  over  his  hopeless  ignorance,  and  cursed  his 
sleepy  stupidity. 

He  received  frequent  letters  from  Harry,  written  in 
elegant  commercial  chirography ;  but  his  replies  he  was 
compelled  to  send  in  the  accursed  scrawl  of  the  district- 
school,  made  with  oak-ball  ink,  which  dried  into  an  un 
healthy  yellow  color.  Harry  was  greatly  prosperous ;  he 
was  adding  to  his  bank-account  many  hundreds  every  year, 
more  than  the  whole  Polney  farm  produced.  He  had 
dined  and  ridden  out  with  the  Mayor,  and  had  even  been 
introduced  to  the  Governor.  He  was  sole  proprietor  and 
captain  of  the  "  Viola/'  and  thirteen  men  gave  obedience 
to  his  youthful  behests.  In  short,  his  life  was  gliding 
tranquilly  along  in  that  smooth  and  uninterrupted  current 


228  /#"  THE   GREAT  WEST. 

of  commercial  prosperity  which  afforded  little  of  episode, 
or  of  matter  for  romantic  or  instructive  narration. 

But  Sargent  envied  him  none  of  these  things,  for  he 
knew  him  to  be  nobly  worthy  of  the  best  success ;  but  it 
caused  him  to  chafe  more  and  more  at  the  plow-tail. 
Jolie,  the  romping  and  mischievous,  was  grown  into  a 
very  dignified  young  lady,  and  had  gone  away  to  a 
fashionable  boarding-school,  and  he  saw  her  very  seldom. 
He  thought  she  was  acquiring  high  notions,  and  cared 
nothing  more  for  him,  a  clumsy  clown  of  the  farm ;  and, 
whether  she  did  or  not,  he  determined,  with  a  kind  of 
proud  and  obstinate  bitterness,  to  think  she  did  not,  and 
avoided  seeing  her.  In  all  this  he  judged  her  very  fool 
ishly  and  unjustly. 

His  sister,  Jane,  had  grown  into  a  pretty  farmer's 
daughter,  with  soft,  brown  eyes  and  brown  hair,  and  a 
very  affectionate  disposition ;  and  she  often  wept  and 
wondered  at  her  brother's  stormy  discontent,  and  sought 
in  vain  to  encourage  him  with  her  innocent  prattle.  She 
pleaded  for  him  with  their  father.  She  magnified  his 
gifts,  which  to  her  seemed  marvelous.  She  told  the  taci 
turn  farmer,  with  wonder  and  with  pride,  how  he  would 
stride  up  and  down  the  room,  now  repeating  Webster  or 
Milton,  and  now  fuming  over  his  enforced  ignorance. 

And  so  at  last  the  farmer  reluctantly  gave  his  consent 
that  the  lad  should  go  to  college.  But  he  still  believed 
he  could  make  a  farmer  of  him,  so  he  agreed  to  send  him, 
on  condition  that,  during  vacation,  he  should  come  home 
and  buckle  to  the  farm-work.  His  outfit  was  purchased 
and  made  up,  even  to  the  checkered  trousers,  through 
which  he  jumped  every  morning  about  four  inches  too 
far,  and  the  little  caraway-seed  silk  handkerchief.  At 
last  the  great  and  eventful  morning  arrived.  In  his  char 
acteristic  way,  the  farmer  worked  and  puddered  about 


TWO    ONLY  SONS.  229 

something  or  other,  in  order  to  lose  no  time,  till  the 
very  smoke  of  the  steamboat  was  in  sight.  Sargent  and 
his  sister  were  distracted,  for  he  had  not  yet  received  even 
the  money  for  his  expenses.  Nevertheless,  they  reached 
the  river  in  season.  The  lad  shook  hands  around  the 
little  circle  of  the  farm  inhabitants,  his  father's  tenants, 
and  then  walked  aboard,  with  his  heart  in  his  throat,  and 
stepping  very  high  and  awkwardly  on  the  teetering  plank. 
The  boat  backed  off,  and  then  steamed  grandly  up  past 
the  landing,  while  the  handkerchiefs  fluttered  and  the 
farmer  shook  his  hat.  But,  as  soon  as  the  steamboat 
was  behind  a  tree,  he  turned  away,  and  with  the  back  of 
his  hard  broad  hand  dashed  away  a  falling  tear.  Ah  !  if 
the  boy  could  have  witnessed  that  act,  he  would  have 
known  and  loved  his  hard  and  taciturn  father  better. 

This  succinct  narration  cannot  follow  him  throughout 
his  college  career.  The  black  and  gusty  clouds  of  civil 
war  came  up ;  Fort  Sumter  was  assaulted  and  captured  ; 
and  a  great  nation  was  delirious  with  frenzied  patriotism 
and  with  mad  passion.  Hard  upon  the  heels  of  this  news 
came  the  thrilling  intelligence  to  the  college  :  "  Wash 
ington  is  captured  ;  the  rebel  banner  flaunts  in  insolent  and 
haughty  triumph  above  the  Capitol ;  the  streets  are  red 
dened  with  blood,  and  Lincoln  and  Scott  are  captives  !" 

It  was  a  bright  Sunday  morning  in  May  when  this  evil 
and  astounding  intelligence  burst  upon  the  quiet  village. 
The  great  college  chapel  was  crowded  as  it  seldom  was  on 
that  day  of  the  week,  but  not  to  listen  to  prayer. 

The  grand  old  chancellor  enters.  There  falls  upon  the 
stormy  multitude  a  great  silence.  He  opens  the  Bible  on 
the  desk.  He  closes  it  again.  He  strides  up  and  down 
the  long  estrade,  with  his  head  drooped,  as  if  unconscious 
of  the  very  existence  of  Bible  or  of  students.  Then  he 
suddenly  stops,  turns  to  his  audience,  and,  gazing  ab- 

20 


230  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

stractedly  far  away  ovei  their  heads,  as  if  he  beheld  the 
bloody  streets  of  Washington  itself,  says  very  slowly,  as 
if  dreaming : 

"  So,  young  gentlemen,  some  twenty  millions  of  us  are 
without  a  government  to-day  !" 

Then  he  pauses  many  moments,  slowly  lifts  his  clinched 
right  hand,  and  with  a  swift  and  strong  gesture,  and  in  a 
voice  tremulous  with  emotion,  but  thrilling  in  the  im 
mense  and  audacious  greatness  of  its  energy,  he  exclaims: 

"But  I  think  we  know  how  to  find  it,  young  gentle 
men  !" 

Never  since  the  swift  and  burning  rhetoric  of  Peter  the 
Hermit  summoned  fanatic  Christians  to  the  rescue  of  the 
Holy  Sepulchre  has  human  eloquence  wrought  more 
magically  than  did  these  words  upon  those  impassioned 
young  souls.  The  effect  was  indescribable.  The  smoky 
old  chapel  thundered  to  the  echo.  The  ardent  young 
patriots  rushed  away  to  a  mass-meeting,  and  the  Sabbath 
quiet  of  the  strict  old  Puritan  town  was  profaned  by  the 
clangor  of  mustering  regiments. 

Hark  !  I  hear  the  tramp  of  thousands, 
And  of  armed  men  the  hum  ; 
Lo  !  a  nation's  hosts  have  gathered 
Round  the  quick  alarming  drum- 
Saying,  '  Come, 
Freemen,  come ! 
Ere  your  heritage  be  wasted,'  said  the  quick  alarming  drum. 

All  day  the  town  echoed  to  the  soul-stirring  music 
of  the  clarion  and  of  the  "ear-piercing  fife,"  the  tumul 
tuous  surging  of  the  thousands,  and  the  rattle  of  rusty 
bayonets.  Five  student  companies  were  organized  at 
once.  If  the  rumor  had  not  been  contradicted,  Monday 
morning  had  seen  the  university  depopulated. 


TWO    ONLY  SONS.  231 

The  farmer's  son  wrote  home  for  permission  to  enlist 
for  actual  service.  He  received  the  following  reply : 

"  You  are  my  only  son,  and  I  cannot  consent.  I  shall  contribute  to  the 
volunteer  fund  according  to  my  means,  and  send  a  special  substitute.  If 
you  enlist  without  my  consent,  I  shall  follow  you  up  and  join  the  same 
regiment." 

Could  any  answer  have  stopped  him  more  effectually  ? 
He  had  intended  to  enlist  without  permission,  if  he 
could  not  get  it ;  but  to  think  of  his  gray-haired  father 
carrying  a  musket  beside  him  ! 

Meantime,  in  a  far-distant  camp,  Harry  Baywood  is  in 
the  full  progress  of  the  militia  drill.  A  soldier  in  the 
ranks  as  yet,  his  experiences  are  amusing,  if  not  peculiar. 
"  Get  into  two  rows,  you  fellers,  and  come  out  here  end 
ways,  the  way  you  did  yesterday  !"  cries  the  good-natured 
drill-sergeant.  They  jumble,  they  jiggle,  they  hobble 
along  higgledy-piggledy,  in  a  kind  of  absurd  Shaker 
dance,  galling  their  kibes  and  decorticating  their  shins  at 
a  frightful  rate.  One  gets  his  legs  tangled  together,  and 
tumbles  down  in  the  middle.  Harry  fortified  his  ankles 
with  a  pair  of  heavy  boots,  and  bided  his  time. 

When  at  last  the  poor  fellows,  by  their  scanty  prepara 
tion,  had  been  rendered  meet  ''food  for  powder,"  and 
were  about  to  start  for  that  terrible  unknown  region,  the 
front,  he  was  elected  Lieutenant.  Every  day  brought 
out  his  merits,  and  made  him  more  beloved  by  his  com 
rades.  He  was  modest  and  frequently  blundered  in  giving 
commands,  but  he  was  never  too  busy  in  his  tent  to  listen 
patiently  to  the  humblest  of  his  comrades.  When  there 
was  no  tent,  he  slept  on  the  ground  among  his  men,  and 
not  aloof,  as  if  he  were  an  intelligence  from  another 
world.  When  the  wagons  were  delayed,  and  there  was 
no  baggage,  he  might  have  been  seen  marching  the  live- 


232  IN  TPIE    GREAT   WEST. 

long  day  cheerfully  beside  his  column,  with  his  sword 
across  his  shoulder,  and  at  night  dependent  on  one  of  his 
men  for  half  of  his  blanket.  He  never  threw  out  a 
soldier's  tin  cup  to  make  room  for  his  box  of  collars. 

And  now  the  farmer's  son  came  home  for  his  first  an 
nual  vacation.  Obedient  to  his  promise,  he  laid  aside  his 
scholastic  gown,  and  arrayed  himself  for  the  cornfield. 
To  his  infinite  dismay,  he  met  Jolie,  for  the  first  time  in 
many  months,  while  ignominiously  attired  in  indigo-blue 
trousers,  much  too  short,  a  farmer's  hunting-shirt,  and  an 
immense  chip-hat.  He  sidled  awkwardly  around,  and 
prayed  the  earth  to  open  uader  him ;  but  Jolie  was  very 
gracious,  and,  in  the  kindness  of  her  heart,  noticed 
nothing.  She  even  detained  him,  and  conversed  very 
cheerfully  for  a  good  while  about  the  old  school-days. 

It  is  useless  to  deny  that  Sargent  was  greatly  encour 
aged.  He  even  "went  to  see  Mr.  Baywood."  In  fact, 
he  presently  became  quite  a  frequent  inmate  of  his  fine 
old-fashioned  parlor.  About  dusk  on  summer  evenings 
he  might  be  seen  walking  rapidly  up  the  clean  gravel 
walk,  stepping  very  lightly,  and  looking  sheepishly  about, 
greatly  distressed  at  the  unusual  and  gratuitous  loudness 
of  the  crunching  in  the  gravel.  In  some  mysterious 
manner  unknown  to  him — for  he  had  never  dared  mention 
such  a  thing — Jolie  had  become  aware  that  the  sight  of  a 
very  little  white  apron  was  especially  agreeable  to  his  eyes, 
and  she  never  failed  to  appear  in  that  particular  apron. 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Baywood,  anxious  to  assure  him,  would  re 
main  a  few  moments  in  the  parlor,  monopolizing  the  con 
versation,  then  presently  retire,  to  his  immense  conster 
nation.  He  would  be  obliged  to  propose  a  resort  to 
chess,  that  favorite  refuge  of  bashful  lovers. 

O  ye  kindly  cavalcade  of  kings,  and  queens,  and 
knights,  and  bishops,  in  your  snowy  or  sable  robes, 


TWO    ONL  Y  SONS.  233 

blessed  ministrations  are  yours  !  How  often  do  ye  pur 
posely  entangle  yourselves  together,  so  that  the  fingers 
which  move  you  touch  the  fingers  of  the  beloved,  and 
are  thrilled  with  a  divine  electricity  !  How  conveniently 
stupid  ye  are,  and  how  ingeniously  absurd  are  the  moves 
ye  make,  not  to  spoil  her  dear  little  silly  game  ! 

But  as  terms  and  vacations  came  and  went,  and  Sargent 
never  got  any  further  along  than  chess-playing,  he  was  in 
a  profound  despair.  The  neighborhood  match-makers 
lost  their  patience.  It  threatened  to  be  a  courtship  as  in 
terminable  as  that  of  poor  Lilly  Dale,  who  is  dragged 
through  two  whole  volumes,  and  remains  an  old  maid 
after  all. 

One  evening  they  were  voyaging  down  the  Ohio  on  a 
magnificent  steamboat,  and  by  some  unexplained  chance 
they  found  themselves  sitting  alone  on  the  hurricane  deck. 
Jolie  was  now  ripened  into  a  stately  but  languishing  beauty, 
with  pallid  cheeks,  rather  long  and  grave  in  expression, 
hazel  eyes,  with  a  soft  and  pleading  lustre,  and  pouting 
lips.  She  still  cherished  a  hope  that  the  farmer's  son 
would,  in  some  inspired  and  happy  hour,  so  far  soar  above 
the  clods  of  this  dull  world  as  to  say  something  which 
she  wished  to  hear,  and  to  which  she  encouraged  him  by 
many  a  gracious  and  languishing  smile. 

Smooth  and  still  the  Beautiful  River  lay  on  either  side, 
and  far  back  behind  they  could  see  the  graceful  hair-line 
waves  widen  out  from  the  steamboat's  wake,  chase  each 
other  across  the  patches  of  starlight,  and  fade  silently 
away  on  the  dark  bosom  of  the  river.  How  gracefully 
and  how  stately  the  stars  lifted  and  then  sunk,  as  the  first 
wave  rolled  beneath  them,  then  fell  to  rocking  faster  and 
faster,  until  at  last  they  got  to  dancing  at  such  an  unseemly 
rate  that  they  shock  their  little  cheeks  all  to  pieces !  Right 
beneath  them  the  mighty  wheel,  in  its  slow  and  laboring 


234  IN  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

revolutions,  clawed,  and  thumped,  and  mauled  the  waters 
in  the  darkness,  until  they  glistened  and  whitened  the 
black  night.  It  was  a  scene  by  no  means  poetical,  except 
to  a  poetical  soul,  but  the  very  swish  and  thudding  of  the 
waters  conveniently  tempered  his  voice,  so  that  it  did  not 
'frighten  him  as  it  usually  did  when  he  was  alone  with 
Jolie. 

Suddenly  there  came  to  him  a  great  and  indomitable 
resolution  to  say  it. 

"Jolie," — then  he  was  seized  with  an  unimaginable 
terror,  and  looked  up  into  the  sky, — "the  stars  are  very 
bright  to-night." 

"Yes;  do  you  see  those  double  stars,  one  red  and  the 
other  green?"  She  pointed  to  them. 

"Do  you  think  they  are  really — I  mean,  why  do  you 
suppose  one  is  red  and  the  other  green  ?' '  he  said,  with  a 
gasp. 

"Our  old  astronomy,  I  believe,  says  they  are — what  is 
it? — supplementary  to  each  other.  Now,  isn't  that  the 
word?  You  haven't  any  right  to  laugh  at  me  if  you 
won't  correct  me." 

"I  didn't  laugh  at  you."  This  was  a  highly  gratui 
tous  assertion  on  his  part,  though  the  lamentable  grimace 
of  distress  which  at  that  moment  pervaded  his  counte 
nance,  if  it  could  have  been  seen,  would  have  moved  the 
laughter  of  devils. 

"  That  word  means  they  are  necessary  to  each  other, 
doesn't  it?" 

"Jolie,  I  was  going  to  say — yes,  it  means  that, — neces 
sary."  Then,  by  a  prodigious  effort  of  will,  he  ventured 
to  take  her  hand,  "  Take  care,  my  dear  !  upon  my  word, 
you  will  fall  over  on  the  wheel." 

"  Oh,  I  haven't  the  slightest  fear  of  that  so  long  as  you 
hold  my  hand.  You  were  about  to  say  something?" 


TWO    ONL  Y  SONS.  235 

She  looked  toward  him  with  a  sweet,  inviting  smile,  but 
he  was  looking  the  other  way ;  so  it  was  lost  in  the  dark 
ness,  as  so  many  others  had  been  before. 

A  pause. 

Just  then  a  great  shower  of  sparks  came  out  of  the 
flues,  and  floated  in  a  long  and  splendid  sheet  above  their 
heads.  It  was  as  if  ten  thousand  solar  systems  had  been 
ground  to  powder  and  blown  in  red-hot  dust  athwart  the 
heavens. 

"Ah,  that  spark  !  let  me  brush  it  off." 

After  brushing  it  off,  he  was  alarmed  to  find  his  arm 
almost  encircling  her  neck,  and  he  drew  it  away  very 
quickly. 

"  Oh  !  I  shall  be  burnt  up  here  !  I  do  believe  there's 
another  spark  on  my  shoulder.  Pray  do  look  !" 

Shrugging  her  shoulders  in  a  dear  little  panic  to  get 
away  from  a  spark  which  didn't  exist,  she  leaned  quite 
against  him.  He  looked,  but  saw  nothing. 

Oh,  you  poor  stupid  Philistine !  Why,  anybody 
could  have  put  his  arm  round  there  then  and  found  an 
other  spark.  But  you  couldn't !  Oh,  fie  ! 

A  long  pause. 

It  clouded  over  at  last,  and  began  slowly  to  rain. 
Sargent  went  below,  and  returned  with  an  umbrella, 
which  he  spread,  for  he  was  not  yet  ready  to  abandon 
hope. 

"I  have  often  wondered,"  began  Jolie,  slowly  and 
thoughtfully,  but  with  volumes  of  hidden  meaning  in  her 
tones,  "  I  have  often  wondered  how  any  one  person  could 
own  an  umbrella  with  a  good  conscience." 

"Why  so?" 

"  Why,  hold  it  as  one  will,  there  is  a  great  yawning 
void  on  one  side,  so  suggestive.  One  alone  under  an 
umbrella  looks  so  selfish  !" 


236  IN  TPIE    GREAT   WEST. 

He  gasped  out  a  quick  breath,  and  felt  he  was  almost 
going. 

"I  was  just  thinking — Jolie,  I  was  about — there!  did 
you  hear  that  plunge  ?  Somebody  must  have  fallen  over 
the  guards." 

He  ran  to  the  edge  of  the  deck,  and  peered  down  into 
the  dark,  rushing  waters.  It  was  only  a  log,  bumping 
along  on  the  hull. 

It  began  now  to  rain  hard,  and  they  therefore  went 
below,  and  separated  for  the  night,  both  of  them  well- 
nigh  in  despair.  After  all,  he  didn't  say  it.  He  didn't 
pop. 

How  the  Lieutenant  gets  on  in  the  army,  meantime, 
may  be  learned  from  this  letter  to  his  old  schoolmate : 

"  PEACHTREE  CREEK,  GEORGIA. 

"  MY  DEAR  OLD  BOY, — I  have  lately  got  promoted  to  Captain,  and  I 
will  narrate  the  whole  matter  to  you  in  order.  Our  '  ridgi-ment'  (as  the 
Johnnies  say)  had  been  five  days  on  the  skirmish  line ;  and,  by  one  of 
those  blunders  which  happen  so  often  that  the  boys  are  about  ready  to 
knock  off,  when  our  supports  were  drawn  back,  we  were  not  notified,  and 
we  were  left  hanging  right  down  into  the  Confederacy.  We  were  two 

whole  days  without  a  pinch  of  grub,  and  at  last  Colonel swore  he 

would  take  the  responsibility  of  ordering  us  to  tack,  in  short,  to  fall  back, 
to  save  our  bacon,  or — get  some.  Here  again  was  a  shameful  blunder  (I 
wouldn't  blab  thus  of  my  superior  officers  to  any  one  but  you,  for  it  is  a 
great  relief  to  be  able  to  speak  my  mind  freely  once  in  awhile,  where  none 
of  the  boys  can  hear  me — I  think  I  fight  better  for  it  afterward), — it  was  a 
blunder,  I  say,  for  we  ought  to  have  fallen  back  under  cover  of  the  dark 
ness.  We  were  lying  each  in  a  pit  about  as  large  as  a  bath-tub,  from  the 
which  we  scrambled  out,  and  ran  pell-mell  back  to  the  first  line  of  works 
where  we  could  find  any  grub. 

"  My  Captain  was  the  only  man  hit,  falling  in  a  little  hollow.  He  lay 
only  a  biscuit-toss  from  the  works,  but  the  interval  was  raked  by  a  fire  in 
which  no  man  could  live.  He  was  not  mortally  hurt,  and  he  could  have 
come  in,  only  he  couldn't  get  on  his  pins.  He  was  safe  where  he  was, 
and  he  waved  his  arms  piteously,  begging  for  water.  We  flung  him  can 
teen  after  canteen,  but  none  of  them  reached  him,  and  the  rebel  sharp 
shooters  spitefully  bored  them  through  and  through,  like  hornets  stinging 
some  luckless  enemy  again  and  again. 


7  WO    ONLY  SONS.  237 

"  Then  at  last  I  called  for  volunteers,  and  we  cut  an  enormous  log, 
which  we  rolled  ahead  of  us  until  we  reached  the  Captain.  But  revocare 
gradutn — that  was  the  opus.  However,  after  an  hour's  hard  work,  and 
after  having  been  pelted  by  the  rebels  most  unmercifully,  we  succeeded  in 
getting  back,  and  brought  the  Captain  safely  in.  But,  at  the  very  last 
moment  of  success,  just  as  we  were  lifting  the  poor  fellow  over  the  works, 
and  when  one  of  the  boys  was  saying  to  him,  '  Well,  Cap,  you're  behind 
good  wood  now,'  a  rebel  bullet  pierced  his  heart. 

"H.  B." 

Another  vacation  beheld  Sargent  at  work  on  the  farm 
again.  He  was  revolving  plans  for  the  prosecution  of 
his  arduous  enterprise  beyond  the  limits  of  chess-playing. 
There  came  to  him  a  happy  inspiration.  He  would  sum 
mon  the  assistance  of  the  Muses ;  not  his  own,  but  those 
of  the  "  bards  sublime."  He  made  a  pretext  of  pressing 
agricultural  business  to  visit  the  nearest  bookstore,  where 
he  became  the  possessor  of  a  dainty  edition  of  Tennyson, 
in  which  he  remembered  a  passage  suitable  to  his  needs. 
He  hauled  it  triumphantly  home  in  his  four-horse  wagon. 
He  conveyed  it  joyfully  into  his  chamber;  and  that 
evening  he  searched  out  the  passage,  marked  it  with  a 
pencil,  and  inserted  a  book-mark  in  the  place. 

Now,  it  happened  that  the  affairs  of  his  father's  house 
hold  were  administered  by  a  good  motherly  aunt,  who 
possessed,  perhaps,  more  than  the  usual  modicum  of 
feminine  curiosity.  Next  day  she  espied  the  book,  was 
attracted  by  its  gorgeous  binding,  and  scarcely  less  by 
the  book-mark,  which  she  took  out  to  admire.  Then  she 
naturally  fell  to  reading  cursorily,  here  and  there  a  little, 
until  she  turned  over  several  pages,  and  marked  another 
passage  which  impressed  her  fancy.  Suddenly  recollect 
ing  that  the  dinner-hour  was  approaching,  she  whipped 
in  the  book-mark,  as  it  happened,  at  the  passage  she 
marked,  laid  the  book  down,  and  went  bustling  away. 

That  evening  Sargent  carried  the  book  with  him,  to 


238  IN  THE   GREAT   WEST. 

present  it  to  the  mistress  of  his  bashful  affections.  They 
played  chess  once  more,  and  with  a  zest  not  at  all  im 
paired  by  the  generous  goblets  of  sound  and  mellow 
cider  brought  by  the  servant-girl.  Jolie  played  so  well, 
indeed,  that  the  book  was  entirely  forgotten  until  he  was 
going  away.  Then  he  reached  awkwardly  round  and 
extracted  the  volume  from  his  coat-tail,  and  thrust  it  at 
her,  mumbling  some  inarticulate  words,  and  was  at  the 
bottom  of  the  great  stone  steps  before  she  could  return 
thanks. 

She  tripped  away  up-stairs,  half  sadly,  wondering  if 
anything  more  would  come  of  this  present  than  of  the 
numerous  others ;  set  the  lamp  down,  looked  admiringly 
at  the  book,  the  frontispiece,  etc.,  and  read  a  snatch  or 
two.  Ah !  a  mark.  She  hoped  there  might  be  a  note. 
No — nothing  whatever.  Ah,  yes  !  a  passage  very  dimly 
marked.  Her  heart  throbbed  wildly  while  she  read  : 

"  I  have  played  with  her  when  a  child ; 

She  remembers  it  now  we  meet. 
Ah  !  well,  well,  well,  I  may  be  beguiled 

By  some  coquettish  deceit. 

Yet  if  she  were  not  a  cheat, 
If  Maud  were  all  that  she  seemed, 
And  her  smile  had  all  that  I  dreamed, 
Then  the  world  were  not  so  bitter 

But  a  smile  could  make  it  sweet." 

Jolie  flung  the  book  angrily  on  the  sofa,  and  com 
menced  pacing  the  floor. 

"  Well,  I'm  sure  he  needn't  have  given  himself  so  much 
trouble  to  tell  me  that.  'A  cheat,'  indeed!  Oh,  yes; 
Captain  Hayes  rode  out  with  me  once  in  his  own  carriage, 
to  be  sure  t  To  call  me  a  '  cheat'  for  that !  So  dim,  too  ! 
He  didn't  dare  mark  it  plain." 


TWO   ONL  Y  SONS. 


239 


Then  she  threw  herself  on  the  sofa  again,  buried  her 
face  in  her  hands,  and  wept  bitter  tears — not  of  anger 
now,  but  of  sorrow.  A  long  time  she  remained  in  this 
position,  then  arose,  gathered  together  all  his  presents, 
and  commenced,  very  slowly,  very  wearily,  very  sadly, 
making  them  into  a  package.  Very  long  did  she  linger 
over  this  task,  never  hesitating  in  her  steady  purpose, 
but  stopping  often, — ah,  how  often  ! — because  she  could 
no  longer  see  through  her  fast-falling  tears.  At  last  the 
sad  work  was  done,  but  before  it  was  finished  the  first  faint 
gray  streak  of  daylight  straggled  into  her  chamber  window. 

In  the  morning  the  servant-girl  carried  it  to  the  farm 
house,  and  Sargent  being  near  by,  plowing  in  the  Ijeld, 
she  carried  it  out,  and  gave  it  into  his  hands.  Alas,  alas  ! 
that  it  had  not  fallen  under  the  eye  of  the  motherly  med 
dlesome  aunt !  He  opened  it  with  eager  hands,  wonder 
ing  and  glad,  gazed  at  it  transfixed,  then  sat  down  on  the 
plow-beam,  and  rested  his  forehead  on  his  hands  in  his 
voiceless  grief.  Long  after  the  girl  had  crossed  the  last 
field  and  entered  her  mistress's  door,  he  quietly  dropped 
the  package  beside  the  plow,  spoke  to  his  horses,  and 
one  long  smooth  furrow  hid  it  from  his  sight  forever. 

Upon  receipt  of  the  news  that  the  Captain  was  wounded 
in  battle,  so  dangerously  that  he  could  not  be  removed 
from  the  field-hospital,  Jolie  nobly  rallied  from  her  sick 
bed  and  hastened  to  his  side,  while  Sargent  went  away, 
as  one  who  is  dead  to  the  world,  to  his  classes. 

We  behold  Jolie  sitting  now,  sad  and  silent,  by  the 
pallet  of  leaves  and  branches  where  her  brother  catches 
his  quick  and  painful  breath.  He  is  sleeping  for  the  first 
time  in  many  days.  The  long  hospital-tent  is  crowded 
with  the  wounded  and  the  dying,  whose  faces  the  wan 
glimmer  of  the  candle  lights  up  with  the  ghastly  waxy 


240  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

pallor  of  death.  The  attendants  move  noiselessly  to  and 
fro,  speaking  in  ghostly  hollow  whispers,  most  rasping  io 
the  lacerated  nerves ;  they  lave  the  burning  foreheads ; 
they  smooth  the  dank  and  bloody  locks  of  the  dead.  The 
hot  and  breathless  stillness  is  broken  only  by  feeble 
moans,  where  some  gallant  fellow,  in  his  last  agony,  fights 
his  battles  again.  He  struggles  in  the  frantic  surging  of 
the  charge ;  he  feels  the  cold  bayonet  plunging  again 
toward  his  heart ;  he  sees  his  brave  comrades  fall  around 
him,  and  their  hot  blood  spurt  again  across  his  face. 
They  reel  backward,  broken  and  beaten  down  and 
trampled  upon  by  ten  thousand  yelling  demons,  and  a 
frown  of  despair  settles  upon  his  face.  But  now  he  sees 
the  reinforcements ;  he  feebly  swings  his  arms ;  he  cries 
out,  "  Steady,  boys,  steady !  they  are  coming !  they  are 
coming  !"  But  for  him  they  come  no  more  forever.  The 
Angel  of  Death  soars  on  his  dark  wing  above  him,  and 
his  pallid  face  is  still. 

Awakened  by  this  noise,  the  Captain  beheld  his  sister 
bending  sleeplessly  above  him.  He  smiled,  and  feebly 
reached  out  his  poor  bloodless  hand,  already  growing  cold. 

"Jolie  dear,"  he  whispered,  "tell  me  now,  before  I 
die,  what  has  passed  between  you  and  Sargent,  that  you 
are  estranged?" 

"Ah!  my  brother "  She  covered  her  face  with 

her  hand,  and  buried  it  in  his  pillow. 

"I  did  not  think  to  give  you  pain,  Jolie." 

For  a  moment  she  made  no  reply;  then,  with  a  true 
woman's  devotion  and  unselfishness,  fearing  lest,  in  his 
dying  hour,  her  brother  should  think  aught  less  of  his 
beloved  friend,  she  made  a  great  effort,  and  said,  very 
calmly,  and  in  a  voice  scarcely  above  a  whisper: 

"  It  was  I,  Harry ;  believe  me,  he  was  not  to  blame." 

The  Captain  made  no  answer,  but  turned  his  eyes  upon 


TWO   ONLY  SONS.  241 

her  in  one  long  inquiring  look,  as  if  awaiting  something 
more.  She  would  have  answered  more,  but  he  inter 
posed, — 

"  Forgive  me,  dear  Jolie.     I  only  thought " 

She  heard  no  more,  for  suddenly  there  burst  upon  the 
midnight  stillness  the  crash  of  musketry,  and  the  awful 
thunder  of  the  cannonade.  The  moon  had  risen,  and 
there  was  a  night  attack.  The  Union  troops,  taken  by 
surprise,  reel  back,  broken  and  panic-stricken ;  the  forest 
is  filled  with  the  fleeing  and  disorderly  multitude ;  the 
hoarse  roaring  of  the  battle  and  the  exultant  yells  of  the 
pursuers  mingle  with  the  cries  of  the  wounded  and  dying. 
That  most  heart-sickening  noise  of  battle,  the  hellish 
blurt  and  howling  of  ragged  shells,  swashes  with  a  fierce 
rattle  through  the  forest.  The  pursuers  are  coming  on 
amain.  All  the  hospital  attendants  have  fled  or  hidden. 
Jolie  sits  alone,  speechless  with  terror,  holding  the  still 
hand.  The  glazing  eyes  of  the  dying  soldier  gleam  for  a 
moment  with  the  old  light  of  battle.  He  beholds  his 
regimental  flag  once  more  brightly  flaunt  above  the  bayo 
nets  ;  she  feels  the  stiffening  hand  feebly  clutch  her  own 
for  his  sword. 

A  single  bullet,  wandering  far  and  spent  through  the 
rushing  multitude,  plunges  through  the  tent.  Another 
and  another.  Shall  they  be  all  in  vain?  Shall  they  not 
have  a  fair  prize  ?  This  one  bursts  one  canvas  wall,  but 
not  the  other.  What !  Jolie  ?  Ah  !  Jolie  !  She  droops- 
she  falls !  Her  head  lies  on  his  pillow.  She  has  even 
gone  before  him. 

In  reply  to  the  letter  which  bore  these  double  tidings 
of  death,  Sargent  wrote  to  his  sister : 

"  He  has  given  his  life  gloriously  to  his  country,  while  I  live  here  in 
ignominious  ease.  I  cannot  blame  our  father  for  opposing  the  enlistment 

21 


242 


IN  THE   GREAT  WEST. 


of  his  only  son ;  but  mother,  dear  mother,  if  you  look  down  to-night 
from  your  blissful  abode  upon  your  useless  and  unhonored  boy,  you 
would  rather  see  him  lying  on  the  battle-field  than  living  here.  Ah,  Jolie  1 
by  some  evil  and  inexplicable  fate  thou  hast  robbed  me  already  once,  and 
now  this  time  yet  again.  Would  that  to-night  I  could  dispute  thy  privi 
lege,  and  sleep  beside  him,  low  in  the  quiet  grave  !  His  tomb  should  be 
chiseled  with  a  wreath  of  laurel,  but  mine  should  be  wholly  blank,  and  it 
might  thus,  perchance,  add  to  the  honor  of  his. 

"  '  O  Death,  Death,  Death,  thou  ever-floating  cloud ! 
There  are  enough  unhappy  on  this  earth  ; 
Pass  by  the  happy  souls  that  love  to  live ! 
I  pray  thee,  pass  before  my  light  of  life, 
And  shadow  all  my  soul,  that  I  may  die !' 

"  O  that  I  had  gone  out  with  my  beloved  comrade,  and  been  in  the 
front  of  battle,  that  I  might  sleep  now  beside  him  in  the  quiet  grave ! 
Then,  perhaps,  some  one  on  earth,  sitting  alone  at  evening,  would  miss 
me  now,  and  drop  a  tear  to  my  memory,  and  whisper  softly,  '  But  he  died 
for  his  country.' " 


SAN    ANTONE. 

Kind  words  can  never  die, 

Cherished  and  blest ; 
God  knows  how  deep  they  lie, 

Stored  in  the  breast, 
Like  childhood's  simple  rhymes, 
Said  o'er  a  thousand  times. 

POPULAR  SONG. 

THAT  was  the  name  by  which  he  was  generally  known 
in  camp.  He  was  richly  endowed  with  the  agno- 
mens  of  a  rude  inchoate  heraldry,  but  this  was  the  most 
convenient.  Besides  these  was  his  real  name ;  but  that 
was  German,  and  few  had  ever  heard  it,  and  fewer  still 
could  pronounce  it  within  a  half-dozen  consonants  of  cor 
rectness.  Another  appellation  he  had  was  "  Marine 
Sheeps,"  which  accrued  to  him  from  his  comical  mis 
pronunciation  of  the  name  of  a  certain  valuable  breed  of 
wool-producing  animals. 

When  the  train  was  assembling  and  organizing  on 
the  prairies  of  Texas,  preparing  to  cross  the  continent, 
and  everybody  was  eliciting,  a  fragment  at  a  time,  the 
history  of  everybody  else  with  whom  he  was  destined 
to  spend  several  months,  this  man  was  distinguished 
among  the  keen,  gray-eyed,  quizzing  Texans  by  his  glum 
seclusiveness,  and  he  contemptuously  told  the  loquacious 
little  Doctor  that  his  name  was  San  Antonio  (which  be 
came  abbreviated  as  above),  as  if  he  took  a  kind  of  savage 
satisfaction  in  being  despised  as  a  "Greaser"  by  a  man 
whom  he  so  thoroughly  despised  himself.  He  seemed  to 
say: 

(  243  ) 


244  IN  THE   GREAT  WEST. 

"  Scorned,  to  be  scorned  by  one  that  I  scorn- 
Is  that  a  matter  to  make  me  fret?" 


He  had  lived  so  long  near  San  Antonio,  Texas,  that  the 
flaming  sun  of  Mexico  had  burned  his  Teutonic  skin  into 
the  color  of  a  bilious  mestino,  so  that  the  deception  was 
easy;  and  as  for  the  little  old-young  Doctor,  San  Antone 
despised  him  from  the  outset  to  the  utmost  of  his  im 
measurable  capacity  for  contempt. 

The  first  time  I  saw  this  strange  and  terrible  man,  the 
impression  he  produced  .upon  me  was  sufficiently  vivid. 
The  train  was  to  leave  Waxahatchie  the  next  day,  and  I 
accordingly  carried  out  my  roll  of  blankets,  etc.,  and 
deposited  them  in  the  mess-wagon.  Beside  a  feeble 
fire  near  the  tent  crouched  a  man,  clad  in  whitish-gray, 
slouching  clothes,  and  a  dingy-white  hat,  which  lopped 
down  all  around,  giving  his  eyes  a  kind  of  sinister  glare. 
He  was  of  a  medium  height,  rather  spare-faced,  but  with 
a  body  powerfully  built  and  knit  together  with  mighty 
muscles,  though  he  had  lived  so  much  in  camps  that  he 
had  become  extremely  round-shouldered.  He  had  the 
Teutonic  roundness  of  head,  but  his  large  occiput  and 
strong  emphatic  nose  showed — if  physiognomy  be  any 
guide — that  he  was  not  an  inherently  malicious  man, 
terrible  though  he  looked.  Yet  there  was  something  in 
his  great  bloodshot  eyes  at  times  which  was  absolutely 
awful.  When  he  was  enraged — as  Germans,  unfortunately, 
become  sometimes — they  glared  out  from  their  cavernous 
sockets  with  a  blood-curdling  ferocity  which  made  a 
peaceable  man  quite  satisfied  with  a  single  glance.  Add 
to  this  his  haggled  and  matted  hair,  projecting  from  the 
top  of  his  hat ;  his  complexion,  which  was  about  an  equal 
compound  of  an  olive-green  and  a  coffee-color ;  and  his 
Herculean  muscles,  which  rounded  broadly  out  on  his 


SAN  ANTONE.  245 

back,  as  he  sat  doubled  almost  into  a  half-circle,  and  you 
have  a  man  whom  most  people  would  be  disposed  to  let 
assiduously  alone. 

Yet  he  returned  my  salutation  in  a  tone  of  voice  so 
pleasant  that  I  was  surprised.  He  set  off  his  frying-pan, 
brought  out  some  biscuits  and  coffee  from  the  tent,  and 
we  ate  together,  squatting  on  the  ground. 

"  You  are  to  cross  the  continent  with  us,  I  suppose?" 
I  remarked  in  my  most  winning  manner. 

"Yes,"  said  he,  making  a  beef  sandwich  for  himself. 
"  Are  you  de  man  what  walks  afoot  ?" 

"Yes." 

"It  is  very  much  deestance  to  walk,"  he  said,  quite 
indifferently. 

I  looked  sharply  at  him,  for  I  thought  his  accent  was 
anything  but  Mexican. 

"  Sie  sprechen  Deutsch  vietteicht?"  I  ventured  to  re 
mark. 

"I  was  German  born,  only  in  Texas.  I  speak  also 
German,  but  better  English." 

He  was  the  first  and  only  German  I  ever  saw  in  Amer 
ica  who  did  not  gladly  respond  to  the  invitation  to  speak 
in  his  mother  tongue.  It  appeared  upon  subsequent  in 
quiry  that  he  was  the  son  of  a  wealthy  stock-farmer  in 
Western  Texas,  who  had  been  well  educated  in  the  Father 
land,  both  in  English  and  French,  but  had  wandered  to 
the  New  World,  and  found  something  congenial  in  Texan 
frontier  savagery ;  and  that  this  was  a  kind  of  black  sheep 
in  the  flock,  the  only  discontented  one,  and  yet  the  best- 
beloved  of  his  sons.  He  was  ignorant,  as  he  acknowledged 
with  regret,  because  he  had  always  played  truant  from 
his  father's  own  school ;  and  he  had,  by  consequence, 
passed  through  some  fearful  experiences  in  the  Yellow 
Jack  hospitals,  and  in  the  Rebel  army,  wherein  he  had 

21* 


?46  IN   7 'HE    GREAT   WEST. 

served  as  a  battery  soldier.  He  was,  therefore,  no  mean 
and  beggarly  ruffian,  but  the  prospective  heir  of  broad 
acres  and  a  patriarchal  wealth  of  cattle,  and  he  had  a 
most  savage  contempt  for  small  moneys  and  small  econo 
mies.  Yet  he  was  fierce  and  uncouth  enough,  to  be  sure, 
to  have  been  a  Rio  Grande  bandit. 

Probably  I  did  not  learn  even  these  few  particulars  at 
first,  for  I  speedily  lost  caste  with  San  Antone,  because 
he  thought  I  was  "citified."  Yet  I  never  fell  quite  so 
low  in  his  estimation  as  did  the  little  Doctor. 

The  fellow  could  swear  some  of  the  most  appalling 
oaths,  in  which  an  Americanized  German  probably  excels 
any  of  our  native  citizens ;  but,  with  all  his  amazing 
affluence  of  cursing,  he  never  could  invent  any  expression 
which  would,  in  the  slightest  degree  whatsoever,  do  justice 
to  his  disdain  for  that  effeminate  individual.  He  would 
sit  cross-legged  by  the  fire,  cooking  breakfast,  and  watch 
him  dip  the  palms  of  his  long  apelike  hands  into  water 
and  pass  them  daintily  over  his  face,  and  then  he  would 
simply  ejaculate,  "  Humph  !"  He  could  no  more.  Shade 
of  Diogenes  !  the  unspeakable  riches  of  scorn  concen 
trated  into  that  single  grunt.  To  the  last  morning  of  our 
four-months'  journey  he  would  feast  his  fascinated  eyes 
on  that  spectacle,  and  let  his  soul  fatten  on  these  pas 
tures  of  contempt.  He  loved  to  live  to  despise  the  little 
Doctor's  face-washing. 

He  exercised  a  most  terrific  stepmotherly  tyranny  over 
the  unhappy  Doctor,  in  divers  fashions.  The  Doctor 
was  a  sluggard  in  the  morning,  and  San  Antone,  after 
waiting  the  shortest  possible  allowance  of  time  after 
reveille,  would  strip  the  blankets  off  him  with  violence. 
We  lived  with  Spartan  simplicity  in  our  mess,  having 
only  one  tin  cup  apiece ;  and  if  sometimes  the  Doctor 
.took  two,  unnecessarily,  our  ferocious  stepmother  would 


SAN  ANTONE.  247 

snatch  one  out  of  his  hand  and  put  it  away.  This  would 
have  been  simply  outrageous  with  any  other  person,  but 
the  Doctor  was  lazy,  effeminate,  cowardly,  and  insincere; 
and  San  Antone  did  all  this  with  such  thoroughly  straight 
forward  and  incorruptible  honesty  of  contempt,  and  with 
such  absence  of  any  symptom  of  a  smile  on  his  face,  that 
the  rest  of  us  were  only  amused. 

Being  obliged  to  be  much  with  this  terrific  Agonistes, 
walking  along  with  the  train,  I  studied  to  be  as  barbarous 
as  possible.  I  praised  his  cookery,  which  was,  in  fact, 
very  good  for  a  camp-cook,  except  that  he  would  fry  his 
steaks  Southern  fashion,  in  grease.  Consequently  he 
never  vented  upon  me  any  of  those  outrageous  indignities 
which  he  heaped  upon  the  head  of  the-  hapless  Doctor. 

He  displayed  the  most  amazing  energy  and  strength  in 
his  wrestles  with  the  diabolical  oxen  of  Texas.  He  would 
ride  on  horseback  after  a  full-grown  wild  ox,  lasso  its 
forefeet,  jerk  it  headlong  to  the  ground,  then  dismount 
and  tie  it  head  and  foot.  Then  he  would  ride  down 
another,  capture  it  in  the  same  manner,  hitch  the  rope  to 
the  pommel  of  his  saddle  and  fetch  it  to  the  other,  when 
he  would,  single-handed  and  alone  on  the  open  prairie, 
yoke  the  furious  brutes  together  and  bring  them  trium 
phantly  to  the  corral.  It  was  an  achievement  worthy  of 
Hercules  himself,  and  would  appear  quite  incredible  to 
anybody  not  acquainted  with  Texas. 

Nearly  every  morning,  especially  when  we  had  rested 
awhile,  they  had  to  inclose  the  accursed  never-tamed 
brutes  in  the  circle  of  wagons,  where  they  would  surge 
up  and  down,  putting  all  the  women  and  children  and 
half  the  drivers  to  flight.  But  San  Antone  would  seize 
the  hugest  ox  by  the  horn  and  nostril,  double  his  neck 
together,  and  fling  him  upon  the  ground.  Sometimes  we 
would  see  him  in  the  middle  of  a  dreadful  tangle  of  oxen, 


248  /A"  THE   GREAT   WEST. 

wrestling  with  the  hellish  beasts,  justling  among  their  long 
shining  horns,  or  slung  around  with  his  heels  high  up  in 
the  atmosphere. 

I  took  pains  to  applaud  him  for  these  feats,  but  he  ap 
peared  to  care  nothing  about  it,  one  way  or  the  other. 
He  was  something  more  sensitive  as  to  his  cookery,  and  I 
lay  the  flattering  unction  to  my  soul  that  I  produced  some 
impression  in  that  direction. 

I  began  really  to  admire  the  man  for  his  hearty  and 
brawny  savagery,  and  for  the  ferocious  contempt  which 
he  manifested  toward  all  shams  and  make-believes  and 
half-hearted  doings. 

One  thing  which  was  especially  admirable  in  him  was 
his  kindness  toward  his  oxen,  which  stood  out  in  noble 
contrast  with  the  infamous  brutalities  of  many  Texans. 
He  never  would  make  the  least  provision  for  his  own 
comfort  until  they  had  been  driven  to  the  best  water  and 
the  best  grazing  anywhere  to  be  found.  Once  only, 
during  a  long  and  exasperating  march  by  day  and  night 
across  the  terrible  Llanos  Estacados,  he  lost  his  temper, 
snatched  up  a  great  chain,  and  swung  it  with  his  powerful 
arm  like  a  whip-lash.  Fortunately  for  the  offending  oxen, 
they  saw  it  in  time  to  leap  aside,  and  the  chain  descended 
upon  a  box,  smashing  it  into  a  hundred  splinters.  He  did 
not  spare  the  lash  in  critical  places,  but  one  strong  swift 
blow,  with  the  magnetism  there  was  in  his  terrible  voice, 
was  worth  hours  of  the  infamous  dead  mauling  of  the 
miserable  brigands  with  the  other  teams,  who  had  in  them 
no  soul  of  power. 

But  as  soon  as  they  were  up  the  hill,  he  would  go  and 
lean  against  them,  put  his  arms  around  their  necks — I 
have  seen  him  do  this  a  hundred  times — and  caress  them 
like  children.  His  leaders,  a  pair  of  little  spotted 
monkeys,  he  almost  idolized.  He  would  go  out  from 


SAN  AN  TONE.  249 

camp  on  the  darkest  night,  and  grope  all  about  with  his 
hands,  to  find  whether  they  had  any  grass.  On  moon 
light  nights  or  in  the  daytime  he  would  stand  and  wag 
his  head  at  them,  and  laugh,  and  call  them  by  name,  and 
they  would  look  up  with  their  large  mild  eyes,  and  wink 
quiet  winks  at  him,  as  if  to  say,  "You're  a  pretty  good 
fellow — you  are  !"  The  consequence  of  all  this  was,  that 
he  never  killed  an  ox,  while  other  drivers  sacrificed  whole 
teams.  These  things  covered  a  multitude  of  his  outrageous 
rudenesses. 

San  Antone  began  to  be  an  exceedingly  interesting 
study  to  me,  as  showing  how  completely  German  servility 
of  politeness  could,  in  a  single  generation,  be  converted 
into  the  savagest  and  the  sturdiest  of  Texan  frontier  bar 
barism.  Is  it  Landor  who  attributes  to  Benjamin  Franklin 
the  remark  that  a  people  never  grow  younger  in  crossing 
the  ocean  ?  But  it  is  not  true  of  the  Germans  coming  to 
America.  They  do  grow  younger. 

The  other  members  of  our  mess  were  always  occupied 
with  the  herds ;  and  through  weary  days,  weeks,  and 
months,  while  we  crawled  on  our  slow  march  across  the 
mighty  plains,  this  rude  ox-driver  was  my  most  frequent 
companion.  What  was  most  singular  in  him  was,  that 
he  avoided  his  own  countrymen.  Who  ever  saw  a  Ger 
man,  I  wonder,  that  did  not  prefer  the  congregation  of 
them  that  are  faithful  to  the  mug,  to  all  the  tents  of  the 
beer-scoffers  ?  But  San  Antone  not  only  would  not  speak 
German,  but  he  studiously  secreted  from  any  Cousin 
Michael  we  might  meet  his  knowledge  of  the  grand  old 
jargon,  and  was  angry  if  any  American  imparted  that 
information  to  him. 

And  now  at  last  his  demeanor  toward  me  began  very 
perceptibly  to  soften.  When,  weary  of  vagabondizing  or 
botanizing  on  the  short  incursions  I  dared  make  into 


250  ftf  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

Comanche  or  Apache  land,  I  would  fall  back  to  saunter 
along  with  the  train,  he  would  jump  down  from  his  wagon 
and  seek  to  make  himself  sociable.  He  began  to  be  my 
friend,  in  his  uncouth  and  boisterous  way,  and  to  make 
me  his  confidant.  Thereat  I  wondered.  I  had  done  no 
valorous  or  great  thing,  I  had  tamed  no  ox,  I  had  ridden 
no  "bucking"  mustang,  that  I  should  be  illustrious  in  his 
eyes.  Why  this  change  ? 

He  seemed  to  be  poising  over  the  edge  of  some  terrible 
revelation  he  wished  to  make ;  and  yet  he  was  still  uncer 
tain  of  me,  and  he  would  sometimes  gaze  at  me  with  one 
long  and  hungry  look,  as  if  he  wished  to  penetrate  my 
heart  of  hearts.  While  we  strolled  along  beside  his  oxen, 
swinging  on  in  their  slow,  ponderous  gait,  he  would  talk 
in  a  monologue  for  half  an  hour,  in  a  kind  of  smiling, 
childish,  German  way,  telling  me  the  story  of  his  life, 
which  was,  like  that  of  most  Germans, — so  far  as  dis 
astrous  chances  and  moving  accidents  by  flood  and  field 
are  concerned, — as  insipid  and  colorless  as  can  well  be 
imagined.  Thus  would  he  talk  on,  and  talk  on,  and  on, 
until  he  seemed  suddenly  to  draw  near  some  frightful 
precipice,  some  hideous  chasm  in  his  memory  wherein  lay 
a  ghastly  secret,  when  he  would  shrink  back  appalled  and 
horrified,  glare  at  me  to  see  if  I  had  divined  his  soul, 
and  then  retreat  into  himself  and  become  gloomy  and 
morose. 

On  all  sides,  around  and  around,  he  had  passed  this 
hideous  secret  of  his  life,  leading  me  to  the  very  verge,  as 
if  to  point  it  out,  then  shrinking  back  with  a  shudder,  and 
with  a  strange  fierceness  which  scared  me.  It  seemed  as 
if,  having  conducted  me  almost  to  this  dreaded  and  mys 
terious  revelation,  he  were  about  to  slay  me  for  having  it 
in  my  possession. 

Ever  and  again  he  returned,  as  if  lured  by  some  fright- 


SAN  AN7ONE.  25  C 

ful  fascination,  and  circled  round  and  round  this  awful 
mystery,  until  at  last  the  dreaded  secret  would  out ;  with 
a  sudden  and  almost  frenzied  movement  he  stretched  out 
his  arm,  snatched  away  the  curtain,  and,  with  a  livid, 
deathly  face  and  a  quivering  finger,  pointed  out  to  me  a 
ghastly  corpse  I 

A  murderer ! 

I  stared  at  him  with  a  feeling  of  unfeigned  loathing  and 
repugnance  I  could  not  conceal.  But  he,  as  if  he  would 
destroy  me,  now  that  the  fatal  secret  was  in  my  posses 
sion,  turned  upon  me  in  an  instant  such  an  awful  glare  of 
those  blood-shot  eyes  as  made  my  blood  freeze.  In  a 
moment  I  penetrated  his  thought : 

"  Your  unaccustomed  kindness  has  bewitched  me,  until 
I  have  made  an  abject  fool  of  myself,  licked  the  dust  to 
you  for  sympathy,  and  absolutely  put  my  life  in  your  pos 
session.  Will  you  now  turn,  and  put  your  heel  on  me, 
like  everybody  else?" 

Then  it  was  that  there  seemed  to  me,  for  the  first  time 
in  all  my  experience,  to  be  some  meaning  in  that  phrase 
of  Thomson's,  "fierce  repentance."  By  every  possible 
means  I  endeavored  to  conceal  my  natural  dislike,  and 
make  him  understand  I  was  not  his  enemy.  But  he  re 
mained  for  a  long  time  gloomy  and  sullen,  and  I  heard 
him  sometimes  imprecate  the  most  awful  doom  upon  him 
self,  so  terrible  and  so  bitter  was  his  remorse.  Simple- 
minded  as  he  was,  he  seemed  to  be  astute  enough  to  sus 
pect  that  I  might  be  smoothing  matters  over  merely  out 
of  complaisance.  It  took  me  many  days  to  regain  his 
confidence.  He  was  not  a  cold-blooded  assassin,  and  had 
only  committed  the  deed  in  a  moment  of  frenzied  anger ; 
but  he  had  that  strange  capacity  for  self-torture  and  re 
morse  which  appears  to  be  characteristic  of  the  German 
nature,  and  which,  as  illustrated  in  the  character  of  Rig- 


252 


AV  THE    GREAT  WEST. 


olette  in  the  "  Mysteries  of  Paris,"  is  more  Teutonic  than 
Gallic. 

But  gradually  his  confidence  was  restored,  and,  as  it  re 
turned,  his  gratitude  became  unbounded.  To  me  it  was 
a  most  interesting  and  piteous  spectacle  to  witness  the 
struggles  of  that  grim  and  savage  nature  to  find  means  for 
expressing  his  grateful  feeling,  without  making  himself 
obnoxious  to  me  or  the  butt  of  ridicule  to  the  brutal  souls 
about  him.  Knowing  my  eagerness  to  learn  the  botany 
of  the  country,  he  would  make  wide  explorations  through 
the  perilous  chaparral  about  camp,  and  bring  me  rare 
specimens,  carefully  secreted  in  his  coat  lest  he  should 
make  himself  ridiculous  to  the  herdsmen.  He  would 
urge  me  to  walk  out,  and  then  he  would,  of  his  own 
motion,  scale  the  most  precipitous  and  dreadful  cliffs  to 
bring  me  mineral  contributions.  He  exhausted  all  his 
little  stock  of  knowledge  to  tell  me  the  popular  names  of 
flowers.  Once  he  came  to  camp  and  conducted  me, 
almost  with  the  triumph  and  elation  of  a  little  child,  to 
see  a  curious  clump  of  cactus ;  and  when  I  did  nqt  utter 
as  many  exclamations  of  wonder  as  he  had  expected,  he 
was  sadly  disappointed. 

When  we  were  recruiting  in  camp,  he  would  hasten  to 
finish  his  kitchen  business,  and  then  come  and  crawl  into 
the  tent  with  the  utmost  quietness,  when  I  was  writing, 
and  stretch  himself  close  beside  my  desk,  where  he  would 
lie  for  hours  together,  with  a  doglike  patience  and 
fidelity,  waiting  for  me  to  finish,  that  he  might  talk 
again. 

One  day,  after  our  larder  had  become  exceedingly 
skinny,  and  even  boiled  dried  apples  were  an  extrava 
gance  of  Sybaritic  luxury  which  we  scarcely  hoped  ever 
to  indulge  in  again,  the  cook  of  a  neighboring  mess 
boiled  some  of  that  luxurious  fruit,  and  brought  over  a 


SAN  ANTONE. 


253 


cupful  to  his  brother  potwolloper.  As  soon  as  he  was 
gone,  San  Antone  brought  the  boiled  dried  apples  into 
the  tent  where  I  was  writing,  and  not  a  mouthful  would 
the  poor  fellow  touch  until  he  had  compelled  me  to  mas- 
tic.ite  a  considerable  portion.  I  confess  this  simple  little 
act  touched  me  deeply. 

When  we  were  sitting  around  our  bivouac-fire  with  the 
other  members  of  the  mess,  he  was,  if  possible,  more 
savagely  boisterous  in  his  conduct  than  ever ;  but  the 
moment  he  was  alone  with  me,  his  voice  became  as  soft, 
and  his  manner  as  gentle,  as  a  woman's.  What  fascina 
tion  had  I  acquired  over  this  strange  and  terrible  nature  ? 
It  was  a  wonder  to  myself. 

It  was  in  Apache  Pass,  that  gloomy  and  horrible  pit, 
most  darkly  infamous  in  the  bloody  history  of  Arizona, 
where  San  Antone's  great  powers  were  fully  brought  to 
the  test,  and  where  he  displayed  the  most  fierce  and 
amazing  energy  that  is  possible  to  any  human  being. 
Nearly  all  the  wagons  had  to  be  drawn  up  with  doubled 
teams,  but  there  was  one  unwieldy  monster  which  eighteen 
great  oxen  of  Texas  failed  to  take  up  the  mountain. 
About  a  score  of  imbeciles  had  collected  around  them, 
mauling,  and  cursing,  and  yelling,  and  swinging  their 
arms,  and  jumping  up  and  down  like  a  number  of  crip 
pled  grasshoppers.  The  poor  brutes  were  lacerated  and 
terrified  ;  but  there  was  no  soul  in  all  those  drivers  which 
had  in  it  any  magnetism  of  power. 

Then  everybody  called  for  San  Antone.  He  was  re 
luctant  to  undertake  the  Herculean  task,  but  night  was 
coming  on  rapidly  in  that  great  horror  of  blackness  and 
massacre ;  nobody  knew  but  the  bloodshot  eyes  of  the 
Apaches  already  glared  down  upon  us  from  the  racked 
and  battered  crags,  waiting  for  nightfall  and  vengeance ; 
the  women  and  children  were  crying  with  terror,  as  night 

22 


254  IN  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

came  on ;  and  there  was  no  other  man  in  the  train,  no 
score  of  them  together,  who  could  take  that  wagon  up  the 
mountain. 

So  he  finally  consented,  and  came  down  into  the  ravine 
with  his  great  whip,  nearly  twenty  feet  long.  With  the 
savage  brusqueness  of  his  nature,  he  ordered  every  man  to 
stand  aside.  He  fetches  his  long  lash  round  and  round, 
ending  with  a  crack  which  leaps  among  the  lofty  mount 
ains  like  the  roar  of  a  rifle ;  and  all  the  yelling  and  flut 
tering  fools  fall  back  in  silence,  like  an  awe-stricken  mob. 
Every  voice  of  crying  woman  or  of  whooping  teamster  is 
hushed,  that  they  may  witness  the  mighty  struggle. 

He  speaks  one  strong  word.  The  oxen  know  their 
master.  They  bow  their  great  crooked  knees  to  the 
ground.  The  very  mountain  seems  to  tremble.  The 
wagon  moves.  Then  comes  peal  after  peal  of  cracks, 
like  a  rattling  volley  of  musketry;  but  above  all  rises 
that  deep,  terrible  voice.  The  oxen  fall — they  rise  again 
— they  sway  and  surge — they  crawl  on  bended  knees — 
their  eyes  start  from  their  sockets — they  falter — they 
stagger  slowly  backward.  A  moment  more,  and  they 
will  be  dashed  over  the  precipice  !  His  calm  is  gone ;  he 
becomes  like  a  fiend;  he  seems  in  all  places  at  every 
moment;  the  mere  terror  of  his  voice  and  the  rage  of  his 
presence  appall  them.  His  one  fierce  will  leaps  into  all 
those  huge  bodies,  and  quivers  along  all  those  mighty  mus 
cles.  They  recover — they  move  upward — they  are  saved  ! 

A  great  and  multitudinous  clamor  of  applause  bursts 
from  the  whole  train.  Ah  !  how  we  worship  power,  in 
whatever  shape  it  is  manifested  ! 

I  stood  alone  on  a  hill  to  witness  this  triumph  of  human 
will  over  brute  force,  and  I  confess  I  never  felt  more  ex 
ultant  enthusiasm  in  witnessing  the  most  fearful  and 
splendid  bursts  of  heaven's  artillery  on  the  prairies  of 


SAN  ANTONE.  255 

Texas.  Such  was  the  amazing  energy  of  that  man's 
presence !  The  few  stinging  lashes  he  gave  his  oxen 
were  not  for  a  moment  to  be  compared  with  the  infamous, 
brutal,  dead  mauling  of  the  imbeciles.  As  soon  as  he 
reached  the  top  of  the  ascent,  he  walked  modestly  away 
to  his  own  oxen — an  unconscious  hero,  worthy  to  be 
ranked  with  Wordsworth's  Benjamin.  With  that  worthy, 
he  could  well  say  to  his  oxen  : 

"  Yos,  without  me,  up  hills  so  high 
'Tis  vain  to  strive  for  mastery." 

But  I  think  Wordsworth  never  saw,  for  a  prototype  of 
his  Benjamin,  a  man  so  grand  in  his  rude  and  unconscious 
simplicity.  Xenophon,  in  the  "  Cyropaedia,"  draws  a 
pretty  comparison  between  the  horseman  and  the  states 
man  ;  and  I  think  there  was  in  San  Antone  the  making 
of  a  better  conduttore  of  states  than  in  many  a  politician. 

From  Apache  Pass  to  Tucson  the  journey  was  soon 
accomplished.  Several  times  I  had  declared  my  inten 
tion  of  leaving  the  intolerably  sluggish  train  at  that  city, 
to  venture  on  alone  and  more  rapidly,  across  the  desert 
swept  by  the  cruel  and  treacherous  Tonto  Apaches,  to 
the  Gila,  where  I  should  be  safe  in  the  Pima  villages. 
The  other  members  of  the  mess  made  demonstrative  and 
wordy  remonstrances,  and  tried  to  dissuade  me  from  an 
undertaking  which  they  could  only  consider  downright 
foolhardiness ;  but  whenever  the  subject  was  mentioned, 
San  Antone  would  say  nothing  whatever.  If  I  spoke  of 
it  when  we  were  alone,  his  voice  would  lower  in  an  in 
stant,  and  his  single  pleading  glance  and  the  few  subdued 
words  he  would  utter  were  more  eloquent  than  ten  thou 
sand  wordy  protestations  of  the  others. 

It  was  a  touching  thing  to  witness,  the  mute,  uncouth 


256  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

pleadings  of  this  savage  nature — so  all  unused  to  pleading 
and  so  unwonted  to  any  atmosphere  of  sympathetic  kind 
liness — to  detain  me  yet  a  little  longer.  So  precious  to 
him  seemed  to  be  the  few  kind  words  I  had  spoken,  and 
yet  so  awkward  was  it  for  this  untamed  boisterousness  to 
use  the  gentle  arts  of  persuasion.  Hfc  appeared  to  study 
how  to  make  his  manner  more  courteous  and  softened. 

When  he  came  to  awaken  me  in  the  morning,  he  would 
turn  down  a  little  corner  of  the  blanket  with  a  touch  as 
gentle  as  a  babe's,  then  speak  hardly  above  a  whisper, 
and  greet  my  opening  eyes  with  a  smile.  Sometimes  I 
feigned  to  be  in  a  deep  and  refreshing  slumber,  and  would 
watch  him  with  one  half-opened  eye.  He  would  come  up 
softly  on  tip-toe,  and  stand  looking  at  me,  then  stoop 
down  and  sit  motionless  beside  me  for  a  long  time,  as  if 
he  could  hardly  persuade  himself  to  disturb  me  at  all ; — 
so  wonderfully  tender  and  gentle  had  a  little  kindness 
rendered  this  broken-hearted  murderer,  who  toward  others, 
in  the  bitterness  of  his  despair,  was  so  ferocious  ! 

And  now,  after  we  had  recruited  and  refreshed  our 
selves  awhile  near  Tucson,  the  appointed  time  was  near 
at  hand  when  we  were  to  separate.  Many  and  many  a 
pleasant  summer  day,  through  perils  manifold  and  deadly, 
we  had  journeyed  together  across  the  great  globe,  and 
now  the  approaching  hour  of  parting  was  one  of  un 
feigned  sadness.  San  Antone  was  oppressed  and  gloomy 
even  more  than  ordinarily,  and,  but  for  his  obligation  to 
his  employer  in  this  hour  when  so  many  worthless  hire 
lings,  disgusted  and  appalled  with  the  -journey,  were 
deserting  and  leaving  the  train-owners  in  desperate  need, 
he  protested  he  would  keep  me  company.  He  saw  I  was 
in  first-rate  earnest  in  my  purpose,  but  he  tried  to  con 
vince  me  I  knew  nothing  of  the  infernal  Apaches  as  lie 
did ;  and  he  would  have  gone  along  for  what  I  believe  he 


SAN  ANTONE.  257 

would  have  counted  the  privilege  of  fighting  for  me,  if 
matters  came  to  a  pinch.  But  his  noble  sentiment  of  duty 
to  his  employer,  our  well-beloved  Tom,  in  this  time  of 
dastardly  desertions,  restrained  him. 

There  was  a  Mexican  fandango  in  Tucson  one  evening, 
which  several  of  our  mess  visited  out  of  curiosity,  San 
Antone  among  the  number.  But  he  was  gloomy  and  sad, 
amid  the  obstreperous  gayety,  keeping  near  me  all  the 
while  with  a  doglike  faithfulness.  He  was  so  unusually 
melancholy  with  the  remorse  he  could  not  shake  off,  that 
he  seemed  to  dread  lest  he  should  be  provoked  into  some 
deed  of  violence. 

The  wild  and  riotous  dancing  went  on  almost  without 
interruption,  to  the  soft,  voluptuous  tinkle  of  the  light 
guitar,  until  late  in  the  night.  It  was  a  long,  low,  stone- 
floored  room,  with  benches  around  the  sides,  dimly  lighted 
with  tallow  dips,  which  cast  a  sickly  yellow  glare  around, 
gleaming  now  and  then  on  the  polished  pistol-butts,  and 
turning  the  creamy  complexions  of  the  gaudily-dressed 
Mexican  girls  to  the  ghastly  waxiness  of  a  corpse.  Occa 
sionally  the  couples  retired  for  refreshments  into  a  con 
tiguous  room,  half  grocery,  half  groggery,  where  men 
and  maidens  partook  together  of  candy,  villainous  wine, 
or  more  villainous  mescal. 

Among  the  dancers  there  was  one  particularly  low 
browed  villain  of  a  peon,  short  in  stature,  and  almost  as 
dark-skinned  as  a  negro.  He  wore  a  United  States  army 
coat,  dungaree  trousers,  and  carried  two  revolvers  and  a 
murderous-looking  snickersnee  in  his  girdle.  He  was 
flushed  and  wild  from  frequent  potations  of  the  fiery 
mescal,  and  whenever  one  of  the  hated  Americans  joined 
in  the  dance,  he  scowled  fiercely.  He  was  said  to  have 
had  a  bloody  affray  with  one  recently,  and  he  was  only 
waiting  for  an  opportunity  to  wreak  a  cowardly,  vicarious 


258  IN   THE    GREAT   WEST. 

revenge  on  the  first  one  of  the  meddlesome  race  who 
might  cross  his  pathway. 

According  to  the  usual  custom  of  these  rude  orgies, 
whenever  a  man  wished  to  invite  a  partner  for  the  dance, 
he  had  only  to  advance  into  the  middle  of  the  floor  and 
beckon  to  her,  no  matter  how  limited  might  be  his  ac 
quaintance.  She  would  accept  or  decline  without  further 
ceremony. 

Few  Americans,  and  none  of  our  mess,  joined  in  the 
barbarous  revels,  for  all  the  Mexicans  were  jealous.  At 
length,  just  as  we  were  about  to  go  home  to  camp,  this 
peon  came  out  with  a  partner  from  the  dance-room,  half 
staggered  up  to  the  counter,  violently  slapped  the  same 
with  his  hand,  and  demanded  more  candy  and  mescal. 
They  both  drank,  and  then  started  to  return.  I  happened 
to  be  standing  near  them,  and  stepped  away  to  avoid 
coming  in  collision  with  the  fellow.  The  space  was 
narrow  among  the  barley-sacks  and  the  barrels,  and  it  so 
fell  out  that  I  stepped  on  the  trailing  dress  of  his  partner. 
She  turned  about  and  gave  me  an  angry  glance.  I  said, 
"Perdon,  senorita  /"  and  bowed  an  apology.  But  the 
cramped  position  I  was  standing  in  caused  it  to  appear, 
probably,  that  I  was  soliciting  her  company  for  the  next 
waltz. 

The  peon  heard  my  words,  turned  and  saw  me  bowing, 
saw  that  the  woman  was  giving  her  attention  to  me,  and, 
not  knowing  the  real  cause,  evidently  supposed  I  was  about 
to  interfere  and  entice  away  his  partner.  This  was  his 
opportunity.  In  an  instant,  and  without  a  word,  he  drew 
his  revolver  and  made  a  lunge. 

San  Antone  was  standing  on  the  other  side  of  the  heap 
of  barley-sacks  which  prevented  me  from  escaping,  and 
had  seen  and  heard  everything,  for  the  faithful  fellow  had 
scarcely  let  his  eyes  wander  from  me  for  a  moment.  With 


SAAT  ANTONE.  259 

the  agility  of  a  tiger  he  vaulted  over  the  barley-heap, 
knocking  over  a  Mexican,  who  in  turn  stumbled  against 
and  threw  down  the  unfortunate  girl.  He  could  not 
possibly  reach  the  peon  before  he  fired.  He  saw  it ;  he 
saw  all  in  an  instant ;  with  one  sweep  of  his  powerful 
arm  he  thrust  me  behind  him  as  if  I  had  been  a  child. 

The  deadly  report  of  the  pistol  crashed  in  the  close, 
stifling  room.  There  was  no  echo  in  the  reeking  air,  but 
a  dull,  deep  thud,  followed  by  a  moment  of  awful  silence. 
Then  came  a  low  moan  from  poor  San  Antone,  and  he 
slowly  staggered  backward  against  me,  and  fell  to  the 
floor.  The  proud  soul  of  the  man,  though  he  was  stricken 
unto  death,  yet  disdained  to  fall  prone  before  the  base 
Mexican,  and  he  convulsively  clutched  a  barley-sack,  but 
dragged  it  over  on  him,  as  he  fell. 

The  Mexican  was  instantly  seized. 

We  carried  San  Antone  out  into  the  cool,  sweet  air, 
and  laid  him  gently  down  where  the  bright  moon  and 
the  stars  looked  down  upon  him  in  pitying  tenderness 
from  heaven — that  calm,  grand  face  of  Nature,  so  sooth 
ing,  and  so  full  of  the  sadness  of  an  infinite  compassion. 
The  life  of  his  life  was  swiftly  throbbing  away  in  a  great 
crimson  current.  But  after  that  first  low  moan  of  mortal 
agony,  he  disdained  to  utter  a  complaint.  Some  brandy 
was  hastily  brought,  and  I  knelt  down  beside  him. 

"San  Antone,  my  brave  fellow,  do  you  remember  the 
dried  apples?  Can  you  taste  a  little  of  this?" 

He  looked  at  me,  and  tried  to  smile.  He  remembered. 
Then  he  thought  of  his  little  spotted  monkeys,  his  lead 
ers,  around  whose  necks  he  had  so  often  put  his  arms  and 
caressed  them,  after  they  had  tugged  hard  up  the  hill. 
He  feebly  whispered  : 

"  Don't  let  them  kill  my  little  Spot  and  Ball.  My  poor 
little  monkeys !" 


260  IN  THE   GREAT  WEST. 

I  bowed  down  my  head  over  this  dying  murderer,  who 
had  given  his  life  for  mine,  and  my  tears  fell  thick  and 
fast.  He  thought  not  of  himself.  He  thought  of  his 
"little  monkeys."  They  had  been  kinder  to  him  than 
his  fellows.  No  more,  in  the  bitter,  bitter  despair  of  his 
remorse,  should  he  go  out,  and,  looking  in  their  large, 
mild  eyes,  find  that  kindliness  he  had  sought  in  vain  among 
men. 

He  lingered  but  a  little  while.  His  mind  wandered 
away  in  a  delirium.  Seeing  his  lips  move,  I  bent  down 
and  caught  these  words,  muttered  in  his  mother  tongue : 

"  Dort  ist  Ruhe." 

"Yonder  is  rest." 

Was  he  thinking  of  his  far-off  home  in  Texas  ?  or  were 
his  thoughts  at  that  moment  following  his  fast-glazing 
eyes,  and  roving  among  the  stars  ? 

There  came  a  sharp,  quick  shudder,  and  San  Antone 
was  dead. 


PIMO   LEGEND   OF   MONTEZUMA. 

Let  us  welcome,  then,  the  strangers, 
Hail  them  as  our  friends  and  brothers, 
And  the  heart's  right  hand  of  friendship 
Give  them  when  they  come  to  see  us. 
Gitche  Manito,  the  Mighty, 
Said  this  to  me  in  my  vision. 

LONGFELLOW. 

JT  was  when  the  Casa  Grande  still  lifted  up  its  mud- 
built  walls  beside  the  waters  of  the  sacred  Gila.  It 
was  when  the  seven  cities  of  Cibola  were  still  full  of  war 
riors,  strong  to  twank  the  arrow,  and  of  the  glories  and 
the  riches  of  many  wars,  turquoises,  and  emeralds,  and 
many  precious  stones,  with  jewels  of  copper,  and  knives 
of  obsidian.  All  their  streets  and  market-places  were  still 
full  of  spinning- women  ;  and  these  had  gourds,  and  earthen 
vessels,  and  plenty  of  maize  and  of  melons,  beans  of  mes- 
quite,  and  painted  cloths  of  manta. 

Far  toward  the  rising  Sun,  a  great  king  ruled  without 
dispute  over  mighty  plains  and  sandy  heaths,  smooth  and 
wearisome,  and  bare  of  wood,  covered  all  over  with  herds 
of  crook-backed  oxen,  swift  and  fierce.  Toward  the 
setting  Sun,  beyond  the  great  Colorado,  King  Tartarrax 
ruled  over  the  pleasant  and  sunny  land  of  Quivera,  with 
yellow  valleys,  and  purple  hills  full  of  gold.  The  Colo 
rado  still  rolled  down  his  wide  waters  to  the  sea,  unvexed 
by  any  keel  of  the  Palefaces ;  and  the  banks  of  our  own 
river  were  still  untrodden  by  any  of  their  destroying  bands 
of  braves,  or  of  their  ancient  and  black-robed  Fathers, 

(261) 


262  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

who  came  to  take  away  peace  forever  from  our  sacred 
country,  Aztlan. 

It  was  when  our  strong  young  braves  still  wooed  their 
dark-eyed  maidens,  and  walked  in  purity  beneath  the 
shadow  of  the  cottonwoods,  naked,  and  were  not  ashamed ; 
before  the  unclean  and  guilty  Paleface  had  taught  them  to 
covet  those  blood-colored  garments  which  are  abominable 
unto  mine  eyes.  All  yet  was  peace,  sweet  peace,  within 
the  borders  of  our  sacred  country,  Aztlan  ;  but  our  young 
braves  triumphed  over  all  her  enemies  round  about,  and 
the  Moquis  brought  us  tribute  of  wolf-skins,  and  the  ter 
rible  Apaches  humbly  bought  our  maize  for  the  gold  of 
their  mountains.  We  drank  the  blood  of  the  savage 
Yumas,  and  braided  their  long  hair  into  bow-strings ;  and 
there  was  no  deceitful  Paleface  to  interfere.  There  was 
then  no  murrain  in  our  flocks,  no  blight  or  mildew  in 
our  fields,  and  no  fire-water  in  our  wigwams.  Our  women 
were  pure  yet  from  the  hated  touch  of  the  Paleface,  and 
our  papooses  toddled  in  and  out  our  doors,  with  faces 
clear  of  those  horrible  cankers  which  they  bear  now  for 
the  sins  of  their  fallen  mothers. 

When  you  stand  with  your  face  toward  the  rising  Sun, 
and  point  with  your  right  hand,  far  off  in  that  direction 
ruled  our  Great  Father,  Montezuma,  in  his  city  Tenoch- 
titlan,  over  all  the  land  from  the  sunrise-  to  the  sunset- 
waters.  We  had  silver  like  rice,  and  gold  like  heaps  of 
yellow  corn,  brought  from  the  land  beyond  the  Colorado, 
the  land  of  Quivera;  but  we  gladly  gave  it  all  to  our 
Great  Father. 

In  those  days  there  came  to  our  fathers  a  story,  floating 
on  the  wind,  that  a  band  of  the  braves  of  the  Palefaces, 
with  certain  of  their  ancient  and  black-robed  Fathers, 
were  coming  from  the  city  of  our  Great  Father,  to  visit 
sacred  Aztlan.  And  the  hearts  of  our  fathers  were  filled 


PIMO   LEGEND    OF  MONTEZUMA.  263 

with  joy ;  and  they  were  moved  to  propose  a  feast  of  wel 
come  to  those  who  were  coming  so  great  a  distance  to 
visit  them.  Our  chief  and  all  the  young  chiefs  assembled 
together,  that  they  might  devise  how  best  to  give  them 
welcome. 

And,  before  many  days,  there  came  one  of  the  Pimos, 
running  and  catching  his  breath,  and  said  the  Palefaces 
were  coming.  There  was  a  little  company  of  braves, 
bearing  muskets  and  lances;  and  they  came  with  great 
pomp,  and  many  horses,  and  strange  and  wonderful  music 
of  silver  reeds,  and  having  upon  their  heads  coverings,  as 
it  were,  of  rubbed  and  shining  gold.  Before  them  rode 
their  chief,  with  a  great  knife,  long  and  dazzling,  and  his 
horse  wheeled  this  way  and  that  way;  and  behind,  sitting 
upon  asses,  were  the  ancient  and  black-robed  Fathers, 
who  bore  crosses  of  mahogany  wood,  and  chanted  with 
loud  voices. 

Then  our  chief  and  all  the  young  chiefs  made  haste, 
and  went  out  to  welcome  the  Palefaces.  They  gave  them 
water  to  drink  in  gourds,  and  ripe  pears  of  the  cactus, 
blood-hearted,  and  very  cool  to  the  traveler.  They  also 
brought  them  to  sit  under  shady  arbors,  and  gave  them 
whatever  things  else,  either  pleasant  to  eat  or  to  drink, 
were  in  their  village ;  for  our  fathers  rejoiced  greatly  at 
their  coming.  And  the  Palefaces  ate,  and  drank,  and 
talked  with  them.  Last  of  all  our  chief  talked  with  one 
of  the  black-robed  Fathers,  but  his  words  were  interpreted 
by  another.  Yet  they  spake  not  well  together,  but  were 
of  different  minds.  And  it  came  about  that  the  black- 
robed  Father  said  to  our  chief: 

"  Dost  thou  believe  on  God  ?" 

"Yea,  my  brother,"  said  our  chief;  "we  believe  in 
God,  even  the  Great  Spirit,  from  whom  we  have  our 
spirits,  and  our  sacred  country,  Aztlan." 


264  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

"But  thy  god  is  a  heathen  god,  and  we  account  him 
less  than  nothing,  and  as  a  delusion  and  a  snare." 

"  We  know  not,  brother,  if  he  be  a  heathen  god,  nor 
yet  what  heathen  may  be.  We  only  know  he  is  very 
kind  unto  us,  and  gave  us  our  Great  Mother,  Aztlan,  to 
nourish  us,  and  all  these  shady  trees,  and  the  sacred  Gila 
for  water." 

"But  thy  god  cannot  save  thy  soul  from  hell  when 
thou  diest." 

"Tell  me,  what  is  hell,  brother?  Our  prophets  and 
medicine-men  have  spoken  nothing  of  it  at  any  time. 
Hell  may  have  terrors  for  the  Paleface,  if  his  God  made 
it ;  but,  for  the  Pimo,  none.  If  thy  God  be  not  able  to 
save  all  from  hell,  but  only  a  portion,  as  thou  sayest,  then 
Aztitli  pities  the  Paleface. 

"  We  believe  that  every  Pimo,  when  he  dies,  is  carried 
to  the  banks  of  the  great  and  rapid  Colorado  \  and  that 
the  spirit  of  every  brave  then  takes  up  its  habitation  in 
some  green  and  mighty  tree  which  waves  upon  his  banks, 
or  stands  upon  the  lofty  mountains  which  he  washes. 
The  spirit  of  every  squaw  is  carried  into  one  of  the  clouds, 
those  silvery,  golden,  and  rosy  clouds  thou  seest  yonder. 
He  who  was  bravest  in  this  life,  and  slew  fierce  and  many 
enemies,  shall  dwell  in  the  loftiest  tree,  which  waves  in 
the  sweet  air  the  Great  Spirit  hath  made,  and  lifts  up  its 
head  proudly  toward  the  Sun,  and  holds  converse  with 
the  spirits  of  the  clouds  that  settle  round  his  head.  But 
he  whose  soul  was  base,  and  whose  life  was  a  shame,  shall 
inhabit  the  lowest  tree,  which  dwells  down  in  perpetual 
darkness  and  dampness,  never  beholding  the  Sun,  or  the 
golden  clouds,  or  the  sweet  light  of  heaven.  The  clouds 
shall  never  settle  fondly  round  his  head." 

"Ah,  vain  and  babbling  Pagan  !  What  can  all  these 
thy  wicked  and  idle  imaginings  avail  thee  against  an 


PIMO  LEGEND    OF  MONTEZUMA.  265 

offended  and  consuming  God  ?  Fall  down  humbly  upon 
thy  knees,  and  beseech  the  Holy  Virgin,  Mother  of  God, 
to  intercede  with  her  Son  for  thee,  that  the  abounding 
efficacy  of  his  death  upon  the  cross  may  be  applied  to 
save  thee  from  the  wrath  to  come." 

"Nay,  my  brother,  hear  me  yet.  Is  not  the  Great 
Spirit  very  good  toward  the  Pimos?  Thou  hast  not 
shown  me  that  thy  God  is  any  better.  When  our  squaws 
cast  seed  into  the  ground,  behold,  does  it  not  sprout? 
Does  the  sacred  Gila  ever  forget  his  appointed  floods? 
Does  not  our  maize  blossom  in  our  fields,  and  bring  milk 
in  the  husk,  arid  after  that  the  yellow  ear?  When  have 
our  squaws  been  stricken  down  in  time  of  harvest,  or 
given  up  their  lives  to  black  death  upon  their  childbeds  ? 
Does  not  the  Sun  shine  gloriously  here,  as  in  the  country 
whence  thou  comest?  And,  indeed,  I  know  not  whether 
the  same  Sun  shines  upon  thy  fields,  or  whether  thou  hast 
any  Sun  ;  else  wouldst  thou  be  of  a  stronger  color.  Thou 
seemest  to  me  altogether  bloodless,  and  as  a  plant  growing 
beneath  a  tree." 

When  he  did  not,  therefore,  bow  himself  before  the 
cross,  but  rather  stood  up  the  more  stiffly,  and  did  not 
humble  his  neck,  the  black-robed  Father  drew  near,  and 
smote  him  with  his  hand  full  upon  the  forehead. 

"Thou  infidel  dog  !" 'cried  he,  "  thy  god  has  not  even 
a  name,  nor  yet  any  habitation  ;  and  thou  darest  set  him 
above  the  Holy  Virgin  and  the  Almighty  Maker  of  heaven 
and  earth  !" 

Then  there  arose  a  great  uproar  in  the  village,  and  the 
young  braves  of  the  Pimos  would  have  slain  the  braves 
of  the  Palefaces,  and  not  left  one  of  them  remaining  upon 
the  earth.  But  the  thing  which  the  black-robed  Father 
had  done  was  displeasing  to  the  chief  of  the  Palefaces, 


266  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

and  he  rebuked  him,  and  appeased  the  Pimos,  and  there 
was  peace  again  in  the  village. 

After  that  the  band  of  the  Palefaces  visited  all  the  lands 
of  sacred  Aztlan,  and  were  well  pleased  with  them,  and 
remained  many  days.  Many  feasts  did  they  eat,  feasts 
of  cakes  of  maize,  with  calabashes  of  yellow  whey,  and 
fat  beans  of  mesquitc,  and  rich,  roasted  bulbs  of  mescal, 
with  curds,  and  gourds  of  pinole,  sweet  and  good  with 
sugar  of  maguey,  and  gourds  of  pulque,  and  blood-hearted 
pears  of  the  cactus.  And  the  dark-eyed  daughters  of  the 
Pimos  ministered  unto  them,  and  brought  them  clay  to 
anoint  their  heads,  and  mats,  and  they  'danced  before 
them. 

Now,  it  came  about  that  a  maiden  of  the  Pimos  loved 
a  young  brave  of  the  Palefaces,  and  was  loved  by  him 
again.  But  the  laws  of  the  Pimos,  in  those  days,  guarded 
their  women  straitly,  that  they  should  not  be  given  in 
marriage  to  strangers ;  and  the  maiden  sighed  within  her 
for  the  love  she  had  to  the  Paleface,  but  she  dared  not 
make  it  known  to  her  tribe.  But  when  she  could  no 
longer  conceal  how  it  was  with  her,  the  Palefaces  had 
already  gone  three  days'  march  from  sacred  Aztlan. 
Then  they  used  upon  her  all  the  awful  tortures  wherewith 
the  Pimos  of  old  were  wont  to  punish  a  woman  guilty  of 
adultery,  and  commanded  her  to  give  the  name  of  her 
betrayer ;  but  when  she  continually  refused,  the  tortures 
were  made  double,  and  again  double,  until  the  breath 
went  out  from  her  body;  but  she  uttered  never  a  word 
nor  cried  aloud.  But  when  the  babe  was  ripped  from  the 
womb,  the  doer  of  this  horrible  deceit  was  discovered. 

Then  straightway  a  band  of  young  braves,  led  by  the 
maiden's  brother,  went  forth  with  all  haste,  and,  at  the 
end  of  the  second  day,  they  came  to  the  camp  of  the 
Palefaces.  When  they  demanded  the  man,  at  first  the 


PIMO   LEGEND    OF  MONTEZUMA.  267 

chief  of  the  band  refused  to  send  him  forth  •  but  when 
he  saw  that  the  Pimos  were  more  numerous  than  they, 
and  were  greatly  more  fierce  in  their  countenances  than 
was  their  wont,  he  consented,  and  yielded  up  the 
seducer. 

Then  it  came  about,  when  they  were  even  commencing 
their  tortures  upon  him,  that  there  came  a  strong  and 
swift  rushing,  like  that  of  a  mighty  wind  from  the  desert ; 
and  there  appeared  unto  the  Pimos  a  glorious  and  fearful 
figure,  shining  as  an  angel  from  heaven,  that  stopped  and 
stood  still  above  the  sacred  Gila.  Yet  was  he  not  young, 
like  an  angel,  but  ancient,  and  his  hair  was  long  upon  his 
shoulders,  and  sad  was  his  visage.  Upon  his  head  there  was 
a  panache  of  green  plumes,  and  his  robe  glittered  with 
emeralds  and  chalchivitl,  and  was  bound  with  a  golden 
girdle,  and  the  soles  of  his  sandals  were  as  of  burnished 
gold.  Then  this  figure  stood,  and  lifted  his  hand  slowly 
toward  the  setting  Sun,  and  began  to  speak  unto  the 
Pimos;  and  at  the  sound  of  his  words,  the  souls  of 
the  Pimos  became  as  water  for  terror,  and  they  fell 
upon  their  faces  to  the  ground : 

"  O  Pimos !  O  my  children !  I  am  your  Great 
Father,  Montezuma.  Lift  not  up  your  hands  to  slay  the 
Paleface. 

11  Even  now  I  ascend  up  from  the  city  of  my  people, 
the  great  city  Tenochtitlan,  unto  the  bosom  of  the  Sun.* 
Into  this,  the  city  of  my  people,  are  the  Palefaces  come, 
and  rule  in  it  supreme ;  and  the  ancient  monarchy  of  the 
Nahuatlecas,  the  kingdom  of  the  Seven  Peoples,  is  for 
ever  overthrown.  At  the  first,  I  prayed  with  strong  cry 
ing  and  agony  unto  our  great  god,  Mexitli,  the  God  of 

*  The  reader  of  Aztec  history  will  detect  the  anachronisms  of  the 
egend. 


268  fN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

Battles,  for  mine  armies,  that  he  would  send  them  victory  • 
but  he  gave  them  defeat.  Nevertheless,  my  hope  was  not 
cast  down,  even  as  the  mystic  cactus,  when  it  is  cut  down 
to  the  ground,  dieth  not,  nor  withereth. 

"  Then,  on  a  time,  there  came  upon  me  a  troubled  and 
fitful  sleep,  and  I  dreamed.  There  stood  before  me  seven 
men  of  noble  mien  and  stature, — the  first  an  Azteca, — one 
for  each  of  the  Seven  Peoples,  the  Nahuatlecas,  who  ruled 
in  the  land  to  the  borders  of  flowery  Cholulu.  But,  while 
I  was  looking,  there  came  a  Paleface,  and  touched  the 
Seven,  and  they  vanished  utterly,  insomuch  that  half 
their  names  were  forgotten  on  earth.  Then  I  cried  aloud, 
in  my  grief  for  my  beloved  Aztecas,  and  for  all  the  Seven 
Peoples,  and  awoke.  But,  when  I  slept  again,  behold, 
the  Paleface  was  no  longer  the  same,  but  his  face  was 
changed,  like  unto  my  people.  And,  when  I  looked  yet 
another  time,  the  Seven  were  there  whom  I  beheld  at  the 
first,  and  the  Paleface  was  one  of  them,  and  half  of  them 
bore  his  names. 

"When  I  awoke,  and  mine  eyes  were  opened,  and  I 
saw  clearly  the  meaning  of  the  vision,  I  commanded  mine 
armies,  and  said  unto  them,  '  Make  no  longer  war  against 
the  Paleface,  for  ye  shall  not  prosper,  for  ye  are  of  one 
blood  with  him.'  But  they  would  not  hearken.  They 
stopped  their  ears ;  they  ran  upon  me ;  they  stoned  me 
with  stones,  for  their  hatred  to  the  Paleface.  I  was  a 
friend  to  him,  and  for  that  I  died  at  the  hands  of  mine 
own  people ;  and  even  now  I  ascend  up  into  the  bosom 
of  the  sacred  Sun. 

"  Ye  and  the  Paleface  have  one  God,  the  God  by  whom 
we  live,  omnipresent,  who  knoweth  all  thoughts,  and 
giveth  all  gifts,  without  whom  man  is  as  nothing.  Ye 
have  one  God  ;  yet  your  lives  are  given  to  contention. 

"  O    Pimos !     O    my  unhappy  children  !     Mine    eyes 


PIMO   LEGEND    OF  MONTEZUMA.  269 

are  filled  with  tears  for  you,  when  they  see  the  things 
which  ye  shall  suffer  before  ye  shall  come  to  me  at  the 
last.  The  Paleface  is  great,  he  is  proud,  he  is  strong. 
Ye  are  weak,  ye  see  not  far,  ye  are  vindictive.  He  can 
not  stoop  to  you.  He  does  you  wrong ;  and  ye,  in  your 
littleness,  avenge  yourselves  twofold ;  and  then  he  makes 
no  ending  but  with  your  death. 

"O  Pimos  !  O  my  unhappy  children  !  My  heart  is 
filled  with  bitter  grief  for  you,  when  it  remembers  the 
things  which  ye  shall  yet  suffer.  Each  circling  year, 
when  I  look  down  upon  you  from  the  bosom  of  the  gor 
geous  Sun,  I  shall  see  your  little  tribe  grow  less.  Ye  are 
dearer  to  me  even  than  they  of  the  city  of  my  people, 
the  great  city  Tenochtitlan,  because  ye  left  not  sacred 
Aztlan.  But  make  no  longer  war  against  the  Paleface. 
Remember  what  our  holy  men  have  said  :  « Keep  peace 
with  all ;  bear  injuries  with  humility ;  God,  who  sees,  will 
avenge  you.'  So  long  as  the  sacred  Gila  rolls  down  his 
waters  toward  the  All-mother  of  Oceans,  so  long  shall 
God  watch  over  you  in  heaven,  and  so  long  shall  ye  have, 
in  your  Great  Father,  an  advocate  to  plead  for  your 
weakness  and  your  littleness.  Be  ye  steadfast.  The 
trees  which  ye  see  on  yonder  desert  take  no  root,  and 
are  beaten  and  broken  in  every  wind ;  but  behold  the 
lordly  pitahaya,  which  sends  down  his  roots  deep,  and 
makes  the  desert  glorious  with  his  sap  and  his  greenness, 

"And  when,  at  the  last,  your  sufferings  are  too  great 
for  you,  I  will  come  to  you  in  the  chariot  of  the  rising 
Sun,  and  ye  shall  be  delivered  from  your  sorrows.  In 
the  bosom  of  the  gorgeous  Sun  there  are  many  abodes, 
and  thither  shall  ye  come  to  me  at  the  last.  There  shall 
your  souls  enter  into  the  shining  clouds,  which  float  alway 
before  God  in  Paradise,  and  into  the  singing-birds  which 
dwell  there.  There  shall  ye  see  also  the  Paleface, 


270 


AV   THE    GREAT   WEST. 


"O  Pimos  !  O  my  children!  hearken  well  unto  the 
words  which  I  speak.  When  the  evil  days  come  upon 
you,  ye  shall  certainly  look  for  my  coming  in  the  chariot 
of  the  rising  Sun,  and  set  a  watchman  to  watch  for  every 
village.  Let  the  doors  of  your  wigwams  look  toward  the 
morning,  and  let  them  never  be  closed,  for  sad  will  it  be 
with  that  one  who  shall  not  be  ready  at  my  coming." 

When  he  finished  speaking,  the  Sun  was  setting,  as  you 
see  yonder  now ;  and  the  Pimos  heard  a  strong  rushing, 
as  at  the  first,  and  when  they  looked  up,  they  beheld  a 
swift  and  shadowy  figure,  which  winged  its  way  toward 
the  setting  Sun.* 

******* 

As  old  Miliano  concluded,  in  his  broken  Spanish,  the 
story,  of  which  the  above  is  a  somewhat  embellished  trans 
lation,  the  sun  was  setting.  While  we  sat  beneath  the 
mesquitc  bush,  the  sky  had  clouded  over,  and  just  then 
there  fell  a  little  shower  between  us  and  the  sun.  The 
falling  luminary  looked  through  a  chink  in  the  clouds, 
and,  shining  through  the  wonderful  tropic  atmosphere  of 
Arizona,  turned  all  that  rain  into  dropping  blood.  Then 
the  river  Gila,  with  its  long  and  winding  thread  of  green, 
and  those  immeasurable,  deadened  plains,  so  strangely 
dotted  with  the  gorgeous  emerald  shafts  of  the  pitahaya, 
and  all  the  encompassing  mountains,  were,  for  the  space 
of  two  or  three  minutes,  red-lighted  with  an  imposing  and 


*  I  care  not  to  argue  whether  the  Pimos  are,  or  are  not,  of  Aztec  descent. 
It  is  sufficient  for  my  purposes  that  they  believe  they  are,  and  are  looking 
for  the  second  coming  of  Montezuma,  and  invariably  make  their  doors 
open  to  the  east,  as  I  have  abundantly  seen  for  myself.  Torquemada 
asserted  they  were  Aztec;  Coronado  believed  it;  Pedro  Font  believed  it; 
but  Mr.  Bartlett  rejects  the  theory  on  linguistic  grounds.  I  do  not  know 
how  thorough  was  his  examination ;  but  he  does  not  appear  to  have 
learned  that  they  look  for  the  second  coming  of  Montezuma,  nor  to 
have  noticed  the  singular  fact  respecting  their  doors. 


PIMO  LEGEND    OF  MONTEZUMA.  2yi 

lurid  grandeur,  as  if  an  angel,  great  and  glorious  with  the 
radiance  of  Paradise,  swung  already  in  the  heavens  the 
flaming  firebrand  of  doom. 

For  several  minutes  we  sat  beneath  the  mesquite,  con 
templating  in  silence  a  scene  which  seemed  to  me  like  a 
prelude  to  the  ushering  in  of  eternity.'  I  looked  at  old 
Miliano.  Could  it  be,  perhaps,  that  the  soul  of  the  old 
man,  weary  and  sick  with  watching  for  the  coming  of 
Montezuma,  was  exulting  in  the  belief  that  to-morrow's 
sun  would  bring  him  sweet  release  ?  Alas,  I  trow  not ; 
for  presently  he  wreathed  his  skinny  face  into  a  most  ex 
quisitely  hideous  smile,  held  out  his  hand,  and  asked  for 
a  piece  of  tobacco.  For  once  in  my  life,  I  sincerely 
regretted  that  I  did  not  use  the  insane  weed,  for  I  should 
have  given  him  all  I  possessed. 

Then  I  arose,  musing,  and  walked  on  alone  down  my 
long  way  westward.  O  too  credulous  and  superstitious 
Pimo  !  by  your  constancy  you  rebuke  the  Paleface.  But 
sad  would  be  the  face  of  Montezuma,  if  he  came.  You 
once  were  happy.  Who  brought  you  this  your  ceaseless 
dull  pain,  and  your  unrest  and  vague  groping,  and  your 
despair?  In  the  very  presence  of  the  Paleface,  though  you 
welcome  him,  you  can  see  nothing  but  a  monitor  of  swift- 
hastening  annihilation. 

As  I  passed  through  the  last  village,  the  inhabitants 
were  sitting  beneath  their  rude  bush-arbors  to  take  the 
breeze  of  the  evening.  Many  of  them  had  painted 
streaks  of  red  ochre  beneath  their  eyes,  so  that  they 
seemed  to  weep  incessantly  tears  of  blood.  Never  can  I 
forget  the  dull  and  stolid  sorrow  with  which  those  big 
black  faces — descended  from  a  once  mighty  race,  ancient, 
perhaps,  already  when  the  Old  World  was  young,  but 
touched  now  by  the  thickening  miseries  and  the  melan 
choly  of  their  impending  and  relentless  doom  with  yet 


272  IN   THE    GREAT   WEST. 

sadder  and  darker  lineaments — looked  out  upon  a  restless 
wanderer,  sprung  from  a  race  which  the  wind  blew  yes 
terday  over  the  sea ;  straying  from  the  far-off  East  to 
molest  with  questions  their  ancient  solitary  customs  and 
their  immutability. 

Not  far  distant,  on  the  desert  of  Gila  Bend,  I  passed 
within  sight  of  Montezuma's  Face.  On  the  summit  of  a 
naked  and  wind-swept  sierra,  sculptured  by  Nature  in 
the  red  granitic  porphyry,  that  reclining  face  of  the 
Great  Father,  unchangeable  through  wind,  and  tempest, 
and  burning  heat,  and  earthquake,  sleeps  on  with  the 
same  sad,  earnest,  and  tranquil  mien,  year  after  year, 
through  these  centuries  of  oppression  and  wrong,  un 
moved  by  the  dying  shriek  of  Pimo,  or  Apache,  or  Pale 
face,  as  they  fall  on  the  burning  plain  beneath  him,  be 
cause  the  fullness  of  time  is  not  yet  come  when  he  shall 
awaken  for  the  delivery  of  his  waiting  children. 


TOM   AND    HIS   WIFE. 

EARLY    DOMESTIC   LIFE    IN   CALIFORNIA. 

As  through  the  land  at  eve  we  went, 

And  plucked  the  ripened  ears, 
We  fell  out,  my  wife  and  I, 
We  fell  out,  I  know  not  why, 

And  kissed  again  with  tears. 

TENNYSON. 

TOM  CULVER  married  simply  because  he  was  des 
perate.  He  had  loved  a  fisherman's  daughter  in 
Maine,  but  his  mother  was  one  of  those  inscrutably  ab 
surd  women  who  believe  their  children  marry,  not  for 
themselves,  but  for  them ;  and  she  decreed  that  Mary 
Milman  was  "beneath  her  son,"  and  surreptitiously  in 
tercepted  their  letters  until  they  became  estranged,  and 
one  night  the  heart-broken  girl  threw  herself  from  a  cliff 
into  the  ocean.  But  at  length  Tom  discovered  the  per 
fidy  of  his  mother,  and,  with  despair  and  bitterness  rank 
ling  in  his  soul,  he  left  her  without  a  word  of  farewell, 
and  sought  that  congenial  refuge  of  broken  hopes  and 
embittered  lives,  the  sunny,  the  wild,  the  all-forgetting 
California. 

There,  after  long  and  aimless  wanderings  among  the 
placers,  he  found,  in  Sacramento,  Annie  Donovan,  a 
proud,  willful,  petted  servant-girl.  She  was  not  beautiful, 
but  she  was  vivacious  in  repartee,  and  to  Tom  Culver,  in 
the  blind  and  maddened  bitterness  of  his  despair,  there 
was  something  unaccountably  fascinating  in  the  scorn 
which  flashed  in  the  black  eyes  and  kindled  the  bloodless 
cheeks  of  this  haughty  little  brunette,  when  she  repelled 

(273) 


274  IM  THE   GREAT  WEST. 

his  most  careless  advances.  What !  a  little  Irish  servant- 
girl  in  California  repulse  him  in  that  manner !  Tom  had 
wellnigh  lost  faith  in  the  virtue  of  womankind,  and  here 
was  a  phenomenon.  He  set  his  heart  recklessly  on  the 
conquest  of  that  woman  who  dared  repel  him,  especially 
as  his  rival  was  a  State  Senator,  being  determined,  as  he 
said,  to  "go  him  one  better." 

And  he  did. 

Tom  and  Annie  were  married  and  took  a  little  house, 
and  the  State  Senator  went  home  to  his  constituents. 

But,  now  that  Tom  had  triumphed  through  the  mere 
recklessness  of  momentary  devotion  inspired,  as  it  were, 
by  his  despair,  the  old  bitterness  of  his  early  and  only 
true  love,  forever  blighted,  gradually  returned,  supplant 
ing  this  new  and  factitious  sentiment.  With  it  also  re 
turned  the  old  restlessness  of  a  brooding  and  bitter-hearted 
melancholy.  His  little  wife  was  of  that  description  of 
women  with  whom  "love  is  love  for  evermore;"  she 
loved  her  Tom  with  a  passionateness  he  could  not  feel ; 
and  she  was  sorely  puzzled  at  his  moodiness  and  his  in 
curable  discontent.  She  had  married  him  without  even 
knowing  his  occupation,  much  less  his  early  history.  And, 
knowing  it  partially,  the  reader  will,  in  the  sad  business 
through  which  we  must  conduct  poor  Tom,  judge  him 
more  charitably  than  Annie  could. 

She  could  not  discover  that  he  had  any  occupation 
whatever.  He  would  peruse  the  morning  newspaper  until 
Annie  announced  breakfast,  when  he  would  carelessly  sit 
by,  absently  conning  a  paragraph,  then  absently  sipping 
his  tea,  and  speaking  only  in  monosyllables.  Then  he 
would  saunter  forth  into  the  city,  with  his  hands  pen 
sively  inserted  into  his  pockets ;  return  at  dinner-time ; 
then  go  silently  and  vacantly  out  again,  and  return  late 
in  the  evening. 


TOM  AND   HIS    WIFE. 


275 


It  was  hardly  a  fortnight  before  the  evening  kiss,  so 
eagerly  exacted  by  Annie,  and  repaid  at  the  highest  rate 
of  California  interest,  was  omitted  altogether.  She  felt 
greatly  aggrieved,  but  was  a  thousand  times  too  proud  to 
ask  him  yet  any  reason  wherefore. 

Then  again  the  inconsequent  Tom  would  come  home 
so  early,  whistling,  and  so  blithe,  so  witty,  so  cheery  in 
his  manner,  that  she  would  forgive  him  everything,  and 
the  questions  she  had  reserved  for  one  of  these  happier 
moods  were  forgotten. 

One  morning,  when  Tom  was  unusually  somber,  they 
were  sitting  at  breakfast  in  their  little  carpetless  room, 
one  of  two  in  their  little  shell  of  a  house.  He  tasted  his 
tea,  then  shoved  it  quietly  aside  with  an  expression  of 
listlessness. 

"  It's  beastly  cold,  Annie." 

"There,  dear  me,  I  forgot  again,"  she  said;  and 
jumped  up  quickly,  and  set  the  teapot  on  the  stove 
awhile. 

He  glanced  with  a  troubled  look  into  her  face,  then 
leaned  over,  thrust  his  hand  into  his  pocket,  and  fetched 
out  his  purse. 

"I'm  going  away  to-day,"  he  forced  himself  to  say,  in 
a  faint,  abrupt  manner. 

"Oh,  dear,  Tom,  where?" 

"Nevada." 

She  would  have  asked  him  why,  but  the  extreme  brevity 
of  his  reply  nettled  her  a  little,  and  she  only  looked  pite- 
ously  at  him,  and  he  looked  at  his  newspaper.  After  he 
read  a  paragraph,  he  twisted  the  paper  into  a  long  stick, 
and,  in  an  abstracted  manner,  pushed  the  purse  across 
the  table. 

"That  will  keep  you,  I  think,  till  I  send  you  more 
from  Nevada." 


276  IN  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

She  brought  the  teapot,  and  poured  out  a  cup,  boiling 
hot,  as  he  liked.  There  was  something  thick  in  her 
throat,  and  it  took  a  whole  cup  of  tea  to  wash  it  down. 

"  You'll  come  back — I  mean  you'll  not — I  hope  your 
business  won't  keep  you  very  long."  So  soon  had  her 
intense  woman's  curiosity  begun  to  struggle  with  pride. 

"That  depends.  If  I  make  a  big  strike — it's  uncer 
tain." 

He  rose,  to  cut  the  parting  short.  He  took  Annie's 
hand,  and,  now  that  the  struggle  was  over,  he  spoke  more 
tenderly: 

"  Well,  Annie,  so  long — so  long  !" 

Then  he  walked  away,  with  his  hands  deep  in  his  pockets, 
but  nothing  else — "dead  broke." 

Day  after  day  passed  away,  and  no  letter  came  from 
the  wanderer.  Morning,  noon,  and  night,  day  after  day, 
she  set  their  little  pine  table  in  the  little  unplastered  room, 
with  Tom's  plate  in  its  place ;  and  sometimes  she  dropped 
a  tear  when  she  looked  at  it ;  and  sometimes  she  stormed 
to  and  fro  in  the  lonesome  room. 

Ah  !  this  living  death,  this  utter  silence  and  absence 
of  those  who  are  loved  !  It  is  unspeakably  worse  than 
the  grave,  for  the  grave  has  a  voice,  and  when  that  speaks, 
we  are  silent  and  question  no  further.  This  relentless, 
unbroken  silence !  To  live  this  day  through  in  hope  of 
to-morrow;  to  dream  the  weary  night  away;  to  awaken 
to  nothing,  ever  and  again  nothing;  and  then  to  dream 
over  and  over  again,  and  wander  ten  thousand  times 
through  the  same  maze  of  doubts,  and  hopes,  and  fears, 
and  deaths,  and  still  nothing  but  silence,  unbroken  and 
impenetrable  silence.  Ah,  God  !  if  she  might  know  only 
one  word  !  Dead  or  alive  ? 

One  morning  there  came  a  long  and  a  strong  rapping 
at  the  door.  When  she  opened  it,  there  stood  a  man  in 


TOM  AND  HIS   WIFE. 


277 


a  double-crowned,  white  pith  hat,  with  a  vulturine  nose, 
and  immense  black  whiskers.  He  jerked  his  right  hand 
half  way  up  to  his  head,  and  nodded  with  his  chin. 

"Morning,  m'm.     Husband  at  home?" 

"  He  is  not.     What  did  you  wish?" 

"No?  Sorry,  m'm,"  said  he,  leaning  with  one  hand 
on  the  doorpost ;  "  have  to  take  the  furniture  away." 

"What  do  you  mean,  sir?"  said  Tom  Culver's  brave 
wife,  pulling  down  her  black  eyebrows  in  a  very  por 
tentous  manner. 

"Sorry,  m'm;  but  it's  not  paid  for.  Sheriff's  attach 
ment.  Sorry;  but  can't  be  helped." 

Now,  the  little  woman  had  the  murkiest  possible  notion 
what  an  attachment  was,  for  she  had  not  then  lived  long 
enough  in  California,  where,  as  has  been  botanically  as 
certained,  attachments  used  to  grow  on  a  species  of  shrub. 
But  those  other  words,  "not  paid  for,"  were  dreadfully 
intelligible.  So,  without  more  remonstrance,  she  dis 
missed  the  fellow  with  the  assurance  that  everything 
should  be  ready  at  eleven  o'clock.  Next,  she  hurried 
down  to  the  furniture-rooms,  and  found  the  story  was 
true ;  then  to  the  landlord  of  her  house,  whom  she  noti 
fied  and  paid ;  then  to  a  vacant  room  on  N  Street,  which 
she  rented ;  then  back  to  her  house  again.  She  stacked 
the  furniture  neatly  together  in  the  middle  of  the  room, 
gathered  all  her  little  possessions  of  trinkets,  swept  down 
and  tidied  up,  took  her  broom  in  her  hand,  shot  the  bolt 
into  its  place,  left  the  key  in  the  lock,  and  reached  her 
room  before  ten  o'clock,  with  only  a  dollar  in  her  pos 
session. 

Hitherto  her  deeply  wounded  pride  had  buoyed  her  up  ; 
but  now  that  she  was  secure  for  a  month  once  more,  she 
wept  bitter,  passionate  tears.  A  bride  of  only  four  months, 
and  her  husband  ignotninioi&ly  absconded,  and  the  very 

24 


278  IN  THE   GREAT  WEST. 

chairs  dragged  from  her  house  on  an  attachment !     That 
hateful,  mean,  ugly,  disgraceful  thing  I 

But  she  was  not  a  woman  to  be  dismayed,  and  she  set 
herself  resolutely  to  earn  a  livelihood  by  sewing.  And 
now,  at  last,  there  came  a  letter  from  Nevada.  Tom 
wrote  cheerily : 

"  VIRGINIA  CITY,  NEVADA. 

"  MY  OWN  ANNIE,— Here  is  a  lifter  that  will  fetch  you  to  me— $500. 
Ere  ever  the  gourd  blossoms  again  on  my  shanty,  or  the  tree-toad  singeth 
thrice  in  the  sage,  let  me  see  you  in  Virginia.  I've  struck  color,  and  have 
a  pocketful  of  dust ;  but  there's  a  hole  in  my  pocket,  and  it's  all  running 
out.  I  think  you  can  mend  that  pocket,  my  daisy,  without  taking  a 
stitch.  I'm  afraid  they  took  the  furniture  away  from  you.  I  forgot  it 
teetotally.  Pay  whatever  is  due." 

When  Annie  read  this  letter,  she  forgave  her  truant 
lord  in  a  moment,  and  had  absolutely  no  other  wish  but 
that  she  possessed  a  pair  of  wings,  that  she  might  fly  to 
Virginia.  But  she  was  obliged  to  content  herself  with  the 
lumbering  stage-coach. 

Tom  received  her  at  the  stage-office,  in  holiday  attire, 
purchased  at  a  fabulous  expense,  and  conducted  her 
proudly,  among  the  wondering  and  admiring  bachelor 
miners,  to  his  lowly  shanty.  The  interior  of  it  was  won 
derfully  prinked  up  for  this  special  occasion  ;  the  earth  floor 
had  been  scrupulously  swept,  and  on  a  scantling  behind  the 
blackened  and  shining  stove,  each  on  his  several  nail,  in 
perpendicular  array,  were  a  holder,  a  lifter,  a  sage-hen's 
wing,  an  iron  stewpan,  and  a  polished  tin  dipper. 

The  satisfaction  which  Tom  took  in  introducing  his 
little  black-eyed  wife  to  his  brother  miners,  the  expensive 
dinners  he  gave,  the  marvelous  silks  and  satins  he  bought 
for  her,  were  wonderful,  and  to  her  positively  alarming, 
for  she  could  not  wholly  forget  the  attachment.  I  think 
anybody  would  have  laughed  for  very  joy  to  see  how 
proudly  Tom  strutted  among  the  swarming  bachelors  with 


TOM  AND   HIS    WIFE. 


279 


his  Annie  on  his  arm;  how  he  tried  to  be  exceedingly 
polite,  but  would  be  a  blunt  and  hearty  miner  in  spite  of 
himself;  and  how  he  would  pluck  one  by  the  sleeve  in 

the  street  with :  "  I  say,  Jim ,  Mrs.  Culver;"  or  how, 

when  another  was  about  to  pass  him  with  only  a  side 
glance,  doubting  whether  he  would  wish  to  be  recognized 
in  company  with  so  much  silk,  he  would  say:  "  No  cor 
ner-lots  to-day,  Sammy.  A  front  view.  Mrs.  Culver — 
my  friend,  Sam." 

He  always  emphasized  "Mrs.  Culver,"  and  if  anybody 
had  omitted  to  call  her  by  that  title,  Tom  would  have 
knocked  him  down  before  he  could  say  "  Jack  Robinson." 
To  be  able  to  say  "Mrs.  Culver,"  in  those  regions,  was 
worth  a  quartz-mill. 

But,  after  a  few  weeks,  Tom  began  to  grow  restless  and 
moody  again.  Was  it  because  the  presence  of  his  wife 
reminded  him  of  her  who  had  perished  broken-hearted  in 
the  ocean  ?  Annie  was  gradually  learning  the  melancholy 
secret  of  his  life.  By  one  of  those  inscrutable  intellectual 
processes  which  women  use,  she  hated  Tom's  mother, 
virtuously,  for  Tom's  sake,  but  she  hated  the  betrayed  and 
perished  woman,  viciously,  for  her  own  sake.  Instead 
of  seeking  to  smother  the  early  flame  in  his  heart,  she 
seemed  rather  to  kindle  it  afresh,  that  it  might  consume 
itself. 

>  But  in  process  of  time  they  accumulated  large  money, 
and  then  they  cordially  agreed  upon  one  thing  :  that  they 
would  abandon  the  desolate  region  of  the  mines  and  go 
to  San  Francisco.  That  thing  they  did,  and  Tom  secured 
a  situation  in  the  custom-house. 

In  the  great  city  his  generous  soul  quickly  made  him 
the  center  of  a  band  of  good  fellows,  whose  society  drew 
copiously  upon  his  generous  hand.  This  chapter  is  soon 
written.  He  loses  his  place,  he  is  bailed  out  of  the  station- 


2 So  IN  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

house  one  summer  midnight  by  his  weeping  wife,  and 
carried  to  his  home  on  a  dray.  Very  soon  there  comes 
another  attachment,  and  Annie  goes  out  to  service  in 
Sonoma,  without  a  dollar,  having  expended  her  last  to 
procure  Tom  a  horse. 

Upon  this  animal  bestriding,  he  sets  out  for  Idaho,  a 
very  sober  and  somber  Tom,  to  "make  his  fortune"  for 
the  third  time.  Arrived  in  Boise  City,  he  barters  the 
animal  for  an  axe,  a  plane,  and  a  saw,  and,  what  with  his 
native  ingenuity,  in  three  weeks  he  is  a  successful  car 
penter,  earning  fabulous  wages. 

Months  elapsed,  and  no  litter  came  to  Sonoma.  After 
enduring  untold  anguish  of  suspense,  of  hope  and  doubt, 
of  fear  and  jealousy,  Annie  went  down  to  San  Francisco, 
as  a  last  resort,  to  inquire  of  persons  arriving  from  Idaho 
if,  perchance,  somebody  might  have  seen  her  erring  and 
unhappy  Tom.  When  nearly  all  her  money  was  spent, 
"my  uncle,"  with  a  round,  white  face  and  a  blue  eye 
glass,  arrived  from  those  regions,  and,  upon  being  closely 
questioned,  remembered  a  "French  carpenter"  who,  be 
thought,  nearly  corresponded  to  Annie's  description. 
She  was  puzzled  and  distressed  beyond  measure  by  this 
intelligence,  and  exclaimed,  in  feverish  eagerness,  "Part 
is  Tom,  and  part  isn't!"  But,  after  a  deal  of  cross- 
questioning,  and  the  identification  of  a  certain  broken 
finger,  this  strange  man  was  finally  resolved  into  her 
American  miner  husband  "that  was."  She  was  proud 
and  delighted  that  he  could  learn  carpentry  so  soon.  But 
how  had  he  learned  French  so  quickly?  That  was  a 
puzzle. 

And  then  she  was  set  in  a  delirium  of  distress  and 
jealousy  by  the  pawnbroker's  exclamation  of  surprise: 

"Is  he  your  husband,  madam?  Well,  he  ought  to  be 
ashamed  of  himself!  You  must  go  to  him  right  away." 


TOM  AND  HIS    WIFE.  28 1 

She  ran  straightway  out  of  the  room,  lest  she  should 
hear  something  worse.  By  using  the  utmost  possible 
economy,  she  could  make  her  thin  purse  carry  her  to 
Portland,  and  thence  by  stage  to  Boise  City,  and,  with 
out  an  hour's  delay,  she  set  forth. 

In  all  the  eleven  miserable  and  weary  days,  amid  the 
unutterable  insults  which  came  to  a  woman  traveling  to 
the  mines  in  those  times  in  the  steerage,  she  scarcely 
slept.  Scorned  and  despised  by  the  few  women  who 
could  take  better  passage,  disdainfully  refused  even  the 
poor  loan  of  a  pin,  subjected  to  the  brutal  taunts  of  the 
sailors,  she  patiently  and  silently  crouched  in  her  wretched 
corner,  bedraggled  and  bedabbled  by  the  filthy  decks, 
sleepless  and  haggard,  and  only  creeping  feebly  at  times 
to  the  guards,  to  solace  her  weary  eyes  with  a  sight  of  the 
rushing  waters.  Faster  !  faster  !  a  hundred  times  faster  ! 
was  her  only  thought. 

Ah,  Tom,  Tom  !  if  you  had  only  understood  the  depth 
and  the  earnestness  of  that  devotion,  you  could  have  for 
given  many  a  little  imperious  jealousy  and  surveillance  of 
its  assertion.  You  married  only  in  bravado,  and  so,  in 
part,  did  she ;  but  her  love  has  increased  with  every  year, 
while,  I  fear,  yours  has  only  grown  feebler. 

Boise  City  was  reached  at  last,  Tom  was  found,  and 
they  were  speedily  reconciled. 

He  was  in  possession  of  a  mining  claim,  with  several 
Chinamen  employed ;  but  Annie,  determined  that  she 
would  now  get  into  her  own  hands  the  means  for  keeping 
a  roof  over  their  heads,  against  which  all  attachments 
would  be  powerless  for  evermore,  set  herself  to  washing. 
This  was  her  personal  and  separate  industry,  and  the 
rewards  of  it,  which  were  enormous,  were  carefully 
hoarded.  Tom  was  Tom — gay  and  melancholy  by  turns ; 
and  whether  he  was  making  any  money  from  his  claim, 

24* 


282  IN  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

or  not,  she  was  profoundly  unaware.  Probably  Tom  did 
not  know  himself. 

Eighteen  months  passed  on  thus, — happy  months  to 
Annie,  because  she  was  so  rapidly  getting  the  means  to 
secure  them  a  home  which  would  endure, — and  then  it 
was  agreed  by  them  that  she  should  return  to  San  Fran 
cisco,  and  invest  her  personal  savings  in  a  house  and  lot, 
while  Tom  remained  a  few  weeks  longer,  to  close  out  the 
business  to  advantage. 

She  accomplished  the  journey  with  a  little  justifiable 
luxury,  to  recompense  herself  for  the  meanness  and  hu 
miliation  of  the  outward  voyage.  Before  she  had  even 
become  well  rested  from  the  journey,  and  shaken  off  the 
dust  of  travel,  while  she  was  looking  over  the  "For 
Sale"  columns  in  the  newspapers,  how  great  was  her  sur 
prise  to  receive  the  following  telegram : 

"  PORTLAND,  OREGON. 
"  To  MRS.  THOMAS  CULVER,  Russ  House,  San  Francisco. 

"  Send  me  up  a  hundred  dollars,  to  pay  my  passage  down  to  'Frisco. 

"TOM." 

On  reading  this  message  she  laughed  outright.  She 
sent  him  the  draft,  however,  by  telegraph.  It  appears 
that  the  business  had  become  perfectly  hollow  before  she 
left  Boise  City.  Her  sudden  departure  aroused  suspi 
cion,  unjust  though  it  was  toward  her,  an  examination 
was  made,  and  forthwith  the  water  company  gripped  the 
unhappy  Tom,  attached  his  claim,  and  left  him  barely 
enough  to  pay  his  passage  to  Portland. 

Arriving  in  the  Golden  City,  he  found  his  wife  com 
fortably  ensconced  in  a  snug  little  house,  and  he  registered 
a  great  oath  to  do  better,  and  went  to  work,  as  never  be 
fore,  at  carpentry.  But  Tom's  chin  was  too  short.  He 
had  no  stick-to-it-iveness. 


TOM  AND   HIS    WIFE. 


283 


The  story  must  now  hasten  on  to  its  final  stage.  It  is 
only  necessary  to  say  that  they  soon  perceived  another 
attachment  looming  up  in  the  middle  distance,  and  that 
Tom — willing  to  flee  from  temptation — went  down  to  Los 
Angeles,  bought  a  sheep-ranch  in  Annie's  name,  paid  for 
it  with  Annie's  money,  and  stocked  it  with  sheep  in  his 
own  name.  With  infinite  ado  he  rived  out  enough 
"shakes"  (long  oak  shingles)  to  construct  a  shanty,  and 
in  it,  amid  an  indescribable  clutter  of  tin  cans,  pet  lambs, 
boxes,  barrels,  cats,  dried  apples,  feather  beds,  etc.,  they 
lived  the  happiest  winter  they  had  ever  spent  together. 

As  soon  as  possible,  Tom  constructed  a  house,  and  then 
there  was  a  house-warming  which  was  characteristic  of 
Southern  California. 

First,  something  as  to  the  vicinity.  The  house  stood 
at  the  foot  of  an  easy  terrace  of  foothills,  thinly  sprinkled 
over  with  oak-trees,  just  where  they  broke  off,  on  the 
margin  of  an  expanse  of  level  open  champaign.  Tom 
whitewashed  it  and  the  two  or  three  tiny  structures  about 
exceeding  smirk  and  white,  so  that  they  looked  very 
strange  and  toylike,  standing  on  the  edge  of  the  naked 
waste.  On  all  the  dusty  champaign,  and  under  all  the 
oaks,  there  was  not  one  relieving  thing,  not  a  bush,  in 
November,  nothing  but  the  burrows  of  ten  thousand 
squirrels,  which  sat  bolt  upright  on  their  little  mounds, 
squeaking,  and  winking  with  their  tails,  in  utter  amaze 
ment  at  this  invasion  of  their  time-old  dominions.  The 
chickens  wandered  vacantly  about  over  the  nude  expanse, 
and  under  the  oaks,  vainly  cocking  their  eyes  up  and 
down,  and  all  around,  in  search  of  a  grasshopper,  or  any 
living  bug ;  then  they  strolled  disconsolately  home,  and 
seemed  to  lay  eggs,  because  there  was  nothing  else  to 
occupy  their  minds. 

Tom's  dwelling  was  threefold.     In  the  middle  was  a 


284  IN  THE   GREAT   WEST. 

house  of  one  room ;  on  one  side,  another  house  of  one 
room ;  and  on  the  other  side,  the  shanty  of  shakes.  For 
this  occasion  he  made  a  chandelier  of  boards,  with  can 
dles  in  the  ends.  The  estrade  for  the  fiddlers  was  suffi 
ciently  elevated  to  allow  the  dancers  room  beneath. 
There  was  a  smooth  floor  beneath,  a  roof  overhead,  and 
a  shell  of  redwood  boards — nothing  else. 

As  fast  as  the  people  arrived,  their  horses  were  taken 
into  the  corral,  which  was  made  like  a  stockade,  of  mighty 
logs  planted  in  the  ground.  Some  clean  barley  hay  was 
deposited  under  their  noses  on  the  ground,  while  the  gen 
tlemen  made  their  toilets  in  one  end  of  the  shanty,  and 
the  ladies  in  the  "parlor,"  the  dance-room  being  between 
them. 

Tom  was  in  an  ecstasy  of  happiness,  introducing  people 
to  one  another — for  some  had  come  thirty  miles — now 
running  out  to  the  hen's-nest  in  the  forked  oak  beside  the 
parlor  door,  and  now  mixing  a  glass  of  eggnog  for  £ome 
new  arrival.  He  and  Annie  were  arrayed  in  all  the  cor 
rect  elegance  of  San  Francisco.  There  were  a  number 
of  local  wool-kings,  rather  uneasy  in  their  unaccustomed 
immaculate  broadcloth,  leaning  most  of  the  time  against 
the  scantling  posts  of  the  veranda  and  smoking,  but  going 
into  the  dance  occasionally  with  an  extreme  vivacity; 
five  or  six  creamy-complexioned,  dark-eyed  senoritas,  the 
perfection  of  natural  grace,  with  pale  beauties  from  Texas, 
and  a  superfluity  of  shaggy-whiskered  shepherds,  jiggling 
and  shaking  themselves  about  over  the  floor  in  a  comical 
manner. 

It  was  very  pleasant  to  see  these  happy,  awkward 
couples,  whirling  in  the  lively  dance,  under  the  fiddlers, 
under  the  board-chandelier,  getting  drops  of  tallow  on 
their  heads,  then  away  up,  and  back,  and  down  the  mid 
dle,  straining  their  heads  away  from  each  other,  as  if  in 


TOM  AND   HIS    WIFE.  285 

a  frantic  effort  to  separate.  Annie  was  everywhere  among 
the  guests,  saying  a  great  many  pleasant  things ;  and  the 
silks  and  calicoes  rustled  on  the  slivers  of  the  wall ;  and 
Tom's  terrier  pup  got  into  the  dance,  and  jumped  up  and 
down,  and  waggled  his  tail ;  and  the  little  Digger  peeped 
through  the  window,  and  grinned  all  night  long  till  day 
light  ;  and  all  enjoyed  themselves  very  much  indeed. 

About  midnight  a  long  table  of  rough  boards  was 
brought  in,  ranged  under  the  chandelier,  and  Tom  and 
Annie,  assisted  by  a  jolly  old  millionaire,  six  feet  high 
and  with  a  mighty  Roman  nose,  the  king  of  all  wool- 
kings,  soon  loaded  it  with  substantial  provisions.  "  Ladies 
and  gentlemen,  fall  to  !"  cried  Tom. 

The  amount  of  broken  pies  and  cakes,  canned  peaches, 
oysters,  and  chickens  which  the  little  Digger  privately 
and  publicly  devoured  in  the  shanty  for  the  next  two 
weeks,  was  positively  alarming. 

But,  now  that  the  edge  of  novelty  was  dulled  again, 
Tom's  life  began  to  be  clouded  with  the  ancient  and  in 
curable  melancholy.  The  life  of  a  wool-king  in  Southern 
California  is  nearly  as  dreary  as  can  be  imagined.  Week 
after  week,  month  upon  month,  for  nearly  half  the  weary, 
interminable  year,  the  sun  comes  up  in  the  tenuous  air 
of  the  mountains,  as  spotless  as  a  new  brass  platter ;  burns 
all  day  in  the  bright  heavens  in  uncurtained  and  undi- 
minished  whiteness ;  then  burrows  into  the  dusty  hill 
tops  as  unclouded,  as  pitiless,  and  as  unwinking  as  he 
arose.  All  through  the  summer  he  lives  in  a  dun-colored 
desert,  with  only  scattered  oaks  visible  on  the  distant 
sierras.  There  are  lovely  sunsets  and  sunrises,  but  they 
fall  upon  the  weary  eyes,  being  always  the  same,  without 
the  variation  of  a  cloud ;  and  the  unequaled  purity  and 
healthfulness  of  the  air  itself  becomes  a  weariness  to  the 
spirit  of  man,  because  it  seems  to  correspond  so  well  to 


286  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

the  utter  nakedness  of  the  earth  in  summer,  and  the  ab 
sence  of  all  sights  and  sounds,  save  the  stupid  bleating 
of  the  lazy,  contented  sheep.  It  is  quite  too  healthy, 
too  pure,  too  vacuous,  too  colorless,  and  one  longs  to 
have  a  little  quinsy  for  variety,  or  at  least  the  terrific 
crack  and  splitting  of  a  thunder-storm  once  in  awhile. 
It  seems  as  if  a  man  would  live  almost  forever  here,  until 
he  dried  up  to  a  mere  stick,  and  shot  off  somewhere  like 
a  rocket. 

Around  his  wretched  tenement  of  boards,  or  of  sun- 
dried  brick,  there  is  a  pole-fence,  standing  out  in  such 
indescribably  hideous  contrast  under  these  immaculately 
blue  heavens — an  insult  to  the  very  crows,  which  will  not 
perch  thereon.  Or,  perhaps,  there  are  only  vacuous 
spaces  around,  without  even  a  pole  to  anchor  the  dust, 
which  burdens  the  very  air,  that  you  sniff  all  day  the  swel 
tering  smell  of  the  ground.  Close  at  hand,  for  safety 
against  the  wild  beasts,  are  the  noisome  corrals,  where 
the  sunshine  riots  and  dances  in  the  vile  exhalations. 

As  soon  as  his  shepherds  are  gone  to  the  mountains, 
where  they  drowse  the  livelong  day,  the  wool-king  sad 
dles  his  horse,  and  hies  away  to  the  old  Mission.  In  its 
cool,  dark  recesses,  looking  out  upon  the  desert  glare 
only  through  the  doors  of  its  ancient  arcades, — long  ago 
fallen  away  from  spiritual  to  spirituous  uses, — he  meets  his 
compotators  for  cards  and  drinking-bouts. 

Tom  is  often  here,  fleeing  from  the  domestic  surveil 
lance  which  is  daily  becoming  more  intolerable.  He 
returns  only  to  encounter  Annie's  ominous  frown,  and 
supper  is  eaten  in  silence.  He  goes  out  to  see  if  the  little 
Digger  returns  with  the  flock  unharmed,  bandies  some 
tolerable  California  Spanish  with  some  bad  Digger  Spanish, 
and  learns  that  the  coyotes  have  caught  two  lambs.  He 
curses  himself  for  his  stupidity,  goes  in,  sits  down  by  his 


TOM  AND  HIS   WIFE.  287 

lonely  stove,  and  slides  down  all  in  a  heap  in  his  chair. 
He  knows  what  is  coming. 

Aitnie  holds  up  a  plate,  wipes  and  wipes  it,  turns  it 
over  and  over,  stops,  scratches  it  a  little  with  her  ringer, 
then  turns  half  way  round  toward  him,  and  pulls  down 
her  black  eyebrows  sternly. 

"  I  suppose,  of  course,  Inez  Dominguez  is  well  to-day?" 
This  in  a  cutting  tone. 

"And  narrow  is  the  way  to  destruction.  I'm  going  to 
preach  under  the  big  live-oak  to-morrow,  Annie,  and  I 
want  a  handsome  deaconess  about  like  you,  to  take  up 
a  contribution." 

"  But  you  didn't  answer  my  question.  I  am  anxious  to 
know  how  Miss  Dominguez  is  to-day." 

Tom  commenced  singing  gayly : 

"  When  this  cruel  war  is  over, 

No  Micky  need  apply, 
For  everything  is  lovely, 

And  the  goose  hangs  high/' 

"Why  do  you  always  sing  that  to  me?  Because  I  am 
Irish?  Do  you  sing  that  to  Miss  Dominguez?" 

Tom  reached  and  took  a  crumb  of  bread  off  the  table, 
and  gave  it  to  the  cat,  to  see  him  and  the  terrier  pup 
squabble  for  it,  at  which  he  laughed  heartily.  "  Nip  him, 
Topsy  !  Nail  him  once  or  twice  !"  he  cried. 

Annie  held  the  cup  close  to  her  face,  and  wiped  very 
hard  and  fast,  while  her  face  began  to  ripple,  and  her 
mouth  to  tremble,  for  she  was  about  to  laugh,  in  spite 
of  herself. 

Tom  clasped  his  hands  over  the  top  of  his  head,  and 
slipped  farther  down  in  his  chair. 

"Annie,  I  saw  to-day  the  strangest  man  I  ever  saw  in 
my  life.  One  side  of  his  face  was  perfectly  black." 

Her  intense  feminine  curiosity  triumphed  at  once,  and 


288  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

she  stopped,  and  looked  straight  at  him,  for  the  first  time 
that  evening. 

"  La  me  !  and  the  other  side  was  white  !" 

"  The  other  side  was  black,  too." 

It  is  an  incredibly  short  time  before  Tom  and  his  wife 
are  chattering  together  as  gayly  as  little  children. 

But  the  quarrel  was  ever  renewed.  We  have  seen  how 
greatly  superior  Annie  was  in  business ;  but  Tom  would 
come  in  at  noon  sometimes,  hungry  as  a  bear,  after  work 
ing  hard  over  his  smirk  whitewashed  toy-houses,  and  find 
the  breakfast  things  still  on  the  table,  and  one  of  Annie's 
innumerable  pet  chickens  with  the  whole  length  of  its 
neck  down  in  the  cream-pitcher,  while  its  mistress  sat  by 
the  stove,  reading  the  Ledger  or  Dickens.  He  vexed  his 
tidy  soul  from  day  to  day  with  his  slatternly  shanty,  and 
when  chance  made  him  master  of  it  for  a  day  or  so,  he 
would  peel  off  his  coat,  as  in  the  old  mining-days,  and 
sing  and  whistle  the  livelong  day,  jolly  as  a  sand-boy, 
while  he  scoured  up  and  hung  up  a  thousand  and  one 
things.  On  the  other  hand,  he  was  so  offended  at  the 
rigorous  precision  with  which  she  always  seated  herself  at 
the  end  of  the  table  opposite  him,  that  she  was  obliged  to 
sit  at  the  side.  And  indeed  it  is  a  most  dreary  thing  for 
a  married  couple  to  sit  seven  long  years  at  opposite  ends 
of  a  table,  when  no  little  high-chair  comes  meantime  to 
be  drawn  up  to  the  side.  So  Tom  thought,  at  least,  and 
he  often  sighed  and  said  to  himself,  "Ah !  if  I  only  had 
a  child  to  love,  my  life  might  be  mended  yet." 

To  Annie's  great  distress,  Tom  would  sit  in  his  shirt 
sleeves,  even  when  Judge  Haskell  was  there  to  dinner. 
And  he  could  not  endure  to  see  her  so  fussy  as  to  hand 
him  bread  on  the  plate,  but  she  must  pass  him  a  slice  "  in 
her  fist,"  and  that  not  delicately,  but  as  fearlessly  as  he 
would  seize  a  crowbar. 


TOM  AND  HIS    WIFE.  289 

The  married  life  of  Tom  and  Annie  had  been  hitherto 
sadly  at  sixes  and  sevens,  though  it  had  partaken  largely 
of  the  character  of  a  farce ;  but  now  it  darkened  down, 
apparently,  toward  a  swift  and  awful  tragedy.  Naturally 
of  a  jealous  nature,  and  wedded  to  a  man  too  proud  to 
protest  his  innocence  every  day  of  his  life, — for  Tom  was 
innocent  now, — she  found  herself  in  a  loneliness  where 
she  was  left  to  be  preyed  upon  by  her  own  morbid  im 
aginings.  The  only  woman  she  saw  for  months  together 
was  a  little,  withered,  green-eyed  hag,  who  had  conceived 
a  spite  against  Tom,  for  some  reason,  and  supplied  his 
wife  to  surfeit  with  infamous  daily  slander  and  lies. 

Tom's  most  harmless  business  letters  were  by  her  in 
vested  with  mystery  and  wickedness.  She  fancied  im 
pending  over  her  all  that  was  terrible  on  earth — some 
dark  and  secret  plot  of  divorce,  abandonment,  infamy, 
beggary,  imprisonment,  friendless  and  hideous  death. 
Sometimes  she  shuddered  as  she  allowed  herself  to  pro 
nounce  even  the  dreadful  word  "murder." 

All  the  stem  and  grim  suffering  which  is  depicted  in 
that  weird,  awful,  and  lurid  story  of  "The  Scarlet  Letter" 
became  her  portion.  Sitting  in  her  lonely  house  at  even 
ing,  far  from  human  habitation,  when  Tom  was  absent 
hunting  his  horses,  at  the  dismal  yelling  of  the  coyotes, 
or  the  boding  screech  of  the  owl,  she  would  shriek  in 
terror,  run,  and  fall  lifeless  upon  the  Indian-boy,  only  less 
frightened  than  his  mistress.  A  band  of  thieves  and  mur 
derers  had  their  rendezvous  near  by  in  the  mountains, 
and  the  faintest  scream  of  the  night-hawk  or  the  ghostly 
moaning  of  the  wind  through  the  trees,  her  distempered 
imagination  magnified  into  their  approach. 

Tom  was  distracted  almost  to  madness.  He  hardly 
dared  leave  her  sight.  He  dreaded  only  less  than  death 
the  quarterly  journey  to  Los  Angeles  for  supplies,  which 


290  IN  THE    GREAT  WEST. 

occupied  nearly  three  days,  lest  he  should  return  only  to 
find  Annie  a  raving  maniac.  With  all  his  earnestness  he 
warned  her  against  the  mousing  visits  of  the  evil-minded 
hag  who  was  destroying  her  life,  and  he  even  threatened 
to  expel  her  by  violence ;  but  he  perceived  that  it  would 
only  add  fuel  to  the  flame  of  jealousy,  and  intensify 
Annie's  suspicions.  He  abandoned  his  visits  to  the  Mis 
sion,  except  on  the  most  urgent  necessity. 

The  time  arrived  again  for  another  of  his  regular  jour 
neys  to  Los  Angeles,  and,  parting  from  Annie  with  un 
wonted  tenderness,  he  set  out  with  a  promise  to  return 
speedily.  During  his  absence  the  lying  hag  spent  day 
and  night  with  Annie,  and  poured  into  her  ears,  itching 
with  that  strange  and  infatuated  eagerness  of  jealousy,  all 
her  envenomed  hate  against  the  absent  husband. 

Tom  kept  his  promise,  and  returned  promptly  in  two 
days,  bringing  his  wife  an  elegant  gold  watch  and  a 
rocking-chair.  But  no  Annie  came  forth  to  greet  him. 
Seeking  her  in  her  room,  with  a  smile  and  a  hearty, 
"Well,  my  dear,  how  has  the  time  gone?"  he  found  her 
silent  and  delirious  with  jealousy.  She  turned  her  face 
away  to  the  wall,  and  refused  to  speak. 

Not  only  was  Annie  indeed  sick,  but  she  feigned  to  be 
dying.  For  days  together  she  persistently  refused  all 
nourishment  at  his  hands,  but  kept  some  concealed,  of 
which  she  secretly  partook  in  his  absence. 

Does  the  reader,  upon  this  announcement,  cry  out 
against  the  woman',  and  feel  disposed  to  reproach  me  for 
having  even  described  such  a  character?  It  is  hard  to 
look  with  allowance  upon  such  a  wickedness  as  this,  and 
perhaps  few  of  us  would  have  done  it,  but  we  must  be 
lenient  in  our  judgment.  We  must  pardon  many  an 
offense,  heinous  and  despicable  though  it  may  seem,  to 
the  weakness  and  the  madness  of  a  jealous  woman.  She 


TOM  AND  HIS    WIFE. 


291 


stooped  to  this  base  act  of  wickedness  to  try  if  her  cup 
of  married  love  was  wholly  drained  ;  and  in  that  awful 
night  when  Tom  sat  beside  her  whom  he  thought  dying, 
far  from  any  habitation  of  man,  with  no  one  near  but  the 
mute  and  stricken  savage,  crouching  in  the  corner  and 
rigid  with  terror,  with  no  sound  borne  on  the  midnight 
air  but  the  dismal  yelling  of  the  coyotes,  as  they  dashed 
themselves  against  the  wattled  corral,  and  were  hurled 
back  upon  the  ground,  he  spoke  to  her  with  such  true  and 
piteous  tenderness  of  love,  that  her  sick  heart  returned 
from  its  wanderings,  and  she  told  him  all,  with  tears,  and 
begged  forgiveness. 

After  seven  years  of  married  life,  Tom  was  still  so  little 
learned  in  the  devious  ways  of  woman's  jealousy,  that  he 
could  not  look  upon  this  misdeed  with  any  allowance. 
He  forgot  the  large  and  generous  pity  of  that  saying  of 
Seneca,  ' '  Quern  poenitet  peccasse  pene  est  innocens. ' '  For 
give  her  !  the  act  seemed  to  him  so  inexpressibly  despica 
ble  that  he  turned  away  in  silence  and  in  loathing. 

He  took  his  rifle,  and  walked  forth  in  the  clear,  crisp 
moonlight.  After  the  first  burst  of  passion  had  passed 
away,  his  soul  was  filled  with  that  saddening  and  ineffable 
bitterness  which  longs  for  death,  and  the  sweet  and  quiet 
rest  of  the  grave,  and  he  murmured:  "Ah,  Mary!  my 
lost,  lost  Mary!" 

Hardly  knowing  whither  he  went  in  his  blinded  and 
bitter  despair,  he  approached  his  corral,  and  saw  the 
coyotes  dimly  fleeing  away  across  the  champaign.  Me 
chanically,  he  cocked  the  rifle,  and  put  it  to  his  shoulder. 
Then  he  brought  it  down,  and  placed  the  muzzle  against 
his  cheek.  He  touched  the  trigger,  and  in  the  very  last 
moment  he  dashed  it  away,  and,  with  a  keen  and  hellish 
shriek,  the  bullet  cut  the  still  moonlight. 


29 2  IN  THE    GREAT   WEST. 

Next  day  he  saddled  his  favorite  horse,  and,  after  a 
cold  and  careless  farewell,  he  rode  away.  Week  after 
week  passed  away,  and-  there  came  no  tidings  of  his 
rovings ;  month  passed  into  month,  and  brought  no  re 
port  from  the  wanderer.  What  his  wife  endured  from 
suspense  can  only  be  imagined, — 

"  The  hope,  and  the  fear,  and  the  sorrow, 
All  the  aching  of  heart,  the  restless,  unsatisfied  longing, 
All  the  dull,  deep  pain,  and  constant  anguish  of  patience." 

What  was  he  doing?  He  penetrated  the  savage  wilds 
of  Arizona.  He  made  long  journeys  across  its  trackless 
deserts,  without  any  aim,  and  returned  on  his  trail,  with 
out  any  purpose.  Now  he  mined  a  little,  and  now  he 
joined  himself  to  a  squadron  in  pursuit  of  Apaches,  and, 
leaping  in  his  stirrups  with  the  old  ringing  yell  of  his 
youth,  he  sought  death  at  the  hand  of  the  tawny  savage. 
An  arrow-wound,  which  brought  him  to  the  very  mouth 
of  the  grave,  brought  him  also  to  remorse,  and  to  a  yearn 
ing  for  his  home.  While  he  was  yet  convalescent,  he  set 
his  face  steadfastly  homeward — an  old  man  at  thirty-two, 
with  his  cheeks  seamed  and  bronzed,  and  his  fine,  black, 
curly  poll  half  turned  to  gray.  But  he  was  still  Tom,  and 
his  better  nature  had  only  slumbered. 

The  story  ends  well.  Alas,  alas  !  for  both  of  them,  it 
had  not  ended  so  years  before.  At  last  he  is  approaching 
his  house.  It  is  evening.  He  sees  the  familiar  light  of 
his  "parlor"  window  shining  under  the  old  forked  white- 
oak.  He  spurs  his  jaded  horse  into  an  amble.  Hark ! 
There  is  borne  to  his  ears,  on  the  still  evening  air,  a 
feeble  and  uncertain  squeal.  What !  Is  it  possible?  Is 
it  a 

He  spurs  his  horse  again,  and  the  old  fellow  almost 


TOM  AND   HIS    WIFE.  293 

jams  his  nose  against  the  parlor  door.  Tom  alights,  and 
flings  the  rein  over  the  horseshoe  nailed  to  the  oak.  He 
knocks,  and  they  open.  He  enters.  Exclamations  all 
around.  He  looks  about  him.  They  go  to  the  bed,  and 
gently  turn  down  the  counterpane.  Upon  my  word,  it 
is  a 

Tom  settles  back  on  one  foot,  plants  the  other  ahead, 
folds  his  arms  across  his  breast,  and,  with  a  perfectly  un 
moved  countenance,  but  with  a  light  of  infinite  gladness 
in  his  eye,  and  of  a  reconciliation  never  again  to  be 
broken,  he  salutes : 

"Ah,  he's  a  buster!" 

25* 


HISTORICAL. 


A   ROYAL  ROAD   TO  HISTORY. 

Well — were  it  not  a  pleasant  thing 

To  fall  asleep  with  all  one's  friends ; 
To  pass  with  all  our  social  ties 

To  silence  from  the  paths  of  men ; 
And  every  hundred  years  to  rise 

And  learn  the  world  and  sleep  again ; 
To  sleep  through  terms  of  mighty  wars, 

And  wake  on  science  grown  to  more, 
On  secrets  of  the  brain,  the  stars, 

As  wild  as  aught  of  fairy  lore  ; 
And  all  that  else  the  years  will  show, 

The  Poet-forms  of  stronger  hours, 
The  vast  Republics  that  may  grow. 

TENNYSON. 

TO  the  youthful  student  who  aspires  to  "  climb  the 
steep  where  Fame's  proud  temple  shines  afar,"  no 
part  of  that  steep  looks  more  formidable  than  the  mount 
ains  of  History.  It  is  not  their  ruggedness,  but  their 
sheer  height.  Let  us  be  thankful  that  the  clean  beasts 
and  the  unclean  and  the  fowls  of  the  air  were  so  numerous 
in  Noah's  Ark  as  to  leave  no  room  for  whatever  parchment 
records  that  wise  patriarch  may  have  preserved.  When 
the  conquering  Caliph  applied  the  torch  to  the  vast  maga 
zine  of  papyrus  scrolls  in  Alexandria,  he  said,  "If  there 
be  anything  good  in  them  it  is  contained  in  the  Koran, 
and  whatever  is  bad  in  them  ought  to  be  destroyed." 
When  any  other  than  one  of  those  inscrutable  persons, 
(294) 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    7V  HISTORY. 


295 


of  whom  the  Chinese  say,  "If  there  is  anything  he  does 
not  know,  he  is  ashamed,"  or  one  who,  unlike  the  Ad 
mirable  Crichton,  is  not  prepared  to  dispute  de  omni  re 
scibili,  contemplates  the  above  decision,  he  is  disposed  to 
cry  out  from  the  depths  of  his  gratitude,  "  Thank  Heaven 
for  the  Caliph!" 

And  yet,  as  time  rolls  on,  and  the  busy  hand  of  His 
tory  is  piling  up  Pelion  on  Ossa  of  the  world's  chronicles, 
the  poor  span  of  human  life  is  yearly  growing  shorter.  I 
have  often  cherished  a  secret  rebellion  against  the  his 
torians  themselves,  as  being  largely  responsible  for  this 
deplorable  result ;  and  if  matters  go  on  this  way  much 
longer,  the  mighty  back  of  the  world  will  be  broken 
under  its  own  accumulated  history,  and  we  shall  all  go 
down  together  in  one  desperate  last  floundering  under 
our  books. 

It  is  a  source  of  positive  mental  dissipation  to  be  con 
fronted  with  so  many  histories,  for  one  feels  all  the  while 
the  spurrings  of  conscience  that  one  ought  to  read  them ; 
and  so,  not  doing  it,  one  becomes  intellectually  debauched 
and  reckless,  like  him  who  harbors  in  his  bosom  a  secret 
deed  of  murder.  O  Methuselah  and  Mehujael,  and  all 
ye  long-lived  brotherhood  of  antediluvians,  happy  were 
ye  that  no  Grotes,  or  Gibbons,  or  Bancrofts  existed  in 
your  days,  to  pester  your  patriarchal  tranquillity,  and  eat 
away  your  lives  with  a  consciousness  of  duty  unfulfilled  ! 

Not  many  weeks  after  the  great  battle  of  Sadowa  the 
school-children  of  Moscow  wrote  a  letter  to  Bismarck,  in 
which,  with  childish  frankness  and  enthusiasm,  they 
thanked  him  for  ironing  out  some  of  the  wrinkles  of  that 
part  of  European  geography  which  had  always  given  them 
so  much  trouble.  When  will  some  Bismarck  arise  to  hew 
off  a  few  of  the  branches  from  the  "  historical  trees"  which 
are  a  terror  and  a  nightmare  to  our  childhood  ? 


296  HISTORICAL. 

There  is  rich  and  large  material  for  a  skeleton  history 
in  the  political  catch-words  found  in  the  literature  of 
every  nation,  especially  in  our  own.  Every  great  crisis 
in  human  affairs  produces  one  or  more  men,  its  "noblest 
offspring,"  who  stamp  their  ineffaceable  impress  upon  it, 
among  other  ways,  by  moulding  certain  apt  phrases  for 
affairs ;  for  those  epochs  most  prolific  in  noble  deeds, 
"God's  sons,"  also  nourish  the  fairest  generations  of 
"men's  daughters," — words.  It  is  these  terse,  clear-cut 
utterances  of  such  periods  that  become  the  heirs  and  trans 
mitters  of  their  best  or  worst  endeavors,  as  it  were  the 
high-  and  low-water  marks  of  history.  This  article  is 
simply  an  experiment  in  the  construction  of  such  an  out 
line  history,  an  attempt  to  indicate  some  of  the  possi 
bilities  of  the  topic. 

Passing  over  all  the  Colonial  and  chaotic  period,  when 
we  were  no  nation,  let  us  begin  with  the  Revolution, 
when  we  became  such  in  substance,  as  a  little  later  in 
name. 

As  in  all  history  the  grandest  results  have  often  grown 
from  the  most  trivial  causes,  so  here  the  spark  that  ignited 
the  great  magazine  of  war  was  only  a  little  bit  of  "stamped 
paper"  dropped  into  a  few  caddies  of  "  gunpowder  tea." 
That  bowl  of  cold  tea  made  in  'Boston  harbor  was  as 
eventful  as  the  one  flagon  too  much  of  wine  drunk  by 
Alexander  in  the  alabaster  cup.  But  behind  these  mere 
trifles  lay  the  great  principle,  "  No  taxation  without  repre 
sentation."  As  a  matter  of  fact,  that  was  the  whole  head 
and  front  of  the  rebellion  for  a  year,  at  least  with  the 
great  majority.  Franklin  philosophically  said,  "Where 
Liberty  is,  there  is  my  country;"  but  Paine,  speaking  to 
the  fact,  added  a  word:  "Where  Liberty  is  not,  there  is 
my  country."  Yet  the  real  "Liberty  Party"  in  the  early 
days  of  the  Revolution  was  small  in  numbers,  even  under 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO  HISTORY.  297 

the  clarion  eloquence  of  Henry,  "  Give  me  Liberty,  or 
give  me  death !" 

Thus  the  battle  was  joined.  Having  solemnly  and  dis 
passionately  pledged  to  each  other  "their  lives,  their 
fortunes,  and  their  sacred  honor"  for  their  common  de 
fense,  and  for  the  achievement  of  independence,  they 
were  not  dismayed  or  faint-hearted  in  the  day  of  sore 
calamity.  "  Independence  forever  !"  cried  Adams.  Paine 
wrote,  "These  are  the  times  that  try  men's  souls;"  but, 
fortunately  for  us,  the  pillars  of  the  Revolution  were  made 
of  sterner  stuff  than  the  ratiocinative  souls  of  Paine  and 
Franklin.  We  know  what  a  disastrous  shipwreck  Bacon 
made  of  statesmanship. 

Not  only  in  the  beginning  of  the  war,  but  throughout, 
the  authority  of  Congress  was  very  weak ;  there  was  no 
President  with  even  advisory  powers.  "  There  was  a  state 
without  King  or  nobles ;  there  was  a  church  without  a 
Bishop."  Some  good  souls  interpreted  so  ill  the  great 
movement  they  were  engaged  in,  that  they  believed  them 
selves  still  fighting  under  the  banner  of  George  III., — for 
him,  and  against  his  usurping  ministers, — just  as,  later  in 
our  history,  some  held.to  the  impossible  power  of  "con 
stitutional  resistance"  and  of  "peaceable  secession." 
Accordingly,  when  bold  Ethan  Allen  laid  siege  to  Ticon- 
deroga,  although  the  substance  of  royalty  was  gone  out 
of  him,  the  phantom  of  "divine  right"  still  hovered  over 
the  vacuum,  notwithstanding  he  was  an  infidel,  and  he 
issued  his  summons  ' '  in  the  name  of  the  great  Jehovah 
and  of  the  Continental  Congress." 

That  notion  of  "divine  right"  was  driven  out  of  the 
Fathers'  minds  far  more  by  the  whips  and  scorpions  of 
war  than  by  the  philosophy  of  Jefferson,  leading  him  to 
that  great  word,  "Governments  derive  their  just  powers 
from  the  consent  of  the  governed,"  and  that  the  source 


298  HISTORICAL. 

of  all  authority  in  government  is,  "We,  the  People." 
Jefferson  might  write  (poaching  on  the  North  Carolina 
doctrines)  "All  men  are  created  equal;"  but  the  some 
what  humiliating  quarrels  of  the  Fathers  about  grades  of 
authority  did  more  to  put  that  equality  into  effect  than 
did  the  Declaration  of  Independence. 

Having  no  President,  and  only  a  very  shadowy  Con 
gress,  they  were  often  in  dire  chaos.  Washington  was 
elected  to  the  chief  command  to  restore  order.  Repair 
ing  to  New  England  to  organize  his  little  army,  and  find 
ing  matters  in  sad  confusion,  he  said,  playfully,  referring 
to  the  Governor  of  Connecticut,  "We  must  consult 
Brother  Jonathan  on  the  subject."  Brother  Jonathan 
helped  them. 

The  "Cowboys"  on  the  Tory  side,  and  the  "Skinners" 
on  the  Patriot  flanks,  were  probably  about  like  the  modern 
guerrillas  and  bushwhackers  on  the  Rebel  side,  and  the 
"bummers"  on  the  Unionist.  There  were  some  as 
anxious  to  "take  protection"  from  the  British  com 
manders  as  Southern  families  were  to  secure  "protection- 
papers"  from  soft-hearted  Union  generals. 

The  war  was  ended  at  last,  independence  was  estab 
lished,  and  the  nation  staggered  along  as  best  it  might 
without  a  head.  The  Tory  McFingal  scornfully  but 
truthfully  said : 

"  For  what's  your  Congress,  or  its  end  ? 
A  power  t*  advise  and  recommend  ; 
To  call  forth  troops,  adjust  your  quotas — 
And  yet  no  soul  is  bound  to  notice ; 
To  pawn  your  faith  to  th'  utmost  limit, 
But  cannot  bind  you  to  redeem  it." 

The  Articles  of  Confederation  were  found  to  be  a 
"rope  of  sand,"  and  men  began  to  say  of  them  as  poor 
humpbacked  Pope  said  of  himself,  "God  mend  me!" 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO  HISTORY.  299 

But  the  wiser  ones  answered  as  the  link-boy  replied  to  his 
master,  "God  mend  you?  It  would  be  far  easier  to 
make  a  new  one."  And  they  made  a  new  one.  They 
also  gave  the  nation  its  present  name.  To  our  ancestors, 
just  emancipated  from  dependence,  and  occupying  only 
the  edge  of  the  continent,  which  the  rising  sun  of  empire 
had  barely  fringed  with  civilization,  as  the  morning  sun 
gilds  the  overhanging  cloud,  the  name  "America"  might 
have  seemed  too  pretentious ;  but  it  would  not  have  been 
more  assuming  than  "Continental  Congress."  It  would 
have  been  more  convenient  than  "United  States." 

To  form  a  national  banner  to  supplant  the  multitude  of 
snakes,  pine-trees,  bears,  and  other  grotesque  devices 
carried  through  the  Revolution,  they 

"  Tore  the  azure  robe  of  night, 
And  set  the  stars  of  glory  there." 

Trumbull  puts  into  the  mouth  of  his  hero  the  contempt 
ible  objection  which  was  urged  against  the  flag  at  that 
time,  that  it  was 

'  Inscribed  with  inconsistent  types 
Of  Liberty  and  thirteen  stripes." 

As  though,  forsooth,  the  Fathers  designed  to  symbolize  the 
lashes  of  slavery  in  its  sacred  folds  !  Yet  we  know  very 
well,  from  the  cooler  erasures  and  interlineations  which 
Jefferson  drew  through  the  white-hot  first  draft  of  the 
Declaration,  and  the  still  further  omissions  made  by  the 
Committee,  that  they  did  not  by  any  means  regard  slavery 
with  the  abhorrence  that  young  Jefferson  did. 

The  national  motto  was  probably  taken  from  a  modest 
metrical  composition  by  John  Carey,  of  Philadelphia, 
entitled  "The  Pyramid  of  Fifteen  States,"  in  which 
occur  the  following  verses  : 


300  HISTORICAL. 


•*- 

*        * 

•*        *        * 

*        *        *-        * 

*  #  •:;:-  •* 


"Audax  inde  cohors  stellis  e  p  lurid  us  unum 
Ardua  pyramidos  tollit  ad  astra  caput." 

These  three  words  occur  as  a  motto  on  the  title-page 
of  the  Gentleman'  s  Magazine,  published  in  London  in 
1731  ;  but  whether  Carey  or  the  Fathers  ever  saw  them 
there  I  am  not  informed. 

In  1796,  C.  C.  Pinckney,  having  received  a  mercenary 
proposition  of  alliance  from  the  French  Directory,  wrote 
home  his  great  word,  "  Millions  for  defense,  but  not  one 
cent  for  tribute  !" 

Two  years  later,  in  the  midst  of  the  partisan  clamor 
and  dissensions  that  distracted  the  country,  in  sympathy 
with  the  frenzied  madness  of  the  French  Revolution,  the 
voice  of  Hopkinson  was  heard  above  the  din,  summoning 
his  countrymen  to  concord  and  fraternal  love  : 

"  Firm,  united  let  us  be, 
Rallying  round  our  Liberty  — 
As  a  band  of  brothers  joined, 
Peace  and  safety  we  shall  find." 

But  suddenly  every  note  of  passion  and  of  discord  was 
hushed.  There  went  a  voice  of  mourning  through  the 
Republic,  at  the  sound  of  which  the  stoutest  hearts  were 
awed,  and  the  eyes  of  grim  veterans  were  suffused  with 
tears.  He  of  whom  it  was  said  that  "he  had  no  children 
that  a  nation  might  call  him  father,"  went  to  his  long 
home.  Before  the  assembled  Congress,  Henry  Lee  pro 
nounced  his  noble  and  memorable  eulogy,  "To  the 
memory  of  the  Man,  first  in  war,  first  in  peace,  and  first 
in  the  hearts  of  his  countrymen." 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO  HISTORY.  301 

Already,  before  the  close  of  the  century, — such  was  the 
strong  recuperative  power  of  the  young  country, — the 
Republic  had  so  far  recovered  from  the  shocks  of  the 
Revolution,  that  the  eaglet  was  hatched  that  was  destined 
to  develop  into  the  "  Birdofredum  Sawin  ;"  and  Timothy 
Dwight  was  moved  to  unpack  his  swelling  patriotism  in 
voluminous  poetical  compositions.  He  gave  the  nation 
its  right  name  in  the  following  couplet : 

"  Columbia,  Columbia,  to  glory  arise — 
The  queen  of  the  world,  and  the  child  of  the  skies." 

The  national  money,  after  the  conclusion  of  the  war, 
became  so  worthless  as  to  furnish  us  a  proverb  to  this  day  : 
"Not  worth  a  Continental."  But  as  early  as  1811  the 
national  finances  appear  to  have  become  greatly  improved, 
for  in  that  year  honest,  indignant  Josiah  Quincy  said  in 
a  speech,  "Why,  sir,  we  hear  the  clamor  of  the  craving 
animals  at  the  treasury-trough  here  in  this  Capitol."  In 
this  year,  too,  the  Massachusetts  politicians  taught  the 
country  how  to  "gerrymander;"  so  it  was  evident  that 
"Young  America"  was  making  quite  as  rapid  progress, 
both  politically  and  financially,  as  was  healthy.  He  was 
already  looking  well  after  the  "Almighty  Dollar"  and 
the  office. 

The  Federalist  party  took  the  lead  during  the  Revolu 
tion  and  for  some  years  after  it,  because,  like  their  modern 
successors,  the  Republicans,  in  the  war  of  the  Rebellion, 
they  were  the  party  of  strength  and  centralization.  But 
the  Democratic  reaction  came  and  swept  them  from  power, 
bringing  in  Jefferson. 

During  the  stately  administration  of  Washington  there 
was  in  the  Capital  a  "Republican  Court,"  and  especially 
a  brilliant  galaxy  of  female  beauties  clustering  about  Mrs. 
Washington.  When  Jefferson  rode  down  to  the  Capitol 

26 


302  HISTORICAL. 

on  horseback,  and  entered  it  in  his  dirty  boots,  all  this 
was  changed  into  "Democratic  simplicity."  The  sturdy 
old  Ironsides  of  the  Federalist  party  became  unpopular  ; 
being  in  the  minority,  they  were  necessarily  "  treason 
able."  The  suite  of  rooms  in  Washington  occupied  by 
Pickering  and  Hillhouse  were  the  Federalist  headquar 
ters,  and  were  known  as  "Treason -Hall."  The  party 
name  was  becoming  so  unpopular  that,  a  few  years  later, 
it  had  to  be  abandoned. 

Jefferson  originated  the  cry  of  "British  influence,"  if 
not  that  of  "British  gold,"  which  has  hounded  many  a 
man  to  political  death.  He  earnestly  sympathized  with 
France,  and  in  1809  he  sought  to  cripple  English  com 
merce  by  the  "Embargo ;"  but  this  harmed  New  England's 
commerce  even  more.  Upon  its  enactment,  therefore, 
her  orators  dramatically  cried  out,  "Liberty  is  dead!" 
and  the  Boston  newspapers  appeared  in  mourning.  Yankees 
disposed  to  jest — though  not  much  humor  had  yet  appeared 
in  New  England — anagrammatically  called  it  the  "  O  grab 
me." 

The  Republic  went  to  war  against  England  to  resist  the 
pretended  "right  of  search."  But  "  Brother  Jonathan" 
grumbled  loudly,  because  this  war  would  ruin  his  com 
merce  and  his  codfishing  business ;  so  he  had  to  be  de 
graded  from  the  chief  command,  and  replaced  by  the  less 
provincial  and  more  catholic,  if  coarser,  "Uncle  Sam," 
who  was  born  in  1812,  and  had  for  his  birth-record  the 
head  of  a  commissary  barrel  of  beans. 

Under  this  greater  leadership  the  nation  made  gallant 
head  in  the  war  on  the  ocean,  where  it  never  "gave  up 
the  ship;"  but  on  shore  there  seemed  to  prevail  a  "mas 
terly  inactivity,"  as  John  Randolph  said.  So  sturdy  was 
the  opposition  of  New  England  to  the  war  that  certain 
persons  along  the  shore  of  Connecticut  (it  was  asserted) 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO   IH STORY.  303 

hoisted  "blue  lights"  at  night,  to  show  British  smugglers 
where  to  land;  and  thus  added  another  phrase  to  the 
vocabulary  of  treason.  The  commerce  of  New  England 
was  literally  going  to  grass,  and  the  virulence  of  her  oppo 
sition  developed  an  intense  party  spirit.  In  1814  met  the 
famous  Hartford  Convention.  It  is  wonderful  how  this 
assembly  of  twenty-six  eminently  respectable  gentlemen 
scared  Madison  and  his  Cabinet ;  and  yet  not  wonderful, 
when  we  consider  the  anger  of  New  England,  and  the  fact 
that  these  gentlemen  dared  even  whisper  the  fatal  word 
"  Disunion." 

Advancing  upon  New  Orleans  with  the  (alleged)  rally- 
ing-cry  of  "Booty  and  Beauty,"  the  English  received 
their  final  and  crushing  defeat  at  the  hands  of  "Old 
Hickory."  The  war  of  1812  was  ended. 

The  great  "Northwest  Territory"  had  been  sacredly 
consecrated  to  liberty,  but  the  ever-aggressive  slave-power, 
stimulated  by  the  new  and  great  value  given  to  cotton  by 
the  invention  of  Eli  Whitney,  cast  greedy  eyes  upon  this 
fair  region.  In  the  memorable  struggle  of  1820,  termi 
nating  in  the  "Missouri  Compromise,"  a  noble  State 
was  lost  to  slavery,  although,  for  the  rest,  the  line  be 
tween  freedom  and  slavery,  the  old  "  Mason  and  Dixon's 
Line"  (latitude  39°),  was  replaced  by  one  further  south, 
that  of  36°  30'.  But  it  was  a  gain  to  slavery  on  the  whole. 
John  Randolph  denounced  this  compromise  as  a  "dirty 
bargain,"  and  the  eighteen  Northern  Congressmen  who 
helped  strike  it,  as  "dough-faces." 

The  advocacy  of  "Disunion"  had  already  migrated 
from  Hartford  to  Charleston.  But  it  had  not,  in  either 
case,  reached  the  masses  ;  and  when  Webster  (1823)  lifted 
up  his  voice  in  behalf  of  "Our  country,  our  whole  country, 
and  nothing  but  our  country,"  his  words  awakened,  North 
and  South,  an  approving  response. 


304  HISTORICAL. 

About  this  time  the  nation  was  gratified  by  Monroe's 
declaration  of  the  principle,  really  originated  by  J.  Q. 
Adams,  that  "  the  United  States  would  view  any  attempt 
of  the  Allied  Powers  to  extend  their  system  to  any  por 
tion  of  this  hemisphere  as  dangerous  to  our  peace  and 
safety." 

Reassured  by  the  valorous  assertion  of  this  principle, 
dear  to  every  American  heart,  and  released  by  compro 
mises  from  the  baleful  struggle  with  slavery,  the  Republic 
now  entered  upon  the  "Era  of  good  feeling,"  which 
characterized  Monroe's  administration. 

About  the  year  1828  a  new  fountain  of  bitter  waters 
was  opened  up  in  the  discussion  of  the  tariff.  Some 
stoutly  defended  the  "American  System,"  as  alone  pa 
triotic;  others  insisted  that  the  "Foreign  System,"  or 
English  free  trade,  could  alone  protect  the  finances  of  the 
country.  Jackson  advocated  the  rather  indeterminate 
measure  of  a  "judicious  tariff."  The  manufactures  of 
New  England  and  the  Middle  States  vigorously  demanded 
"Protection  to  domestic  industry;"  but  John  Randolph, 
speaking  for  the  cotton-growing,  free-trade  South,  replied, 
"  I  would  go  half  a  mile  out  of  my  way  to  kick  a  sheep." 

With  the  accession  of  Jackson  came  a  new  rule  in  poli 
tics.  In  1832  Marcy  gave  it  felicitous  utterance  in  the 
Senate  :  "  They  see  nothing  wrong  in  the  rule  that  to  the 
victors  belong  the  spoils  of  the  enemy."  Blair  and  Ken 
dall,  composing  Jackson's  famous  "Kitchen  Cabinet," 
on  this  new  principle  decapitated  many  a  Whig,  and 
roasted  him  on  the  Democratic  spit. 

The  Federalists  had  long  since  transmuted  themselves 
into  "National  Republicans,"  which  name  still  indicated 
their  centralizing  theories.  But  about  1829  that  was  in  turn 
abandoned  for  "Whig,"  although,  after  both  these  new 
births,  the  party  still  appeared  wrapped  in  the  swaddling- 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO  HISTORY. 


305 


bands  of  the  slave-power.  The  fierce  attacks  of  the 
tariff  party  upon  the  Democrats  forced  them  also,  for  a 
time,  to  seem  to  abandon  their  ancient  name ;  at  least 
they  tacked  on  it  as  a  shield  the  word  "Republican," 
becoming  "Democratic  Republicans." 

The  Southern  opposition  to  the  tariff,  under  the  leader 
ship  of  Polk,  began  as  early  as  1828,  and  the  war  of  words 
speedily  waxed  to  threatening  proportions.  Hayne  fired 
a  great  gun  never  heard  before,  "A  State  can  commit  no 
treason;"  and  from  Garrison  came  back  the  answering 
defiance,  "  No  union  with  slaveholders."  Calhoun  took 
up  the  word:  "Each  State  has  an  equal  right  to  judge 
for  itself,  as  well  of  the  infraction  [of  the  Constitution] 
as  of  the  mode  and  manner  of  redress;"  and  the  Massa 
chusetts  "Gome-outers"  again  retorted,  "The  Constitu 
tion  is  a  covenant  with  death,  and  an  agreement  with 
hell."  The  South  cried  out,  "Let  us  alone  !"  to  which 
Garrison  a  third  time  made  reply:  "  Our  country  is  the 
world;  our  countrymen  are  all  mankind." 

Amid  all  these  low,  sullen  mutterings  of  the  approach 
ing  tempest,  while  the  red  glare  of  the  lightnings  was 
already  playing  along  the  horizon,  and  the  heavens  were 
darkened  by  black  and  gusty  clouds,  and  the  hearts  of  the 
mariners  quailed  with  fear,  there  was  heard  the  steady  voice 
of  the  master,  the  "Expounder  of  the  Constitution," 
warning  his  fellows  to  stand  by  the  old  ship,  and  giving 
them  for  a  watchword  to  the  end  of  time,  "  Liberty  and 
Union,  now  and  forever,  one  and  inseparable!" 

Holding  the  Constitution  to  be  only  a  "compact," 
South  Carolina  invented  a  word  of  new  and  baneful  im 
port,  "Nullification."  But  Jackson  declared  that  the 
Union  "must  and  shall  be  preserved,"  and  his  vigorous 
proceedings  cleared  the  political  atmosphere  of  South 
Carolina  wonderfully. 

26* 


306  HISTORICAL 

Jackson  fully  restored  the  prestige  of  the  ancient  party 
name,  and  they  now  dropped  their  shield,  and  became 
once  more  (1834)  simple  "  Democrats."  The  Whigs  being 
now  fully  organized  as  such,  received  from  Choate  a  pop 
ular  rallying-cry,  when  he  wrote  to  their  convention, 
"We  join  ourselves  to  no  party  that  does  not  carry  the 
flag  and  keep  step  to  the  music  of  the  Union." 

The  trifling  incident  of  the  so-called  "  Locofoco 
cigars"  in  Tammany  Hall  gave  the  Democrats  a  new  nick 
name,  which  became  popular. 

In  the  famous  "  Hard  -cider  campaign"  of  1840,  for 
and  against  "  Tippecanoe  and  Tyler  too,"  the  country 
first  began  to  hear  of,  and  to  assemble  in,  "  mass-meet 
ings."  Before  this,  too,  not  much  had  been  heard  of 
"available  candidates."  The  West  being  now  fully 
opened  up,  the  business  of  "stump-speaking"  and  "log 
rolling"  began  to  flourish,  though  both  were  quite  honor 
able  and  above-ground  compared  with  the  New  York 
operations  of  "pipe-laying"  and  "repeating."  When 
Vice-President  Tyler  became  President,  and  turned  away 
from  the  party  which  elected  him,  men  revived  the  old 
Virginia  doctrine  (known  also  to  the  Magyars  centuries 
ago)  of  the  "right  of  instruction." 

The  great  slave-power  was  now  waxing  so  bold  and  so 
powerful  in  the  land,  that  it  was  hard  for  both  the  two 
great  parties  to  remain  any  longer  neutral.  The  Whigs, 
under  the  lead  of  Webster  and  Clay,  claimed  to  be  the 
least  subservient  to  it,  but  they  began  now  to  be  sore 
pushed  in  their  neutrality.  As  early  as  1841  the  seeds  of 
their  final  ruin  were  planted  ;  they  became  divided  into 
"Conscience  Whigs"  and  "Cotton  Whigs," — names 
which  graphically  explain  themselves.  Of  the  former 
division,  Charles  Francis  Adams  and  Wilson  were  promi 
nent  leaders. 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO   HISTORY. 


3°7 


The  slave-power  had  long  had  a  wistful  eye  on  the 
great  and  rich  region  of  Texas,  and  in  1844  Polk  was 
elected  on  the  distinct  platform  of  "Annexation,"  or 
"  Reannexation"  as  some  preferred  to  call  it,  which  the 
Democratic  party  pronounced  to  be  a  "  political  neces 
sity."  Despite  the  imposing  petition  sent  to  Congress 
by  the  Conscience  Whigs,  the  new  "Liberty  party,"  and 
the  "Abolitionists,"  Texas  was  annexed  by  joint  resolu 
tion.  There  was  war  with  Mexico,  and  five  Whigs  in 
Congress  made  themselves  immortal  by  "  firing  in  the 
rear."  Corwin  virtually  hoped  the  Mexicans  would  "wel 
come  with  bloody  hands  to  a  hospitable  grave"  every  in 
vader  of  their  country.  The  animosity  between  the  Con 
science  Whigs  and  the  Cotton  Whigs  became  intense ; 
party  spirit  ran  as  high  as  in  1812. 

At  the  same  time  with  the  Mexican  war  the  country 
escaped  with  the  skin  of  its  teeth  from  another  with 
England  about  the  Oregon  boundary.  "Fifty-four  forty, 
or  fight ! ' '  was  the  popular  cry,  both  North  and  South ; 
but  our  government  was  obliged  to  yield  its  claims, 
although  it  compensated  itself  by  seizing  upon  the  peer 
less  domain  of  California,  at  Monterey,  scarce  twenty- four 
hours  in  advance  of  the  English  admiral. 

Jefferson's  foreign  policy,  which  consisted  simply  in 
avoiding  "entangling  alliances,"  expanded,  under  Folk's 
Administration,  to  this  formula:  "Ask  nothing  that  is 
not  right,  and  submit  to  nothing  that  is  wrong."  Both 
were  rather  vague. 

Notwithstanding  the  great  immigration  all  the  while, 
our  people  still  regarded  foreigners  with  a  certain  amount 
of  distrust,  and  used  toward  them  a  rather  illiberal  policy. 
Accordingly,  when  Bishop  Hughes  sought  to  organize  an 
Irish  party,  his  attempt  not  only  failed,  but  produced  a 
violent  reaction  (1844)  which  filled  the  land  with  the  cry, 


308  HISTORICAL. 

"Native  Americans,"  "America  for  Americans,"  and 
subsequently  gave  birth  to  "Sam"  and  the  "Know- 
Nothings."  Our  countrymen  seemed  to  forget  that  it 
was  foreign  men  coming  to  America,  and  not,  as  in  the 
case  of  Poland  and  Ireland,  foreign  governments. 

In  1850  the  country  was  again  alarmingly  convulsed 
over  the  proposition  to  admit  California  as  a  free  State. 
Webster  virtually  joined  himself  to  the  Cotton  Whigs  by 
advocating  the  infamous  Fugitive  Slave  Bill.  He  asserted 
that  "  there  are  times  when  we  must  learn  to  conquer  our 
prejudices,"  and  that  it  was  useless  to  attempt  to  "re- 
enact  the  will  of  God"  concerning  the  destination  of  New 
Mexico.  But  a  rupture  was  again  staved  off  for  awhile  by 
Clay's  "  Omnibus  Bill,"  which  brought  in  California  free, 
New  Mexico  and  Utah  as  Territories,  without  mention  of 
slavery,  the  abolition  of  slavery  in  the  District  of  Columbia, 
and  the  Fugitive  Slave  Bill.  Thii  news  was  received  in 
far-off  California  with  wild  delight,  making  "Admission 
Day"  a  joyful  anniversary  forever,  to  be  celebrated  with 
bonfires,  cannon,  and  bell-ringing.  But  this  bargaining 
with  the  slave-power  shattered  the  Whig  party,  and  it 
went  down  soon  after  in  hopeless  and  irremediable  dis 
aster. 

The  arrogant  attitude  and  demands  of  the  slave  oli 
garchy  were  now  driving  men  from  both  the  great  parties 
toward  a  separate  organization.  Some  came  from  the 
Democracy,  but  most  of  them  were  earnest  men  fleeing 
from  the  fast-sinking  and  dishonored  ship  of  Whiggery, 
who,  together  with  their  few  Democratic  allies,  launched 
a  new  vessel  on  the  political  seas,  and  named  it  "  Free 
Soil."  In  1848  it  was  fully  rigged,  and  ready  to  sail. 
The  two  "healthy  organizations"  chose  their  captains  for 
the  coming  contest, — Taylor  and  Cass  respectively, — and 
now  was  opened  an  opportunity  for  the  new  party  to  win 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO   HISTORY.  309 

a  splendid  triumph.  But,  unfortunately,  acting  too  closely 
upon  their  motto,  "Success  is  a  duty,"  they  selected  a 
feeble  leader,  Van  Buren,  and  in  the  ensuing  election  they 
came  out  disastrously  in  the  vocative.  Their  failure  barely 
escaped  contempt. 

But  now  came  up  a  new  apparition,  one  of  the  most 
wonderful  in  all  the  erratic  career  of  American  politics, — 
the  Know-Nothing  party  (1853).  Like  an  uncalculated 
comet,  it  blazed  through  the  heavens  on  its  brief  but 
astonishing  career,  smashing  Whig  and  Free-Soil  utterly, 
and  shaking  Democracy  to  its  center.  It  seems  almost 
like  a  providential  intervention  in  history,  in  that  it 
ground  so  thoroughly  to  powder  the  feeble  parties  which 
had  hitherto  made  sham  battles  against  the  slave-power, 
reducing  all  to  a  common  level,  and  thus  clearing  the 
ground  of  old  and  false  traditions,  preparatory  to  the 
rise  of  a  new  organization  squarely  confronting  the 
oligarchy. 

This  new  party  called  itself  "Republican,"  thereby 
shaking  off  old  and  painful  memories  of  disaster,  and 
unhappy  traditions  connected  with  dishonored  names. 
In  1856  it  went  forth  to  battle  with  the  rally  ing-cry, 
"Fremont  and  freedom!"  and,  though  beaten,  was 
beaten  without  disgrace  to  itself. 

In  response  to  the  demand  for  "  free  soil"  in  the  Terri 
tories,  the  South  replied,  "We  have  a  right  to  take  our 
slaves  wherever  you  take  your  horses."  This  was  the 
first  exchange  of  shots  at  long  range  between  the  out 
posts.  In  1850  Seward  said  in  the  Senate  that  there  was 
a  "higher  law  .  .  .  which  regulates  our  authority 
over  the  domain ;"  but  there  came  back  from  Hammond 
the  proud  response,  "Cotton  is  king." 

In  1854  Burns  was  carried  back  to  Virginia  and  sla 
very  in  a  government  cutter,  and  the  New  York  Tribune 


3io  HISTORICAL. 

passionately  declared  the  flag  that  fluttered  above  him  was 
a  "flaunting  lie."  But  Chief  Justice  Taney  calmly  re 
plied  that  the  negro  "  had  no  rights  which  the  white  man 
was  bound  to  respect."  Douglas  protested  against  the 
quarrel  over  the  negro,  declaring  that  this  is  a  "white 
man's  government." 

Through  the  action  of  Douglas  the  Missouri  Compro 
mise  was  repealed,  thus  throwing  Kansas  open  to  sla 
very  ;  and  Chief  Justice  Taney  ruled  that  the  Constitution 
"made  no  distinction  between  the  right  of  property  in  a 
slave  and  any  other  property  held  by  a  citizen,"  which 
opened  even  the  Free  States  to  slavery.  But  the  North 
was  busy  in  hurrying  emigrants  into  Kansas,  and  the 
"underground  railroad"  in  carrying  slaves  out  of  it. 
Douglas  offered  his  mediative  principle  of  "Squatter 
Sovereignty"  in  the  Territories,  but  it  availed  little  for 
Kansas.  There  followed  in  that  unfortunate  State  a  long, 
miserable,  and  desolating  struggle  between  the  inhabitants 
and  the  Border  Ruffians  of  Missouri ;  but  the  former  tri 
umphed  over  all  at  last,  rejected  the  last  plan  of  humilia 
tion  concocted  by  Congress,  called  the  "  English  Com 
promise,"  and  entered  the  Union  free.  The  day  of 
compromises  was  fast  passing  away. 

Clear-sighted  men  saw  the  great  battle  was  at  hand.  In 
June,  1858,  Lincoln  declared,  "The  Union  cannot  exist 
half  slave,  half  free;"  and  four  months  later  Seward  an 
nounced  to  a  startled  and  incredulous  nation  the  "Irre 
pressible  Conflict." 

Parties  were  swiftly  rushing  to  desperate  measures.  In 
May,  1859,  the  Southern  Commercial  Convention  boldly 
affirmed  the  unconstitutionally  of  the  laws  forbidding 
the  foreign  slave-trade.  Five  months  later  old  John 
Brown  made  the  South  tremble  by  his  mad  sally  at  Har 
per's  Ferry. 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO  HISTORY.  311 

The  near  approach  of  war  oppressed  thoughtful  men 
with  dread  and  melancholy,  and  the  timorous  separated 
themselves  from  the  strong.  Political  parties  multiplied 
on  every  hand,  as  the  physicians  assemble  thick  about  the 
bedside  of  a  dying  man.  In  one  great  camp  was  seen 
the  banner  inscribed,  "  Congressional  interference  in  the 
Territories  against  slavery;"  in  another  the  device,  "  Con 
gressional  interference  in  the  Territories  for  slavery." 
Between  these  two  remotest  camps  was  another  on  whose 
ensign  was  written,  "  The  great  principle  :  Congressional 
non-interference;"  and  another  with  this  motto,  ''The 
Union,  the  Constitution,  and  the  enforcement  of  the 
laws."  There  was  a  multitude  of  separate  brigades  and 
regiments,  as  "Abolitionists,"  '"Fire-eaters,"  "Silver 
Grays,"  "Old  Hunkers,"  "Barn-Burners,"  "  Co-opera- 
tionists,"  etc. 

The  election  of  1860  let  slip  the  dogs  of  war.  As  one 
after  another  of  the  "erring  sisters"  took  her  departure 
from  the  ancestral  hearth -stone,  there  were  some  who 
cried  out,  "Let  the  Union  slide  !"  but  the  "old  public 
functionary"  shed  tears.  Some  called  earnestly  after 
them,  that  they  meant  to  leave  their  "peculiar  institu 
tion"  unharmed,  but  these  protests  of  the  weak-kneed 
were  no  longer  of  any  avail.  So  great  was  the  distress 
and  alarm  of  the  majority  of  the  people,  both  North  and 
South,  that  one  good  old  man  was  encouraged  to  attempt 
once  more  the  work  of  compromise.  But  the  "Peace 
Congress"  was  laughed  to  scorn. 

All  patchwork  of  diplomacy  was  rudely  swept  aside  by 
the  attack  on  Fort  Sumter,  which  commenced  a  war  on 
"the  best  government  the  world  ever  saw."  But  in 
thus  "firing  the  Southern  heart"  the  Rebels  fired  also 
the  Northern,  and  then  came  a  wild  cry  for  "blood-let 
ting."  The  great  word  was  spoken:  "If  any  man 


3i2  HISTORICAL. 

attempts  to  haul  down  the  American  flag,  shoot  him  on 
the  spot!" 

Maryland  "had  no  quarrel  with  the  Union,"  and  then 
there  came  from  the  North  a  fierce  cry,  "  Through  Balti 
more,  or  over  it  1"  This  was  followed  by  "  On  to  Rich 
mond  !"  The  raw  and  untutored  army  made  a  blunder 
ing  pass  at  Manassas,  had  victory  just  in  its  gripe,  then 
ran  away  in  a  bloody  and  disastrous  panic,  and  a  well- 
known  voice  cried,  "  Peace  on  the  best  attainable  terms  !" 
Then  for  weary  months  all  remained  "  quiet  on  the  Poto 
mac,"  and  the  heart  of  the  people  grew  sick  and  sad 
with  hope  deferred.  But  they  were  listening  meantime  to 
the  marvelous  narratives  of  the  "reliable  gentleman"  and 
the  "  intelligent  contraband,"  who  related  to  their  gaping 
auditors  such  accounts  of  the  doings  of  the  dreadful  and 
mysterious  "masked  batteries"  of  the  Rebels  as  made 
each  separate  and  particular  hair  on  our  heads  stand  on 
end. 

They  had  not  yet  learned  in  Washington  to  let  head 
quarters  be  in  the  field,  whence  McClellan,  after  a  series 
of  dreadful  battles,  had  to  "change  his  base"  before 
Richmond.  This  emboldened  Lee  to  change  his  base 
into  "Maryland,  my  Maryland,"  from  which  Antietam 
caused  him  to  change  it  back  again.  Instructed  by  these 
bitter  experiences,  the  government  had  allowed  Pope,  as 
Lee  jestingly  said,  "to  have  his  headquarters  where  his 
hindquarters  ought  to  be;"  in  consequence  of  which 
proceeding  the  "Mackerel  Brigade"  performed  some 
most  wonderful  and  astounding  evolutions,  in  a  race  with 
the  Rebels  for  Washington. 

But  in  the  mean  time,  happily,  Grant  was  learning  out 
West  how  to  "move  on  your  works;"  Sherman,  how  to 
"  make  a  flank  movement;"  and  Sheridan,  how  to  "do 
things." 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO  HISTORY.  313 

There  was  a  deal  of  bad  management  everywhere ;  a 
good  deal  of  "shoddy"  was  distributed  to  the  brave  boys 
in  blue ;  and  the  bacon  was  often  rancid,  or  lacking  alto 
gether.  Many  a  poor  fellow  who  enlisted  to  do  hard 
fighting,  but  was  allowed  to  rot  in  ignominious  inaction 
along  the  banks  of  the  James,  the  Rappahannock,  the 
Tennessee,  and  the  Mississippi,  lost  the  number  of  his 
mess,  and  was  carried  out  feet  foremost  from  his  little 
"chebang"  to  his  long  home.  Billy  Jones  "jumped  the 
boun-ti-ee;"  there  were  "Copperheads"  in  the  grass, 
ready  to  strike  the  boys  in  the  rear;  there  were  infam 
ous  contractors  getting  rich  on  their  sufferings.  The 
"K.  G.  C."  abounded;  the  "Butternuts"  obstructed. 
The  deserted  and  lonely  maidens  began  to  sing  "When 
this  cruel  war  is  over."  Many  declared  the  "war  was 
a  failure,"  and  all  were  at  least  ready  to  admit,  with  the 
President,  that  it  was  a  "big  job,"— bigger  even  than 
"Crazy  Sherman"  had  predicted,  and  not  to  be  ended 
in  "ninety  days"  by  any  means.  Those  were  dark,  dark, 
sad  days  for  all  who  loved  the  Republic. 

But  the  people  never  desponded,  whatever  weak-kneed 
officers  might  do ;  and  to  the  call  for  more  troops  they 
gloriously  responded,  "We  are  coming,  Father  Abraham, 
with  three  hundred  thousand  more ;"  and  the  tramp  of 
armed  myriads  was  heard  from  the  piney  forests  of  Maine 
to  the  broad  prairies  of  Kansas.  The  "  War  Democrats" 
did  nobly.  Hooker  fought  his  "battle  above  the  clouds  ;" 
Rosecrans  "went  down  to  take  Chattanooga, — and  there 
he  was." 

Hitherto  many  good  men  had  not  been  able  to  decide 
within  themselves  whether  "the  war  was  prosecuted  to 
put  down  slavery,  or  slavery  was  to  be  put  down  to  prose 
cute  the  war,"  or  neither;  but  all  the  while  "John  Brown's 
soul  was  marching  on"  to  its  inevitable  goal.  At  last  the 

27 


314  HISTORICAL. 

President  grew  to  the  stature  of  the  times,  and  felt  him 
self  strong  enough  to  proclaim  emancipation.  This  was 
a  grievous  stumbling-block  and  rock  of  offense  to  many 
good  friends  of  the  Republic  ;  and  they  were  hardly  per 
suaded  by  the  argument  of  "military  necessity."  The 
people  drifted  as  slowly  to  emancipation  as  they  did,  in 
the  Revolution,  toward  independence. 

Better  days  were  coming  now.  Grant  sat  doggedly 
down  and  pounded  at  Vicksburg  for  months.  At  last  he 
and  Pemberton  met  under  a  tree,  and  in  the  course  of 
two  or  three  hours  broke  a  celebrated  "backbone." 

The  navy  was  "stopping  up  the  rat-holes"  faithfully. 
Grant  was  assisted  in  the  capture  of  Vicksburg  by  "an 
iron  fleet  with  a  wooden  commander;"  New  Orleans  was 
taken  by  "a  wooden  fleet  with  an  iron  commander." 

As  for  the  Rebels,  so  thoroughly  had  they  believed  in 
"  peaceable  secession, "  thinking  the  North  too  mercenary 
to  fight,  that  many  a  vainglorious  orator  offered  to  "drink 
all  the  blood  that  would  be  spilled. ' '  Even  should  there  be 
fighting  (as  Northern  men  also  asserted),  "  one  man  would 
whip  ten."  At  first  there  was  division  in  their  councils, 
some  wishing  all  the  Southern  States  to  "co-operate;" 
but  the  capture  of  Sumter  so  turned  the  Southern  head 
that  opinion  was  reduced  to  an  almost  absolute  dead  level 
of  unanimity,  and  "secession,"  pure  and  simple,  every 
State  going  out  for  itself,  was  the  order. 

At  first  the  leaders  inflated  the  popular  hopes  with 
"foreign  recognition;"  then  later,  when  the  battle  was 
beginning  to  go  sore  against  them,  with  a  "revulsion  of 
popular  feeling  in  the  North." 

The  Rebels  too  often  had  to  defend  their  cities,  as 
Bragg  said  to  Davis,  "with  five  proclamations  and  one 
brigade."  "  Political  Brigadiers"  were  the  curse  of  their 
armies.  Deserters  abounded  at  the  front,  and  "bomb- 


A   ROYAL   ROAD    TO   HISTORY.  315 

proofs"  at  home.  The  secret  "Red  and  White  League" 
— not  daring  to  add  the  "blue,"  but  repudiating  the 
"  red" — sapped  their  Georgia  regiments.  Discipline  was 
nugatory ;  the  order  to  charge  or  to  fall  back  sometimes 
proceeded  from  some  Stentor  of  a  private.  "Lee's 
miserables"  were  so  ragged  that  he  "was  always  ashamed 
of  them  except  when  fighting."  Memminger's  "gray- 
backs"  would  not  feed  them,  and  Nature's  "graybacks" 
devoured  them. 

Stonewall  Jackson  performed  prodigies  of  daring  and 
valor,  and  made  Fremont  his  "Quartermaster."  John 
ston  made  a  masterly  retreat  in  Georgia ;  and  then  Hood 
"fout  and  fout"  in  Atlanta,  and  afterward  was  driven 
away  from  Nashville  with  ignominy. 

But  it  was  all  of  no  avail.  Their  great  "  interior 
circle,"  on  which  Albert  Sydney  Johnston  counted  so 
much,  became  daily  narrower  and  more  hollow.  "  Cousin 
Sal' '  was  impetuous  and  brave,  but  no  match  for  her  per 
sistent  and  hard-headed  old  Uncle.  To  replenish  their 
wasted  regiments,  they  were  driven  to  "rob  the  cradle 
and  the  grave."  The  fatal  end  drew  near.  "Submis- 
sionists"  began  to  rear  their  heads.  Men  began  to  talk 
of  "dying  in  the  last  ditch." 

Meantime,  Grant  was  pounding  at  Richmond  with  his 
accustomed  doggedness,  determined  to  "fight  it  out  on 
that  line,  if  it  took  all  summer."  It  took  all  summer, 
and  all  winter.  Sherman  conceived  his  daring  project, 
asked  and  received  permission,  and  then  went  "  marching 
through  Georgia."  Sheridan  took  a  memorable  "ride" 
up  the  Shenandoah  Valley,  then  hastened  down,  and  fell 
upon  Petersburg. 

One  Sunday  morning,  after  reading  a  mysterious  tele 
gram  in  church,  Davis  made  ready  in  all  haste,  and  fled 


3i  6  HISTORICAL. 

with  his  Cabinet  from  Richmond.  On  his  way  through 
North  Carolina  he  made  a  speech,  in  which  he  affirmed 
that  the  "war  had  entered  upon  a  new  phase."  That 
new  phase  meant  for  him  a  "Yankee  Bastile." 

It  was  a  "  lost  cause."  The  Rebels  were  "  overpowered, 
but  not  whipped."  They  were  "outnumbered  by  the 
Northern  scum." 

The  government  did  not  hang  Davis  on  a  "sour  apple- 
tree,"  or  any  other,  but  proceeded  quietly  to  the  great 
work  of  "  Reconstruction."  "  My  policy"  did  not  pre 
vail,  but  Congress  deemed  it  necessary  to  "  reconstruct 
reconstruction."  "Universal  amnesty  and  universal  suf 
frage"  was  refused,  though  the  Northern  people  were  dis 
posed  to  treat  the  fallen  Rebels  with  great  generosity. 
There  followed  a  long  and  disgraceful  wrangle  between 
Congress  and  the  President,  continuing  until  the  incoming 
of  a  new  administration,  with  a  motto  which  the  people 
took  up  with  that  great  joy  that  comes  of  weariness  :4  "Let 
us  have  peace."  But,  alas  !  the  South  had  been  "recon 
structed"  so  much,  and  yet  so  ill,  that  there  was  no  peace 
there ;  but  the  unhealed  and  rankling  malady  of  disfran- 
chisement  within  burst  forth  in  the  violent  eruptions  of 
the  "Ku-Klux." 

The  North  had  said,  "  The  negro  troops  fought  nobly," 
and  therefore  demanded  for  them  the  ballot.  But  the 
negro  himself  responded : 

"  Shoo,  fly !  don't  bodder  me, 
For  I  belong  to  Company  B." 

This  history  may  properly  end  with  the  latest  sectional 
mottoes.  New  England  says,  "  Boston  State-House  is  the 
hub  of  the  Solar  System."  The  West,  speaking  through 
General  Logan,  replies  with  arguments  about  the  "geo- 


A    ROYAL   ROAD    TO   HISTORY.  317 

graphical  center."     The  South  says,  "In  Dixie  land  I'll 
take  my  stand."     On  the  Pacific  slope  the  word  is: 

"  That  for  ways  that  are  dark, 
And  for  tricks  that  are  vain', 
The  heathen  Chinee  is  peculiar." 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES. 

T)ERHAPS  it  would  be  impossible  to  give  a  clearer 
JL  and  yet  more  comprehensive  epitome  of  German 
political  history  for  the  last  three  centuries  than  is  found 
in  the  student  fraternities.  Of  course,  they  do  not  present 
an  actual  epitome  of  that  history,  but  only  an  imitation 
performed  by  boys ;  but  the  doings  of  boys  are  so  much 
simpler  and  withal  so  much  more  attractive  than  their 
fathers'  actions,  and,  in  Germany,  have  been  such  an 
exact  imitation  of  the  same,  that  their  history  is  alto 
gether  the  most  interesting.  Gorres  says,  "  If  a  boy  does 
not  at  ten  run  around  with  all  the  gamins  he  can  find,  and 
at  twenty  become  a  red-hot  republican,  he  will  come  to 
nothing."  But  the  university  boys  of  Germany  are  not 
all  red-hot  republicans  at  twenty,  and  we  shall  therefore 
find  in  their  doings  all  forms  of  government  typified. 

The  fraternities  correspond  exactly  neither  to  the  secret 
societies  of  our  American  colleges  nor  to  the  literary 
societies;  for,  unlike  the  first,  their  constitutions  and  pro 
ceedings  are  open,  and,  unlike  the  second,  they  pay  small 
attention  to  that  kind  of  peculiarly  American  oratory 
which  frequently  smacks,  as  the  French  say,  de  la  blague, 
and  more  to  the  cultivation  of  a  slightly  maudlin  patriot 
ism  which  is  known  in  Germany  as  D cuts clithaume lei. 
As  in  America,  there  are  two  classes  of  organizations,  quite 
as  distinct  as  ours,  and  a  third  party  of  neutrals,  though 
these  latter  are  far  less  numerous  proportionately  than  in 
American  colleges.  The  most  numerous  and  powerful 
(3i8) 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES.          319 

class  of  fraternities,  especially  in  North  German  uni 
versities,  is  the  corps ;  and  the  others  we  may  call,  for 
lack  of  a  more  accurate  word,  literary  clubs,  though  this 
is  by  no  means  a  translation  of  their  title  (JBurschen- 
schaften),  but  only  an  approximate  indication  of  their 
character.  Besides  these,  there  are  a  few  theological 
fraternities,  found  principally  in  Catholic  universities  and 
in  Switzerland ;  and  fewer  still  of  what  may  be  called 
classic  fraternities,  as,  for  instance,  that  of  Berlin  devoted 
to  the  study  of  Thucydides.  Both  the  corps  and  the 
literary  clubs  have,  as  in  America,  a  common  organiza 
tion  in  many  universities,  though  this  community  is  less 
perfect  than  ours,  extending  usually  only  to  the  most 
general  regulations  as  to  duels,  beer-courts,  etc.,  and  the 
correspondence  between  them  is  irregular.  Each  uni 
versity  has  its  own  special  beer-code  and  duel-code,  estab 
lished  by  its  General  Convention,  by  which  all  beer  and 
sword-duels  must  be  regulated ;  but  the  different  lodges 
of  the  same  organization  have  an  arrangement  of  cartel 
between  them  which  entitles  students  moving  from  one 
university  to  another,  or  students  fighting  a  duel  in  another 
university  than  their  own,  to  certain  rights  and  privileges. 
Some  of  them  may  have  secret  grips  or  pass- words,  but, 
if  so,  it  is  in  violation  of  agreements  made  with  the  facul 
ties,  and  I  have  never  discovered  any  evidence  of  them. 
The  principal  mode  of  salutation  consists  in  an  embrace 
and  a  good,  broad,  "clamorous  smack."  As  to  badges, 
colors,  uniforms,  and  present  general  character,  it  will  be 
more  appropriate  to  speak  after  some  consideration  has 
been  devoted  to  their  origin  and  history. 

The  existence  of  these  fraternities  reaches  far  back  into 
the  seventeenth  century,  and  the  earliest  form  which  they 
assumed  was  that  of  national  clubs  (Landsmannschafteri) 
founded  solely  on  the  principle  of  a  common  nationality. 


320 


HISTORICAL. 


When  the  student  came  to  the  university  he  was  a  stranger, 
far  from  home  and  in  need  of  friends ;  he  found  there 
many  different  dialects  of  German,  less  intelligible  to  each 
other  than  now,  and  many  varieties  of  national  costume 
and  customs.  Nothing  was  more  natural,  therefore, 
than  that  he  should  seek  out  men  from  his  own  province, 
speaking  his  own  dialect.  They  would  console  each 
other  in  their  loneliness,  and  "drink  brotherhood"  to 
gether,  that  is,  holding  the  beer-mugs  in  locked  arms. 

Of  course,  the  constitutions  and  laws  of  these  clubs 
were  at  first  very  ill  defined,  and  their  amusements  were 
of  the  rudest  and  often  the  most  scandalous  description. 
Many  students  wore  swords,  and  their  favorite  pastime 
was  to  slap  the  street-boys  {Gnoteri}  with  the  flat  of  the 
sword,  or  to  terrify  children  and  nurses  at  night  with 
hideous  ghostly  apparitions.  The  "  captain  joke"  was 
to  annoy  the  "rattlers,"  as  they  called  the  policemen, 
by  thumping  on  their  doors  and  crying  "Murder!" 
to  see  them  gather  up  their  loins  and  run  through  the 
streets. 

"Pennalism,"  or  the  system  of  fagging,  existed  then  in 
its  worst  shape ;  and  in  many  universities  the  student  did 
not  become  a  "  moss-skin,"  that  is,  entirely  free  from  ser 
vitude,  until  the  seventh  semester,  or  beginning  of  the 
fourth  year.  German  historians  assert  that  this  custom, 
or  one  very  like  to  it,  existed  in  the  schools  of  Athens. 
The  Senior  Convention  was  absolute.  It  was  its  influ 
ence  principally  which  gave  the  clubs  so  great  a  suprem 
acy  in  the  universities  as  to  force  nearly  all  the  students 
to  join  them,  will  they,  nill  they.  As  the  university  was 
imported  into  Germany  from  France,  so  the  cumbrous 
title,  national  club,  presently  yielded  to  the  French  des 
ignation  corps,  though  the  fraternity  was  sometimes  called 
a  circle  (Kranzcheri).  The  constitution  of  the  Senior 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES. 


321 


Convention,  as  it  existed  before  the  nineteenth  century, 
was  substantially  as  follows : 

1.  All  students  who  wish  to  have  a  voice  in  the  regu 
lation  of  public  affairs  in  the  university  must  belong  to 
some  corps.     In  most  universities  the  names  of  all  corps 
that  may  exist  there  have  been  already  permanently  es 
tablished,  so  that  any  new  organization  springing  up  must 
take  a  name  now  vacant,  by  which  it  becomes  entitled  to 
a  vote  in  the  Senior  Convention  ;  or,  if  not  satisfied  with 
an  old  name,  must  approve  itself  in  the  duello  with  all 
the  existing  corps.    The  new  name  will  then  be  recognized 
by  the  Senior  Convention. 

2.  Each  corps  has  one  vote  in  the  Senior  Convention. 
This   body  exercises   all    legislative    and    administrative 
functions  in  public  affairs,  and  wields  executive  power 
through  a  committee  of  three  {Chargirte). 

3.  No  honorable  student   can    permit   himself   to   be 
slandered  or  insulted.     He  must,  within  the  lawful  time 
(generally  three  days),  either  exact  an    explanation    or 
challenge  the  offender  to  a  duel. 

4.  When  the  student's  personal  honor  is  wounded  by 
insult  or  slander,  it  can  be  restored  by  the  duello  (with 
the  sword)  alone. 

5.  Regulations  as  to  methods  of  challenge,  weapons, 
seconds,  distance,  etc.  are  different  in  different  universi 
ties. 

6.  Regulations  as  to  the  degree  or  amount  of  disgrace 
attaching  to  every  dishonorable  action,  such  as  a  breach 
of  the  word  of   honor,  certain   verbal  and  personal   in 
juries  specified   in   the  code  of   honor,  but,  above  all, 
refusal  to  fight  when  challenged,  are  generally  prescribed 
by  the  Senior  Convention. 

7.  Another  matter  over  which  the  Senior  Convention 
exercises  control,  is  the  rights  of   the  students  among 


322  HISTORICAL. 

themselves.  During  the  existence  of  the  system  of  fag 
ging,  the  regulation  of  the  relations  of  fags  to  the  other 
students  occupied  most  of  the  legislative  activity  of  this 
body.  (The  precise  definition  of  the  nature  and  position 
of  a  fag  appears  to  have  given  students  much  trouble  a 
century  ago.  An  old  Heidelberg  code  defines  a  fag  as 
"A  piece  of  flesh  without  mind,  wit,  or  sense,  but  who 
always  carries  a  great  quantity  of  cigars  and  tobacco  about 
him."  Another  at  Halle  summed  them  up  thus,  "  Pen- 
nals  are  sly,  but  they  do  not  think.") 

The  corps,  as  inspired  and  guided  by  the  Senior  Con 
vention,  exercised  a  relentless  tyranny,  and  their  influ 
ence  was  in  many  respects  then,  as  it  is  to-day,  deplora 
ble.  All  who  would  not  join  them,  preferring  to  avoid 
the  duel  and  to  give  their  evenings  to  study,  were  branded 
as  "finches,"  "camels,"  "savages,"  and  were  treated 
with  unmeasured  contempt.  Kobbe,  writing  of  the 
period  which  followed  the  Thirty  Years'  War,  says:  "  In 
that  dark  epoch  it  was,  when  the  national  heart  was 
crushed  and  broken,  that  the  germ  of  our  liberties,  or, 
if  the  name  is  preferred,  the  spirit  of  youthful  chivalry, 
took  refuge  in  the  universities ;  and  that  of  which  people 
had  no  enjoyment  elsewhere  they  consoled  themselves 
with  to  the  fill  during  their  three  years'  residence  at  the 
university.  In  this  way,  then,  the  old  university  freedom 
soon  degenerated.  The  staid  old  men  gave  the  institu 
tion  their  sanction  only  because  the  youth  could  therein 
find  vent  for  their  buoyancy,  and  run  out  their  horns. 
The  wilder  the  better,  said  they,  and  so  that  which  was 
originally  designed  to  make  the  soul  really  free,  and  to 
elevate  the  intellect  above  the  conventional,  and  give  it 
strength  for  coming  life,  became  a  sort  of  opium-eat 
ing,  which  wasted  the  intellectual  powers,  perverted  the 
ambition,  and  left  behind  a  corresponding  insipidity  and 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES.        323 

hollowness,  and  that  which  the  state,  as  it  was  left  by  that 
unhappy  war,  could  best  employ — machine-laborers." 

About  the  middle  of  the  eighteenth  century  there 
spread  out  from  Scotland,  all  over  Europe  and  into  the 
German  universities,  a  sort  of  Freemasonry,  which  threat 
ened,  for  a  time,  to  extinguish  the  earlier  national  clubs 
or  corps  altogether.  They  disregarded  nationality,  and 
selected  members  solely  on  the  principle  of  congeni 
ality.  The  students  went  mad  over  these  follies,  and  for 
a  quarter  of  a  century,  corresponding  with  the  Storm- 
and-Stress  Period  in  literature,  Germany  was  filled  with 
signs  and  wonders,  stories  of  pale  riders  on  horseback, 
terrific  caged  goats,  heated  gridirons,  etc.  Fearful  rites 
of  initiation  were  employed,  which  made  "each  particu 
lar  hair  to  stand  on  end."  The  national  clubs  almost 
entirely  disappeared  from  some  universities,  being  sup 
planted  by  these  new  orders,  of  which  the  most  widely 
ramified  and  popular  was  the  Amicisten  Orden.  Their 
device  consisted  of  a  kind  of  cross,  with  the  letters  V.  V. 
A.  (irivat  vera  amicitid)  above  it,  and  V.  A.  F.  H.  (vivat 
amicitia  fructus  honoris}  below  it. 

Toward  the  end  of  the  century  these  fooleries  fell  away, 
and  the  year  1 798  tumbled  them  into  their  grave.  The 
old  national  clubs  everywhere  experienced  a  resurrection, 
with  their  ancient  names,  Saxonia,  Westphalia,  Bavaria, 
Rhenania,  etc.;  but  the  furore  of  Scotch-German  Free 
masonry  had  had  this  effect,  that  it  destroyed  the  princi 
ple  of  association  by  nationalities,  and  henceforth  these 
national  clubs  were  called  corps,  as  now,  and  selected 
their  members  entirely  on  the  basis  of  congeniality.  Thus 
this  half-mad  folly  from  Scotland  had  done  something  to 
break  down  provincialism  in  the  universities,  and  so  for 
forth  was  useful. 

A  writer  describing  the  costumes  of  the  corps  in  Er- 


324  HISTORICAL. 

langen,  about  1800,  says  they  generally  wore  leather 
breeches,  like  the  Bavarian  peasants  of  to-day,  usually 
black  or  brown  and  ornamented  with  looped  braid ;  can 
non-boots,  very  high,  with  the  trousers  worn  inside ;  tall, 
pointed,  black  felt  hats,  ornamented  with  long  white 
cock's-feathers;  spurs,  gauntlets,  and  a  light  straight 
sword  (Stossdegeri).  This  last  article  they  carried  a  great 
portion  of  the  time.  Their  long  swan-neck  pipes  were 
ornamented  with  the  corps  colors,  and  sometimes  they 
wore  a  leather  helm,  like  that  of  the  Bavarian  army.  In 
other  universities  the  modern  jaunty  little  cloth  cap  was 
already  introduced. 

Such  were  the  fraternities  at  the  outbreak  of  the  French 
Revolution.  The  great  Napoleonic  wars  decimated  the' 
universities  only  less  disastrously  than  the  Thirty  Years' 
War;  nearly  half  a  score  of  them  totally  disappeared, 
professors  and  students  going  into  the  ranks.  The  tyr 
anny  of  the  French  rallied  all  to  the  front,  and  in  the 
momentous  years  1814-1815,  when  old  Germany  boiled 
like  a  pot,  the  enthusiasm  which  ran  through  that  phleg 
matic  people,  as  the  mighty  game  which  had  been  played 
by  giants  for  a  quarter  of  a  century  was  drawing  to  its 
grand  close,  was  only  equaled  by  our  vast  uprising  of  1861. 
Jena  sent  half  a  regiment.  The  student  Stapps  shot  at 
Bonaparte  in  the  garden  of  Schonbrunn,  and  five  hours 
afterward  he  was  fusiladed.  His  death  wrought  miracles, 
— for  every  drop  of  his  blood  so  dastardly  spilled  there 
sprang  up  a  thousand  of  his  comrades  to  avenge  his 
death. 

Bonaparte  was  crushed.  Many  of  the  students  re 
turned  to  the  lecture-room  to  complete  their  studies,  boys 
no  longer,  but  broad-shouldered  and  bearded  men,  the 
veterans  of  many  a  hard  campaign,  leather-hided  and 
brawny,  decorated  with  crosses  and  epaulettes  and  honor- 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES. 


325 


able  scars,  their  white,  thin  skins  tough  as  shagreen. 
Should  they  now  go  back  to  the  petty  squabbles  of  their 
vealy  days  ?  Should  men  who  had  fought  for  all  Germany, 
bared  their  breasts  to  its  foes  on  many  a  gallant  field,  and 
drained  the  bowl  around  many  a  bivouac-fire  beside  the 
Rhine  to  the  united  Fatherland,  now  draw  their  toy- 
swords  for  Saxonia,  or  Lusatia,  or  Rhenania?  Absurd  ! 
They  must  have  a  fraternity  founded  on  a  broader  basis. 

Scarcely,  therefore,  had  the  peace  of  Vienna  been  con 
cluded,  when  one  Jahn,  a  Jena  man,  sent  out  a  circular 
to  all  the  students  of  Germany,  glowing  with  patriotic 
fervor,  and  containing  the  kernel  of  a  constitution  for 
such  a  new  and  broader  sodality.  In  it  he  named  the 
magic  word  Bursch^  for  which  the  English  has  no  full 
equivalent.  Eleven  men  of  Jena,  from  the  four  corps 
there  existing,  met  and  organized  the  first  literary  club, 
but  did  not  awaken  the  enthusiasm  they  expected,  and 
presently  the  project  fell  through.  Another  small  club, 
calling  itself  the  Sulphurea,  having  no  constitution  but 
the  motto,  "Death  to  the  duello!"  died  even  more 
quickly. 

But  one  Kaffenberger,  also  a  man  of  Jena,  saw  that 
the  corps,  backed  by  the  great  and  ancient  prestige  of  the 
duel,  must  be  attacked  more  craftily.  He  took  Jahn's 
constitution,  but  popularized  it  by  adding  many  of  the 
least  objectionable  laws  of  the  corps,  and  founded  there 
on,  June  1 2th,  1815,  the  Christlich-deutsche-Burschen- 
schaft,  with  the  motto,  "Honor,  Freedom,  Fatherland." 
This  is  an  important  date  in  the  student  life  of  Germany, 
as  marking  the  first  great  step  of  revolt  against  the  duello. 
Kaffenberger  took  away  the  despotic  power  given  by  the 
corps  to  the  oligarchic  Senior  Convention,  for  which  body 
he  substituted  the  General  Convention,  wherein  every  stu 
dent,  except  Freshmen  of  the  first  semester,  had  a  voice. 

28 


326  HISTORICAL. 

This  latter  body  was  a  return  to  the  old  Athenian  ecclesia, 
and  was  the  ultimate  authority ;  but  his  President  and 
council,  with  their  combined  executive  and  legislative 
powers,  mutually  supplementary,  curiously  resembled  our 
President  and  Senate.  They  made  small  war  on  the 
duello  as  yet,  even  fighting  themselves  when  unavoidable, 
and  their  principal  object  was  to  cultivate  patriotism.  The 
greatness,  the  unity,  the  invulnerability,  the  incompre 
hensibility  of  Germany,  etc., — this  was  their  weakness, 
or  rather  their  strength,  for  the  new  doctrine  now  began 
to  multiply  on  the  face  of  the  earth.  About  the  only 
good  thing  these  enthusiasts  accomplished  was  to  give  to 
Germany  some  of  its  most  beautiful  songs,  for  which  the 
appreciative  American  student  will  ever  be  grateful  to 
them.  The  glorious  drinking-songs  of  Arndt,  Riickert, 
Korner,  and  others,  such  as  the  "Gaudeamus,"  "  Lan- 
desvater,"  and 

"  Wir  batten  erbaut  ein  stattliches  Haus," 

were  first  heard  then  in  many  a  roistering  beer-cellar,  and, 
to  the  great  advantage  of  morality,  soon  supplanted  the 
smutty  or  maudlin  effusions  which  had  descended  from 
the  age  of  Louis  XIV. 

In  less  than  a  year  after  their  foundation  the  literary 
clubs  had  rooted  out  all  the  corps  in  Jena  except  one 
dwindling  lodge,  and  the  faculties  negotiated  with  them 
as  constituting  the  entire  body  of  students.  On  the  first 
anniversary  of  the  Vienna  peace  they  marched  in  gor 
geous  procession  through  Jena,  and  received  from  the 
young  ladies  a  silk  banner  bearing  their  colors  (black, 
red,  and  gold),  which  afterward  had  a  history  more  mys 
terious  and  celebrated  than  any  other  ever  known  in  Ger 
many.  A  year  later  they  carried  it  in  gala  procession 
again,  and  immediately  afterward  it  was  stolen  and  no 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES.  327 

trace  of  it  could  be  found, — a  circumstance  which  created 
an  excitement  as  profound  as  the  abduction  of  Morgan. 
Thirty  years  afterward  a  man  who  had  belonged  to  the 
only  corps  that  was  left,  confessed  on  his  dying  bed  that 
he  had  hidden  it  in  spite ;  but  to  this  day  there  are  hun 
dreds  of  thousands  of  superstitious  Germans  who  still  be 
lieve  that  old  flag  is  hidden  somewhere  about  the  Wart- 
burg,  sacredly  guarded  by  the  patron  saint  of  Germany, 
who  will  bring  it  forth  in  triumph  on  the  day  of  Germany's 
final  union.  Its  appearance  is  now  due. 

In  1818  these  literary  clubs  held  their  first  great  re 
union,  and  at  that  time  they  were  firmly  established  in 
eleven  universities.  Haughty  and  aristocratic  Gottingen 
and  Breslau  were  the  only  strongholds  that  had  not  been 
wholly  or  partly  carried  by  this  half-mad  Deutschthaumelei. 
America  is  called  the  peculiar  dwelling-place  of  humbug 
and  "sensations;"  but  does  the  marvelous  history  of 
Know-Nothingism  or  of  the  morus  multicaulis  furnish 
anything  surpassing  this  ? 

Jena  was  the  only  university  where  the  corps  had  en 
tirely  succumbed,  but  in  a  few  cities  they  still  held  out  in 
undiminished  strength,  and  in  others  shared  the  dominion 
pretty  equally  with  their  young  rivals.  On  the  whole, 
Germany  was  more  equally  parceled  out  between  them 
than  at  the  present  day,  the  literary  clubs  being  weaker 
now,  which  fact  is  significant,  since  they  represent  social 
istic  democracy,  while  the  corps  stand  for  the  old  feudal 
aristocracy.  Since  they  now  (about  1818)  stand  over 
against  each  other  most  equally  matched  and  in  full  battle- 
array,  let  us  take  a  survey  of  their  respective  uniforms. 

The  literary  clubs  called  themselves  Old  Germans, 
and  affected  something  of  the  simplicity  and  more  of  the 
extravagances  of  their  mediaeval  ancestors.  Their  gala 
uniform  was  generally  a  close,  short,  black  tabard,  with  a 


328  HISTORICAL. 

stiff  narrow  collar,  and,  turned  over  it,  a  wide  shirt-collar, 
ornamented  with  embroidery,  spangles,  etc.;  bare  neck; 
long  hair ;  a  black  bonnet  on  the  head,  garnished  with 
feathers  and  a  gold  acorn.  On  particular  days  they  wore 
a  red  scarf  bordered  with  gold  fringe ;  a  long,  straight, 
slender  sword  (not  the  pointed  rapier,  for  the  stab-duel, 
but  a  sword  with  a  knob  on  the  point,  for  the  stroke-duel)  ; 
gold  spurs  of  great  size ;  and  had  their  coats  bordered 
with  velvet  scollops  and  gold  fringe.  Sometimes  they 
trained  in  the  linen  uniforms  of  the  Turners,  as  we  see 
them  to-day. 

The  corps,  inconsistent  with  their  real  principles,  called 
themselves  Young  Germans,  and  chose  the  then  most 
modern  costumes.  They  wore  cavalry  collars ;  cannon- 
boots,  the  same  as  now ;  immense  spurs ;  sometimes  mili 
tary  helmets,  but  oftener  the  modern  caps ;  uhlan  casques ; 
hussar  cassocks ;  Polish  coats  with  an  abundance  of  loops 
and  braid  on  the  breasts ;  and  on  their  trousers  galloons 
as  wide  as  one's  hand.  They  generally  carried  yet  the 
pointed  rapier  suited  for  the  stab-duel.  Mayer's  article 
on  the  universities,  from  which  I  derive  many  facts,  and 
the  Breslau  pamphlet  entitled  "  Der  Unsinn  des  Duells" 
differ  somewhat  as  to  the  date  when  the  corps  abandoned 
the  stab-duel  for  the  less  ferocious  stroke-duel,  but  it  was 
somewhat  later  than  the  time  under  discussion. 

The  literary  clubs,  as  we  have  seen,  came  in  on  the 
mighty  flood-tide  of  enthusiasm  following  the  expulsion 
of  Bonaparte,  but  that  flood-tide  was  already  ebbing. 
The  Germans  having  healed  their  wounds  were  beginning 
to  dream  again,  and  to  burrow  in  their  book-dens  like 
troglodytes.  Arndt  says,  "People  have  sometimes  done 
us  Germans  the  honor  to  call  us  the  Greeks  of  the  modem 
world,  and  the  thoughtful  people  who  have  been  desig 
nated  by  God  to  think  and  invent  for  the  peoples  of 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES.        329 

Europe.  .  .  .  But  we  are  for  all  other  Europeans 
and  above  all  others  the  dreamers,  and  have  thereby  suf 
fered  to  fall  into  the  hands  of  subtle  and  crafty  strangers 
a  great  part  of  that  which  we  had  earned  with  our  sweat 
and  blood."  For  this  reason  the  literary  clubs  were 
already  showing  the  yellow  leaf,  when  there  fell  a  stroke 
which  cut  them  up  by  the  roots.  The  Confederate  Par 
liament,  in  Frankfort,  passed  a  series  of  resolutions  which 
set  forth  that  "the  so-called  literary  clubs,  now  existing 
in  certain  universities,  and  carrying  on  a  secret  corre 
spondence  that  extends  all  over  Germany, — an  institution 
that  is  dangerous  to  the  liberties  of  the  people,  as  well  as 
corrupting  to  public  morals,  and  cannot  therefore  be  tol 
erated, — be,  and  the  same  are,  hereby  forbidden."  They 
further  enacted  that  any  person  convicted  of  belonging 
to  one  of  these  pestilent  clubs  after  the  enactment  should 
be  declared  forever  incompetent  to  hold  a  public  office  ! 
So  another  reunion  took  place  in  Jena  in  1819,  and  with 
solemn  and  imposing  ceremonies  the  literary  clubs  were 
dissolved  as  public  organizations.  Whereupon  there  was 
great  rejoicing  among  the  corps,  and  much  accession  of 
beer  and  new  members.  The  literary  clubs  deserved  their 
fate,  not  for  their  sins,  but  for  their  follies.  Patriotism 
with  them  became  a  disease.  With  all  their  scandalous 
sins  of  sottishness,  outrageous  quarrelsomeness,  and  vain 
glory,  the  corps  were  the  more  respectable,  even  if  their 
souls  were  so  dead  that  none  ever  to  himself  hath  said, 
"This  is  my  own,  my  native  land."  They  were  too 
proud  to  make  themselves  fools. 

Of  course,  as  the  reader  has  foreseen,  these  literary 
clubs,  being  publicly  suppressed,  gradually  sprang  up 
again  as  secret  societies.  In  Jena  alone  did  they  main 
tain  an  open  existence,  but  did  it  at  the  expense  of  all 
their  old  principles  and  their  patriotism,  fought  duels, 

28* 


33° 


HISTORICAL. 


and  despised  the  non-fraternity  men,  the  "camels,"  as 
heartily  as  did  the  corps.  In  the  universities,  too,  where 
they  lived  only  in  profound  secrecy,  they  abandoned  the 
notion  of  saving  the  Fatherland,  and  gave  their  attention 
pretty  exclusively  to  the  question  of  the  relative  disad 
vantages  of  the  fore-stroke  and  the  back-stroke.  Within 
three  years  after  their  formal  dissolution  they  had  secret 
lodges  in  most  of  the  universities  where  they  existed  be 
fore ;  but  the  university  police  hunted  them  so  keenly 
that  many  of  them  dared  have  no  written  constitution, 
and  were  liable  at  any  moment  to  be  seized  and  igno- 
miniously  cast  into  the  pit,  whence  they  might  dolorously 
cry  out  of  the  deeps,  O  quid  agis  ? 

But  as  time  rolled  on,  and  the  statute  began  to  acquire 
a  covering  of  dust,  this  severity  relaxed.  In  1824  the 
remnants  of  the  old  literary  clubs  in  Erlangen  ventured 
to  reorganize  themselves  into  a  body  to  which  they  gave 
the  cautious  name  of  the  Generality  (Allgemeinheit),  and 
by  conducting  themselves  with  great  discretion,  in  a  year 
they  transgressed  with  impunity  the  Bavarian  law  which 
forbade  any  but  the  corps  from  wearing  colors.  They 
assumed  uniform  caps.  But  from  the  day  of  their  founda 
tion  there  had  been  growing  up  among  them  a  division 
of  sentiment,  one  section  acquiring  the  title  of  the  Pathos 
party,  while  the  others  became  known  as  Bummers.  The 
first  hankered  after  the  flesh-pots  of  the  old  Jena  literary 
clubs,  were  the  dreamers,  the  maudlin  patriots,  the  trog 
lodytes  of  the  university ;  but  the  second  had  caught  a 
partial  inspiration  of  real  human  life,  and  were  less  anx 
ious  to  save  the  Fatherland  than  to  find  out  the  best 
quality  of  beer  and  swig  the  same.  Having  before  them 
a  goodly  keg  (Pass)  of  mellow  old  hock,  they  would  cry 
out  in  the  words  of  the  moral  Seneca,  "Zforabsit  \\t-fas!" 
The  Pathos  worshiped  the  Muses  and  the  Graces,  and 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES.  331 

wept  over  the  downfall  of  the  Fatherland ;  the  Bummers 
worshiped  the  graces  who  lived  in  Erlangen,  could  quaff 
beer,  and  trip  it  "on  the  light  fantastic  toe,"  and  as  for 
the  Fatherland,  their  creed  was — to  commit  a  slight  vio 
lence  on  a  venerable  text — ubi  puella,  ibi  patria.  In  the 
picnics  in  the  vicinity  of  Erlangen,  the  Pathos  would 
wander  off  alone,  and  frequently  improve  the  opportunity 
in  the  silent  forests  to  debate  and  reason  together  upon 
the  affairs  of  the  nation,  or — 

"  Retreated  in  a  silent  valley,  sing 
With  notes  angelical  to  many  a  harp ;" 

while  the  Bummers  danced,  and  rollicked,  and  occasion 
ally  fleshed  upon  each  other  the  latest  fashion  of  saber 
from  Suhl.  They  were  captured  by  the  police  so  often 
when  they  were  enjoying  their  Attic  nights,  and  incar 
cerated  in  the  dungeon,  that  they  made  a  song  about  it, 
of  which  a  couplet  may  be  thus  rendered  : 

"  Think  you  this  joke  annoys  me,  chum? 
No;  prison-life  is  frolicsome." 

German  students  are  generally  good  draughtsmen,  and 
they  had  such  frequent  and  admirable  opportunities  for 
developing  their  gifts  in  this  direction,  that  the  walls  of 
the  old  university  dungeons  look  like  a  geometrical  pa 
limpsest. 

In  a  year  after  its  establishment  the  Generality  split, 
the  Bummers  becoming  the  Germania,  and  the  Pathos 
the  Arminia.  The  former  adopted  the  colors  of  the  old 
literary  clubs  and  white  regulation-caps.  This  date  is 
important,  because  the  Germania  eventually  became  the 
widely-ramified  literary  clubs  of  to-day,  a  fine  body  of 
men,  who  have  been  an  honor  and  a  benefit  to  the  uni 
versities;  and  we  must  overlook  their  origin  when  we 


332 


HISTORICAL. 


remember  the  human  material  out  of  which  Rome  was 
builded.  Freshmen  were  now  for  the  first  time  in  history 
admitted  to  a  perfect  equality  with  the  older  classes  in  all 
elections  and  other  privileges,  their  sole  lingering  badge 
of  inferiority  being  the  tricolored  guards  which  they 
wore  instead  of  the  white  ones  of  the  older  classes.  This 
year,  therefore  (1825),  marks  the  final  abolition,  at  least 
by  this  new  order  of  fraternities,  of  the  odious  and  bar 
barous  system  of  fagging ;  and  it  is  greatly  to  the  credit 
of  Catholic  Erlangen  that  it  was  in  advance  of  the  Prot 
estant  North  German  universities  in  adopting  this  reform. 
But  the  duello  was  still  retained  in  a  milder  form,  for  no 
fraternity  could  hope  to  live  in  open  revolt  against  it,  and 
it  was  by  this  alone  that  the  Germania  fought  its  way  to 
a  vote  in  the  Erlangen  Senior  Convention.  On  the  other 
hand,  the  Arminia  with  their  foolish  Deutschthaumelei 
allied  themselves  with  the  Philistines  (citizens),  thus 
covering  themselves  with  fresh  contempt,  and  speedily 
went  into  nothingness. 

Jena  also  had  a  revival  of  the  old  literary  club,  and  it 
likewise  split  into  Pathos  and  Bummers.  The  Pathos 
occupied  themselves  with  such  questions  as  these,  Ought 
the  Almighty  or  Mephistopheles  to  have  won  his  wager 
on  Faust  ?  and,  Ought  grace  to  be  said  at  table  aloud  or  in 
a  whisper  ?  They  adopted  the  Erlangen  names,  Germania 
and  Arminia,  but  both  retained  the  duello,  and  one  day 
they  assembled  in  battle-array,  thirty  on  a  side,  in  a  pinery 
near  Jena,  fell  to  at  a  given  signal,  and  made  no  end  until 
they  had  fought  three-quarters  of  an  hour.  One  student 
was  killed  on  the  field,  two  others  had  to  have  arms  am 
putated,  and  none  of  them  escaped  without  serious  stabs 
or  slashes.  The  Arminia  was  beaten,  and  consequently  was 
expelled  from  the  Senior  Convention  with  ignominy. 

In  1832  came  the  bastard  Frankfort  revolution,  an  affair 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES.          333 

as  contemptible  in  every  way  as  our  John  Brown  raid,  but 
it  scared  the  German  governments  greatly.  The  Ger- 
mania  now  had  numerous  chapters,  and  some  of  their  men 
were  foolish  enough  to  join  in  the  Frankfort  fiasco,  or  to 
cause  suspicions  that  they  did,  and  forthwith  the  storm 
burst  over  their  heads  again.  All  the  governments  in 
Germany,  with  the  single  exception  of  Wiirtemberg  (now, 
perhaps,  the  most  stupidly  illiberal  in  the  empire),  issued 
rigid  decrees  against  the  Germania  men,  and  swept  them 
all  away  smack-smooth.  In  Tubingen  alone  did  one 
chapter  remain  in  open  existence.  All  other  universities 
compelled  the  student  to  promise  on  matriculation  that 
he  would  join  himself  to  no  secret  fraternity,  and  some, 
as  that  of  Vienna,  included  secret  and  open,  though  they 
left  a  loop-hole  where-through  a  man  might  creep,  by 
adding,  "or  that  you  will  abide  all  the  penalties  thereto 
attached." 

Of  course,  the  Germania  men  had  to  burrow  in  secret 
again  and  live  the  lives  of  ground-moles.  After  a  few 
years  they  began  to  come  up  again ;  they  picked  up  the 
best  men  from  the  scattered  remnants  of  the  poor  Armi- 
nia ;  purged  their  ranks  of  the  help-drinks  (Mitbummler) 
and  the  bottle-tails  (Kneipschwdnze]  whom  they  had  taken 
in  the  day  of  prosperity  merely  to  equalize  their  numbers 
with  their  enemies  the  corps ;  and  so  began  slowly  to 
come  to  the  surface  once  more.  In  some  universities  the 
storm  had  wrecked  everything,  clubs  and  corps  alike. 
This  was  the  case  in  Jena,  and  for  several  years  there 
ensued  a  dreary  interregnum,  an  arid  waste  in  college 
life  for  lack  of  the  social  vivacity  of  the  fraternities,  until 
in  1837  there  came  up  the  Unsinnia,  a  club  of  wits  and 
scholars,  like  the  Owls  of  London  and  our  own  Phi  Beta 
Kappa.  These  men  gradually  drifted  into  the  again  rising 
tide  of  the  literary  clubs  or  Germania  men,  and  by  their 


334 


HISTORICAL. 


eminent  respectability  gave  them  impetus  and  eclat.  In 
1848  the  Germania  may  be  considered  to  have  regained 
all  the  ground  lost  by  the  blunder  of  1832,  and  they  were 
now  pretty  much  everywhere  either  tacitly  or  directly 
recognized  by  the  faculties.  That  year,  therefore,  may 
stand  as  the  date  when  the  corps  and  the  literary  clubs 
were  fully  organized  and  developed  as  they  stand  to-day. 
Among  the  elegant  and  haughty  swashbucklers  of  Got- 
tingen  the  literary  clubs  never  got  any  considerable  foot 
hold  in  all  their  vicissitudes.  The  great  storm  of  1832 
swept  away  even  the  corps  in  Gottingen,  but  after  their 
revival  they  began  to  find  rivals  in  fraternities  founded 
much  on  the  same  principle  as  obtained  in  the  ancient 
national  clubs.  These  men  called  themselves  Liineburgers, 
Bremeners,  etc.;  but  the  haughty  young  gentlemen  and 
sprigs  of  Hanoverian  nobility  in  the  corps  dubbed  them 
"guzzlers,"  implying  that  they  assembled  for  no  purpose 
but  to  swig  beer.  They  also  accused  them  of  Deutsch- 
thaumelei  or  Jena  Red  Republicanism,  -and  this  brought  a 
great  explosion  in  1840,  which  I  find  reported  in  an  old 
number  of  the  Rheinische  Zeitung;  but  the  examination 
instituted  by  the  faculty  cleared  them  of  the  charge. 
The  corps  also  tried  to  root  them  out  by  throwing  them 
selves  on  them  and  contracting  innumerable  pro-patria 
duels  with  them ;  but  the  nationals  got  themselves  pri 
vately  coached  in  the  use  of  the  sword,  and  the  only 
result  was  that  they  became  as  good  strokes  as  the  corps 
men,  and  gave  them  as  good  as  they  sent.  The  prime 
cause  of  the  hostility  of  the  corps  was  that  the  guzzlers 
were  too  democratic  to  submit  to  the  oligarchic  tyranny 
of  the  Senior  Convention,  and  also  wished  to  substitute  a 
court  of  honor  for  the  duel.  The  quarrel  waxed  so  fierce 
at  last  that  the  faculty  intervened,  punished  the  corps 
men  severely,  distributing  among  them  fifteen  hundred 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES. 


335 


days  of  imprisonment,  and  gave  some  of  them  the  con- 
silium  abeundi.  They  obliged  them  to  enter  into  cartel 
with  the  nationals ;  recognize  the  court  of  honor,  if  the 
nationals  preferred  it  to  the  duel ;  and  also  abide  by  the 
decisions  of  the  General  Convention  in  all  matters  affect 
ing  equally  corps  men  and  nationals,  although  the  former 
still  retained  the  Senior  Convention  as  the  highest  autho 
rity  in  matters  between  the  corps  alone.  Preposterous  as 
it  may  seem,  the  mystic  letters  G.  C.  and  S.  C.  were 
never  spoken  but  in  a  whisper  (so  says  this  Rheinische 
Zeitung]  as  being  the  awful  depositories  of  power,  though 
every  bootblack  in  the  town  knew  on  what  evenings  they 
met.  About  the  only  difference  between  the  corps  and 
these  nationals  in  Gottingen  was,  that  the  former  fought 
more  duels,  and  developed  more  vociferous  ability  in 
"  throating."  A  duel  with  them  generally  created  a  great 
clamor  as  to  whether  a  stroke  had  "set,"  whether  or  not 
it  was  "  on,"  or  was  a  "  back-stroke"  or  a  "  fore-stroke," 
so  that  one  duel  usually  begot  another  among  the  seconds 
or  witnesses. 

Thus  we  have  briefly  traced  out  the  corps,  beginning 
before  the  Thirty  Years'  War,  and  the  literary  clubs  which 
arose  in  1815.  The  first  represent  the  old  feudal  aris 
tocracy  ;  the  latter,  democracy.  The  subject  cannot  be 
dismissed  without  a  word  or  two  of  comment. 

One  of  the  greatest  benefits  which  the  club  men  have 
helped  to  confer  on  student  life  is  the  mitigation  of 
the  duel.  Coming  originally  from  Italy,  the  dark  and 
treacherous,  the  duello  prevailed  for  centuries  in  Ger 
many  in  the  frightful  form  of  the  thrust-duel.  The  first 
step  of  reform  was  to  cause  a  large  hilt,  as  broad  as  a 
dinner-plate,  to  be  made  on  the  rapier,  to  catch  the  point 
of  the  adversary's  weapon.  Then  a  knob  was  put  on  the 
point,  and  the  thrust-duel  was  abandoned  for  the  stroke- 


336  HISTORICAL. 

duel,  which  is  far  more  honest,  manly,  and  consonant 
with  that  Teutonic  genius  which  invented  the  war-club 
swung  so  lustily  in  the  time  of  Tacitus.  That  hideous 
weapon  the  three-edged  rapier,  bearded  like  a  sickle,  so 
that  when  it  was  thrust  into  the  body  it  could  not  be 
drawn  out,  was  forbidden  by  the  university  statutes.  Jean 
Paul  cynically  said  of  that  barbarous  form  of  duel  that  it 
was  well  enough,  for  it  was  killing  off  the  fools  ;  but,  un 
fortunately,  so  great  was  the  strength  of  a  false  public 
opinion,  a  good  man,  unskilled  with  the  sword,  could  be 
forced  to  fight  and  be  killed  by  a  brainless  coxcomb  who 
would  escape  unhurt.  Next  the  whole  breast,  throat,  and 
right  arm  were  muffled  in  stout  leather,  and  the  eyes  pro 
tected  with  wire  goggles,  so  that  a  man  could  get  no 
slashes  except  on  his  cheeks  and  on  the  top  of  his  pate. 
The  present  mode  of  duel  is  very  seldom  fatal,  almost 
never  unless  the  rapier  breaks,  as  happened  a  few  years 
ago,  when  the  point  broken  off  pierced  a  student's  heart. 
Club  men  are  inclined  to  avoid  the  duel,  and  appeal  to 
a  court  of  honor;  but  the  corps  push  dueling  to  a  ridicu 
lous  and  outrageous  excess.  Rival  corps  often  egg  on 
their  best  strokes  to  settle  a  long-standing  feud  between 
them,  like  the  Horatii  and  the  Curiatii.  In  Heidelberg, 
for  instance,  when  a  student  wishes  to  fight  another,  he 
has  only  to  look  hard  at  him  in  a  peculiar  manner,  when 
the  other  asks,  "What  do  you  want?"  and  the  first  one 
replies  by  asking  him  to  name  his  seconds.  In  one  respect 
the  corps  are  superior,  for  they  never  descend  to  the  base 
American  fisticuff,  or  the  "hustle"  in  the  university  halls, 
or  the  caning  (Holzerei^,  while  the  club  men  sometimes 
so  forget  their  dignity  as  to  engage  at  least  in  the 
"wooden."  It  is  the  one  solitary  palliation  of  German 
dueling  that  it  prevents  men  from  fighting  on  the  spot, 
brutally,  and  in  the  red  heat  of  passion,  and  adjourns  the 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES.          337 

matter  to  a  cooler  moment.  The  corps  never  fight  a 
Philistine,  unless  he  be  a  military  officer;  but  the  club 
men  will  not  refuse  a  "  towny"  satisfaction,  but  prefer  to 
carry  the  dispute  before  the  university  senate. 

On  the  other  hand,  the  beer-duels  are,  if  possible,  more 
ridiculous  and  puerile  than  the  contest  with  the  rapier. 
The  club  men  are  even  freer  than  the  corps  to  swig  off  fif 
teen  or  twenty  glasses  in  a  "salamander,"  or  drain  their 
glass  after  each  stanza  of  the  long  song : 

"  In  Leipzig  angekommen, 
Als  Fuchs  bin  aufgenommen," 

or  to  resent  the  insult  of  being  called  "Pope,"  or  "doc 
tor,"  or  "sage,"  or  "beer-baby,"  by  challenging  the 
adversary  to  an  expiation  of  this  mortal  offense  by  a  duel 
of  two,  three,  or  four  glasses,  the  first  one  through  being 
winner. 

"  Und  de  more  you  trinks,  pe  cerdain, 
More  Deutsch  you'll  surely  pe." 

And  is  it  not  the  darling  purpose  of  the  club  men  to  be 
as  German  as  possible,  and  to  save  the  Fatherland  ? 

Gottingen,  Heidelberg,  and  Wlirzburg  are  the  strong 
holds  of  the  corps,  while  the  literary  clubs  are  potent  in 
Jena,  Erlangen,  and  Munich.  Thanks  to  the  young 
scions  of  nobility  who  keep  up  the  corps  in  Gottingen, 
that  institution  has  been  a  bane  to  Hanover  and  to  all 
North  Germany.  Go  almost  any  evening  to  the  "  Kaiser" 
or  other  favorite  student  resort  in  that  city,  and  about  the 
only  topics  you  shall  hear  broached  will  be  duels,  love- 
intrigues,  or  the  qualities  of  the  dogs  kept  there  by  the 
young  noblemen.  If  sometimes  they  so  forget  their  frigid 
dignity  as  to  join  in  a  song,  they  do  not,  like  the  "sholly 

29 


338  HISTORICAL. 

poy"  of  the  literary  club,  choose  the  beautiful  songs  of 
Fred.  Riickert,  Arndt,  or  Schenkendorf,  but  rather  the 
scandalous  effusions  of  the  French  Rococo  age.  It  is  the 
acme  of  wit  to  narrate  some  belittling  and  vulgar  anec 
dote  of  a  professor,  as  it  is  the  acme  of  stupidity  to  men 
tion  any  topic  of  his  lecture,  and  who  does  it  is  soon 
enough  silenced  with  "sage."  Gottingen  is  praised  for 
its  outward  decorum,  the  students  daintily  prink  and 
polish  their  apparel,  and  you  shall  not  hear  a  tenth  part 
of  the  vulgar  but  honest  noise  resounding  in  that  cellar 
where  Goethe  once  helped  to  make  night  hideous;  but 
nowhere  in  Germany  is  there  another  body  of  students  so 
hollow-hearted  and  so  eaten  up  with  conceit.  The  Ger 
man  language  has  no  equivalent  for  the  word  gentleman, 
and  it  is  said  to  have  been  introduced  and  naturalized  by 
the  young  Hanoverian  snobs  of  Gottingen  in  the  time 
of  George  IV.,  a  prince  whom  they  had  given  to  Eng 
land.  As  for  their  studies,  they  consist  simply  in  parrot 
ing  certain  necessary  facts,  which  they  arrange  as  on  a 
string  and  mechanically  cram  for  examination-day.  They 
are  too  proud  to  endure  the  disgrace  of  being  plucked, 
but  as  for  any  enduring  and  assimilated  knowledge,  it  is 
not  in  them.  Gottingen  is  a  memorizing  machine. 

It  is  not  to  be  denied  that  the  corps  are  schools  of  a 
certain  independence,  a  certain  formation  of  gentlemanly 
character  in  the  external  sense;  but  the  independence 
nurtured  by  them  is  founded  on  an  immeasurable  conceit, 
and  the  character  is  one  of  unmitigated  selfishness  and 
arrogance.  The  whole  body  of  corps  laws  and  their 
esprit  de  corps  are  filled  with  a  contempt  for  everything 
not  reducible  to  certain  formulas  of  honor,  falsely  so 
called,  and  especially  for  the  Philistine,  the  plain  citizen. 
One  of  the  most  hateful  characteristics  of  the  upper 
classes  of  Germany  is  their  despotism  over  the  humble 


GERMAN  STUDENT  FRATERNITIES. 


339 


and  their  cringing  servility  before  the  great,  and  it  is  in 
no  small  degree  traceable  to  the  teachings  of  these  uni 
versity  corps.  An  Italian  nobleman  may  be  of  the  most 
exalted  rank  and  yet  be  a  liberal ;  but  no  sooner  does  a 
German  get  a  title  and  a  kingly  cross  on  his  bosom  than 
he  hastens  to  kow-tow  before  the  throne. 

If  the  club  men  sometimes,  nay,  often,  bubble  quite 
over  with  a  certain  namby-pamby  patriotism,  they  are  at 
least  greatly  and  honestly  in  earnest.  Give  me  a  man, 
says  Emerson,  who  has  a  bias  in  his  convictions.  The 
literary  clubs  are  less  devoted  to  dreamy  and  worse-than- 
useless  Platonic-Republic-building  than  they  were  twenty- 
five  years  ago.  The  one  great  excellence  in  them  is  that 
they  are  schools  of  practical  oratory.  Jean  Paul  says, 
"  The  man  can  dispense  with  the  savant,  but  not  the 
savant  with  the  man."  What  the  German  universities 
need  above  all  things  else  is  schools  of  practical  men  of 
affairs,  of  statesmen  who  can  make  kings  tremble  instead 
of  laughing,  as  now,  over  their  lamentable  and  egregious 
follies.  The  literary  clubs  teach  men  how  to  stand  up 
and  reason  on  their  legs,  how  to  hit  straight  out  from  the 
shoulder  of  their  argument.  Anything  and  everything 
is  good  for  a  German  that  will  rouse  him  out  of  his  bed, 
out  of  his  easy-chair,  out  of  his  book-den,  or  any  other 
place,  attitude,  or  atmosphere  whatsoever  which  is  con 
ducive  to  his  fatal  habit  of  searching  for  the  unseen,  and 
inject  into  his  veins  some  of  the  fresh  blood  of  solid 
facts,  and  rack  his  brain  with  some  of  the  hard  knocks 
of  everyday  political  and  social  human  nature.  If  the 
literary  clubs  will  make  debates  on  fresh  practical  topics 
a  specialty,  they  will  be  worth  more  as  educators  of  public 
men  than  all  the  universities  together. 


CALIFORNIA    SAVED. 

/"^ALIFORNIA  saved  the  Republic  once,  and  was 
\^s  saved  by  it  in  return.  How  did  California  save 
the  Republic  ? 

The  discovery  of  gold  in  the  placers  at  Coloma  turned 
us  away  from  Mexico,  which  is  political  death.  Before 
that  discovery,  and  especially  after  the  conquering  heroes 
of  Buena  Vista  and  Chapultepec  had  marched  through 
and  spied  out  the  land,  there  was  a  current  of  adventure 
and  speculation  steadily  setting  toward  her  fabulous  riches 
of  silver ;  but  the  fame  of  California  turned  it  aside,  let 
us  hope,  forever.  American  men  and  American  money 
would  have  grouped  themselves  gradually  about  the  richest 
mines,  and,  becoming  compactly  knit  together  in  strong 
towns,  would  have  revolted,  as  the  Lone  Star  Republic 
did,  and  brought  province  after  province  knocking  at  our 
doors. 

The  Roman  Empire  girdled  nearly  all  the  known  world 
with  victories,  but  when  its  armies  went  down  to  Egypt, 
there  was  opened  a  fountain  of  corruption  and  contention 
which  overthrew  the  empire.  In  the  day  when  we  add 
Mexico,  it  becomes  our  Egypt. 

To  many  this  may  seem  a  shadowy  and  altogether  in 
substantial  peril  which  was  thus  averted.  But  there  was 
a  very  positive  and  tangible  element  of  salvation  which 
California  digged,  and  washed,  and  pounded  out,  in  the 
shape  of  $191,300,000  in  gold,  produced  during  the  years 
of  the  war,  to  say  nothing  of  the  million  or  more  which 
the  people  contributed,  out  of  their  prodigal  generosity, 
(34o) 


CALIFORNIA   SAVED. 


341 


to  the  Sanitary  Fund.  There  never  was  any  adequate 
official  acknowledgment  of  this  mighty  succor  given  by 
California  to  the  struggling  nation.  But  Congress  under 
stood  it  well,  when,  in  the  midst  of  an  unparalleled  civil 
war,  there  came  a  sudden  dread  and  a  peril,  lest  some 
losel  rebel  should  fall  foul  of  the  monthly  argosy,  heavy 
with  oro  Americano,  off  the  coast  of  Mazatlan,  and  when 
in  all  haste  it  voted  millions,  though  in  the  darkest  days 
of  a  frightfully  expensive  war,  to  set  the  overland  railroad 
a-digging.  General  Grant  understood  it  well,  when  he 
congratulated  the  people  in  his  message  that  they  were 
gotten  now  in  a  position  to  reach  across  quickly,  and 
finger  their  "strong-box"  in  the  day  when  they  needed 
money. 

But  our  principal  concern  is  with  the  second  question : 
How  did  the  Republic  save  California?  And,  first,  it  is 
necessary  to  state  at  considerable  length  the  condition  of 
affairs  present  and  impending,  from  which  the  coast  was 
thus  rescued. 

Not  many  months  after  the  completion  of  the  overland 
railroad  everybody  was  asking  his  neighbor,  "What  ails 
California?"  In  many  of  the  mountain  mining  towns, 
which  once  resounded  with  the  blast  of  the  powder,  the 
clank  of  the  quartz-mill,  and  the  merry  click  of  the  pistol, 
the  doors  were  shut  in  the  streets,  and  the  sound  of  the 
grinding  was  low.  The  silver  mills  were  dry,  the  gold 
ran  thin  in  the  sluices,  in  many  places  the  harvests 
were  shortened,  and  the  "  blanket  men"  were  abroad  in 
the  land  in  ominous  numbers.  Real  estate  fell  from  the 
very  top-round  of  the  ladder  of  an  unprecedented  inflation 
down  to  the  fourth  or  fifth  step.  Mortgages  on  real  estate 
in  San  Francisco  mounted  up  to  the  alarming  figure  of 
$30,000,000,  a  sum  nearly  equal  to  all  the  deposits  then 
in  the  savings-banks  of  California.  The  enormous  cash 

29* 


342  HISTORICAL. 

rent  which  small  farmers  were  paying  for  wheat-fields, 
with  money  borrowed  at  an  exorbitant  interest,— thereby 
often  spending  in  one  year's  rent  nearly  the  whole  actual 
value  of  the  farm, — was  sinking  them  deeper  than  luckless 
Digger  ever  floundered  in  the  wintry  adobe  of  Salsapeutos. 

Sii,  the  venerable  and  godlike,  says:  "Every  good 
and  bad  deed  will  in  the  end  receive  its  merited  recom 
pense  ;  fly  high  or  run  far,  still  will  it  be  difficult  to 
escape."  Wherein  had  California  sinned,  that  its  sin  had 
found  it  out  so  swiftly  and  so  surely?  We  must,  to  use 
a  mining  phrase,  go  down  to  the  bed-rock,  and  patiently 
scrape  together  all  the  elements  of  the  false  position. 

The  vast  mineral  wealth  of  California  had  a  deplorable 
effect  on  great  masses  of  the  early  population,  in  a  two 
fold  manner.  First,  it  infected  men  with  that  restless 
fever  which  clung  to  them  through  life,  even  until  they 
made  their  last  little  entry  of  real  estate,  and  "  took  up  a 
claim,"  seven  feet  by  three.  Second,  many  miners  were 
attracted  by  the  admirable  adaptation  to  viniculture  of  the 
soil  in  the  Sierra  Nevada  foothills,  and  gradually  beat  their 
picks  into  priming-hooks,  and  their  long-handled  shovels 
into  plows.  This  was  fortunate,  so  far,  and  illustrates  the 
remark  of  Humboldt,  that  the  influence  of  mines  on  the 
progressive  cultivation  of  the  soil  is  more  durable  than 
the  mines  themselves.  The  placer  gold  was  soon  ex 
hausted,  and  then  the  land  became  more  valuable  for 
agricultural  purposes  j  but,  unfortunately,  the  government 
refused  to  sell  it  or  give  any  title  for  it,  still  holding  it  for 
"mineral  land." 

Fifteen  or  twenty  years  thus  spent  by  the  farmer,  in  the 
hope  of  some  time  getting  a  title  to  his  little  homestead, 
had  a  most  disastrous  effect,  both  on  himself  and  his 
children.  His  family  grew  up  unstable  and  uncertain. 
His  manly  arm  was  unnerved  by  insecurity.  For  the 


CALIFORNIA   SAVED. 


343 


sake  of  a  few  paltry  and  delusive  particles  of  glittering 
dust  which  yet  lingered  in  the  creek-bed  or  in  the  boul 
ders  among  his  clambering  vines,  any  lawless  rover  might 
tear  up  all  his  terraces,  uproot  all  his  carefully-cultured 
vines  and  trees,  for  whose  fruit  he  had  toiled  and  waited, 
and  leave  him  utterly  without  redress.  Thousands  of 
families  grew  up  in  this  manner,  making  only  a  miserable 
shift  until  they  might  be  certain  of  their  possessions,  and 
then  abandoned  them  in  despair  at  last, — all  the  best 
years  of  their  lives  wasted,  their  energies  gone,  and  idle 
ness  and  shiftlessness  woven  into  the  very  life-web  of  their 
characters. 

At  last  the  government  was  induced  to  set  about  the 
survey  and  sale  of  these  equivocal  and  fatal  lands,  but 
not  until  irreparable  mischief  had  been  done.  The 
amount  of  "poor  white  trash"  (I  beg  pardon  of  the 
reader  for  using  this  mean  phrase,  for  no  other  is  so  ex 
pressive)  which  this  state  of  things,  together  with  other 
causes,  produced,  and  turned  loose  upon  California,  es 
pecially  the  southern  portion,  it  is  deplorable  to  contem 
plate. 

Such  a  course  wrought  such  an  effect  in  the  fruit-grow 
ing  foothills,  and  a  different  cause  produced  a  like  effect 
in  the  great  valleys.  To  liken  great  things  to  small,  the 
condition  of  California  resembled  that  iniquitous  old 
monopoly,  the  Roman  Empire,  as  it  was  in  the  third  and 
fourth  centuries,  when  the  homeless  and  landless  hordes 
of  savages  began  to  surge  against  its  borders,  and  strain 
their  bloodshot  eyes  across  its  walls  toward  the  riotous 
opulence  within. 

A  man  in  the  Tulare  valley  owns  $1,000,000  worth  of 
land  for  his  herds  to  roam  upon,  yet  he  comes  up  to 
Sacramento,  stands  up  in  his  place  in  the  Legislature, 
and  fights  like  a  brigand  against  a  projected  railroad,  be- 


344  HISTORICAL. 

cause,  forsooth,  it  would  pierce  his  principality,  and  in 
duce  settlement ;  while  the  farmers,  for  lack  of  that  rail 
road,  pay  half  the  value  of  their  wheat  for  transportation. 
Another  in  Kern  valley  owns  230,000  acres,  yet  sixty 
families  go  home  to  Texas,  because  they  can  find  no  use 
ful  land.  Another  near  Santa  Barbara  claims  247,000 
acres,  and  the  citizens  of  that  town  hold  an  indignation 
meeting,  because  this  one  man  is  throttling  their  life  like 
an  anaconda,  and  no  farmers  can  settle  near  them.  And 
even  mutton  is  not  cheap. 

"  Coyotes"  is  getting  to  be  the  cant  name  for  the  poor 
in  Southern  California.  There  is  no  place  for  them  on 
top  of  the  land,  and  they  must  dig  underneath. 

Travel  anywhere  in  that  section,  and  you  shall  find 
them.  Between  the  great  hills,  all  softened  with  a  lilac, 
chiaroscuro  film  of  haze,  brightly  evergreen  on  the  north 
side  with  chamizal,  but  on  the  south  side  nibbled  bare  and 
dusty  by  the  swarming  sheep,  you  shall  anywhere  find  one 
of  these  families,  in  an  abandoned  shepherd's-hut  or  a 
wretched  cabin  of  logs.  A  spring  of  water  is  hard  by ; 
under  the  vast  overshadowing  live-oak  hangs  a  half-eaten 
carcass  of  venison  (fortunately,  the  atmosphere  is  very 
pure);  and  in  the » cabin  there  is  a  can  of  wild  honey. 
They  are  a  lank  and  sallow  couple,  with  the  Pike-county 
twang,  and  seven  white-haired  daughters. 

Come  farther  north,  and  journey  over  the  great  plains 
of  the  Sacramento  and  San  Joaquin  valleys.  In  the  midst 
of  an  almost  boundless  expanse  of  wheat,  there  stands  a 
mean,  unpainted,  unfenced  shanty.  For  days  and  days 
the  whistle  of  the  steam-thresher  can  be  heard,  here  to 
day,  there  to-morrow,  but  all  the  while  on  the  ranch  of 
him  who  lives  in  that  shanty.  The  grimy  gang  of  laborers 
follow  it  through  the  season,  for  it  is  their  principal  "job" 
of  the  year.  When  the  summer  is  over,  and  the  harvest 


CALIFORNIA   SAVED.  345 

is  ended,  they  betake  themselves  to  the  towns ;  and  then, 
as  soon  as  they  and  their  money  part  company,  which  is 
quickly  enough,  they  sally  forth  again,  sweating  under 
their  rolls  of  blankets, — aimless  and  incurable  vagabonds. 

California  had  no  more  grievous  a  system  of  land- 
monopoly  than  Michigan  and  Illinois  formerly  groaned 
under.  Why,  then,  was  it  not  broken  up  small,  like  those 
States? 

The  answer  to  that  question  is,  that  the  Chinese  scared 
away  the  immigrants  whose  crowding  and  attrition  could 
break  it  up  small.  Why  do  Germans  avoid  the  South  ? 
Many  of  them  do,  because  they  learn  in  infancy  to  run 
and  hide  their  heads  when  the  bonne  cries  Schwarzer 
Mohr !  Mongolophobia  did  for  California,  to  no  little 
extent,  what  negrophobia  did  for  the  Sou.th. 

The  influence  of  the  Chinese  race  in  bolstering  up  these 
evil  and  ominous  monopolies  was  twofold  : — they  scared 
away  Caucasian  immigrants,  who  would  have  forced  a 
division  of  them ;  and  they  enabled  them  the  better  to 
be  kept  together,  inasmuch  as  they  prefer  to  labor  in 
gangs,  for  the  sake  of  companionship  and  protection,  and 
do  not  care  to  hire  themselves  to  small  farmers,  or  buy 
farms  of  their  own.  In  a  word,  the  curse  of  California 
always  was,  that  it  had  an  excess  of  mere  hirelings,  and  a 
lack  of  families ;  and,  as  the  Chinese  seldom  bring  their 
wives,  they  tend  to  keep  up  this  worst  of  all  social  con 
ditions. 

The  peculiar  circumstances  attending  the  genesis  of 
California  created  a  state  of  affairs  not  a  little  resembling 
the  English  system  of  primogeniture,  with  its  train  of 
evils.  Men  who  were  here  before  the  discovery  of  gold 
"had  greatness  thrust  upon  them"  by  that  event,  while 
those  who  "came  in  '49  or  the  spring  of  '50,"  with 
reasonable  prudence  and  energy,  could  hardly  choose 


346  HISTORICAL. 

but  achieve  greatness.  The  immense  grabs  which  were 
made  in  that  famous  year  into  this  unmeasured  and  un- 
handled  wild  became  the  foundations  of  monopolies  such 
as  no  other  country  ever  beheld.  The  "  Pioneers"  be 
came  demigods.  There  was  scarcely  a  member  of  Steven 
son's  Regiment  who  did  not  become  rich  and  famous. 
For  twenty  years  the  State  had  only  two  governors,  and 
San  Francisco  only  two  mayors,  who  did  not  "  come  here 
in  '49  or  the  spring  of  '50."  "Opposition"  in  Cali 
fornia  meant  "the  second  son;"  it  meant  a  losing 
game.  Monopoly  was  the  very  breath  of  the  life  of  busi 
ness. 

On  the  one  hand,  there  were  the  many,  the  unfortu 
nate,  and  the  wicked  (regarded  in  Chinese  philosophy  as 
identical),  the  wrecks  of  the  mines. 

On  the  other  hand,  there  were  these  fortunate  or 
energetic  few,  under  whose  magic  touch  everything  had 
turned  to  gold.  They  were  strong,  and  great,  and  happy. 
They  held  California  in  their  gripe.  They  had  banks, 
and  ranches,  and  steam-lines,  and  stage-lines.  They  were 
anxious  to  see  California  grow,  partly  because  of  a  com 
mendable  public  pride,  partly  because  its  growth  was  their 
wealth.  It  irked  them  to  see  "enterprises  of  great  pith 
and  moment"  languish  for  want  of  laborers.  Many  of 
them  were  parvenus,  and  hardly  brooked  the  lordly  uses 
and  the  arrogance  of  the  sometime  miners  and  specu 
lators,  who  had  drifted  down  from  loss  to  loss,  and  lodged 
at  last,  as  common  laborers,  with  soured  tempers  and 
broken  bodies,  in  this  soft  and  sunny  clime. 

Here  stepped  in  the  Chinese.  We  cannot  refuse  to 
believe  the  employers  of  California  when  they  affirm,  as 
most  of  them  do,  that  they  prefer  white  laborers  to 
Chinese ;  and  this  makes  it  the  more  certain  that  it  was 
the  former  who,  by  their  absurd  arrogance,  wrought  their 


CALIFORNIA    SAVED.  347 

own  harm,  and  fastened  the  Chinese  upon  the  country. 
It  seems  as  if,  almost  in  proportion  as  white  laborers  in 
California  were  worthless,  in  that  proportion  were  they 
stubborn  and  dictatorial.  The  Chinese  are  even  tamer 
in  soul  than  the  negroes,  they  are  exceedingly  imitative, 
and,  in  certain  small  and  nimble  labors  not  much  exposed 
to  the  sun,  they  are  notably  industrious.  Hence  they 
were  even  better  material  than  the  negroes  for  an  aris 
tocracy  to  build  upon. 

California  always  will  have  an  excess  of  "  those  unfor 
tunates,  the  Helots  of  mankind,"  who  come  out  ruined 
from  the  mines,  and  whom  it  will  always  tax  the  rural 
population  to  absorb  and  neutralize.  More  than  that, 
the  vast  plains  and  valleys  of  the  interior,  being  adapted 
to  wheat  culture,  naturally  gravitate  into  large  ownings, 
on  account  of  the  facility  and  profit  of  machine-work ; 
and  this  circumstance  tends  to  make  the  body  of  laborers 
bachelor  hirelings.  In  short,  the  main  great  agricultural 
system  of  California,  instead  of  serving  as  a  reclaimer 
of  vagabond  miners,  has  a  tendency  to  keep  them  vaga 
bonds. 

If  the  Chinese  brought  their  wives  and  stayed,  their  imi- 
tativeness  would  soon  make  them  good  citizens,  and  their 
willingness  to  work  up  the  little  odds  and  ends  of  farms 
would  render  them  admirable  chinking  and  filling  between 
these  great  wheat-ranches.  But,  as  it  is,  they  not  only  do 
not  become  citizens,  but  they  scare  away  people  who 
would.  Hon.  F.  M.  Pixley,  in  a  public  lecture  in  San 
Francisco,  affirmed  that  they  have  frightened  away  thirty 
thousand  men.  They  make  California  empty  of  citizen 
ship.  They  rot  out  the  heart  of  the  people,  as  the  slaves 
of  Italy,  in  the  later  days  of  the  Roman  Empire,  rotted 
out  the  independent  peasantry,  and  drove  them  into  the 
cities. 


348  HISTORICAL. 

Of  all  things,  California  most  needs  a  stable,  hard-fisted 
class  of  small  farmers,  to  redeem  her  from  the  infamy  of 
money-jugglers  on  one  hand,  and  of  vagabonds  on  the 
other.  As  the  heart  needs  its  good  red  blood,  so  does 
California  need,  on  the  great  plains  of  the  interior  (for 
there  is  no  danger  of  this  great  ranch  system  in  the  moun 
tains),  to  make  every  man  who  labors  there  an  owner 
and  a  voter.  There  is  already  a  pernicious  tendency  to 
absenteeism  in  California;  that  is,  men  owning  great 
ranches  leave  them  to  lieutenants,  and  spend  their  lives 
in  hotels  in  the  cities. 

A  few  figures  here  set  down  will  show  that  California 
was  at  one  time  rapidly  approaching  a  point  where  the 
Chinese  immigration  would  have  exceeded  the  Caucasian. 
In  the  decade  ending  with  1850  only  35  Chinese  arrived 
in  the  country;  in  that  ending  with  1860,  41,396;  1870, 
68,475.  In  J865  the  Chinese  immigration  formed  thir 
teen  per  cent,  of  the  whole ;  over  eighteen  per  cent,  in 
1868;  nearly  forty  per  cent,  in  1869;  and  over  twenty- 
one  per  cent,  in  1870.  The  crisis  was  passed  in  1869. 
But,  while  many  Caucasians  came  only  to  go  away,  the 
Chinese  permanent  gain  was  larger.  Thus,  the  Caucasian 
gain  of  arrivals  over  departures  during  the  last  three  years 
of  the  decade  was  only  a  little  over  one  hundred  per 
cent.;  while  the  Chinese  gain  was  over  one  hundred  and 
seventy-five  per  cent. 

These  figures  are  anything  but  pleasant  to  contemplate, 
or  were  at  that  time.  The  point  was,  not  that  California 
had  not  room  for  millions,  but  that,  almost  inversely 
as  the  Chinese  immigration  increased,  the  Caucasian 
diminished. 

And  what  was,  if  possible,  still  more  deplorable,  was 
that  the  greatest  organs  of  public  opinion  were  almost  as 
effectually  estopped  from  even  pointing  out  the  evils  of 


CALIFORNIA   SAVED.  349 

Chinese  immigration,  as  ever  the  press  of  the  South  was 
gagged  against  attacks  on  slavery.  The  wild  and  brutal 
atrocities  of  the  mob,  and  the  ad  captandum  diatribes  of 
the  demagogues,  created  a  fierce  party  sentiment,  and 
men  brought  over  Chinamen  from  spite.  The  innocent 
Chinamen  served,  as  the  negroes  did  in  the  South,  and 
do  still  when  liberated,  to  separate  the  rich  man  more 
hopelessly  from  the  poor.  With  the  Chinamen  present, 
the  rich  and  great  would  infallibly  put  their  hands  on 
their  shoulders,  and  lift  themselves  head  and  neck  above 
the  multitude.  No  Chinaman  helped  a  laboring  man  to 
get  on,  but  he  made  the  poor  poorer,  and  the  rich  richer. 
The  Chinaman  served  as  a  wedge,  to  cleave  the  extremes 
of  society  further  and  further  apart. 

Under  the  influence  of  this  sad  and  miserable  political 
antagonism,  the  sentiment  of  the  ruling  classes  was  be 
coming  oligarchic,  plutocratic.  Their  talk  had  in  it  the 
old  arrogant  fallacies  of  the  Southern  planter.  A  quota 
tion  from  one  of  their  most  authoritative  utterances  will 
illustrate : 

"If  society  must  have  'mudsills,'  it  is  certainly  better 
to  take  them  from  a  race  which  would  be  benefited  by 
even  that  position  in  a  civilized  community,  than  subject 
a  portion  of  our  own  race  to  a  position  which  they  have 
outgrown." 

How  much  that  sounds  like  the  old  ante-bellum  reasoning 
of  Governor  Hammond  and  De  Bow 's  Review,  by  which 
it  was  conclusively  demonstrated  that  the  presence  of  the 
negro  was  the  elevation  of  the  white  man  !  And  the 
"poor  white  trash"  to-day  show  what  the  results  were. 
"The  Chinese  are  just  so  many  human  machines,"  was 
the  utterance  of  another  high  authority ;  and  this  was  the 
burden  of  the  general  argument.  Ignorant  and  fanatic 
workingmen  have  often,  in  modern  history,  made  bloody 


350  HISTORICAL. 

riots  because  of  labor-saving  machinery ;  but  none  ever 
made  war  upon  machinery  persistently  for  twenty  years. 
And  no  mere  machinery  ever  degraded  any  part  of  the 
laboring  masses  to  the  condition  of  "coyotes." 

There  was  a  little  golden-walled  empire  here,  isolated 
from  the  great  world  almost  as  effectually  as  China  itself, 
and  full  of  notions  of  its  own  greatness  as  an  egg  is  full 
of  meat.  It  was  prosperous  beyond  all  that  men  read  of 
in  history.  California  was  sailing  down  a  glittering  track 
of  prosperity  toward  industrial  and  social  ruin.  The 
minds  of  business  men  were  provincial  and  supercrafty, 
but  narrow  as  their  own  range  of  physical  vision.  Much 
money  had  made  them  mad.  One  of  the  most  amusing 
instances  of  this  perverted  judgment,  as  it  were  turning  a 
summersault  in  an  oyster-shell,  is  found  in  the  same 
authoritative  utterance  above  quoted  : 

"The  clear-headed  capitalist  rejects  the  present  one 
per  cent,  per  month  for  the  future  five  per  cent,  per 
month  on  his  capital,  and  adds  thereto  the  gratification 
of  having  done  his  part  in  forwarding  the  interests  of  all 
mankind." 

Thus  far  the  article  has  been  devoted  to  a  considera 
tion  of  the  condition  of  California  from  which  it  was 
rescued  by  the  Republic.  It  turns  now  to  narrate  briefly 
the  circumstances  of  that  change  which  linked  the  Pacific 
coast  to  the  great  world. 

On  the  roth  day  of  May,  1869,  the  golden  spike  was 
driven  on  Promontory  Mountain  which  united  the  East 
to  the  West.  That  was  the  signal  for  the  dismissal,  by 
the  Central  Pacific  alone,  of  an  army  of  16,000  laborers, 
who  surged  back  upon  California.  One-half  of  them  were 
Chinese.  This  great  multitude  swamped  the  labor  market 
in  a  twinkling.  The  hundreds  and  thousands  of  butchers, 
bakers,  grocers,  etc.  who  had  supplied  them,  were  sud- 


CALIFORNIA   SAVED. 


351 


denly  without  customers.  The  golden  stream  of  a  mil 
lion  dollars  per  month,  which  had  poured  out  of  the 
coffers  of  the  Central  Pacific,  ceased  to  flow.  The 
fifty  ships  per  month  which  had  sailed  up  the  Sacra 
mento,  laden  with  materials  for  the  mighty  work,  bumped 
their  barnacled  hulks  idly  against  the  wharves  of  San 
Francisco. 

Real  estate  suffered  an  extraordinary  collapse.  The 
drummers  and  the  runners  of  Chicago  swarmed  in  the 
land  like  the  locusts  of  Egypt,  while  the  merchants  of 
San  Francisco  sat  in  their  office  chairs,  cocked  up  their 
heels  on  "the  great  resources,"  serenely  smoked  the 
cigar  of  "the  laws  of  trade,"  and  saw  the  Territorial 
merchants  go  off  arm-in-arm  with  Chicago.  Hundreds 
of  wagon-makers,  grocers,  and  merchants  barely  escaped 
bankruptcy  with  the  skin  of  their  teeth,  by  dismissing 
hands  and  cutting  down  expenses ;  while  scores  sold  out 
everything  at  a  ruinous  sacrifice,  and  with  the  little  rem 
nants  bought  a  piece  of  a  ranch.  The  rush  of  Eastern 
competition  and  Eastern  goods  was  too  great  for  the 
market,  and,  for  the  time,  the  whole  bottom  dropped 
out.  An  extraordinary  and  ominous  number  of  "blanket 
men"  were  abroad,  and  that  winter  the  streets  of  San 
Francisco  rumbled  to  the  tread  of  three  thousand  hungry 
men,  clamoring  for  work  or  bread. 

Never  since  the  day  when  Babel  heaved  its  high  walls 
in  the  face  of  heaven  have  men  more  thoroughly  accom 
plished  the  opposite  of  what  they  sought.  It  was  thought 
the  railroad  would  straightway  bring  the  starving  East 
and  Europe  to  California,  in  search  of  land ;  but  the  first 
task  the  railroad  had  to  perform  was,  to  carry  homesick 
California  to  the  East  on  a  visit.  It  was  confidently  be 
lieved  by  many  that  it  would  restore  the  ever-lamented 
"flush  times"  of  1850;  but,  so  far  from  that,  it  sunk 


352 


HISTORICAL. 


California,  temporarily,  to  the  profoundest  depths  of  de 
pression. 

It  was  amusing  to  see  the  commercial  wincing  and  wry 
faces  with  which  it  was  reluctantly  acknowledged  at  last 
that  "the  railroad  was  not  an  unmixed  good,"  and  to 
see  even  a  great  newspaper  array  itself  lustily  against  it 
and  take  up  the  championship  of  the  stage-coach  !  In 
fact,  California  had  fallen  into  a  deep  and  gentle  slumber, 
lulled  by  the  paeans  of  her  own  greatness.  The  first 
through  train,  coming  laden  with  the  belated  thunders 
of  Gettysburg,  and  with  the  big  hoarse  music  of  the  noisy 
and  justling  East,  was  as  if  a  six-cylinder  press  had  sud 
denly  been  heard  clanking  in  the  Happy  Valley  of  Ras- 
selas  and  Imlac. 

And  now  for  the  first  time  it  went  hard,  in  good  sooth, 
with  poor  John  Chinaman.  Who  killed  Cock  Robin? 
The  Central  Pacific,  his  best  friend.  It  was  a  new  thing 
under  the  sun  to  hear  a  Chinaman  complain  of  "  hard 
times,"  and  to  see  him  going  about  soliciting  little  jobs 
of  washing  or  dish-washing.  Eastern  competition  was 
ruining  him  also.  It  began  to  be  the  common  remark 
among  them  that  California  was  little  better  now  than 
China.  Thousands  of  them,  who  had  prodigally  gambled 
away  their  seven  fat  kine  in  the  years  when  the  Central 
Pacific  was  building,  and  were  penniless,  now  circumscribed 
all  their  ambition  to  the  single  purpose  of  saving  enough 
from  their  seven  lean  kine  to  carry  them  home  to  China. 

And  then  came,  in  the  summer  of  1870,  the  famous 
manifesto  of  the  Six  Companies,  which  was  posted  on  all 
the  dead  walls  of  the  Celestial  Empire,  warning  their 
countrymen  to  remain  at  home.  Then,  in  process  of 
time,  the  splendid  steamers  of  the  Pacific  Mail  no  longer 
staggered  wearily  into  the  Golden  Gate,  after  their  long, 
long  flight  across  the  waters,  with  nine,  ten,  eleven  hun- 


CALIFORNIA   SAVED.  353 

dred  yellow  faces  staring  curiously  out  from  their  decks 
upon  the  shores  of  the  Kingdom  of  the  Flowery  Flag. 
They  came  now  with  a  hundred,  seventy-five,  fifty ;  and 
went  away  reeling  under  hundreds.  The  Chinese  per 
centage  of  the  whole  immigration  fell  off  in  one  year 
from  forty  to  twenty-one. 

Those  two  car-loads  of  Chinese  bones,  digged  up  in 
the  Nevada  deserts  along  the  line  of  the  Central  Pacific, 
and  carried  home  for  burial  in  the  Celestial  Empire,  were 
the  vanguard  of  the  final  exodus. 

"And  Moses  took  the  bones  of  Joseph  with  him  :  for  he 
had  straitly  sworn  the  children  of  Israel,  saying,  God 
will  surely  visit  you ;  and  ye  shall  carry  up  my  bones 
away  hence  with  you." 

And,  after  their  hard  labor  and  bondage  in  the  desert, 
let  them  depart  in  peace.  They  have  done  their  great 
work.  They  have  made  their  bricks  without  straw,  a 
railroad  where  there  was  no  wood.  Let  them  spoil  us, 
the  Egyptian  taskmasters,  if  they  will,  and  carry  home 
their  poor  little  remnants  of  gold  and  their  silver.  They 
have  earned  it  well. 

With  the  departure  of  the  Chinese  will  come  the  long- 
awaited  immigrants.  With  them  will  come  the  just  parti 
tion  of  the  soil.  With  that  will  come  white  competition 
in  labor,  to  which  the  workmen  need  no  longer  be  ashamed 
to  yield.  With  that  will  come  cheap  capital,  busy  to 
seek  out  the  development  of  the  land,  instead  of  burying 
itself  in  dead  bank-vaults,  or  wasting  itself  in  wild  and 
frantic  speculations. 

Thus  it  was  that,  at  the  last  ringing  stroke  of  the  sledge 
upon  the  golden  spike,  all  this  colonial  narrowness  and 
colonial  inflation,  all  these  false  ideas  and  false  systems 
of  labor,  vanished  like  gibbering  ghosts  at  cockcrow,  and 
a  new  and  true  foundation  was  laid,  although  at  great 


354  HISTORICAL. 

present  loss,  whereon  to  build  the  future  of  this  peerless 
California.  Not  less  auspicious  for  America  was  the  hour 
when  those  two  locomotives  rubbed  their  pilots  together, 
in  friendly  greeting,  on  Promontory  Mountain, 

"  Facing  on  the  single  track, 
Half  a  world  behind  each  back," 

than  was  for  Europe  that  day  when  Charles  Martel  smote 
hip  and  thigh  the  Saracenic  hordes  before  the  walls  of 
Tours.  Alexander  Dumas  says  Africa  begins  at  the  Pyr 
enees.  We  did  not  want  Asia  to  begin  at  the  Sierra 
Nevada.  Thanks  to  the  overland  railroad,  it  shall  not. 


FREEDMEN'S    BUREAU. 

ALL  that  is  necessary  to  be  said  of  the  Freedmen's 
Bureau  may  be  grouped  under  four  heads. 

I.  In  the  organization  of  it  a  mistake  was  made  in  not 
committing  the  whole  matter  to  the  control  of  the  army. 
Obloquy  necessarily  attached  to  the  functions  of  the  Bu 
reau  among  the  Southern  whites ;  and  as  it  was  the  army, 
in  very  many  cases,  which  was  the  ultima  ratio  and  only 
final  enforcer  of  the  Bureau's  decrees,  the  Regulars,  both 
officers  and  soldiers,  conceived  a  rooted  hatred  both  for 
the  Bureau  and  the  freedmen,  because  they  were  through 
them  brought  into  odium  with  the  citizens.  Hence  they 
often  obstructed  the  one  and  shamefully  abused  the  other, 
which  they  would  not  have  done  if  acting  on  their  own 
orders. 

In  the  appointment  of  the  head  of  the  Bureau,  a  gen 
tleman  was  chosen  who,  as  a  soldier,  was  brave  as  a  lion, 
as  a  Christian,  was  thoroughly  earnest,  but  as  a  man,  was 
narrow,  jealous,  and  easily  deceived.  Consequently,  he 
appointed  many  subagents  who,  like  himself,  were,  as 
Talleyrand  says,  "  too  full  of  zeal,"  and  whose  total  igno 
rance  of  human  nature  made  them  disqualified  above  all 
men  for  an  office  wielding  such  great  discretionary  power. 
On  the  other  hand,  the  most  worthless  of  the  volunteer 
officers  were  precisely  those  who  were  most  reluctant  to 
be  mustered  out,  because  they  were  conscious  they  could 
make  an  easier  living  in  the  army  than  under  their  own 
vine  and  fig-tree.  By  writing  patriotic  letters,  full  of 
sympathy  for  the  freedmen,  these  fellows  often  induced 

(355) 


356  HISTORICAL. 

the  over-zealous  head  of  the  Bureau  to  appoint  them 
agents. 

Thus,  what  with  the  foolish  zealots  and  the  worthless 
volunteer  officers,  more  than  half  the  agents  were  totally 
unfit  for  the  office. 

From  the  above  facts  resulted,  (i)  that,  for  a  short  time 
after  the  establishment  of  the  Bureau,  the  planters  were 
excessively  fined  and  humiliated,  which  created  in  them 
an  exasperation  that  wreaked  itself  directly  upon  the 
freedmen  ;  (2)  that,  as  the  agents  gradually  settled  down 
among  the  people,  and  found  it  necessary  to  cultivate 
friendly  relations  with  them,  since  they  were  to  live  there 
several  years,  they  yielded  to  cajolery,  and  fraternized 
with  whites  against  blacks.  By  the  end  of  1866  there 
were  as  many  agents  who  sold  the  freedmen  justice,  or 
did  them  absolute  injustice,  as  there  were  in  1865  who 
did  the  same  by  the  planters.  In  the  first  months  of  1868, 
when  I  walked  a  thousand  miles  through  the  South,  I 
found,  by  innumerable  inquiries  of  the  negroes  them 
selves,  the  following  state  of  affairs :  There  were  thirteen 
agents  of  whom  most  negroes  spoke  with  more  or  less  bitter 
ness,  and  only  six  whom  they  generally  agreed  in  praising. 

II.  The  first  work  of  the  Bureau  was,  necessarily,  one 
of  demolition.  The  surrender  destroyed  the  form  of 
slavery,  but  not  its  traditions  and  its  airy  and  impalpable 
fetters.  The  freedmen  had  a  universal  and  instinctive 
desire  to  wander  (which  they  seldom  could  explain), 
founded  on  a  vague  notion  that  they  were  not  free  at  all 
if  they  remained  on  the  old  plantation.  They  must  de 
monstrate  their  freedom  with  their  legs,  just  as  an  infant 
wanders  into  every  corner  of  its  room.  The  old  masters, 
of  course,  dreaded  this  disruption,  and  tried  to  prevent 
it.  Governor  Marvin,  of  Florida,  a  wise  and  noble  man, 
was  great  enough  to  feel  and  appreciate  this  longing  of 


FREEDMEN' S   BUREAU.  357 

the  freedmen,  and  he  advised  them  to  wander  to  their 
hearts'  content,  till  they  fully  felt  and  knew  they  were 
free,  knowing  as  he  did  full  well  that  most  of  them  would 
ultimately  return.  But  most  planters  were  too  narrow 
and  short-sighted  to  foresee  this,  and,  by  tacit  (sometimes 
by  expressed)  neighborhood  agreement,  it  was  made  a 
mean-spirited  and  unhandsome  thing  for  one  planter  to 
employ  another's  late  slaves.  Some  neighborhoods  organ 
ized,  and  expressly  agreed  among  themselves  that  no  one 
should  employ  another's  freedmen  unless  they  could 
produce  a  written  recommendation,  which,  of  course,  was 
not  given. 

In  thwarting  these  tendencies,  the  Bureau  was  infinitely 
useful.  Whenever  the  freedman  wanted  to  rove  until  he 
could  feel  the  uttermost  length  and  breadth  of  his  free 
dom,  the  Bureau  insisted  on  his  right.  This  wandering 
was  absolutely  necessary,  in  order  that  the  idea  might 
fully  dawn  upon  their  poor  darkened  souls  that  they  were 
not  bound  to  call  any  man  master.  We  who  have  always 
had  our  liberty  can  hardly  understand  how  necessary  it 
was  for  the  freedmen  to  swing  like  a  pendulum,  to  tramp 
day  after  day  for  weeks,  and  never  find  the  end  of  the 
rope  and  be  obliged  to  give  an  account  of  themselves. 
They  were  the  merest  children,  and  this  was  healthy  for 
them.  They  got  their  lungs  full  of  good  wide  breath. 
They  got  hungry.  They  knocked  about  the  world,  and 
found  the  need  of  a  home.  Then  they  were  ready  to  go 
back  to  the  old  plantation,  and  live  content,  knowing 
they  were  absolutely  free. 

This  work  of  the  Bureau  was  like  that  of  the  farmer  who 
tears  down  his  old  fence  and  builds  a  new  one.  If  he  is 
a  good  farmer,  he  pitches  all  the  rails  about  and  handles 
them  roughly,  so  that  all  may  be  broken  which  are  not  fit 
to  enter  into  the  new  fence.  Of  course,  the  Bureau  broke 


358  HISTORICAL. 

many  a  negro  rail  in  thus  pitching  them  about,  sent  many 
a  one  to  the  penitentiary  or  under  the  sod  sooner  than  he 
would  have  gone ;  but  this  was  inseparable  from  the  gen 
eral  benefit.  Many  an  idle  and  worthless  negro,  whom 
force  had  hitherto  kept  in  some  decency,  under  this  new 
relaxation  speedily  went  to  the  bad ;  but  this  new  and 
broad  notion  of  liberty  gotten  by  the  others  was  worth 
unspeakably  more  than  the  lives  of  these  few  vagabonds. 

III.  The  second  great  work  of  the  Bureau  was  to  re 
build.  After  the  freedmen  had  wandered  to  their  hearts' 
content,  more  than  three-fifths  of  them  (I  speak  from  wide 
observation)  returned  to  the  old  plantations.  The  Bureau 
did  great  service  in  leading  them  back  to  steady  habits, 
by  solemnizing  contracts  for  labor  with  formalities  which 
impressed  their  imaginations.  This  helped  to  build  up 
that  in  which  life-long  slaves  were  almost  utterly  lacking, 
that  is,  a  sense  of  legal  responsibility.  Without  the  in 
tervention  of  the  Bureau,  the  old  courts  of  planters  would 
have  flogged  the  negro  on  the  spot,  as  a  legal  nonentity. 
It  was  an  herculean  task  to  make  the  negro  understand  that 
he  had  a  right  to  go  to  the  penitentiary,  or  to  be  hanged 
by  process  of  law.  It  was  an  infinite  labor  to  lift  the 
freedman  up  high  enough  to  understand  that  he  was  not 
to  be  whipped  as  a  child,  but  was  to  be  tried  like  a  citi 
zen.  This  the  Bureau  did. 

The  Bureau  made  it,  for  the  time,  fashionable  among 
the  freedmen  to  go  to  school  (for  there  is  no  other  race 
in  the  world  so  absolutely  governed  by  the  fashion  of  the 
hour).  Its  agents  established  an  immense  number  of 
schools.  Yet  I  consider  the  benefit  thus  conferred  on 
the  freedman  almost  incomparably  less  than  the  practical 
sense  of  equality,  the  knack  of  affairs,  the  savoir-faire, 
knowledge  of  the  great  world,  and  ability  to  knock  about 
and  make  a  living,  which  the  Bureau  greatly  helped  to 


FREEDMEN' S  BUREAU. 


359 


build.  There  is  not  another  race  in  the  world  in  whose 
heads  book-learning  is  so  little  turned  to  bread-and-butter 
uses  as  in  the  negroes. 

As  to  the  evils  of  the  Bureau,  a  word.  It  has  often 
been  charged  with  having  encouraged  the  freedmen  to 
expect  confiscation  and  distribution  of  lands,  and  thus 
kept  many  in  absolute  idleness,  and  many  more  working 
for  wages,  as  a  mere  temporary  expedient  until  they 
should  get  land  thus,  instead  of  contracting  for  a  share 
of  the  crops.  There  is  no  doubt  that  this  expectation  of 
confiscation  wrought  untold  evil  on  the  freedmen ;  but 
the  Southerners  themselves  are  responsible  for  it,  not  the 
Bureau.  They  talked  confiscation  all  through  the  war, 
in  hearing  of  their  slaves,  as  a  bete  noir  to  frighten  each 
other  to  do  desperate  battle  for  their  homes.  But  many 
of  the  agents  sinned  in  this,  that  they  did  not  take  enough 
pains,  or  took  none  at  all,  to  assure  the  negroes  beyond  all 
doubt  that  no  confiscation  would  take  place.  I  doubt  if 
any  agent  ever  actually  encouraged  the  negroes  to  expect 
land. 

In  needlessly  prolonging  the  dole  of  rations,  the  Bureau 
encouraged  beggary.  With  all  its  hideous  wickedness, 
slavery  never  encouraged  the  negro  to  beg,  tobacco  alone 
excepted. 

IV.  To  recapitulate :  Slavery  practically  taught  all 
negroes  to  steal ;  the  Bureau  taught  many  to  beg.  Slavery 
made  the  race  very  fruitful,  for  its  own  profit ;  the  Bureau 
removed  its  restraints,  without  being  able  to  cure  their 
inherent  licentiousness.  Slavery  drugged  the  slave  with 
a  few  moral  maxims,  which  were,  for  the  most  part,  of  no 
effect  whatever ;  the  Bureau  awakened  an  unprecedented 
desire  for  learning,  as  a  fashion.  Slavery  treated  the 
negro  as  an  animal,  and,  as  an  animal  merely,  he  was 
happier  then  than  after  he  was  liberated;  the  Bureau 


360  HISTORICAL. 

lifted  him  to  the  level  of  a  man,  and  gave  him  the  keen 
pangs  and  the  keen  transports  which  attend  all  higher 
life.  Slavery  developed  the  negro  downward,  and  at 
tached  him  to  the  soil ;  the  Bureau  opened  his  eyes  to  a 
self-understanding,  to  freedom,  to  restlessness,  to  ambi 
tions  which  can  never  be  fulfilled  so  long  as  he  remains 
among  the  whites,  and  thus  planted  the  greatest  amount 
of  seed  for  Liberian  colonization  which  has  ever  been 
scattered  in  the  South. 


THE    END. 


FOURTEEN  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 


This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


DEPT 


LD  21-100m-2,'55 
(B139s22)476 


General  Library     e 
University  of  California 
Berkeley 


M311715 


U.C.  BERKELEY  LIBRARIES 


CDDS3S237b 


